It's finally Loki babysitter ! Enjoy the reading :)
A ringing phone sounded for the third time in the Tower's living room. It was a sign that the caller really insisted on disturbing its inhabitants; also that no one seemed willing to answer.
"I've got to get this," Pepper gasped as she stormed into the room.
She looked around, seeking where to put Morgan. If Loki had seen the scene he would have probably pointed to the floor with a disdainful index finger, that was all that child deserved. Pepper, by the greatest of coincidences, found only Loki in the living room. He was immersed in a deep reflection in front of a picture hanging on the wall.
The god did not understand anything about modern art. What was this painting supposed to represent? Did it even represent anything? The only thing this " work of art " inspired in Loki was a bottomless horror. And great suffering. Not an internal pain at a feeling the artist had tried to express, something that grabbed at the gut. No. He was literally in pain. It was a physical pain, he had the impression that his eyes were burning from looking at this thing. And yet, he couldn't take his eyes off it? What was this curse? Loki was so lost that you could almost see question marks flying around him.
Pepper approached the brown-haired man who was abruptly pulled away from the abomination on the wall - which he vowed to destroy as quickly as possible, setting the entire living room on fire in the process - and put his daughter in his arms.
"What is... Ah, the child!" the Jotun yelped, feeling an unpleasant shiver run down his spine at this appalling representative of the human race.
"It won't be long," Pepper promised as she walked away to find the phone still ringing.
It was a really persistent phone and that was a credit to it.
On the other hand, Clint didn't appreciate being disturbed while he was making a sandwich. On the first ring, the archer had sent the phone out into the hallway, assuming that someone would deign to answer. That someone was Pepper, who picked up the phone some four rings later.
In the meantime, since everyone would rather know what Clint is doing with his sandwich and why he hates to be disturbed than find out who was phoning the Tower so relentlessly, or even how Loki is doing with a child in his arms, let's stay with Agent Barton.
For example, Clint wanted a quiet atmosphere, undisturbed by annoying bells and whistles, because he was likely to be distracted while creating. Now, you may be wondering what kind of sandwich needs so much attention? None in particular. You just had to know that while a normal human would assemble his sandwich with his hands, this was all too "classic" for the archer. Mister Barton always made his sandwiches the same way: head in the fridge, plate on the bar behind him and food thrown over his shoulder.
Perhaps now you understand the problem of a too insistent phone.
A slice of ham thrown in the air could land on the sandwich under construction but - sacrilege! - without being perfectly positioned. And any good sandwich maker knew that it was impossible to align the tomatoes or the cucumber properly.
This phone call had led to this very specific insurmountable problem.
With a saddened look at the disaster of this wonderful sandwich that should have been perfect in every way but which - thanks to the phone - suffered from a tiny discrepancy, Clint bit into it. At least the taste was there. With a sad smile on his lips, the agent continued his meal.
Let's close this sandwich parenthesis, which is far too important, and let's go back to Loki who, let's remember, was following Pepper with his eyes while she was leaving the room to pick up the phone.
Loki looked down at Morgan. At first he gave her a grim look as he held her at arm's length. However, to his surprise, she laughed.
Loki flexed his arms slightly, bringing the strange little mortal closer to him. Little mortal who tilted her head to the side and smiled at him. The ice giant's heart softened suddenly. This child was an angel. An angel on Earth. Nothing to do with the braying toddlers of Asgard, squealing like crazy for the girls and wanting to play warrior when they couldn't stand up for the boys. The worst of all were without hesitation the girls who took up arms. A mixture of the two? Terrifying.
During the three small minutes during which Pepper cut short his telephone conversation, in the living room Loki and Morgan looked at each other in the white of the eyes. Spark of joy in Morgan, strange fascination in Loki.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Phone put down and attention once again focused on her daughter, Pepper returned to the living room.
"I can get Morgan back if you want."
Loki took the child against his chest, looking coldly at the mother.
"I've only had this child in my arms for five minutes, but if anything happens to her I'll kill everyone in this tower and then myself," Loki warned with a very serious look on his face.
Pepper blinked blankly, confused by the Jotun's - shall we say - slightly overreaction.
"I... Nothing will happen to her, you can be sure. With so many superheroes around she's safe. "
Then she carefully retrieved her daughter. Should she tell Tony about this strange change in the Jotun? To protect the genius' heart from a heart attack, most certainly. She would just have to find the right words and the right time.
Still, strange as it may seem - and indeed it was - the Jotun quickly became the babysitter of choice for the young princess of the Avengers Tower. It was therefore up to him, during the hours when Pepper and Tony were working, to manage the miss' requests.
The god knew how to stand up to Asgardian soldiers who got carried away during their training and recently to employees who wanted to have bonuses every two weeks, a child would never be a problem for him. All he had to do was say no. And Loki knew how to say no. He was an expert at it.
"Loki, stop stabbing your brother to play."
No.
"Loki, stay very quietly on Asgard and don't go and spread panic and destruction in the other realms."
No.
"Loki, stop pretending to be dead."
No. That was way too much fun.
"Loki, stop selling those damn flying shoes all over town."
Of course not.
He wasn't afraid to say no. But Loki had never had to fight a child, who was much more tenacious than adults in some ways. That's why he'd been saying "no" over and over for the past hour or so.
"Zoo!"
"No."
"Zoo," Morgan insisted, frowning on a sulky pout.
Loki looked at her coldly, with an icy stare he routinely used to calm his employees when their sock* debates got heated, but she seemed immune to it.
"Zoo," repeated for the umpteenth time - Loki had lost count a long time ago - Morgan taking a threatening air this time.
Hey, she's not Tony's daughter for nothing, she's got a temper, that little girl.
Loki raised an eyebrow and smiled slightly. He realized it at once and was quickly dismayed. He had smiled. In other words, he had lost; conclusion, she had won.
" ... Well, okay," the Asgardian conceded. We're going to the zoo."
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Loki discovered on this wonderfully sunny day that a wonderfully sunny day was not the time to go to the zoo. Children. Children everywhere. And the parents who went with them. And teenagers, on the verge of crying in front of otters that were holding their paws. Loki made a careful detour to avoid these strange specimens. And more children.
If it had been up to him, Loki would have simply ordered the destruction of the whole place, but... In front of him, advancing with a step that was still hesitant but nevertheless full of determination, Morgan. Morgan laughing in front of an aviary filled with exotic birds. She was adorable.
"She's adorable," breathed a woman's voice near Loki, who was startled. "Ah children, I remember when mine were her age... When they start talking it's so cute!"
Loki turned his head to the right and then to the left. This woman wasn't talking to him, was she?
"Is she yours? She doesn't really look like you."
Loki gave her a big smile and a green coil wrapped around him. The next moment, it was Tony Stark smiling at the woman.
"Dad," Morgan acknowledged before pointing to the reptile area.
She'd had enough of the birds, it was time to go explore a new area of the zoo. Loki transformed back and lifted Morgan in his arms before leaving, without a glance for the dazed woman who remained motionless in the middle of the aisle. She had seen Tony Stark just now. THE Tony Stark. Iron Man himself. She hadn't been dreaming, had she?
The god put Morgan down when they arrived in front of the vivariums. Seeing the many snakes lounging under their UV lights, Loki wondered if this zoo was drastically lacking in entertainment. He answered his question in a flash. Yes, there was. Loki had only counted four notable ones.
1- The sea lion show, which he had avoided because the same teenagers were there as with the otters, but this time they were ecstatic about the steps and slides of the sea lions.
2- The spectacle of the parrots and other flying creatures, he found ridiculous.
3- The feeding of the penguins, Loki found the penguins very funny but these cursed teenagers had made their great comeback by wanting to free a group of four penguins, saying that a lion needed them? Aberrant. "Run Kowalski!" one of the crazies had even shouted while carrying one of the penguins at arm's length.
The police intervened, as did SWAT, and SHIELD evacuated the penguins (who still live on the heliport today, with Agent Coulson providing them with a perfectly pressed uniform stamped with the SHIELD logo every day) for their own safety.
As the penguins flew alongside Agent Hill to gain what would become their new home, the President of the United States had landed in a helicopter - fresh from a business trip to the islands - to survey the scene.
Ah and also a bear had managed to leave its enclosure to spread terror between the caribou area and the pancake stand (the honey being part of the available toppings) in short a nasty story...
That Loki had watched from afar while licking an ice cream. He had a good time and for once was not responsible for any event, he was too busy making Morgan eat his yogurt when the war started.
4- The feeding of the beasts or the large mammals, and there again Loki had made the impasse, he expected that a member of the public would be designated to be thrown into the lion's den or between the paws of a polar bear. It would have spiced up the animation in a very unique way, and that's the kind of attraction you'd expect when you grew up on Asgard.
Finally after a day full of emotions for the human public and quite passable for the god, Morgan was put back in the belly harness worn by Loki and the two took off in front of the zoo entrance, towards the Tower. In his wake, Loki let flyers for his shoes fall carelessly on the heads of passers-by. There was no bad publicity for his company.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
According to Loki, it was a smooth day that ended later in front of the television.
Now, if you don't mind, let's go back a bit. Let's go back to the moment when Loki gave in to Morgan's request.
Did you really think that our dear Iron Man was going to let his daughter discover the zoo in the presence of Loki? Be serious, if Loki was the babysitter until then it's because his beloved daughter was warm in the Tower. Protected from all sides by many robots and cameras, not to mention the reassuring presence of our dear J.A.R.V.I.S. But in this vile and dangerous outside world? It was out of the question to leave her in the hands of goat horn. Even if Loki seemed surprisingly sincere when he said he liked taking care of Morgan.
Tony had watched on the cameras as Loki descended the Tower, harnessed his daughter and took off. For the first time all day, the genius had come close to having a heart attack - and unfortunately for him it was far from being the last - and had rushed to pull out his armor plans for his daughter. It was going to be imperative, no matter what Pepper said. Well, he'd keep the project a secret anyway, since she'd already made a scene about the GPS device, saying that "it's not acceptable to equip your child with a device. What is not to be heard frankly... And in the meantime, without this balise, his daughter could have perished under the gifts. The only thing that would have been of interest was to offer one of the most absurd epitaphs of the year.
Recovering his wits, the genius had stared at the plans and, with a sudden bad feeling, pulled out his armor and activated his camera.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Tony announced solemnly as he closed his helmet, "welcome to your episode of StarkCam, we're back on the air."
Tony took off and left the Avengers Tower at full speed, leaving behind a sheepish Hawkeye who was coming for him. It's hard to keep up with Iron Man when you're an average human with a quiver and a bow.
"Join a team he said... They'll always be there for you he said..."
Clint kicked one of the boxes that was lying around, knocking off a child-sized arm of armor that scared the hell out of him. He jumped back, shot an arrow that stuck in the crease of his elbow and took off. Tony was really doing some bad stuff in his labs, next time Natasha would go after him herself.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Far from the existential problems of Agent Barton, Tony was flying over New York.
"Long gone are the days when he lived in the forest with his tree-cutting brother. This parasite now lives under my roof, happily enjoying all the comforts of my home. Can you imagine?"
Tony muttered for a moment into his beard.
"Anyway, enough about that, today StarkCam is not a wildlife documentary but a surveillance operation. Besides, you already know the specimen. Here we go."
Aerial shot on New-York. We fly over some skyscrapers and slalom between the others.
In addition to taking over my place and lifestyle, that damn Loki seems determined to take over my lovely daughter. This situation is not going to get any worse. I refuse to ever hear an "Uncle Loki is super cool!". She's my daughter, so he should have children instead of stealing other people's.
Cut. One distinguishes the carpark and the doors of a zoo below.
Well, we are on the spot, we just have to find our target. The advantage of Loki is that discretion is far from being his specialty, unlike yours truly of course. Oh, look, he's... He took my appearance ? This time it's decided I'm going to... Morgan! No! Not to the snakes! Argh! My heart is giving out. Goodbye cruel world...
We interrupt our program for a break necessary for the well-being of our special envoy who is recovering from a small heart attack.
I'm back. I bought donuts. I needed some sugar. We can get back to work. After insolently endangering my daughter's life by taking her to see those pesky snake creatures, Loki finally realizes, revoltingly late, that it's time for a snack.
Cut. Loki squats in front of Morgan and makes her eat a yogurt.
Look at him playing the model dad... You'd think he'd have some experience.
Cut. In the distance, a small group of teenagers run towards the penguin area.
Well blow me down! Dumbus teenagerus. Finally, let's get back to our mission. Morgan seems happy, the better for the life expectancy of the neogothic. If we remove the snake incident and the delay of the snack it goes better than expected. I feel like I have a weight off my chest. Everything is finally going well.
Cut. We see Loki following the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicopter with his eyes while eating an ice cream. Morgan holds his hand, fascinated by all this aerial movement.
I take that back. Life is suffering and mine is a torture orchestrated by the devil himself. Even a Loki completely left to his own devices, without his brother, in a hostile environment, could not have caused such an unleashing of the underworld.
Cut. A bear wandering in the alleys of the zoo. We hear the sound of a repulsor ready to fire.
If the bear tries to approach Morgan... I don't answer to anything.
Zoom in on the bear who raises his muzzle, sniffs the air and happily leaves in the opposite direction, towards a pancake stand.
I'm not going to survive this surveillance. I feel like I've already died three times. And my daughter holding the alien's hand when I should be the one standing next to her...
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
"Tony what are you doing here? We're due for the meeting."
The concerned one was brought out of his lamentations abruptly and turned his head, discovering Natasha who seemed to have teleported to his side on the roof.
"How did you get here?"
"I took the stairs," the spy explained, pointing to the door of the stairwell she had kicked in.
Tony looked at the poor door, which was barely hanging on its hinges.
"I see that," he muttered.
"Clint was supposed to warn you but apparently you took off leaving behind, quote, metal corpses that should be burned in hell, end quote. "
Tony blinked, trying to figure out what the corpses were referring to. He had no cor... He raised his eyebrows slightly as he realized he really needed to start putting his stuff away.
"Oh."
"Can we go now?"
Tony looked nervously down.
"What if something worse than that happened and I wasn't there to stop it from getting out of hand?"
"Worse than what?"
"Worse than SHIELD being in a zoo, for example? Worse than a SWAT intervention on a polar bear in the wild, for example?"
"In my memory zoos were less exciting than that."
"I forgot who I was talking to," Tony sighed, lowering his head, taken aback by Natasha's phlegm.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Tony had a hard time falling asleep that night.
And when he finally did fall asleep, it wasn't easy.
He had his third heart attack of the day during a nightmare. His daughter facing thousands, no billions of snakes on the loose. Green snakes reciting Asgardian precepts and wearing golden horned helmets.
Fourth heart attack, which came quickly after the third. A bear dropped at his daughter's feet holding a giant honey pot. A bear armed with daggers and draped in a green cape.
Tony woke up in a sweat, one hand clamped on his bow reactor. He was having one absurd dream after another. The billionaire leaned over to his bedside table and grabbed the tablet that was sitting there. He activated the camera in his daughter's room and looked at her for a moment, deeply asleep. She was perfectly fine. With a sigh of relief he fell back on his mattress.
"That alien will kill me..."
A few minutes later, unable to go back to sleep, he got up and went to his daughter's room. He sat down on an armchair, staring at her, and finally fell asleep.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Loki snaked across the carpet a bit and whistled, his tongue tickling Morgan's nose, who burst out laughing. Tony watched the scene, dismayed. First, he wasn't used to seeing Loki use his shapeshifting powers. Second, he wasn't used to leaving his daughter in the hands of a snake... Literally. And finally, he still had nightmare flashes from last night, all of which were caused by Loki and not by his overactive imagination.
Tony sighed heavily. He had to stay positive. Positive... At least that was the only problem he had to deal with today.
"Oh my god! We're out of pickles!"
"Clint I think there are far worse problems in life."
"But Natasha," the archer continued, tears in his voice. "How do I create the ultimate sandwich without a pickle?"
"You went on an ultimate quest?" asked Thor, catching half the words in the sentence as he entered the room. "That's very noble of you."
"Pff, talk about a quest," Natasha giggled as she pointed to the empty pickle jar in her college's hand.
The owner of the jar hugged him jealously.
"You will see that one day you will regret your casualness in the face of the disaster of the century!"
Tony rubbed his chin thoughtfully, obscuring the rest of the animated discussion. No matter how hard he tried, sometimes it was hard to stay positive.
"Uncle Loki!" Morgan exclaimed to the Jotun who had returned to human form.
Her joyful cry drove a sharp blade through her father's heart.
Goodbye positivity, Tony thought before collapsing.
"What is he doing? I know it's terrible not to have pickles anymore but you have to know how to remain dignified anyway."
"Clint I assure you that if you pronounce the word "pickle" once again you will suffer," promised Natasha coldly.
"Courage my friend", smiled Thor while passing an arm on Clint's shoulders. "Some quests lead you to risk your life but assure you an honorable death and a place in Valhalla!"
"I don't want to die," murmured the man concerned in a small voice. "I just wanted a sandwich."
*We'll come back to this in the next chapter
Me? Loving Brooklyn 99? HAhahahahalnfjqbusfis
I really struggled to get this chapter done, phew glad it's posted. I have no explanation for the intrusive presence of sandwiches in this chapter.
