May 17th, 2014 – Hope Meadows Ranch
After a week spent in bed with headaches, no energy, and nausea ruling her days, Becky woke to no discomfort, filled with a renewed vitality. She cleaned up her room, made her bed, showered, dressed, and jogged up the steps to find Blake. He had been moved up into Colton's room during this time to allow her to sleep.
Elizabeth was walking down from her bedroom when she saw Becky almost skipping across the room.
"Wow, you must be feeling good today," Elizabeth stated.
"I am. The headache is gone, I'm not tired. I feel wonderful." The smile on her face said it all, but if it hadn't, the light that had returned to her eyes would have. "Is Blake up?"
"Yes, the kids are upstairs playing. Want me to go get him?"
"No," she said, stepping onto the bottom step, "I will."
Now on the main floor, Elizabeth turned and watched as Becky almost floated up the stairs. She heard the backdoor open, and knowing it was Jack, she went to him. "Becky just came up and she looks wonderful. She said she feels great."
"Really?" Jack asked as he washed his hands in the small half bath. "That's good...right?"
"I don't know. I mean...Sam did say that Becky could have days like this."
Jack dried his hands and stepped out of the bathroom. Taking her face, he rubbed her cheeks with his thumbs then leaned down and kissed her. "She's just having one of those good days to allow her some more time with her son."
Elizabeth nodded, gripping the sides of his blue T-shirt. She pulled him closer, their bodies pressing together, needing more. She reached behind his head with one hand, pulling him down to meet her lips. They took a moment for themselves, forgetting everything that was happening around them. Jack moved her back into a corner, hidden from the sight of anyone that might step into the kitchen. He leaned his back against the wall and pulled her body to his. With his hands cupping her face once more, he captured her lips with his, as they let their passion take the front seat for a few private minutes.
Elizabeth pulled her head away and laid it against his chest, tightening her arms around his waist. They held each other, in the quiet of their solitude. No words were needed, just the embrace of one another. Their lives had changed so much in the past few weeks, and will be forever changed by the events that have unfolded. Just like Becky, Jack and Elizabeth had their days of good and bad, learning how to navigate through their new reality. Their intimate moments together had lessened tremendously since Becky knocked on their door. If they weren't interrupted by a child, or trying to help Becky through a rough day, their thoughts were consumed with Becky's health or Blake's future without her.
As Jack began kissing her again, all three kids came tearing into the kitchen, followed closely by Becky.
"Mommy! Daddy!" Peyton and Colton shouted.
They stepped out from the shelter of their corner, Jack remained hidden behind Elizabeth as he tugged at the front of his jeans. Becky's eyes met theirs, and she quickly dropped her gaze to the floor, her cheeks turning a noticeable crimson.
"Sorry," she said and began to turn around.
"No, Becky," Elizabeth stated. "It's fine." She looked at the three ecstatic children in front of her. "Now, what are you guys so excited about?"
"Blake's mommy wants to ride horseys. Can we all go ride horseys?" Colton was bouncing up and down on his toes, his hands clasped together.
"Do you feel up to that?" Jack asked Becky, moving beside Elizabeth.
"Blake, can you please go pick up the toys in the living room for mommy?" Becky asked of her four-year-old.
"You two go help him," Elizabeth said, taking the cue from Becky.
Once the kids were out of the room, Becky looked back to Elizabeth and Jack. "I don't know how many more days I'm going to have like this." Her gaze dropped to the floor. "I'm guessing not many. So, I'd like to enjoy them while I can."
"Okay," Jack said. "We can all go. I'll get all of the horses saddled." He started back to his boots that he'd just removed when Becky spoke up.
"I can saddle Max and we don't need Doodle. I want Blake to ride with me."
"Okay," Jack replied. "I'll get ours ready," he said to Elizabeth.
When Elizabeth stepped into the barn with the twins in hand, she saw Becky pulling the cinch tight on her saddle as Blake stood beside her, petting Max's nose. Jack had Wrangler and Harley saddled and was working on Daisy and Peanut.
"You two go help Daddy," Elizabeth said, pushing them toward Jack.
"Otay, Mommy," both shouted, then did as they were told.
"How are you doing?" Elizabeth asked Becky.
"I'm good," she replied, smiling as she slipped the headstall over Max's head.
The horses and ponies were led outside where Elizabeth and Jack got each of the twins on their pony and instructions given. Long lead ropes were attached to each of Jack and Elizabeth's saddles, Daisy to Wrangler and Peanut to Harley. Becky mounted Max, then Jack lifted Blake up to sit in front of her.
"You two go ahead," Jack said after getting Blake in place. "We'll catch up with you."
Becky nodded and squeezed Max into a walk. Elizabeth was already on Wrangler and watched Jack as he mounted Harley. He moved his horse next to Wrangler until his leg brushed against Elizabeth's. Jack placed his hand on the back of Elizabeth's saddle, and they leaned into one another, finishing the kiss they had started in the corner.
"We'll let them ride ahead," Jack said, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear as she nodded.
The couple slowly moved their horses forward, the ponies in tow with a pair of giggling twins on their backs. Every once in a while, they could see Becky bend down to see Blake's face, obviously talking with him about something. To the surprise of Jack and Elizabeth, Becky was able to ride for over an hour before she began to show any signs of fatigue. They had caught up with the mother and son about twenty minutes into the ride, and Blake had a huge smile on his face. He enjoyed any time he got to spend with his mommy, no matter how long or short it was.
Jack was on the ground, lifted Blake from the saddle and lowered him down, then looked up at Becky. Her face was flushed, and her breathing was labored. She sat still as if trying to catch her breath.
"Are you alright?" Jack asked quietly, as not to alarm Blake. Becky turned her head to Jack. He could now see that her eyes were glossed over. She shook her head and gripped the saddle horn. Jack reached up to her, placing one arm around her waist. "Hold onto me," he said softly. She did, and Jack carefully lowered her down.
Once on stable ground, she held onto the horse's mane to keep her balance. Jack motioned to Elizabeth who was quickly at his side. With one glance at Becky, Elizabeth wrapped an arm behind her, pulling the woman's arm across her shoulder, and began the trek toward the house.
"Hey kids, come help Daddy," Jack said to the three toddlers who were busy petting the ponies. "Blake, take Max for me, will you?" Blake nodded and happily took the large horse's lead and followed his daddy into the barn. The twins, each with their pony, were close behind.
Elizabeth got Becky into the house and down onto the couch. Once she was comfortable and had a blanket across her legs, Elizabeth asked, "Can I get you anything?"
"No, I'm fine, Elizabeth. Thank you. I just need to rest."
Elizabeth left her alone and stepped out of the front door to watch for Jack and the kids. When they came into view, she could see Jack carrying Peyton, Blake holding his other hand, and Colton skipping along beside them. When Colton saw Elizabeth, he began running toward her, his arms raised. When he reached his mommy, Elizabeth picked him up with a slight toss and he giggled as he floated for a second before landing in his mother's arms.
When Jack was in front of her, she shook her head, giving him a warning that Becky wasn't good.
"Hey, kids. How about we go to town for some ice cream?" Jack asked.
"Yeah," they all shouted. Peyton was bouncing in his arms, while Colton and Blake jumped up and down.
Jack kissed Elizabeth before saying goodbye, then loaded the kids into his truck and drove away.
Elizabeth was inside with Becky when she heard someone knock. Before she could get to the front door, it opened a bit and Charlotte stuck her head inside. "Can we come in?"
"Hi, Mom. Yes, please, come in."
Charlotte and Frank entered, hugging Elizabeth. "Jack called us," Frank told her.
"Hello, Dear," Charlotte said, taking a seat beside Becky.
"Hi, Charlotte." Becky's voice was barely audible now.
"I hear you had a great ride on Max this morning." Charlotte pushed a stray lock of hair away from Becky's face.
"Yes, ma'am."
"That's wonderful, sweetheart. Do you need anything?"
Becky shook her head.
"Okay," she patted Becky's hand. "We'll just be in the kitchen."
She nodded again.
Charlotte stood and followed Elizabeth to the kitchen. When Frank turned to follow them, he faintly heard his name.
He walked over to Becky and took a seat on the ottoman, facing her. "Did you need me to get you something?"
"Can you tell me more?"
"More about what?" Frank asked, leaning forward so he could hear her better.
"God."
"What would you like to know?"
Becky closed her eyes and drew a deep breath. Then feeling a slight burst of energy when she opened them, she looked straight at Frank. "I don't understand."
"What don't you understand?"
"All of you keep saying that my life could help someone. How could that be if I'm dead? And I still don't know if I fully believe in all this. Why would He use me?"
Frank moved to the edge of the ottoman and took her hand in his. "The Lord sent His Son to die for us. All of us. He washed us clean of our sins with His blood. All you have to do is repent and ask for forgiveness and it's yours. It's as simple as that. God doesn't want His children suffering. Suffering can be caused by us trying to take control of our lives, not listening to God and what He wants. We're not the authors of our own book. The Master guides and directs, but it's up to us to listen and obey. His is the hand that controls the pen, but too many people do not trust Him to write the words and we try to do it all ourselves. Trust God. Let Him be the scribe. Let Him write your final chapter so that others can hear your story and find their way to Christ. Don't let this be the end to your story."
"When I'm gone, it will be the end. What else is there?"
"Becky, God could use you to bring others to Him."
"How? I'm dying. I'm here. I can't go out and tell people about God. None of this makes sense."
"God uses people all the time. While they're alive, after they're gone. A person's story can live on forever. Make it a story that can help someone. Even just one person. Wouldn't it be worth it if your story could bring one person to Jesus? Then maybe that person shares what happened in their life and brings more people to God."
"But I don't have a story to tell."
"Then let God write one."
Becky fell silent, trying to comprehend everything. Looking back up at Frank, she asked, "But why would He use me?"
"God uses all of us. Some more than others. I understand that with everything that has happened to you, you are having a hard time believing that there is an almighty Lord that can help people."
Becky nodded.
"But please think about this...what brought you to this door?" Frank asked, pointing toward the front door.
"I don't know. Desperation."
"Is that all?"
Dropping her gaze, Becky thought back to the day she had decided to make the drive. She suddenly remembered a feeling that had washed over her, an overwhelming sensation to go to Missouri. To seek out Jack. Something telling her that things would be okay if she'd just make the drive. She raised her eyes, meeting Frank's, and she could see in his expression that he already knew.
"That was God, Becky. Even though you didn't believe in Him, He believes in you. He loves you. He wants you to feel peace. I believe that's why you're here. The Bible says that God is Love."
Becky nodded, a tear falling down her cheek.
"Something else I want you to think about..." Frank looked toward the kitchen before continuing. Pointing in that direction, he returned his gaze to Becky. "What woman do you know that would invite you into her home under these circumstances, promising to raise your child as her own?"
Becky looked in that direction, then back to Frank, shaking her head. "No one."
"Elizabeth carries one of the strongest faiths I've ever seen. She's been through a lot, but yet she's moved on and loves God just the more for it. And now, she's here, helping you, nursing you...loving you."
Becky was crying now, knowing full well how lucky she was.
"And not only Elizabeth, Becky. Charlotte, Tom, Sam...even Rosemary and Lee. And don't forget Jack. Yes, he struggled with all of this at first, but it wasn't because of you, it was because of his own guilt and fears."
Becky wiped the dampness from her cheeks.
Still holding her hand, Frank continued. "God puts people in your life to help you, to guide you, or to just simply listen to you. Some are for a fleeting moment, others for a lifetime. What if He brought Jack into your life all those years ago? He gave you Blake. He led you here. He brought Jack and Elizabeth together. There are so many pieces to this puzzle that brought us to today."
"Isn't this just fate, people making their own decisions...writing their own stories?"
"Do you really believe that after everything you've experienced since arriving here?"
Becky opened her mouth to speak, then closed it.
"People can come up with all kinds of excuses or reasons why things happen. But the truth is, it all leads back to God. If Elizabeth didn't have the Lord in her heart, she probably would have left Jack years ago when she first heard about his night with you."
Becky's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open.
"Yes, she knew Jack had gone to someone that night, she just didn't know who until you showed up here and Jack told her."
"They were together then?"
"Well, yes and no. You'll need to ask them about that if you want to know more. But Elizabeth forgave him all those years ago, laying the foundation for the relationship that they have today. Because God forgave us, we are to forgive others. She wanted to give Jack more children, but she's unable to. And now here's Blake. Completing their family. I don't know if Elizabeth has told you this or not, but she thinks God brought Blake to the two of them."
Becky's eyes locked with Frank's.
"And you."
"Why would she think God brought me to her?"
"To help you. To care for you. To bring you to God. To give Jack another child."
Becky's head snapped toward the kitchen, unable to fathom someone thinking this way. "I don't understand why she'd want to help me."
"Because her heart is full of the love of the Lord, and she wants to share it." Frank laid his other hand on top of hers. "God loves all of His children. He wants you to love Him, to believe in Him, to say His name. He wants you to live with Him for eternity after your time here on earth is done. Your suffering will be over, no more pain, no more fears."
Becky's tears were flowing now, even more, as the darkness that still resided in her heart began to dissipate. She laid her hand over her chest, confused by what was happening. "I want God in my life."
"Are you ready to accept the Lord as your savior, Becky? Are you ready to give your life to Him?"
Charlotte was standing in the opening between the kitchen and the living room when Frank said those words. Her hand covered her mouth and a tear fell down her cheek as she turned to look at Elizabeth.
"What's wrong?" Elizabeth asked, quickly moving to Charlotte's side.
Becky nodded and moved her free hand into Frank's.
"Do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God? Do you believe that He died for your sins and rose from the dead?"
"Yes," she answered, barely able to speak through her tears.
Elizabeth was crying now as she placed her hands on Charlotte's shoulders.
"Repeat these words."
Becky nodded and repeated each word first uttered by Frank.
"I believe that You are the Son of God, our Lord and Savior. I believe that You died for my sins and rose from the dead. I believe that through Your sacrifice, I am a new person. Please forgive me for my sins and open my heart for all You offer. I give You the pen to finish my story."
Becky's face was in her hands as she leaned forward, her elbows on her knees. Charlotte and Elizabeth took a seat on either side of her. Charlotte rested her hand on Becky's leg, but Elizabeth wrapped her arms around the woman and held her against her. They wept together, celebrated together, prayed together. When Jack arrived home with the kids, this was the scene he walked into. Not knowing what was going on, he sent them up to their room to play.
Charlotte stood and crossed the room to her son. She explained everything to him then went upstairs to watch the kids.
Jack took his mother's seat next to Becky and laid his right hand on her back, taking her left hand in his. She turned her head to him, her cheeks wet with tears.
"It was a long road for me, but the day I accepted Him, was the day I truly started to live." Jack said, letting go of her hand and wiping the fresh tears away.
Becky was still leaning into Elizabeth's embrace, her heart overflowing in the love she was feeling from this family...and now the Lord. She had no words for how she felt at that moment. She was sure no words existed in the English language. It was as if a blanket of chains had been lifted from her shoulders, replaced with one of strength, love, and peace. She closed her eyes and leaned her head into the shoulder of a woman that she thought would cast her away like trash. But instead, she had treated her as a gift and engulfed her with her kindness and love. Becky wanted to know that love and she was now on her way to finding it.
…..
May 18th, 2014 – Hope Meadows Ranch
Elizabeth found Jack in their bedroom closet, easing into his dress shirt for church. His back was facing her, and she leaned against the door frame, watching him. When he turned, he jumped at the sight of her, having not heard her walk in.
"Hello, Beautiful," he said as he approached her. Leaning down, he kissed her gently on the lips.
"Hi, Cowboy."
Elizabeth began to button his shirt, grazing his skin with her fingers at each button. Jack let out a hard breath as he stood, looking down at her. Her eyes slowly raised to his, stopping when they met his, but her fingers continued with his shirt.
"Becky's too weak to go to church today. I'm going to stay home with her."
Jack nodded, "Okay. Do you want me to take the kids?"
"Yes, if you don't mind."
"Of course not," he replied, running his hands along her arms. He kissed her softly once more. "I'll let everyone know that she's not feeling up to lunch today, too."
"No, I'll fix something here for everyone. I think she'd still like to have people around."
"Okay. If you think so, I'll tell everyone to come over here."
Elizabeth nodded.
Jack pressed his lips to her forehead and wrapped his arms around her. "Have I told you today how amazing you are?"
Elizabeth shook her head against his chest. Jack heard a sniffle and lifted her chin with his forefinger and thumb.
"What's wrong, Beth?"
"Becky won't be around much longer. I know it's been coming, but now that it's here..." A tear rolled down her cheek and Jack wiped it away. "I really like her since I've gotten to know her. It just isn't fair."
"I know," Jack replied, wiping both of her cheeks with his thumbs now. Jack cupped her face in his hands. "She's in pain, Beth."
"I know." Elizabeth laid her forehead against Jack's chest. She felt his hands running down the back of her hair. Over and over, he ran his fingers through her tresses and down her back. She always felt safe in his arms. She closed her eyes, but all she could see was Becky's face. "I'm going to go get the kids ready," she said, backing out of his arms.
"Beth," Jack said, gently grabbing her arm. He pulled her back to him, cupping her face in his hands. "I love you."
"I love you, too." She stretched up onto her toes and kissed him softly. "I'll have the kids ready shortly."
Jack moved his hands deep into her hair, kissing her one more time. "Okay," he said, lowering his hands and watching her walk away.
Elizabeth loves people with her whole heart, Jack knew that. He also knew that when Becky dies, Elizabeth was going to take it hard and his heart ached for her. He'd do anything to protect her, but there was nothing he would be able to do this time.
…..
Elizabeth carried a tray with two bowls of oatmeal, a plate of buttered toast, and some fresh fruit, into the living room where Becky was reclining on the couch.
Straightening in her seat, Becky reached for the bowl offered by Elizabeth. "Thank you," she said as she dropped a couple strawberries into her oatmeal.
"What are we watching?" Elizabeth asked, settling back into the couch and looking up at the television.
"I was watching Friends but it just ended. I'm not sure what's on next."
"You watch Friends a lot. Is that your favorite? I love the show."
"Yes, I love it, too."
They sat and ate their breakfast as a rerun of Grey's Anatomy began.
"Oh, I love this show," Elizabeth said, sinking down into her seat and curling her legs up beside her. "Do you watch this one?"
"Yes, I love Derek."
"Dr. Mc Dreamy, of course," Elizabeth chuckled. "Who doesn't? And George."
"Yes, George," Becky said, laughing.
"What other things do you like?" Elizabeth asked. "What's your favorite movie?"
"Hands down, A Walk to Remember."
"Oh my gosh, me, too. Jamie and Landon." She covered her heart with her hand, thinking about the movie. "Favorite song?"
Becky tipped her head and scrunched her face, trying to think of what it might be. "I don't know. I love so many."
"Okay, favorite artist or band?"
"Miranda Lambert," Becky answered without hesitation.
"She's mine, too. Jack took me to see her in concert on my first birthday that we were together. Tom, Sam, Rosie and Lee and some other friends were there. We had VIP passes and I got to meet her."
"What? That's amazing. I would have loved to see her in concert. And to meet her! What was she like?"
"She was very sweet. She sang Happy Birthday to me during the concert. It was awesome."
"I would have just died if..." Becky's voice trailed off, realizing what she'd just said.
Trying to keep things light hearted, Elizabeth asked, "Who else do you like?"
"Rascal Flatts, Tim Mc Graw, Faith Hill, Sugarland. There are so many."
"All very good choices." Elizabeth took a bite of her food and began to watch a scene with Derek and Meredith.
"Can I ask you something?" Becky asked.
Elizabeth turned her gaze to her. "Of course."
"If this is too personal, please let me know."
"Ask anything."
Becky felt so at ease with Elizabeth. Her kind voice, soft eyes, welcoming heart, always drew Becky in. "Were you and Jack together that night he...we..." She didn't know how to finish her question.
Elizabeth leaned forward and placed the bowl on the tray, then turned in her seat to face Becky.
"We were new. Neither one of us had defined exactly what "this" was. And we'd had an argument that night. At that moment I don't think either of us thought we'd see the other again."
"Can I ask what happened?"
"I had just learned of Jack's...reputation, and I confronted him about it. It made him mad, plus he'd just had a terrible ride. He said some hurtful things to me, too. We kind of parted ways...I guess...in a way. But it's hard to explain since we were...I don't know what we were. Learning about each other at that time."
"I remember that night. Jack had come off the bull. I believe it was his first ride since his accident several months prior."
"Yes, that's right."
"I approached him just outside the arena and he brushed me off. Needless to say, I was surprised when he showed up at my trailer." Becky saw Elizabeth's eyes drop to her hands. "I'm so sorry. I should not have brought this up. I'm sorry."
Elizabeth looked at Becky. "Don't be sorry. It happened. We all know it. Obviously," she chuckled slightly. "What's done is done. I have forgiven Jack for that night so there isn't anything for me to be upset over."
"How do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Forgive so easily?"
Elizabeth shook her head. "Becky, it was not so easy for me. He really hurt me. I felt betrayed. I didn't speak to him for a couple of weeks. I think he thought that he'd never see me again. To be honest, I had no intentions of forgiving him until..."
"Until what?"
"Charlotte."
"Charlotte?"
"Yes, she showed up at a farmer's market and sat me down and talked to me. She told me of her love for Thomas and his for her. I wanted that. I wanted to feel that kind of love. And I thought that maybe...just maybe...since Jack was raised by this man, who loved with his whole being, that Jack could love me like that."
"And he does."
"Yes, he really does."
"I'm glad he picked you, Elizabeth. You have been so good for him. He's a much better man for it."
"We've been good for each other."
They watched a little more of the show, laughing at a conversation between Alex, Izzy and George.
"What did you do in Oklahoma?" Elizabeth finally asked.
"What?"
"Did you ride anymore? Did you keep barrel racing? Work?"
Becky turned to face her. "I stopped competing when I found out I was pregnant. I never went back because it was too hard being a single mother. I had some odd jobs; bank teller, waitress, even worked at a nursing home for a little while. But too often than not, my babysitter would bale on me, causing me to miss work. Then I'd lose my job and have to start all over again."
"That must have been so hard," Elizabeth stated, pure sincerity in her voice.
"It was. I hated having to be on welfare and food stamps. But I had to take care of Blake first and foremost. I would work as long as I could until something happened. When he was two, he went through a lot of ear infections, so we had many doctor appointments. That's when I was a bank teller and they let me go after missing a week of work. And then the fact that over half of my paychecks would go to childcare...it just didn't make sense and was so hard to make ends meet."
"Why didn't you contact Jack for help?"
"I just couldn't. When I heard that you guys were engaged, I was afraid it could make you leave him. I saw a change in him. A good change. I cared for Jack and I didn't want him to go back to his old ways."
Elizabeth nodded and looked down at her hands for a few seconds. When she looked back to Becky, the woman was still watching her. "Thank you for caring about Jack. I'm sorry you got hurt in the process."
"How can you say that?" Becky asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
"You...I...I just told you that I cared for your husband and you thank me."
Elizabeth reached to Becky, taking her hand. "I know that you had feelings for him, and I will not deny nor dismiss them. They are your feelings and they were real. I am not mad at you for having them. I mean, and I might be a little bias," she smiled, "but he's a pretty great guy."
Becky let out a small laugh and nodded.
"I love my husband and I trust him fully. There is nothing for me to be mad about...or jealous of. I'm just sorry that you never found someone as special as him for yourself. Someone that loved you the way you deserved."
"I have Blake. He loves me, and that's all I need."
"I understand that, and he's an amazing little boy. You did great with him, Becky."
"Thank you."
"But there's always a need for more than just the love of a child. God loves you and I hope you feel that now."
Becky nodded. "I do. Thanks to you and your family."
The voices of Christina and Meredith could be heard in the background as they had a conversation about Derek on the small screen. Becky turned her head to watch them begin to 'dance it out' as they did so many times.
"Blake and I used to dance like that. He's such a happy boy. I hope this doesn't make him stop loving life."
Elizabeth looked at her in time to see a tear fall down her cheek. "We'll make sure he keeps dancing."
Becky looked at Elizabeth. Then suddenly, her emotions took over and she bent over, weeping, her body shaking. Elizabeth wrapped her arms around her and held Becky until she was able to regain control of her tears. Sitting up, Becky wiped her face and reached for a tissue.
"I'm sorry," she said as she blew her nose.
"Becky, please don't ever feel that you need to apologize. This is a very hard time; you have whatever emotions that you need to have."
Becky wiped below her eyes, clearing the new tears that had spilled over. "I'm so tired of crying. I don't want to spend what few days I have left in self-pity."
"Oh, Becky. You have the right to your emotions. They are not self-pity."
"Sometimes it feels like it."
Elizabeth shook her head. "No, most definitely not."
Becky shook her hands out and took a deep breath. "Let's talk about something else."
"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"
"What do you do? Or...did you do? A teacher, right?"
"Yes, I was a K through 12 art teacher at the school in the next town over."
"That sounds amazing."
"It was. I miss my students, but I think I'd miss my children even more if I wasn't here with them."
"I understand that. I missed Blake so much when I had to go to work. It might have been much easier if I knew he was in a good place. But I couldn't afford those expensive daycares."
"I can only imagine how hard that must have been. What about your grandparents? Were they gone before he was born?"
"Yes, my grandma passed away five years ago and my grandfather was eight years ago."
"Were you close with them? Did they live in Oklahoma?"
"Yes, they lived just outside of Tulsa. That's how I ended up there. When my parents were alive, we lived in northern Texas. So, when they were killed, I was moved to Oklahoma."
"Can I ask what happened to your parents?"
"When I was twelve years old, they were on their way to pick me up after school to take me to my riding lessons. They stopped at a convenience store to grab me something to snack on and drink, and when they were inside, someone came in to rob the place. My dad pushed my mom down to hide, but then he rushed the gunman to try to take him down. The man heard my father and turned and shot him, killing him instantly. My mom stood up and screamed and he shot her twice in the stomach. She died the next day."
"Oh, Becky, that's horrible!" Elizabeth's hand was covering her mouth.
"Yes, I was a mess. And then when my grandparents came down, they were so upset, they barely spoke to me. I know now that it was because they'd just lost their only daughter. But at the time, I thought they were mad at me."
"Why did you think that?"
"My parents were on their way to get me. Then they stopped to get some food for me. If I hadn't begged for riding lessons, they would still be alive."
"You can't possibly know that. If it was their time to go, then it was time. They very well could have still been in that exact place at that exact moment. It wasn't your fault."
"I know that now. But at twelve...that's where your mind goes. I know my grandparents loved me, but that connection that I had with my parents was never there with them. I spent my days on the back of a horse and they just couldn't understand that."
"You've said your mother was their only daughter. Do you have uncles?"
"They had one son and he's been in and out of prison. He's currently in for grand theft auto. I barely know him."
"That's awful."
"Yeah, it's my life," Becky joked.
Elizabeth laid her hand on Becky's, "Not anymore." She looked around, thinking about something, then looked back to Becky. "Do you feel up to seeing something. It's just out back."
"Sure. But I might need help."
Elizabeth stood and lifted Becky up by her arm, getting her to her feet. As she led her to the stairs, they could hear Meredith on the television saying, "Pick me. Choose me. Love me." As Becky heard the words, an image of a man in a long white robe and a beard flashed through her mind. Not understanding what had just happened, she shook her head and forgot about it.
The women walked down the stairs, through the family room, and out the back door, arm in arm, as Elizabeth supported Becky. She guided her to the studio and pulled open both doors and Becky stared inside.
"What is this?"
"This is my studio that Jack built me for our wedding."
Becky took a few steps inside with no assistance. "This is beautiful," she said as she ran her hand along the rolling bench that sat in the middle. "Is that from the storm?" she asked, pointing to the boarded window.
"Yes, a tree branch went through it."
Elizabeth walked to her easel where two canvases sat, one in front of the other. She removed the front one, revealing a painting of the back of a mother holding her son, sitting on a grassy hill.
"Oh, my gosh," Becky exclaimed, covering her mouth with both hands. The painting was clearly Becky and Blake and she couldn't hold back the tears once more.
"I'm sorry, I know you said you didn't want to cry anymore."
"Is this me and Blake?"
"Yes," she answered, moving to Becky's side.
"This is beautiful." Becky reached out and touched the canvas, feeling the roughness of the paint across each blade of grass and down her long brunette hair. "This is amazing."
"Thank you." Elizabeth removed it from the easel and handed it to Becky. "I want you to have it."
Becky held it in her hands, staring at it, looking at all the colors in the sky, the tiny flowers, the little boy in his mother's arms. "I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything."
Keeping it in one hand, Becky carefully lowered it and wrapped her other arm around Elizabeth's neck. The women held each other, both in tears, for several minutes. Both mothers, both women who cared for Jack...though in different ways, both in anguish over a new friendship that would be too short lived.
…..
When Jack arrived home after church, the entire family pulling in behind him, he walked into the house to find Becky sitting at the island cutting up lettuce for a salad as Elizabeth was removing something from the oven.
He walked up to Elizabeth and kissed her on the cheek, looking back and forth between the two women. "Hello. Did you two have a good morning?"
"Oh, yes. We had a wonderful time," Elizabeth answered.
Becky looked up at Jack and nodded with a big smile on her face.
It was then that Jack noticed the painting leaning against the wall. "What's that?" he asked as he crossed the room to get a better look.
"Elizabeth painted that for me. Isn't it beautiful?"
"Yes, it is," Jack said as he stared at the canvas.
The front door opened and the rest of the family filed in, along with 8 children. Colton and Peyton had insisted on riding with their grandpa and grandma so Blake wanted to ride with them as well. Close behind them was Noel in her ruffled red dress. Eight-month-old Autumn was in her daddy's arms, in a dress that matched her older sister's. At four months pregnant, Rosemary was showing quite a bit and had already become accustomed to laying her hand on her growing belly.
"That's beautiful," Rosemary exclaimed when she saw the painting that everyone was eyeing. "Is that Becky and Blake?"
"Yes," Elizabeth answered.
"This is so gorgeous," Charlotte added.
Sam took a seat next to Becky and laid her hand on the woman's back. "How have you been feeling?"
"Tired," she answered with a faint smile.
"How's the pain?"
"Getting worse," she said quietly.
Sam nodded. "Do you still have plenty of pain pills? Are they still helping?"
"Sometimes."
"We'll ask for something stronger from your doctor. Maybe a morphine patch will work better for you."
"Thank you, Sam." Becky laid the knife down and stared down at the lettuce. "I think I need to go lay down for a minute."
Sam motioned to Tom who was quickly there, assisting Becky to the living room.
"Are you sure you don't want to lie down in your bed?" Tom asked.
"No, I want to be around people."
"Okay. Here you go," he said, pulling the blanket over, covering her.
"Thank you, Tom."
The family mingled as the children played. Becky watched as Savannah and Luke sat in the middle of all the little ones, playing with toy cars, trucks, and horses. She could hear conversations flowing through the kitchen, separate ones between the men and the women. Unable to totally make out what they were saying, she heard mentions of buddy barrels, that morning's sermon, and someone requesting a recipe. Her eyes were heavy as they threatened to close and remain so, but she fought against the weight, keeping them on Blake as he played with Colt and Austin.
Sam checked on Becky then returned to the family in the kitchen. "She's asleep," she said, walking up beside her husband.
Tom placed his arm behind her, wrapping around her waist. "She seemed really wiped."
"We had kind of a busy morning but she insisted on helping," Elizabeth said, feeling a slight guilt.
"I'd be the same way," Charlotte insisted. "I wouldn't want to sit around and do nothing."
Elizabeth nodded, then took a seat on the nearby barstool.
"Are you alright, Dear?" Charlotte asked.
Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders but didn't answer for fear of the waterworks that could start at any moment.
Jack laid his hands on her shoulders, and leaned down to his mother and said softly, "She's losing a friend." He kissed her cheek then moved back to his wife.
"Of course," Charlotte said.
As they finished preparing the meal, conversations were hushed and most fell to the wayside. A heaviness hung through the house like a dark storm cloud looming over them, threatening to open up and let out its vengeance. Everyone could feel it.
…..
That evening, Becky was sitting alone in the living room when she had the sudden need to see Blake. She slowly made her way to the stairs and stood at the bottom, staring up. The steps seemed to grow in quantity and length as she eyed the arduous obstacle before her. She took hold of the railing and lifted a foot to the bottom step. Pulling as hard as she could, she lifted herself up and stopped to rest with both feet on the lowest step. She repeated this, one step at a time, stopping frequently to catch her breath, until she finally reached the top.
Becky could hear Elizabeth's voice coming from the boys' room and she began to walk in that direction. Using the wall for balance, she slowly inched her way to the partially opened door where Wyatt was keeping watch. Stopping in the opening, she could see Elizabeth sitting on the bed, her back against the wall, her feet hanging off the edge. Blake was on one side, Colt and Peyton on the other, each of them leaning over so they could see the book in her hand. Becky listened and quickly recognized one of her favorite childhood stories: Black Beauty.
"One day, when there was a good deal of kicking, my mother whinnied to me to come to her, and then she said:
"I wish you to pay attention to what I am going to say to you. The colts who live here are very good colts, but they are cart-horse colts, and of course they have not learned manners. You have been well-bred and well-born; your father has a great name in these parts, and your grandfather won the cup two years at the Newmarket races; your grandmother had the sweetest temper of any horse I ever knew, and I think you have never seen me kick or bite. I hope you will grow up gentle and good, and never learn bad ways; do your work with a good will, lift your feet up well when you trot, and never bite or kick even in play."
I have never forgotten my mother's advice; I knew she was a wise old horse, and our master thought a great deal of her. Her name was Duchess, but he often called her Pet."
A tear rolled down Becky's cheek as she listened to Elizabeth's soft and kind voice, reading these words to her son. Words that had a new connotation to Becky as she heard them this time, listening through new ears, watching through new eyes. Cancer changes how a person perceives things. Things that have been a part of their entire life now took on new meanings.
She gripped the door frame as a wave of dizziness rolled through her, and Wyatt jumped to his feet. A strong hand under her elbow and a firm arm around her waist steadied her just in time. She turned her head to find Jack standing behind her, holding her. His smile didn't hide the concern that was veiled across his face. "Come here," he whispered to her, guiding her toward the steps. She knew he was trying to keep Blake from seeing her this way, so she went along without protest...and with a thankful heart.
"I just wanted to see him," she finally said when they were halfway down the steps, her voice was low and hoarse.
"I know," Jack said, his tone soft. "I'll bring him down in a few minutes. Let's get you settled down here."
"Okay," she said. Looking up at him, she added, "Thank you for everything, Jack."
Jack's smile was forced, pain hidden behind it now. "Of course, Becky."
Jack got her on the couch and pulled a blanket over her legs. Becky was clearly exhausted from her trek upstairs, but she still insisted on seeing Blake. Jack returned shortly with his son at his side. He lifted him and carefully sat him down next to her.
"Hi, sweetie," she said, brushing his hair back. She was still struggling to catch her breath and her words were labored.
"Hi, Mommy," Blake said, concern filling his face.
Jack stepped away, giving them privacy, but remained close by in case they needed him.
"Did you...enjoy the story...Elizabeth was reading to you?"
"Yes," he smiled, though small, "She's reading us Black Beauty."
"That's...one of my favorites." She took her son's hand in hers, turning it over, memorizing every line, every dimple.
"Mommy?"
She raised her eyes to his. "Yes?"
"Are you not getting better?"
Jack's heart dropped when he heard his son's words; he backed around the corner and fell against the wall, resting his hands on his knees.
Becky was quiet from shock for a moment, then answered her son. "No, Blake. Mommy is not going to get better."
Sadness had moved into the little boy's eyes as he studied his mom's face. "Why not?"
"Because mommy is sick with...something that can't be fixed."
"Can't we go to a doctor? They help people get better."
"No, Blake. Not for this. The doctor...told me that they can't make me better."
Blake sat still, trying to comprehend what she'd just said. "But...if you don't get better..." His mind was going back to a puppy that he'd had the year prior. "Will you go away like Blues?" Tears were beginning to fill his eyes.
Nausea was settling into Becky's stomach now. She'd been dreading this conversation with her son since she received her diagnosis. She swallowed hard and continued. "Yes, Blake."
Jack was still leaning against the wall, his head resting back against it now, his hands over his eyes. Elizabeth came down the stairs and found him like this.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
Unable to speak, Jack pointed toward Becky and Blake.
"But, Mommy. I need you." He was crying now. "What if we pray to God?"
"I have, baby. But it is not what God wants."
"No!" he shouted, pulling his hand out of Becky's. "I don't like God then."
Elizabeth was covering her mouth with her hand now, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Should we go in there?"
Jack shook his head, "She needs to do this. I'll go in if she can't continue." He wiped the tears from his cheeks.
"Blake, please." Becky drew in a deep breath, trying to fill her lungs, feeling as if she wasn't getting enough air. "We can't...think like that."
"But, Mommy..."
"Blake, it's just...it's just my time."
Blake was crying now, lying on her chest, her arms around him.
"Jack, you need to go in there," Elizabeth encouraged.
Nodding, he walked to the side of the couch and laid his hand on Blake's back. The little boy looked up and reached his arms out to Jack. He picked up his son, holding him against his shoulder while the little boy continued to cry. Jack sat next to Becky, taking her hand in his.
She gripped his hand, though her eyes were closed and her breathing was labored.
"We need to pray for Mommy," Blake said, leaning back and looking into Jack's eyes.
"I know, son. We do. We pray for her every day."
"Then why isn't she better?"
"God doesn't cause bad things to happen, Blake. But He will always be with you. Your mommy hurts from her sickness. And we want her pain to go away. God will take her to His home so she doesn't hurt anymore."
Blake looked at Becky, "You hurt, Mommy?"
Becky nodded her head as new tears rolled down her cheeks. Elizabeth joined them now, sitting on Becky's other side, placing her hand on her shoulder.
Looking back to his daddy, Blake asked, "God will make her not hurt?"
"That's right, Son."
The adults could see that Blake was trying to understand everything, but his four-year-old mind was struggling with this adult information.
Elizabeth reached across Becky and laid her hand on Blake's, "God didn't make your mommy sick. But He can take her to live with Him and make her better."
"Really?"
"Yes," Elizabeth answered.
"And then He'll send her back?" he asked, smiling.
Elizabeth heard Jack's breath catch in his throat as he turned his head away. She squeezed the little boy's hand and continued. "No, Blake. She will not be able to come back. You see, once God brings someone to His home, they have to stay with Him. But then one day, a long time from now, you will be able to see her again when it's your turn to go to His home."
"But I don't want to wait a long time."
"Blake," Becky said, still struggling to catch her breath. "You will have to stay here with your daddy and Elizabeth, and Colton and Peyton. You will be with the whole family. They are all going to take care of you after I'm gone."
"That's why we moved here?"
Elizabeth and Jack were always shocked at some of the things this little boy could understand. He was wise beyond his years already.
"Yes," Becky answered. "We moved here so you could be with your family."
"And you?" Blake asked.
"Yes," Elizabeth answered this time. "And so your mommy could also be with family."
Blake leaned forward toward Becky, carefully wrapping his arms around her neck. "I don't want you to go anywhere," he whispered in her ear.
"Neither do I, sweetheart. But it's not up to us."
Peyton and Colton came running down the stairs. She ran to Elizabeth and he ran to Jack. Each parent pulled them onto their lap. Peyton laid her head against her mommy's chest, watching Blake and Becky. "Are they sad?" she asked, trying to keep her voice low, but not succeeding.
"Yes," Elizabeth whispered to her.
"Why they sad?" Colton answered, his head lying against Jack's arm.
Jack bent his head down and said quietly in his ear, "Blake's mommy doesn't feel good."
"Ohhhh," Colt replied. He watched them, mother and son holding each other. Then he pointed to Blake and looked up at Jack. "Brotter?"
Jack turned his head to Elizabeth, both wide-eyed. Then looking back to Colton, he answered, "Yes. Blake is your brother."
Colton patted Blake's back, his attempt at comforting him. "It otay, Brotter."
Elizabeth tipped her head back, feeling the sting of tears in her eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, trying to keep them from spilling over.
…
Later that evening, after the kids were tucked in and Becky had been helped down to her bed, Jack and Elizabeth curled up on the couch together. Something was playing on the television, but neither one of them was watching it.
"Did you tell Colt that Blake was their brother?" Jack asked, breaking the silence within the noise of the TV.
"No, I hadn't. I thought maybe you did," she replied.
"No. I didn't know if they would really understand what that even meant yet."
Elizabeth turned and faced her husband. "You'd be amazed at what kids pick up on. Plus, Savannah or Luke might have said something."
"That's possible." Jack played with her hair as his eyes scanned her face. "Do you think Blake fully understands what's happening?"
"I think he understands that his mommy is going somewhere and he won't see her for a long time. But I don't think he understands the finality of it all. It's hard to know exactly how much a child his age really comprehends."
"Do you think he'll be okay?"
Elizabeth nodded her head as she laid her hand on his arm. "I do. In time."
Jack pulled her to him as he wrapped his arms around her. The couple remained that way for the entirety of the movie that played on the TV. But neither could ever recall what they had just watched.
