Chapter 11 – It Isn't So Bad
Kagome sighed, not knowing what she was going to do. She sat upon her new bed and rocked her head to the song 'Cold' by Cross Fate. Such a good song it was too, sounded kind of like Metalica yet wasn't. Sighing to herself she glanced around the room once more.
Why did she have to be three rooms down from Sesshoumaru again? Something about being able to protect her better, right? Hmmm, Kagome thought, what did he say again? Better way to protect you or some dumb ass reason like that. A faint but crackling laugh escaped her as she bobbed her head to the song she knew.
Her life had changed so much over the years. Where had she gone wrong? Why was it that everything bad happened to her? Her friends didn't even know the half of it, because everything that made her who she was very disturbing. She couldn't even remember most but she remember the thing that started it all.
Shaking her head she told herself not to go back into that. She became very emotional when she thought about it, and wasn't going to become an emotional woman. She hadn't been for years and wasn't going to start again. With a sigh she turned back to the music. It seemed to calm her soul whenever she listened to it, but on this day it was different. This song brought out something she didn't expect. It brought out courage, courage to keep going with life, even if it kept throwing things at her.
Looking
back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never
stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I
cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something
strong
Like a drug that gets me high
What I really meant to
say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
to you
And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a
different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause
now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something
strong like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold
I
never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I
keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I
never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have
known
I guess for me there's just no hope
I never meant to be
so cold
Maybe just maybe throughout life she should have been nicer. Come on she had done some bad things before she even when to highschool. Like she said, "Her friends only knew half of the truth." She didn't have the strength or the courage to tell them back then. They probably would have left her in the dusk if they ever found out what she'd done to others because they were rude, they would do everything just to make her life harder. Ever since her dad was killed.
Her mother had done that, then she'd blamed it on her making Kagome have to go through about ten wards, and boot camp. It wasn't her fault the man had tried to rape her, and then her mother thought it was because he liked his own daughter better then his wife. Something about her being more beautiful, though she never caught the words he said before he died.
Then years later she got a phone call from her mother. They'd never gotten along since the 'accident' as her mother called it. She had listened as her mother said, "Kagome you remember your father right?"
"Yeah mother," she said venom dripping from her words.
Her mother sighed before saying, "Well he wasn't your father. He was Souta's father, and a test showed that your father is a man I knew in highschool."
"So you're a whore?" Kagome had asked.
"Don't you ever say that again. I am your mother, and a little mistake is not going to disrespect me," her mother hissed.
"Well its not my fault your 'husband' didn't love you, and wanted a younger body to fuck," Kagome yelled before slamming the phone down.
She hadn't even heard from her mother since then. In fact she didn't even know who her father was. She was pretty sure he'd be handsome, like Sesshoumaru. Shooting up from her position she stared at the nearest wall in shock. Where the hell did that come from? When did she start thinking of Sesshoumaru as handsome? When was she going to be told about this?
A giggled formed in her throat before it became a hardy laugh. That was great. She couldn't believe she'd just asked herself when she was going to be told something about herself. Sure if it was someone else she was talking about then she'd understand but her? The laugh began to fade when another song began to play.
I've been changin' but you'll never see me now
(I've been
changin' but you'll never see me now)
Now I'm blaming you for
everything
No more holding it in
How many years can I
pretend
Nothing never goes the way it should
No more sitting in
this place
Hoping you might see it my way
Cause I don't think
you ever understood
That what I'm looking for are the answers
To
why these questions never go away
Chorus
I'm so far
away
I've been changin' but you'll never see me now
I'm so far
away
Now I'm blaming you for everything
No more waiting for
the end
Of every day that I will spend
Wishing that I only had
a choice
No more pushing you away
Cause I will be busy watching
things going my way
Never looking back on this anymore
Because
what I'm looking for are the answers
To why these questions never
go away
Chorus
I've been changin' but you'll never
see me now
Now I'm blaming you for everything
I'm so far away
Hey, hey watch me wave
Goodbye to yesterday
Nothing
left in my way
Hey, hey I've been saved
With sun shining on my
pain
Getting me through this day
Hey, hey watch me wave
Goodbye
to yesterday
Nothing left in my way
Feels so good to
say
Chorus
Now I'm blaming you
I'm so far away
Lips singing the song to herself she began to rock back and forth. Then there the fact that after her 'father' had died her mother almost went insane. She nearly killed Souta… but not before she herself nearly killed her own mother. Shaking her head she felt tears coursing down her face.
Why did everyone think they understood when they didn't? Why would everyone try and get into YOUR business when it has nothing to do with them? Why did everyone think that if they were like you they'd truly understand? Kagome's mind didn't work that way, no if you were to walk in someone else's shoes then you'd see their point of view but you would never understand what they've been through. Never…
The last straw had been when people began to push her in the hallways of school. After all the years of pain, and all the things she done she snapped. She couldn't take it… and she let others suffer because of it. Not like the way she did… but she still did terrible things to others. Most of course where done when her friends were away because she didn't want them to know of all the little or big things she'd done.
Now she didn't want to go back. Going back would mean becoming her mother. Going back would mean reliving it all. She just wanted to be loved like she was when she was little, before everything began to happen. Shaking her had free of thought she decided it best if she did something to get her mind off of these things. Nothing she could ever do could make it all go away but at least she wouldn't have to deal with most things now.
She wondered what Sesshoumaru was doing? Maybe he was in his office, or as he called it his study. Really she didn't understand the guy sometimes; it was like he was above everything. That was the way he acted, King Shit. King because he was above and beyond everyone's reach; King of everything
oOo
Kouga snarled into the phone one last time. As he glared down at it he heard his bedroom door open. Looking up he scowled at Ginta and Hakaku, why were they here? What was there reason for interrupting his moment of peace?
"Come on Kouga, so what she moved? Have you ever thought that maybe she didn't like you that way?" Hakaku said leaning against the doorframe. He couldn't understand why Kouga didn't see what was right in front of his nose?
"Yeah Kouga. From what I've seen Kagome didn't even want you like that. She just wanted to work, and you wouldn't leave her alone," Ginta agreed.
Kouga glared at both of them before saying, "Kagome is my woman."
"No, she's not. Kouga think about it, if she were your woman then she would have been with you this whole time," Hakaku sighed. His cousin needed a reality check, a big one.
Ginta merely nodded. He too didn't understand why Kouga was still going after Kagome. God the man had hundreds of women who would be down on their knees for him and he still went after the one that didn't want him. His cousin was really stubborn.
Kouga narrowed his eyes more then they already were before snarling, "OUT!"
"Fine but when you finally find the right woman for yourself tell us," Ginta yawned.
"Kagome is the right onna," Kouga said slamming the door once they were gone. Why did he have everyone telling him this? Kagome was his woman, so why was everyone telling him she wasn't? Had he done something wrong, or were they just dense? Kagome should be at his side!
In his opinion Kagome was already by his side. She always had been, yet why was she with…. Shaking his head he glared at the door once more. Sesshoumaru wasn't going to get away with this so easily. The damn man was going to get what was coming to him. The bastard should have never messed with him and his onna. Taisho was going to get a rude awakening when he was through with him.
oOo
Inuyasha sat on his bed that night. Where was Kikyo? She should have been back by now. Why was it that everyday when he got home she wasn't there. She always seemed to be out with a friend. How many friends' did she have? He'd only met like three.
Sighing he leaned back onto the pillow. Where ever she was he was sure she was thinking of him. Kikyo wasn't the type of screw around when she had the best thing going for her. Sure she was once a huge tramp but he'd changed that. She would have fucked anything and everything back when he first met her but after spending time together he could see she was changing. She wouldn't go out with so many men at a time and was spending most of her time with him. She'd truly changed when he'd asked her to marry him. She had started to devote all of her time to fucking and spending her time with him. No one else would ever have that. Kikyo was his and his alone.
When the phone began to ring he quickly went to answer it. Picking it up from the cradle he said, "Hello?"
"Oh, Inuyasha I was just calling to say I won't be home for a while," Kikyo's voice came through the line.
"That's fine baby," Inuyasha sighed. He'd hoped for some sex that night but if Kikyo was going to be out late then he could always get his delight the next day. He had to wonder when the last time they'd fucked was. Sure they'd gone at it in his office but they always did that. When was the last time they made love in their bed? A few months ago were all he could remember.
"Thanks Inu-baby," Kikyo practically cheered into the phone. Inuyasha sat there when he heard the phone click wondering what she was doing? Sure her note said she was out with Jak but where was she really? Could she be cheating on him? No that wasn't it he was sure about that. With another sigh he put down the phone and decided it would be best to go to bed for a while just to catch up with sleep.
oOo
Kikyo smiled down at the phone. She couldn't believe he was so trusting. The baka didn't even hear Naraku's voice as she talked to him. Stupid baka… She still didn't understand why she was with him.
As if he knew what she was thinking Naraku's deep voice could be heard from the other room, "Kikyo why do you waste your time on that moron?"
"I don't know Naraku, I honestly don't know," Kikyo whined. She looked down at her cell once again she wrinkled her nose in disgust. Most men would have figured it out after this long that she wasn't loyal but Inuyasha being the baka he was couldn't see what was right in front of his face. Kami, she could remember a time when she'd fucked someone in 'their' bed, and the guy climbed out the window when Inuyasha came home. Then the baka didn't even notice the semen already on the bed when they began their own pleasurable tasks.
"Well maybe you should think about getting rid of him," Naraku whispered into her ear. Kikyo jumped from not noticing how close he'd gotten and turned to the red contacted man. His shining black hair, and glazed over eyes told something more then what most people saw.
Kikyo giggled when he leaned in for a kiss and quickly allowed his tongue into her mouth. Oh yes, this was the life. How she'd ever gone so long with Inuyasha was beyond her, but soon enough he would learn that he wasn't her man.
oOo
Ayame giggled once more. She didn't understand how she went so long chasing after Kouga. Hiten was so much more of a gentlemen and he never once looked at another woman they way he looked at her. Smiling up at him once more she linked her arm around his.
Hiten smiled down at the woman he'd wanted for so long. He had been crushed when he found out she was in love with Kouga. Every time he tried to get close to her, she was gazing at Kouga, or talking about Kouga. Now however was so different and he was going to make her feel loved. For to long had she chased after a man who didn't want her and he was going to show her that he did and he wasn't going to let her go so easily.
Ayame walked forward through the park with Hiten by her side. She'd noticed that Kouga was finally showing interest in her but decided not to notice at all. She had just what she wanted by her side, and couldn't be happier about it. It was amazing that in so long she never noticed that Hiten had been watching her. Strange really that all her attention was on a man who didn't want her, her entire mind was set upon him and now it wasn't. Like the off switch on a stereo had been pressed canceling out everything that was Kouga Menomaru.
"You know Ayame I couldn't be happier," Hiten whispered.
Ayame gazed up at him before saying, "I as well Hiten."
"Truly?" Hiten asked stopping her and gazing down into her green eyes.
Ayame smiled and nodded vigorously. She giggled a bit before peeking his cheek with a quick kiss. "Yes, I'm happier then ever Hiten and its all thanks to you," she said.
"I love you Ayame," Hiten said nervously.
Ayame's eyes brightened with delight and she smiled like a crazy woman before jumping into his arms saying, "Oh, I love you too Hiten."
oOo
Sesshoumaru sat in his study gazing out the window once more. A frown graced his beautiful face before it returned to its blank state. He allowed a small sigh to escape him before leaning back in his chair. When did he go crazy? When did he deicide it a good idea to allow a woman to live with him?
All these years of no women and only using them for his own pleasure to finally allow this strange woman named Kagome Ki to live with him. Truly he didn't understand what it was about her that was different from other women? What did she have that others didn't? What was so special about her that she should demand all his attention even when she wasn't there?
Even now she was on his mind. It was like he just couldn't stop thinking about her. Strange, he thought as he cast on eerie look across the forest outside the window. The large frame allowed him to see a great deal of trees, which were now turning a purple looking color as the sun began to set. Natures natural beauty, so why was it that he could only see trees? This forest was suppose to be very beautiful yet all he saw was a sea of endless trees that would one day be made into paper.
Kagome's image flashed in the dawning sun and he groaned. Why was it that she was always on his mind? No woman had ever held his attention for more then a night and yet she held it as if he'd known her forever. She held it as if he… as if he… he loved her. That was extremely strange in itself but he was starting to think that maybe it was true. What if he was starting to fall for her? Was she truly that special that she could steal the heart of Sesshoumaru Taisho out from under his nose?
Allowing his eyes to close he saw Kagome smiling at him. Was this what it was like to love someone? Did he love her, or was it merely lust? He was so confused and couldn't get himself to find the answer. It was like it was too far away to reach and yet was right in front of his face. He could hear music coming from her room on the floor above and allowed himself to be lost in the music for a moment.
I've been changin' but you'll never see me
now
(I've been changin' but you'll never see me now)
Now I'm
blaming you for everything
No more holding it in
How many
years can I pretend
Nothing never goes the way it should
No
more sitting in this place
Hoping you might see it my way
Cause
I don't think you ever understood
That what I'm looking for are
the answers
To why these questions never go away
Chorus
I'm
so far away
I've been changin' but you'll never see me now
I'm
so far away
Now I'm blaming you for everything
No more
waiting for the end
Of every day that I will spend
Wishing that
I only had a choice
No more pushing you away
Cause I will be
busy watching things going my way
Never looking back on this
anymore
Because what I'm looking for are the answers
To why
these questions never go away
Chorus
I've been
changin' but you'll never see me now
Now I'm blaming you for
everything
I'm so far away
Hey, hey watch me
wave
Goodbye to yesterday
Nothing left in my way
Hey, hey
I've been saved
With sun shining on my pain
Getting me through
this day
Hey, hey watch me wave
Goodbye to yesterday
Nothing
left in my way
Feels so good to say
Chorus
Now I'm blaming you
I'm so far away
Sesshoumaru opened his eyes and nearly smiled. He knew that song, he knew it well, another Crossfade song known as 'So Far Away'. He would listen to it as a teenager and it was quite good when you were that young. The music flowed together and he found himself liking it once again. Maybe just maybe he could learn to get along with her.
Snorting he knew that wasn't what he needed to do. Why did that even come to mind? He got along with her as if he lived with her since they were born. He didn't need to get along with her he needed to get her off his mind. Damn woman, went through his head even after all the thinking he'd done already. He couldn't care if he loved her, she didn't need to demand his attention every waking minute.
Looking around his study he remember the dream he'd had a few days ago. Shit, now he was going to get an erection. He could already feel his cock jump to life as his mind brought back the erotic vision of Kagome beneath him. With a sigh he unbuttoned his jeans and pulled down the zipper.
As he began to stroke himself he heard Kagome's music turn off and wondered what she was doing now. His body began to heat up as he thrust his hips forward into his hand. Kami forsake the onna that made him feel this way. The thought of fucking her came back to mind and he wondered if it would be a good idea? After all it might get rid of these damn thoughts, then again it might bring more.
Then there was the fact she now lived with him. It would be quite easy to seduce her into bed but then he'd have to see her everyday. What if she wanted more then just a simple fuck? She might demand more of him, or she might leave him forever. If he was to want more afterward and she just left then he wouldn't know what to do. He was still so confused that everything was stringing itself together and nothing made since.
With a soft grunt he felt his climax approaching. It didn't take long with the image of Kagome screaming for more, and wiggling beneath him to cause him to find release. With a grunt he felt his seed begin to leave his body. He could feel sweat beginning to form on his face as he looked down to find his semen everywhere. Great, he thought as he pulled out a washcloth. He just needed to spill so much when he wasn't even inside of the damn bitch.
His mind stopped for a moment and he allowed his eyes to widen. He'd just called Kagome a bitch. Not that it mattered but why had that word come up? Bitch was a word he'd use for Kagura but not Kagome. Speaking of Kagura he wondered what the bitch was doing? He could just bet she was still crying over everything that had happened to her, after all he'd pretty much told her to fuck off in the worst of ways.
Smirking he pulled his jeans back up and began to think upon all the bad things that could have happened to Kagura by now. He would laugh his ass off if he found out she still didn't have a job. The onna just needed to understand that he didn't want her and that she needed to move on.
oOo
It wasn't so bad. Naraku had already promised that at Menomaru's ball he'd take care of both Ki and Taisho. At least then she could move on. With both that bitch, and Sesshoumaru humiliated or gone then she could get on with her life.
Knowing that Kagome was always on Sesshoumaru's mind while she wasn't was enough to make her cry. She didn't understand what it was about that little tramp that Sesshoumaru saw so appetizing that he kept her around. Maybe it was because she had a big chest, or because she put out easily.
Well she wasn't going to take it anymore. If Sesshoumaru wanted the whore then fine but she wasn't going to cry over it anymore. She was Kagura Wind and she wasn't going to allow emotions to control her. She was going to be like Sesshoumaru and his icy heart and never allow herself to fall again. She couldn't take it if she were to never be loved, and she didn't want to go through anything like she already had.
With that in mind Kagura decided it best to go out and find herself another job. There had to be somewhere that hadn't been told not to hire her. Maybe there was someone who would just take petty on her. Either way she was going to get another job and then take pride in knowing it was her idea that got rid of Kagome Ki and Sesshoumaru Taisho.
