Chapter 110

December 28th, 2020

Logan was sitting in front of his laptop, his back towards the door, trying to make good use of the couple of hours he had by himself at their Suite at the Baccarat in Manhattan. Odette had wanted to go to Le Pierre, but Logan had never really enjoyed taking anyone else there - the place reminding him too much of Rory. So here they were - the white and glossy room which was very far from his taste, but closer to Odette's, as a peace offering, having taken the blame for being too late getting them a room at Le Pierre so close to New Years, even if generally it was Marjorie who took care of things like that for him.

They were flying home to London the following day, having just spent the holiday's at his sister's. Him hiding behind having to work through the holiday was his evasive technique, feeling like being around Odette was becoming more and more toxic. He longed for a run, or the needle - the inky kind, an escape essentially. But had settled for the threadmill, which was never quite the same for him, doing a 100 push-ups, sit-ups and a set of lenghty planks that morning due to the recent blizzard at the hotel gym.

But his concentration was off, struggling to really put his ideas onto paper as well as he knew he could. It felt like sitting on a time bomb. He had absolutely no control over the situation. Odette had decieved him into having unprotected sex with him a few weeks ago, a night when they'd re-connected on some superficial leve after what felt like years. They'd both been vulnerable in that moment, but it had eventually left him dumbfounded that she'd do something like this. Odette, however, was as preppy as she always was, currently hopping from one store to another around Manhattan right now.

His peace was cut short at the sound of the electronic lock, followed by the unmistakable sound of an armful of shopping totes landing on the floor.

"I'm back," Odette announced, unnecessarily, making Logan only concentrate harder, hoping to not have to interact too much. It was a lot easier being married to her when they traveled separately, or when they were around other people, especially what she'd done. Now he just felt like he was one step away from… from what, he wasn't sure yet. But he was fairly certain whatever that was depended greatly on the outcome of pregnancy test that Odette had already waiting on the vanity.

"Hey," Logan exhaled, but didn't turn to her.

"Boy it was freezing out there," Odette commented, making a teeth-shattering sound. "I am so going to need a hot bath to recover from this," she joked. She might have been a woman of the world - used to conditions varying from Trondheim and Moscow to Abu Dhabi and Singapore, but she certainly was one to always complain. She did it playfully though, usually knowing where to draw the line.

"Hm-hm," Logan mumbled, and hit 'Enter' audibly to change to a next row in his e-mail.

"You never guess what I found!" Odette began enthusiastically, but Logan zoned out, not hearing what she was saying. She continued to unpack. Logan didn't hear what she spoke of, not until Odette placed a cute New York City onesie on top of his keyboard, interrupting his typing.

"Isn't it a little early for that?" Logan asked, trying his hardest to remain calm. He knew how much she wanted this, and let his fury burn within himself. He felt sorry for her, sorry that she hoped this would somehow magically fix them. But he was also panicking inside.

"I just couldn't stop myself," Odette said, speaking excitedly. "I'll just give it to Charlotte if it comes to it," she added reluctantly, dissapointed of his reaction. Odette wasn't oblivious to Logan's reluctance and hesitance towards the topic, but she also didn't believe he truly and deeply didn't want a child. She'd seen him with Honor's kids and he was wonderful with them. She just truly, and naively, hoped it was just what he... what they, needed.

Odette went off talking about something else concerning her friend, forcing Logan again to become distracted by the e-mail he'd been writing. She unwrapped her wrap dress, hoping to get his attention, but knew better than to complain about Logan working too much. She knew they weren't on best terms these days, but in part she was also in denial, hoping it'd just blow over.

It was perhaps 30 seconds later, once she'd headed to the bathroom and turned on the water to fill the bathtub, when a deafening sorrowful shriek, along with the sound of Odette tossing something onto the vanity, by the sound of it breaking something made of glas - the Angélique Noire he'd just bought her for Christmas probably. Not that that mattered anymore.

Logan had a good guess what this was - or else the reaction wouldn't have been that strong. He should've felt compassion, but he felt he lost a part of his humanity in the past few weeks, too encompassed in his own problems, and all he could feel in that moment was relief.


January 20th, 2022

They had the first appointment of the day and the fact was made almost awkwardly clear as they stood behind the door of the private OB/GYN clinic in South Green, nearby Hartford Hospital, minutes before the doors were to be opened. Rory was always meticulously on time if she could help it and this day was no different, aiming to make it to work at the latest by second period.

"You look uncomfortable," Rory pointed out, after observing Logan for a minute. He was definitely exhibiting the hospital-waiting-room style nervousness as he paced around the hallway.

Logan chuckled, appreciating her teasing him and scattering some of his nervousness. "I've just never been to these things before," he explained, feeling a little embarrassed of the fact.

"These things," Rory laughed. "What do you expect 'these things' to be exactly?" she laughed.

"Ah you know… those examination tables with your legs up and being in the room when someone else is looking at…," he began to explain with a slight squint of his nose, clearly being at least a little uncomfortable, but his sentence was interrupted by the nurse who came to unlock the door for them.

Rory just chuckled, and gave Logan a quick peck. It felt incredibly refreshing to introduce him to this new world in a way, it was cute even.

The doctor was already ready for them and they made their way into her office as soon as they'd hung up their coats.

"Hey, Rory, how are you?" the friendly looking petite blonde doctor asked, as she closed the door behind them and took a seat behind her desk. The doctor was in her 40-s, or perhaps early 50s, but she looked a lot younger thanks to her sleek pixie cut and boyish form.

Rory and Logan took seats in the modern guest chairs opposite her.

"I'm good, thanks," Rory replied, appreciating this doctor always reading up on the patients a little beforehand which enabled this interaction to be so casual. "This is my fiance, Logan," he said, introducing them.

"Nice to meet you," Logan nodded.

"Likewise. I'm Dr. Mueller, or you may have noticed that from the sign," she replied, friendlily.

"So what brings you two here this morning?" Dr. Mueller asked.

"Well… I guess we're wondering what are the odds for me to conceive. At my age and with my history… Whether there are any serious risks to consider," Rory began to explain.

The doctor looked over her file once again on her computer, and spoke of some more general aspects like the age factor and the likelihood of possible complications due to her scarring - but this was all purely theoretical at this point.

"So you've been on the shot until now, right?" the doctor asked, beginning to get into more detail

"I have, for about a year and a half," Rory shared. "But I didn't update my last shot, so technically I should be off of it by now," she confessed, and glanced cautiously towards Logan. She'd neglected to tell him that. She hadn't thought he'd minded - for one, and there was also the tiny detail that the likelihood of this to be possible this soon was low to begin with this short after the shot wearing off and the age factor.

"And how has your period been during the shot - fairly regular or…?" Dr. Mueller asked.

"More or less, I do get it every month, just the length and interval varies a little - 26-33 days approximately. A few days to a week, but rarely," Rory explained, for the first time talking about her period in such detail in Logan's earshot. But he was a grown man, and now that he was here - he was much less intimidated by this conversation that he'd been minutes ago.

"And you last was when?" she asked.

"It was kind of weird actually, I just got it yesterday - but there isn't a lot of bleeding. I was worried I might have to cancel this appointment again, I'm not sure if there's a lot you can do with me like this," Rory began to blabber.

"And how long was it been since the last time?" the doctor continued.

"37 days," Rory sighed.

Logan didn't know an awful lot about these things but it sure sounded like her period had been a little late, leaving them with a possibility. But that was about all he could get from this.

"Any chance you could be pregnant? Have you done a test?" Dr. Mueller inquired.

That question certainly caught Logan's full attention and it showed.

"No… I mean… I guess it's possible, but I can't be right? Not this soon after the shot began to wore off, I've read they claim it can take six months. But technically, sure… I guess there's a slight possibility but no, I haven't taken a test," Rory rambled, and it was only Logan's hand that grasped hers that calmed her.

"I don't want to get your hopes up, the odds being low indeed this soon, as I've explained, and as you said it yourself. But since sometimes in the early weeks there could be implantation bleeding, I'd suggest you take a test to be sure. Just so we don't go into this challenge with a flawed assumptions," Dr. Mueller explained, keeping the mood light.

The doctor smiled optimistically. But it felt a lot heavier on the other side of the table.

"I guess," Rory replied hesitantly.

The doctor went to the examination room briefly and returned with a pregnancy test and handed it to her. "There's a bathroom you can use over there, and you can put on the robe, I can still give you a check-up regardless of the outcome," she encouraged, gesturing at the door at the back of the examination room.

This was a moment when Logan again felt rather useless, but the doctor seemed to recognize that and distracted his anxiousness by asking him some questions on his family history - you know, blood type, history of genetic diseases and things like that.

For Rory those two minutes passed even more slowly than she'd expected, something about knowing that Logan was just sitting outside, knowing a lot more about different possibilities than ten minutes ago, making it even worse. She was also worried he might be mad at her for not having told him. About being off the shot, about having been gazing at her period tracking app a couple of times a day these past few days, making sure it was counting days correctly or wondering whether this was indeed her period. She hadn't dared to really hope, nearly thinking it was more likely to be exhibiting early signs of menopause than a pregnancy.

There were mixed feelings towards either result - fear of complications and Em's reaction if she indeed was pregnant and fear of disappointing Logan and potentially failing at a joint dream

As she got into her robe, tying the ribbons on her back, the two minutes were up. She didn't even know what she felt at the sight of the result. The confrontation felt paralyzing, numbing.

She tossed the test into the bin and emerged. "It was negative," she admitted, rather neutrally. She tried to convince herself that that was what she'd assumed to begin with, despite there having been a glimmer of hope.

Logan let out a deep breath of air, having been more apprehensive than he'd realized.

They continued onwards to the exam, Logan simply sitting by her side, trying to understand what she had thought and what she felt during those minutes. He was disappointed, naturally - but then again he hadn't known to hope for it either.

During the ultrasound they at least got a relatively good prognosis of her internal scars having healed better than expected, and that physically there was nothing suggesting she couldn't conceive. It was a matter of time, and in their age a bit of luck too.

Either way Rory emerged from the doctor's office with a list of supplements to try, starting off with things that'd help normalize her hormone levels and start her early on some folic acid. They were doing everything medically possible to support this, at this level not yet feeling the need to go into any stronger means.

It was as they made it to the car, mostly in silence, when Logan finally opened his mouth.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Logan asked, before turning on the engine. He looked and sounded serious, but calm at the same time.

"Because I didn't want to get your hopes up," Rory replied, answering only the second half of his question.

"Yeah, but that you were off your shot. I mean it's not the same as with Odette, I know that. But I still don't like you hiding things from me," he explained.

"It was unlikely, I didn't plan it… I just… forgot..," Rory tried to explain, sounding upset, but felt incredibly guilty as this had already happened once before.

"I'm not mad at you," Logan tried to calm her, extending out his hand to hers.

"You're not?" Rory asked in disbelief.

"I wish you'd told me - yes. But - no - I'm not mad," he explained, feeling rather surprised that that was not what he was feeling. He wasn't feeling deceived. This was Rory, not Odette.

"I was worried you would be, and I just… I really just didn't want to get your hopes up," she added, not finding a better excuse. It had been that one time after a whole 36 hours of crazy due to what had happened with Luke, she'd hardly thought straight.

"Well don't be. I don't want you worrying about these things alone, okay? I don't want to be left out of this equation like…," Logan explained, not finishing the thought that Rory could finish herself. Logan wanted to experience all of it - the successes and the failures, the nervousness, the unknowing… he wanted all of it. Not like the last time Rory had been pregnant with his child.

"Okay," Rory exhaled with relief. But remained cautious. "I'm sorry," she added.

"I'm really not mad, just tell me the second you think there could be something," Logan replied, and held her chin to kiss her. He murmured - "I love you".