ICE
That heady plunge into the ice-cold water killed me.
I was forever drenched and cut off from warmth and sunlight, waiting for the spring that would never come.
This was my never-ending winter.
Yet, I didn't mind. So as the snow piled higher, caging in my heart, I continued building my wall of coldness higher, piling up ice block after ice block. I had loved, lost, and been hurt. And now, I saw how foolish and vulnerable I had been. I had known the risks, I had known what kind of consequences this curse could bring, I had known what Akito would've done once he learned of my feelings. Yet, I had let my emotions overwhelm my defenses and completely take over my common sense. It was too dangerous to let it happen again and with this wall, no arrow would ever pierce my heart again.
True, I would never love again but I would also never have to experience that painful ache ever again either.
I shut myself off from my family, from my friends, from my world…from my heart. You can't experience pain if you experience nothing at all. It was much better this way.
"Look at him, there he goes again. Ever since he had to erase Kana's memories, he's been like that."
"He should move on! There are other girls to go after!"
"He's just wasting away with all that moping."
I heard their whispers around me but for once, they didn't bother me with their mindless gossiping because now…now I was heartless. I was too cold to let their mean-spirited words pierce my feelings.
Completely emotionless, completely devoid of any feelings.
An unmovable boulder.
.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.
We are all cowards, all of us.
The moment we experience pain, we all run in the opposite direction, as fast as we can, just so you don't see Pain rear its ugly head and strike you once more.
Although it hurts our pride, we know that being a coward is so much more easier than facing our fears and meeting Pain halfway at its own game.
And because of that, I built my own shelter, my own ice wall around me to prevent Pain from calling again. I locked myself up in my own winter, never to let spring come again.
For what was spring without her?
