Chapter 124

May 15th, 2017

Rory was sitting on a not too comfortable wooden bench in the halls of Hartford university, waiting for her class to start. She was wearing a simple pair of maternity jeans and a stretchy stripy t-shirt that was prominently showing off her bump. Maternity shopping hadn't been high on her list of priorities so most items she owned were very casual, and the selection was even smaller since they'd just recently moved and nobody had really had much time to do laundry yet. Besides, she always found basement laundryrooms in old houses a little creepy, reminding her of Fargo. Clearly she'd been watching too much television too - her stamina not quite being up to lots of physical activity outside the home these days. Even walking upstairs made her pant.

She had her laptop on her knees and her eyes were fixated on the text in front of her. She wasn't studying, all of her homework was already completed.

The correct way, the more honest way, to put it would've been that she was watching the cursor blink in front of her, hoping to make her hour and a half between classes count. The document she had open was her book, which she still hadn't entirely given up on just yet, though the pace had lowered considerably with everything she had going on. It was increasingly difficult to find the right mindset for writing while living with Jess, even suprisingly so. It felt too personal somehow, and each of his glances over her shoulder, almost made her feel stalked, even if rationally thinking she knew Jess meant no harm. She just felt like each word she wrote these days could somehow be turned against her. Something to hint at the sorrow she still fully hadn't dealt with, perhaps? It was so frustrating that she actually felt sometimes like she needed to hide that she was writing altogether, sometimes having two files open at the same time, one of them her book and the other some class assignment, so it'd be easy to jump between the two if he looked.

Rory didn't quite understand why she did that. After all Jess had been the one most supportive of her writing this book. Hell - it had been his idea originally. Though, sure, from writing a book about herself and her mom, it had turned into something deeper, it's central question being how her unusual relationship with her mother had shaped her. The problem had arisen as Jess and her become more than friends - as the book also included her mother's influence on her relationships. There was no doubt that every girl needed a bad-boy as a relationship at one point in their life and Jess had definitely been hers - even if Logan had had a few similar traits. But it was the comparisons and the doubts, both present and historic, that had filled several pages, that she didn't want him to see.

That afternoon Rory was at that point in the story where she'd been explaining how her mother's approval mattered too much to her sometimes - her choice in colleges or when she'd slept with Dean, for example. She'd also been pretty desperate for Lorelai to like Jess in the beginning. Lorelai had even asked her that - Why is it so important that I like him?

She was writing a more distinct memory from when she'd tried to convince Lorelai that there was more to Logan than the privileged playboy and how nothing she said seemed to work. Logan himself had not helped much by stealing the antique sewing box in her mother's presence. It was the first time she'd said to herself that maybe Lorelai's opinion wasn't the most important thing and she realizing she needed to trust her gut. A first sign of true independence, perhaps?

Rory struggled with this chapter for obvious reasons, having tried to somehow write those painful parts concerning Logan with some mental distance. His presence couldn't be ignored, but looking too directly into the light just wasn't something she was ready for either. For that reason she was never really happy with those parts, feeling like they were hurried, while moving incredibly slow while writing them, and superficial.

But what stopped her from writing at that moment, hadn't been a sore memory of Logan but an elderly cleaning lady, who'd been mopping the hallway she was sitting in. There was nobody else in earshot, just the two of them.

"You really shouldn't keep a computer close to your baby like that," the woman said, jolting Rory out of her thoughts.

"Excuse me?" Rory wasn't sure she'd heard her right.

"Those things radiate!" she said pointing at her laptop. "No wonder we have all those disabled kids these days, autistic and with learning disabilities," the woman continued, with some disgust in her tone.

Rory had been spared from a lot of other people's negative comments about her pregnancy, most of Stars Hollow being nothing but supportive and wishing her well, as had her lecturers. She was getting advice on how to spare her lower back and lists of foods Liz and Lane had craved during their pregnancies or what had been easy on their stomachs, what was good for lactation and how a body pillow was the greatest invention ever. Lane was mostly insisting that Rory should enjoy a full night's sleep while she still could.

But nothing like this. Rory truly hadn't expected anything like this, let alone inside the walls of a university. It sounded so out of touch with the real world. So out of touch what going to university required from her. And oh, so out of out of line. It almost sounded like a conspiracy theory of sorts.

The trouble was, Rory wasn't very tech-savvy to argue with her with proper terminology and reasoning, and her pregnancy brain felt utterly defeated right then. She should've perhaps asked what radiation was the woman speaking of in paricular and do a quick google to prove her objection. Speed googling she would've been excellent at.

"Well, nothing I can do about that unfortunately, deadlines don't wait," Rory commented, hoping the woman should get on with her business and just leave it at that. She was at a university building after all.

"You should use a stationary computer, one that doesn't have wifi," she lectured.

"Thank you for your input, but this isn't any of your business," Rory said, standing up for herself.

"Suit yourself," the woman snorted. "Just mark my words," she added, and wheeled her bucket cart forward.

While Rory knew this was just an odd event, someone not minding their own business, especially when suggesting something that didn't even have a scientific background, the interaction had still left Rory unraveled and shaken. There was someone truly believing she was harming her baby, thought ill of her baby as a result of her actions.

For the next several minutes she stared at the document in front of her, but instead of writing about her mother, or herself, her mind just kept thinking up arguments she should've composed minutes before. She should've said something snappy, something scientifically accurate, something to disapprove her statement without showing any hesitance in her tone.

Strangely enough that had been the last time she'd opened that file of hers. The sense of trying to prove that she was a fighter, someone who didn't just linger on old emotions, mostly to her unborn child prevailing. Giving up felt like the easiest thing in the world.


February 8th, 2021

Rory knocked on the door of Max's office, the scary looking personal assistant of Hanlin's having been by now been replaced with a much more chatty Mrs. Gillespie who was currently on the phone.

"Yes, come in," Max's deep voice said.

"Hey," Rory said, as she let herself through the double doors, still finding this particular office a little intimidating. Part of the reason was perhaps that Max was generally quite a lot around the school and not necessarily cooped up in there. She had been in this office since Hanlin retired only perhaps two-three times.

"Rory, come-come, take a seat," Max suggested, rising from his seat for a moment to gesture her towards the chair. He was significantly more approachable too, and their history certainly helped, while they found it easy to keep things professional.

"It's okay that I'm a little early? I'm kind of hoping to make an appointment later," Rory admitted.

"Something important?" Max inquired in a friendly tone.

"Oh just accepting some deliveries. We recently bought a house and should be moving next week," Rory explained, and fished the questionnaires she'd already filled out of her purse and handed them to Max across the table, who didn't pay too much attention to them at that moment.

"Congratulations, that must be exciting," Max commented, supportively.

"It is," Rory sighed, but was clearly eager to get on with it.

"So, Rory…," Max began and went on to ask Rory a few standard questions on her strengths and weaknesses, which she answered pretty much like she'd answered them at any job interview she'd ever had. Mostly positives, some constructive negatives. There were also a few questions on personal growth and whether her past aims had been achieved in her opinion.

"Anything you think you could improve? Or perhaps adjust the goals you've set here?" Max asked and glanced at her pre-filled papers where she'd set a generic goal of 'be an engaging and inspiring teacher' and 'enhance ability to work efficiently'.

"Well… if I can be honest, I think the efficiency part is definitely something that I should work more on. We all know how this work can be pretty all-consuming, but I seem to be coming to a wall of some sort. Like there's a limit to how much work I am willing to bring home these days, and I don't know - maybe this just makes me less than perfect as a teacher. But I can't seem to find the drive in me to work extra the way I have until now," Rory blurted out as if having held it in. "So, yes, if I can find a way to do this more efficiently, then yes, that's one of my priorities at this point. I know - quality can't suffer and I don't want that to happen, but I just… I feel I need to change something," she sighed.

"I'm not saying a drop in quality is acceptable, naturally, and I am sure you know this. But I also do believe figuring out that ideal balance is crucial at some point in a teacher's career," Max replied, understandingly.

"Sure," Rory agreed and nodded.

"Do you see that you're figuring out this balance or is this something that may in your mind become an obstacle in your work?" Max inquired.

"I haven't included a lot of new material in the past few months, I have to admit, and I guess it'd be fair to say what I am doing is based on the work I've done before. But I'd be lying that I haven't considered other career paths. Nothing in particular… but just maybe reducing the workload. Though at this stage this is not me asking for that, it's just something that has crossed my mind," Rory admitted, feeling not too proud of this. Had this been any other headmaster she wouldn't have admitted it, but with Max she saw no reason to lie. Even if she was going to ask for part-time work, she wanted Max to be informed as soon as possible, so she'd feel less like a villain. She didn't want to dissapoint him.

"It'd be a loss, certainly," Max said, but nodded appreciatively.

"As said, it's not something I am planning on right now. But I'll admit I am seeking to regain my motivation," Rory admitted.

"This isn't quite part of the performance review, but I've been actually meaning to suggest something to you," Max began, changing the subject, and put the papers aside.

Rory listened with curiosity.

"How would you feel about trying your hand at teaching at another level. You know, I've been teaching at the University of Toronto, what… must be nearly 20 years, give or take a few in between. It's a summer school and this one is especially aimed at other teachers. I've done courses focusing on various authors - Proust, Hemingway, Orwell, Atwood. I just… it's hard to keep it up with this headmaster job and all the extra curriculars I've had, and I am not as young as I used to be, obviously," Max explained, rolling his eyes playfully at his graying hair. "But you'd have some freedom in developing the programme and I could even mentor you this first time. Maybe it'd be a good chance for you to have a go at some other formats too - New York Times, Wired, Esquire…," he added.

"I don't even know what to say," Rory sighed, this being the last thing she'd expected from this meeting.

"It's two weeks in Canada, the rest is just prepwork. I know it's probably not helping you by freeing up your time, but maybe it's something for you to consider," Max suggested. "I need to give them a name in two weeks, so if you want, give it some thought and get back to me. It's a different focus group, maybe it'd be something that livens you up a little," he added.