AN: Thank you for all the reviews - you've gotten me over a 1000 review milestone hump. First time for me. Thanks!


Chapter 123

February 8th, 2022

"How is he?" Rory asked through the phone, biting the nail on her thumb, nervously, as she inquired about Loki. Em was already in bed, and she was sitting downstairs at her desk, having been grading papers.

"Still a little under the weather," Logan explained, fibbing a bit, not wanting Rory to fret more about Loki than she already was. The dog was tired, not at all the playful puppy that he'd been like for the first couple of weeks. It was the constant tilting and shaking of his head that hinted at it being something with his ears, as it had also been forcasted to be his weak spot.

"I'm so sorry, Logan…," Rory exhaled. She felt guilty. She didn't know the dog had been that sensitive to getting wet after only a brief moment outside. And she had been distracted by Em, coming back inside that Sunday. She felt she couldn't get anything right. She felt like she'd failed Logan too.

"It's not your fault," Logan replied, sitting on his couch, his hand resting on Loki's back. At least when he was touching him, Loki wasn't whining. He felt it was his fault - he'd wanted to stay overnight in the Vineyard, he'd spent far too much time packing all of his belongings into the garage of their new house, already feeling like he was moving in, only to come home to and experience the first sleepless night due to selfless worry.

He'd taken Loki to the veterinarian, naturally, and gotten him medicine along with friendly, and rather somewhat repetitive cautioning on how to care for his dog's ears properly. Have the dog wear a cap, put cotton balls in his ears or dry them out after outings, especially when it's cold outside. He knew that, but he had never really emphasized these things to Rory before. He as the owner should've made sure Rory knew that.

"Still, he was in my care…," Rory insisted, though realized that what she was essentially doing was trying to make herself feel better about it. "But anyways, if there's anything I can do," she offered.

"Any chance you could go be at the house between 5 and 7 PM tomorrow? There are a few deliveries coming," Logan explained. The house was nearly done. They'd gotten lucky with the kitchen, cutting the waiting time to a fraction of it, by using a kitchen someone else had canceled their order on and only doing a few minor changes on it. Neither was too particular on cabinet placement as long as it was functional and the space was pretty forgiving for its size. They'd both been getting a certain sense of victory if they made a saving on things concerning the house.

"I'd maybe make it there 6-ish, but 5 might be tricky. I have a performance review tomorrow at 4," Rory replied. It was a yearly thing, yearly for teachers who'd worked less than five years, bi-annual for the rest. But this year was the first time Rory was actually kind of nervous, feeling like she hadn't been quite at her best. She'd been distracted, she'd been tired and less motivated too.

"Okay..," Logan pondered, having hoped to get a moment to catch up with some of his own work. He was a little sleep deprived and with all the times a week he was back and forth to the house anyways he was already stretched pretty thin.

"Maybe it'll be quicker, I don't know," Rory shrugged, wanting to help.

"I'll ask maybe I can have one of the men stay over until you get there. They can't really 'okay' whatever is delivered but most deliveries we've had are usually not that on time anyways.

Rory knew she'd need to go pick up Em real quick in between those two things as well. Thankfully, the distances weren't huge.

"Hey, I have a suggestion for this week," Logan began with a sigh, sounding tired.

"Yeah?" Rory asked.

"I think we could, maybe… skip therapy this week. I know it's not recommended, but with everything going on…," Logan began to explain. "I just think we are good, aren't we? I am not saying we should stop going, but I just think maybe it wouldn't be the biggest tragedy if we skipped this once. Focus on handling everything we have going on here," Logan explained.

"Oh," Rory reacted, having not really expected that. "I guess..," she replied. She couldn't really argue, it had been a long drive every two weeks, but it had been sort of uninterrupted 'their' time too. Both the drive there, the homework, and the hour discussing whatever they had on their minds.

"If you feel we should…," Logan said, hesitating. It wasn't that easy to read her through the phone.

"I think we'd be fine, if we skipped this once," Rory assured. "But just maybe we could do a 'check in', you know the way she taught us?" Rory suggested, feeling a little anxious about alternating from the routine that seemed to be working. She knew that Logan's reasons were mostly due to lack of time - work, the house, a sick puppy, but it still felt a little dangerous to just skip the deep talk.

"Okay," Logan agreed.

They hadn't had much chance to talk since last week, to be honest.

"So… how do you feel about us today?" Rory asked, mostly fearing that Logan might feel on some subconscious level that Rory was to blame for Loki's condition. She especially hated that instead of having noticed something being wrong with Loki, she'd just spent the day dreaming about something as superficial as their wedding.

"I feel good. These past few weeks one of my favorite things has been telling people about us - Marjorie for example, Hugo… I just love saying it out loud that 'my fiance' is or does this or that or even talk to my sister about our wedding. I love that we're about to move, it can't come soon enough. I know we've been busy, but I think all things considered, the calls and the moments we've had - we've made good use of them," Logan reflected.

"This week I really got into the wedding thing, you know. Honor's taking me dress shopping. I am just a little hesitant on how to go about it. Like all these times when mom was going to get married, she just kept going but also struggled. I keep expecting to start doubting myself or to do something that'd jinx us. I don't know … let you see the wedding dress or have someone suggest that me wanting to keep things modest, and not make this all big fluffy and princess themed is somehow me not wanting this bad enough. But I swear that's…. so not the case. I'd marry you in the clothes I'm wearing now if I had to. I just… everything else just seems so insignificant," Rory explained.

Logan chuckled, loving the image of marrying her in her leggsing that she was probably wearing now. He didn't care much either, but deep down he wanted to make her feel special. He wanted her to have her dream wedding, and while the aim wasn't to outdo his wedding to Odette - he didn't want her feeling like she wasn't worth all that and more. He hated that he had something to compare whatever they did do though, he could only wish his former marriage hadn't happened and he could do this just once - once, for life, with her.

"Do you think I've been around enough?" Logan revealed an insecurity of his.

"Just as much as I have. And we know our lives are messy and busy, but this is why I can't wait to move so we'd have these talks in the evenings, so that we wouldn't have to wait a week or two to sleep in the same bed again," Rory explained, just wanting normal everyday things with him.

"I know..," Logan exhaled.

"Is there anything you feel incomplete about from the past week that you would like to talk about?" Rory asked, recalling the standard questions their therapist had taught them.

"Not a lot… I don't know…," Logan pondered. "Hugo sort of talked about how he had sought after his ex-wife's forgiveness, how they are friends… And Birdie has been suggesting this to me too in a way. She thinks in order to feel a balance in my personality, with the old and the new, that I need to accept material things from those times into my life, which I feel like I did now by going to the Vineyard like this. But she also suggested that talking to people, or at least seeking some connection there might be something I'd need to do. I mean O might not even take my call or read my e-mail. But I don't know… maybe apologizing for how things went, maybe that's something I should, could, do. I know it wasn't entirely my fault, but I know that she was hurt and I just sort of left her hurting when she was very fragile," Logan explained, admitting feeling some guilt.

Rory was quiet, not knowing what to say.

"So I guess what I am asking is… how would you feel if I reached out to her? Sort of ...for making amends or kind of like in AA people go asking for forgiveness… I am not sure when I'd do it or what I'd say, but it's just been something on my mind," Logan shared.

Rory respected his honestly, more than he realized probably, but it was most definitely a gentle subject for her.

"I don't know how I feel, honestly," Rory admitted. "It's kind of scary," she added.

"Scary, how?" Logan asked, wishing he was in the room with her.

"Like she might suck you back into a bad place, that life…," Rory confessed, having not realized how strongly she had been holding onto him in that sense. It felt like letting him step back into his old life and needing to trust him to step back out of it again. Needing to trust him not to leave, and also return to her.

"I have no intention of going back there. I might not even do it, but I think I need to accept the past with its people somehow in that case… maybe I'll just write something and I don't know - burn it or read it out loud alone…," he continued.

"I know, I want you to deal with… whatever it is you are dealing. I don't want you to hide it. And I want you to tell me these things. Thank you for telling me these things. But I guess… It just scary for me," Rory admitted.

"It's scary for me too. Of how I'll feel doing it or after… But with all that's in me - I don't want this to be something to make you doubt us or fear for us," Logan clarified.

Rory needed the topic to be over, needing to think about it some more before she added anything and her silence reflected that.

"What about you?" Logan asked.

"I don't know," Rory sighed. "I can't think of anything right now. My brain is kind of full of Tsehov right now," she admitted, half jokingly, the papers she'd been reading freshly in her mind.

"Okay," Logan exhaled.

"Can I just say one thing though," Rory felt she needed to add. "If you talk to Odette. Can you just please not… hide it from me, or make this into something regular. There was just this thing with my grandparents once, when grandpa kept it from my grandmother that he was having lunch with his ex-fiance once a year for god… forty years… she felt so horrible when she found out. It was innocent - just talk… but still. I don't want us to be like that. I need you to know that you can talk to me about her, okay?" Rory insisted.

"Even if you'd probably hate hearing about it?" Logan needed to make sure.

"Even so," she didn't relent.

"Okay, I promise," Logan replied.

"Good," Rory replied in a lighter note, but it didn't mean she fully felt it. All she knew was that these in-depth talks of theirs needed to continue, almost fearing that they needed someone like their therapist to keep watch over them so they couldn't screw up if left all alone in this.