AN: to js: I owe some responses to your reviews. Rory was on the pill before she was with Logan but considering they were both a little drunk, and fell back into their old motions (looking for a condom was not one of them), she just assumed she'd get the pill in the morning. But then with all that loss, she felt paralyzed and I think even didn't plan on getting pregnant or risk it on purpose. I think sometimes one just blocks rationality out. That's my take. But I do agree they always hoped for "faith" to intervene. And Gigi was not her student - she could've been her student - same age. But she lives in Boston.
Chapter 135
March 2nd, 2022
Rory and Logan were on their way to New Milford. The road to their therapist had already grown familiar, but since they'd skipped their last session in the midst of the moving hustle, it had been a while - almost a whole month, in fact. They both felt a little guilty for skipping that one time too, even if they'd both assured each other that it was nothing. It really felt a little like delaying going to the dentist, half expecting a mild scolding as they got there.
"You know…," Logan began, as he was driving a longer stretch of straight highway and he'd had some time to think while Rory had been typing some quick responses on some of her work e-mails. "We have not gone out on a date in a while, just the two of us," he said as Rory had let her phone fall to her lap.
"You're right," Rory admitted, having not realized how quickly time had passed when one had so many things on one's plate. She felt a little weird that she hadn't noticed, truth be told.
"Well.. do you want to? This weekend maybe? Saturday?" Logan suggested, knowing Rory would probably go over to Lorelai's on Friday for Friday night dinner.
Lorelai had extended the invite to both of them, but Rory felt this time it was probably better she went alone, since she hadn't spoken to her mother enough about what was going on with Luke and her, wanting to help somehow. Lorelai might have been open and outspoken, but when things got really personal, Rory felt she had a better shot going alone.
"Sure, but nothing over the top, okay?" Rory replied.
"When have I ever gone over the top?" Logan replied, laughingly. He loved the challenge of taking her out - wanting it to be special, so she'd know how much she meant to him, but at the same time making it so it'd just be a small step beyond what she would expect so it wouldn't be too usual.
"Ha-ha," Rory teased, rolling her eyes.
It was then Rory's phone buzzed, having left it on vibrate coming straight from her work.
"Paris, hi," Rory answered.
Logan could only really hear some intonations of Paris' voice on the other line, the phone stereo being set up with his phone instead of Rory's. He was pretty sure he did hear the name 'Finn' mentioned at least once.
"Well that's… I'd like to say good. it is, isn't it? It's better than nothing, right?" Rory discussed, after listening tentatively for a while.
Logan had spoken a little to Finn too at the housewarming party, and to Logan Finn's state of confusion was perfectly understandable under the circumstances. Finn had big changes on his way. But even he was sensing that Finn was actually beginning to think about this as not the worst thing in the world, and frankly he was happy for him. But being no further along himself in actually becoming a father, Logan's expertise on the topic was pretty limited. In that sense he figured him and Rory were feeling pretty similar about this thing - it was as if everyone else around them were making progress while their progress was mostly limited to being together, living together. He knew, he couldn't really complain, but given their current development speed it felt like they were almost standing still right now, just carrying on with their work and keeping the household functional.
"You didn't?!" Rory exclaimed suddenly into the phone, and chuckled.
This was actually raising Logan's curiosity, even if living on the expense of his friends' exciting lives seemed a little silly.
"Hey… do whatever you want. I mean if not now, when!?" Rory discussed.
Some time passed, and Logan could hear Paris lecturing Rory on something or other, unsurprisingly.
"No, I haven't gotten an invitation. Not yet anyways," Rory replied. "Maybe it got delivered to my old place," she said and added, "I'll have to check." Rory still hadn't gotten around to selling her own place, even though she was planning on it, she just hadn't had the time. But they'd discussed it and it wasn't like it was some sort of an exit plan for her. It really wasn't.
"Okay," Rory sighed. "Just take care, call.. Okay?" she added, wishing her friend well, and said goodbye. Paris' calls were always like this - out of a clear sky, rapid, intense and to the point. Rory ended the call and tucked her phone back in her pocket.
"So?" Logan inquired, curiously.
"Oh.. Finn is at least talking to her now. Though it seems they're struggling to get very far in the actual depth of the conversation," Rory mused. "Other activities seem to take priority right now," she added, hinting at the fact that Paris and Finn seemed to have an undoubtable physical draw. Who would've thought?
Logan chuckled quietly.
"And apparently, it's 15 years since Yale for me this spring. There's apparently going to be a reunion in April. Paris got an invitation and everything," Rory explained.
"You think you'll go?" Logan asked.
"I don't know… maybe," Rory replied, doubting mostly because she wasn't sure if she had anything to really show for. It almost felt like a good chunk of years wasted. But she was kind of curious to see the people she'd known.
"Well if you want my opinion…," Logan began.
Rory frowned, not appreciating that he had to ask - they'd talked about this. "I do," Rory replied nonetheless, hoping Logan would just say what he wanted.
"I think you should go," Logan said, lightly.
Rory was actually a little surprised by his direct opinion.
"I think you need to get out of your head. Stop thinking about how teaching isn't noble enough or… how you should've won some big journalistic prize by now, done more…," Logan explained. "You should see for yourself that you really have a very biased sample that you're comparing yourself with. Sure, more of those who have succeeded might show, but many of those who have actually made it are probably too busy to show. And I think there'll actually be plenty of people who you knew and liked you and who are just normal people doing ordinary jobs, and there's nothing wrong with that," Logan continued.
"I'll think about it, okay?" Rory agreed, having not quite expected Logan to jump that directly into her insecurities. But she had to admit, Logan seemed to have a pretty good grasp on the way her mind worked.
The reunion wasn't for a few months, but knowing Paris was probably going too, she felt at least a hint of excitement towards it. Sure, she would've liked to have more to show for than just the engagement ring on her finger, but she knew that Logan had always been pretty amazing at showing her some perspective. It was comforting and assuring - an opinion that she trusted. No matter how many times her mother would tell her she was successful - just not the way she'd planned on it - it never felt believable to her.
"Thanks for saying those thing," Rory added.
Logan reached over his hand and gave hers an assuring squeeze.
"Did you go to yours?" Rory suddenly asked.
Logan shook his head.
"I guess your were the too successful and too busy kind," Rory noted. It was rare that she asked him anything much about the time in between.
"Finn wanted me to go, but I there was too much going on. But I guess if it proves anything is that it's lonely on the top, success doesn't bring happiness," he added, and squeezed her hand again, having only slightly released his grip earlier.
About 20 minutes later they arrived at the familiar house by the woods, and headed into the session room. It was strange how it had sort of become their safe space, talking somehow feeling easier, less risky with a mediator in place. At night in their own bed after they'd switched off the lights was similar, but both of them had to admit that there were things that they were still hesitant to discuss - even there. Rory didn't want to show self pity, she didn't want him to be strong for her, and Logan didn't want her to worry too much about him, nor put all that pressure on herself.
To their surprise this was exactly what their therapist brought up sometime after asking them how they had been and discussed in brief how hoping for a baby was keeping them both on their toes. They'd opened up a bit on the topic of pregnancy. But since it was something that could either be solved by the actual pregnancy or agreeing that it wasn't happening - period, admitting that they were nervous, anxious, worried about failing the other by not being capable or simply not being a good parent, there was little they could do.
"So, Rory, Logan - it looks like you've had an interesting month," Dr. Riggs began, summing up the last topic. "How have you dealt with fights? Quarrels, spats… whatever you want to call it," she added.
There was a moment of silence and the two glanced at a low, innocent, giggle followed.
"Sorry," Rory apologized sensing a questioning look from Dr. Riggs.
"It's just that we haven't really… It's been calm. Even during the move and while buying furniture, packing... we honestly haven't really disagreed that much," Logan said. Besides the small disagreement during the Christmas party, they'd somehow managed to maintain their calm, as if constantly reminding themselves of the fact that they were too lucky to ever really complain.
"Nothing?" Dr. Riggs asked, looking at Rory this time. She looked surprised.
Rory shrugged, not really recalling anything significant.
"Well, then maybe you should," Dr. Riggs suggested, lightly.
The two chuckled, not really really following.
"I'm serious. You're obviously going through a trying time - you've just moved in together, you're adjusting, you're trying to succeed in your personal careers and make each other happy, improve. It's stressful even if you do get along great. It's good that you do, but what I am concerned about in your case is that you're holding things in. You don't want to rock the boat. You've taken chances, been through hell and back to be where you are now. But you're scared of screwing up, hurting the other, upsetting the other…," the therapist explained.
"So what, we're just supposed to pick a fight?" Rory asked in disbelief.
"Little things can be catalysts to open you up, bring out the bigger issues. It's better to explore those emotions safely, knowing you will not throw what you have built away just because of a fight. You practice creating a safe space where you can say whatever you want to say without worrying about the other person. Expressing everything can be a good thing. Some people use other means of course - yelling, boxing, running... but fighting, if done right, it's no worse, it's often quicker even. It's a lot better than holding things in and letting them boil until one day there's resentment and the safe space is no longer safe," Dr. Riggs added, giving them both plenty to think about.
AN: I am not entirely happy with this chapter today. Had a bit of writers block this morning, so maybe this is a filler? But soon more.
