AN: smutty pillow talk ahead.


Chapter 118

January 28th, 2022

Rory and Logan were getting ready for bed. It was funny how even though they weren't yet at their own home, the construction taking its sweet time, the scene looked as if they'd done this a million times. Brushing one's teeth - the gentle buzzing of Logan's sonic toothbrush in the background, the scent of Rory's recent favorite cleansing milk that smelled of woundwort, apricot and almonds, giving the whole bathroom a herbal aroma, the way they turned down the bed almost in perfect coordination - it was so soothing. The tiny detail that was different from the past times that they've done this, which hadn't been for a few weeks, was having a curious looking puppy observing them from behind the safety gate in the doorway.

They were at Logan's, naturally. It was still a little too risky to bring Loki to Rory's overnight, the place not being as dog-proof as Logan's apartment. Em was at Jess'. One could almost say 'again' but this was a bit of a special circumstance, as Jess had invited Lisa over for dinner that night and ended up switching weekends with her. Rory didn't know how it had gone, but there had been no desperate call from Em before bedtime so she could assume it had gone alright and not confused the kid too much. And truthfully, if it weren't for the slight worry that Em might like Lisa more than her, which she rationally thinking knew to be just a natural insecurity from her side, she was glad Jess had taken Em, having missed being around Logan, since last week had been more about the house, her father and the dinner at Honor's than the two of them anyways. They were together, but having time together hadn't been all that easy to achieve.

In a way they looked like an old couple at the end of a regular long work-day like this. Both mentally tired, but happy to be home and about to go to bed. Both in their pajamas essentially - some random T-shirt, plain but from good quality cotton, from Logan's closet on Rory, Logan in his boxers - his upper body never looking quite as naked with all the ink he had put on it- Him placing a glass of water on the nightstand, Rory placing her glasses on the nightstand and putting her phone to charge next to her. Both making sure the pillows were fluffy, turning down the bed in unison, each knowing their side on the bed without discussion. It was just a prime example how their relationship was content even without jumping each-other the first chance they got. Even each-other's casual presence felt like a thing to be valued. It was about the little touches, casual discussions about dinner and work, Em and Loki, the construction and furniture shopping for the house - all the little things.

Rory climbed under the covers first, Logan followed soon enough, switching off the light, and petted Loki's head just once more as a 'good night'. The door between the bedroom and living room remained open - Loki not liking being separated much, the constant whining not being worth the trouble. But at least this way with the safety gate he wouldn't be climbing into bed with them.

"Ah… it feels good being in the same bed with you," Logan murmured, his hand wrapping around her in an instant.

"I can wait for it to be our own bed…," Rory sighed. The move couldn't come soon enough. "I really should've gotten this place a better mattress than this," she added, her back certainly feeling the difference compared to the Hästen's she had at home, making a mental note to take Logan mattress shopping one of these days. There was nothing better than muscle memory to remind one if it was a right or wrong match. This time it wouldn't be just any bed or just her bed she'd be shopping for.

"Can't argue with that," Logan chuckled, enjoying how Rory was snuggling into his chest, her arms around his stomach, fitting just neatly under his chin.

"You should've told me, I would've gotten you another one," Rory said, feeling ashamed of the budget choices she'd made on these rentals. It had made financial sense at the time, but she hadn't exactly aimed to spend much time sleeping on these herself, had she?

"It's okay… it's just that I've had better…," he chuckled, and kissed her hair. He really didn't care at this point as he was already counting days until the move. The estimation was 14 days to be exact, but he knew better than to get his hopes up, knowing there could be all kinds of surprises when fixing up old houses like that.

"Yeah, I know," Rory commented, but didn't aim to argue with him on the topic. Nor did she particularly want to dwell on the most amazing bed Logan had had in London that would bring back too many unwanted memories.

She stayed like that for a while, hearing the quiet thumping of Logan's heart with her ear to his chest.

"It's really scary… everything that's going on with mom and Luke," Rory exhaled after a while, knowing from the way he was breathing that he hadn't fallen asleep yet. "I could just see how broken she was...," Rory added, having truly missed talking to Logan about this in more detail. When they'd called during the week she'd only been able to give him the gist, and texting didn't really work for serious subjects like this. They both had had their plates full this week - Logan handling both the work, the puppy and the construction while Rory shopped for furniture, took care of Em and caught herself up on her work homework.

"I can't even imagine…," Logan empathized, knowing there wasn't much either of them could really do other than offer their support.

"She just kept repeating 'in sickness and in health' like a mantra, like she was failing him by being afraid of him. I just wish I could help somehow… She won't do therapy, I'm pretty sure she won't. I've tried, I've given her hints, suggestions on names…There was this one guy who Paris recommended for PTSD even. It just hasn't worked for her in the past…," Rory explained her mother's skepticism.

"Well… I think there's that guilt feeling on both sides there. In a way that's a good thing, I guess, because once they realize that then maybe they can share that guilt a bit. At least talk about it," Logan commented, trying to put himself in their position.

"I hope so," Rory sighed.

"I can't pretend to know I understand what they are going through, but considering how long they've been together… I think, I hope… it's just something that needs time. If they have that, if they are willing to give each other that, maybe some time apart or at least living apart isn't a bad thing in the end," Logan tried to see the positive. In part he just wanted to ease Rory's worry, but not having many role models in his life of long term relationships, he also knew that marriages were not just one big party. But he certainly knew that healing took time, and forcing people to stay together because of what the society expected from them or what their vows said, wasn't the way forward either - that was not how healing happened.

"You're going to have to promise me to see the doctor regularly, so if you ever get anything… that they catch it in time," Rory suddenly said, having imagined herself in her mother's shoes. There was nothing more effective to get one thinking about the possibility of a loved one getting sick, no matter what illness it was, than having something like that happen in the family.

Worrying about Logan's health was nothing new to Rory, however. She'd lived through that already both back in college after his accident, and even during Vegas when Logan had had a mysterious stomach ache for several months that had turned out to be a stress ulcer, and more recently about his mental health. But in this new context it did make her think about the 'in sickness and in health' part differently now that she was marrying him. One normally just thought about the possibilities of nursing a sick spouse if something happened, by sticking by him. But those normal scenarios one usually was able to imagine hardly included cases where the other turned violent, or began to behave like a completely different person. It was a scary thought, and an even scarier reality for her mom.

"I promise," Logan said, stroking her back up and down, assuringly . "Marjorie used to set up my appointments every year like clockwork, now I'll just need to make my own appointments. But I had to admit, I quite liked that regularity," Logan added, realizing that he actually missed his old secretary. She had been almost motherly, but knowing incredibly well how to balance that fine line between caring and being intrusive. He'd offered her a generous severance package, essentially making sure the woman wouldn't have to look for another job until she retired, but he was pretty sure an active woman like that couldn't just sit home and had found something she could be useful in. He almost felt like he wanted to give her a call one of these days, just to catch up.

"I know this is not something you probably like thinking about… but I just want to put it out there," Rory began, bringing Logan back from his thoughts rather harshly.

"What? Are you worried about Em?" Logan asked, looking at Rory's face in the darkness of the room, their eyes having already adjusted to the dark. He could see her outline and the glimmer of her eyes. There was a weak sound of Loki's claws against the floor - almost walking in a cat-like manner and then resuming another resting position in the adjacent room, Logan having developed an ear for mischief.

"No… well in a way, but not the way you think," Rory corrected, assuming Logan was asking her about whether she worried about Em and Lisa getting along, or rather getting along too well. Sure, she worried about that too, but this was something that had been echoing in her brain since she'd talked to Lorelai.

"What then?" he asked, feeling puzzled.

"I just… I just need you to think about what it might mean if something happens to me if I get pregnant, if things don't go well… That you won't resent the baby. If there ever is one that is…," Rory explained, hesitantly. Saying 'baby' out loud almost felt like jinxing it. "That you'll love them no matter what, and that you'll be there for them even if I'm not," she added, suddenly sounding very serious.

"Rory, you don't need to worry about that. You heard what the doctor said…," Logan started to say, continuing to stroke her back. He didn't want her thinking such terrible thoughts, those thoughts were almost too horrible to think about. "If you're having second thoughts…," he began, but Rory cut him off already expecting him to have the perfect response of giving her the ultimate decision.

"I know, but I also know that when I was expecting Em everything was by the book. Still things can happen, childbirth can be dangerous, not everything can be pre-calculated, planned, diagnosed. I've been through it before. And just… I know doing this is risky, and while I am fine with the risks, I've accepted it. I just need you to accept those risks along with me. I need you to never blame them if something happens to me, I need you to be strong for them even if you don't want to or feel like it…," she explained. She had thought about this long and hard, weighing the possibility of Em potentially losing her mother among other things. She'd even had a good cry about it a few nights ago. But she knew that Em would always be loved, she'd always known that. But she also knew that she wanted nothing less for her future child, if that were to ever become reality.

This was certainly a lot more serious train of thought than Logan had expected, and it did give him something to think about. He didn't know what to say.

"It's not something you need to respond to now. You just need to think about it," Rory added, noting him having gone all silent.

"I don't need to think about it. I mean - it's a horrible scenario to think about, and I particularly don't want to. But there's no doubt I'll love them. How can I not? They'd be a part of you, wouldn't they?" Logan replied, that part being crystal clear. Though using a gender neutral pronoun did make him think about the theoretical possibility of there being more of them than just the one, but he knew that that was just very wishful thinking at this point. "And I can promise you now that I will never blame them. If I feel something that isn't rational, I know by now how to work on it, I know how to recognize those thoughts, and I promise I'll never make them feel like they had any blame in it," Logan assured, hating to imagine this scenario. But if this was what Rory needed, he had to offer her that. Whatever it took.

"Good," Rory sighed, feeling a little emotional after hearing him promise all those things. "Because I really want to give you a baby, I just hope I can. I want to see that look on your face..," Rory described, her voice sounding a little weak.

Rory could still recall well that special look Jess had had the first time he'd held Em. It had been a horrible day, and while she herself had had so many mixed feelings that day, some rational, some certainly not and some just plain hormonal, that look had made up for a lot of the less-than-perfect.

To Logan, her words sounded so primal - the ultimate gift a woman could give someone she loved. He didn't think he could love her any more than when he heard her say that.

"You have no idea how hot that sounds coming from your mouth," Logan hummed, his hand stroking the side of her face, tracing her lips before dipping his thumb just slightly into her mouth. She embraced it though, the act making her giggle slightly.

He wasn't quite ready to admit all of that emotional turmoil that was going on in his heart and his brain right then - there was so much more than this than just the sexyness factor, but that was the one that he could place and convey with the most ease.

"I want faith to decide if and when it happens…," Rory whispered, not wanting to stress about this any longer. She didn't want to plan, take ovulation tests, have sex on a schedule and consider each period a sign of failure like many did. If it happened - it'd be meant to be. Whenever it would happen, even if it took them months, years… she wanted to try. She couldn't deny that there was always that little knowing inside of her that she wanted to replace what she had once lost, but it was the feeling she wanted to replace, not the baby that she'd never gotten to hold in her arms. She wanted to feel a part of Logan growing inside of her. It was the ultimate declaration of love in a way - wanting to feel that they'd made this other person together, and to have them grow each day inside of her. She wanted to feel her heart expand from love again just like it had with Em, and she desperately wanted him to feel that too.

"What - no pro-con list?" Logan teased, but appreciated her sentiment more than he let on. He didn't want her stressing about this either. Those two minutes at the doctor's office having been bad enough. He'd probably be on his toes no matter what, but he knew he needed to caution himself too, not to let her feel bad even if he felt disappointed.

"The pros win by a landslide. And I only really need to make those lists in my head these days," she assured him, and reached out her neck to kiss him, her hand moving from his neck to his slightly scratchy bearded cheek.

The gentle kiss with their lips just barely touching, enjoying the lingering tension, grew rapidly into something more fierce. Something all-consuming, conquering, making stomachs feel all hollow and fluttery.

Rory's leg raised over his hip, and his arms held her even more firmly by the small of her back, his neck stretching out to reach for her even more intensely, feeling like he'd die if couldn't just devour those lips with all he had to offer.

His lips went down her neck, while she just breathed over his skin, eyes closed, whispering his name when she could manage. His fingers slipped under her T-shirt, the passage feeling so natural, enjoying the softness of her delicate skin, especially the sharp contrast on her breasts - soft tissue compared to those rock hard nipples.

Rory let out a gasp at his firm grasp on her breast, feeling how her throbbing core was already demanding a lot more than he was giving her right now. She began to tug down his boxers, not quite reaching all the way, but he aided her.

His arousal, feeling several degrees warmer than the rest of his body, sprung free and slapped against his stomach with some bounce. Rory pressed her hips against him, wanting some friction - any friction, and at that move she could already feel Logan's smirk against her neck at her demanding attempts, as he continued to kiss her. She hoped somehow her panties would just vanish, not wanting to wait much longer.

Logan pushed her T-shirt up to her armpits, and she raised her arms to pull it off herself. Even before the T-shirt was fully off, Logan's lips were already on her breast, his teeth grazing her nipple. Rory reached down, needing to free herself from her panties, and more or less managed, wiggling her legs the last stretch. The second they were off and Rory sighed victoriously, Logan grabbed her upper leg roughly and placed it back on his hip, as if that was a place where it rightfully belonged, nuding his erection right against her soaking slit.

The mutual groan that followed was audible, the familiar, yet much longed after contact being so intoxicating.

Rory moved her head, demanding to kiss him some more, while their hips rocked slowly and teasingly against each-other, letting their need grow into something incomprehensible.

"I need you, Logan," Rory gasped, between kisses, being delirious from want.

His breathing was already coming in small huffs, having held back so long. Every time they were at this point it was as if time slowed, the moment that lasted microseconds, feeling like it was minutes - sensing his tip press against her, sliding in inch by inch and the feeling of being filled to the brink, the feeling of him stretching her - a feeling of perfection. And Logan feeling her tight and warm hold enevelope him, the feeling very close to being sucked inwards. A breath of hot air left their lips along with their gasps.

The slow and deliberate thrusts worked up their speed, their movements being inherently organic. Arms wrapping tighter around each-other's bodies, tight holds replacing with fingers digging into the flesh on her hip or his arm muscles, fingers intertwining, a slight graze of her teeth on his shoulder turning onto a wet and open-mouthed kiss. Truthfully, the actions of mouths, hands and limbs hardly registered, there being only one goal in mind.

Rory's muscles tensed around him as an overwhelming feeling of pleasure was built up thrust after thrust, making her feel like she was even more full of him. The sensation of him hitting her cervix was now holding a lot more meaning than it had before. This could be the making of a baby, at least in theory, and there was something inherently sexy about this, especially considering this time there was no accompanying guilt or hurt.

The whine of pleasure Rory let out next, made Logan just keep going, wanting to prolong what she was feeling. The inner clenching was too much for him to handle, however, the need to satisfy her - to put a baby in her, even if took a million tries - had made him overestimate his capabilities. It was a particularly firm orgasmic spasm that threw him over the edge and his forehead lolled onto her shoulder, but his body kept moving, making sure each drop of his essence filled her.

They breathed heavily as their senses returned, sweaty and spent. A weak bark of concern was the first sound they heard, the vibrations from the bed having been enough to alert Loki. They both chuckled at the presence of an audience and smiled.