Hey...
Summary: She wonders if he knows what love is. What happens when he tries to salvage the relationship with the son that he knowingly abandoned? Does she let him back into their lives? Does he get the life he always wanted but was too scared to have?

Thanks for reading. Please tell me what you think. Flashbacks are in italics.

There Goes My Life
CHAPTER 2

Even the fear of death is nothing compared to the fear of not having lived authentically and fully. –Frances Moore Lappe

He lay in the bed, his eyes entranced by the small tattered photo he held delicately in his hands. It was all he had of his past life and he found himself constantly looking at it. But the thing was, he never really had it. He had given it up.

He could still remember a time when him and Brooke were happy just being around each other. But somewhere along the line they went wrong. Somewhere along the line, they weren't enough for each other anymore; they needed more. Or maybe, just he needed more and his desires tore their marriage apart.

The door swung open quietly, the person standing on the other side walked in, a rueful smile playing on his features. He was the only person that had known the truth and could understand the need for more. He was the person that didn't judge Lucas and didn't push him to go back.

Lucas rolled groggily out of bed, his eyes barely adjusting to the bright sunlight that was now filling the room. He walked quietly into the bathroom, careful not to wake his sleeping wife that lay next to him. A small smile lay on his lips as he watched her sleep peacefully in their bed.

He shut the door slightly behind him so he would not disturb her. The toothpaste sent a mint chill through his body as he brushed his teeth. And then he saw it, the thing that made his heart skip a beat. The toothbrush fell from his grip making a loud noise as it his the sink.

He reached downward, his hand shaking as he picked up the small object. He flipped it over slowly, his heart beating rapidly, his breath becoming shallow as the color came into view. Positive. Brooke was pregnant.

"You okay?" The delicate voice called from the other side of the door. He couldn't help but feel claustrophobic. Not only were the walls closing in on him, but also the whole world.

"Ye...yeah." He stuttered as he dropped the test back into the trash as if it had suddenly burned him. That was it, his whole future was gone. He would never get to live the life that he had dreamt about for as long as he remembered.

That was the night that he left. He walked away from her and their child, left her standing alone in the rain. He told himself that he was doing the right thing, that she was strong and could work through it. He needed to experience life; he was still a teen and was looking down a life of diapers and bottles and he didn't like it. In fact, it scared him, scared him enough to chase him away.

"Hey bro." The slightly taller and more built brother stood in the doorway. There was something about him, something Lucas couldn't quite read today. "I want you to meet someone."

Lucas watched intently from the bed as Nathan turned back out side and talked to someone. He knelt down for a second and then stood back up and walked fully into the room. Lucas felt as if the whole world had gone into slow motion as Nathan walked closer to him. The small child clung tightly to Nathan's chest, his face buried into his shoulder as Nathan stopped next to Lucas.

"Hey buddy." Nathan said turning the boy's head away from him. Lucas bit his lip trying to hold the tears in. Right then it hit him, what a huge mistake he had made. He figured, on some level, he always knew he would regret it, but now it was like the realization was hitting him full force. "Say hello."

The small blonde boy gave a sheepish smile towards Lucas and mumbled a hello. Lucas wore a huge smile on his face that no matter what could not be gotten rid of. "Hi." Lucas waved to his son. "My name is Lucas. What's yours?"

"You have the same name as me." Ryan replied a little less shyly. "My name is Ryan Lucas Scott." Lucas' heart melted as he heard his son's name. Nathan had always tried to tell him, but Lucas refused to know. If he knew his name then it would make it too real that he wasn't in his life.

"Lucas is my brother." Nathan stated proudly. Ryan nodded in understanding.

"Well Ryan." Lucas smiled. "What do you like to play?"

"Basketball!" Ryan exclaimed animatedly. The longer Lucas spent with him the harder it was becoming to believe that he chose to give them up. His heart was breaking every second his eyes were on his son. "Uncle Nate plays with me."

"Uncle Nate plays with me too." Lucas stated. "Wanna know a secret?" Ryan nodded as he leaned towards Lucas. "Don't tell him. But I'm better than Uncle Nate."

"No he's not." Nathan laughed overhearing the conversation. "Ok, well. We gotta go before Brooke finds out."

"Bye Ryan." Lucas waved as they stood in the doorway. Ryan waved also, a smile on his small face. "Nate, Thanks." Lucas smiled to his little brother. Nathan nodded understandingly and exited the room.

Lucas had always envied his little brother. He too knew what it was like to have to play basketball. But unlike him, Nathan had learned to overcome it. Nathan didn't let it ruin his life.

"Nate, man." Lucas said pacing quickly in front of his brother. He was freaking out, his hands were running through his hair, threatening to pull it out, and he was shaking. "I don't know what to do. She's pregnant. I'm not ready for a kid."

"I don't know what to tell you Lucas." Nathan sighed from his bed. That was a lie though, he knew exactly what to tell him, he just knew that it wasn't what Lucas wanted him to say. "You have to decide what you want. There's not going back, this is it."

"I have so much ahead of me." Lucas said gesturing with his hands. "I mean, I've got basketball, my whole career. I'm only eighteen; I'm barely an adult! There's no way I can raise a kid."

"Lucas." Nathan said with a serious tone that he rarely ever used. "You're going to be a father whether you like it or not. The thing is, do you want to be in your child's life?"

"I…I always promised myself that I would never be Dan." Lucas laughed bitterly.

"Well then, what's the problem?" Nathan asked curiously.

"Me, I'm the problem." Lucas stated. "I haven't even begun to live yet. There is so much out there that I haven't done. And if I have a kid…"

"Lucas. You are having a kid. There is no 'if' in there." Nathan stood from his bed. He placed his hand strongly on the older boy's shoulder, stopping him from moving. "Look at me." Nathan commanded; Lucas slowly turned and met his green eyes. "Do you love Brooke?" Lucas nodded. "Then there's your answer."

"It's not that simple Nate!" Lucas cried loudly. "Ever since I was a kid, I dreamt about playing basketball. You know how it is. It was the one thing I was good at, something that nobody could ever take away from me. Basketball is all I knew, it was set. But now…"

"She's taking it away." Nathan finished for him, anger evident in his voice. "Your kid is taking it away."

Lucas shook his head; he told himself that he would never think that. "No…" He said weakly. He told himself it wasn't true, but it always sat in the back of his head, haunting him. Every time he shot the ball it would scream louder at him. "I just…I dunno." Lucas said dejectedly.

"Lucas, listen to me, and listen carefully." Nathan said placing both of his hands on his shoulders. "I'm not going to sit here and tell you what to do. I can't do that. But I can tell you this…whatever you choose, you better be damn sure that its what you want. Because once you do, there's no going back."

The doctor finally cleared Lucas to go home. He pulled on his clothes that Karen had dropped by earlier and headed back to his house. He had bought it with the money he got from basketball. There wasn't much to it, it had two bedrooms, and none of the other rooms had much furniture.

In the living room sat a couch and a TV, the kitchen held no table, and his computer sat on the counter. His room wasn't much better; it had his bed in the middle, a dresser against the wall, and a bookshelf full of old novels.

But the last room, the one across from his, there was something different about it. He rarely went in there, he couldn't bear to. But tonight, he couldn't stop himself. He took a deep breath, his fingers resting on the small gold knob, and then pushed it open.

The walls were painted blue, orange accented the stark room. In this middle sat a small bed, on either side a round nightstand. The room was illuminated by a small night-light that shone light against the walls. The bed was made neatly; the toy trucks and action figures were put onto the shelves with order. And in the corner sat a brand new, leather basketball.

Above the bed sat a simple painting. It read: 'My Future, My Everything.' Lucas loved that painting, he loved the simplicity of it and what it reminded him of. It held the truth that took him so long to realize. Below the curved letters sat three pictures; one of Brooke, one of Ryan, and one of Brooke holding Ryan after he was born. He would be forever grateful to Nathan for managing to get him the pictures.

The room was perfect; it was the ideal little boy's room. But there was one thing wrong with it. The bed was empty. He smiled faintly to himself before gently easing the door shut. "Goodnight." He whispered as he shut the door. A tear streaked down his face, landing on his lips.