Chapter 2: Nightmares and Daydreams

She saw his silhouette against the familiar moonlit sky and knew that nothing had changed, their spot on the roof always being their sanctuary. Smiling, Starfire stealthy hovered about him and threw the blanket to capture him as well. He did not jump in surprise as she had planned. Instead, the corners of his mouth lifted as his head swiveled calmly in her direction.

"You almost had me," he teased. He pulled the covering around tightly with one hand as Starfire sat on the roof beside him. The sheet pulled tautly, they huddled together in the night as Starfire pouted.

"I am never able to do the sneaking up on you. I did not giggle nor were there any footsteps to be heard or a door to be slammed. Tell me, what gave me away this time?"

"Your shadow. I saw it as soon as you floated over me," he stated, giving a smile that was becoming more common.

She pouted some more, leaning into him so he was prompted to swing his arm around her waist. She contently seemed to purr against him, melting so that her arm found its way around him as well. She absentmindedly rubbed his back as he leaned heavily on her in return.

"Maybe I should just simply remove my shadow. For next time," she yawned.

She could feel his chest shake in a breathless laugh, also feeling him grin as her face was pressed in the crook of his neck. "Ok, Peter Pan," he barely whispered.

Before she could inquire who this Peter was, she could see as her eyelids were getting heavier and heavier. She could feel and hear his heartbeat leaning against him as she was drifting closer to slumber.

She looked up with half-lidded eyes and wistfully into the stars, realizing how yesterday had changed everything and nothing at all, their current relationship status most recently announced to their friends via an encounter with a murderous, screeching alien monster. While happy with his declarations, she felt like a needy child asking more than he could give. But before she could again voice feelings that could potentially turn one thing into something else, her breaths grew even, and she began to murmur incoherently. Everything melted away, just glad to be safe and warm.

Holding on to her as to not fall to their deaths, she was barely conscious as he turned her around first and then himself, scooping her up so that she could awaken in her bed.


When he kissed her the second time, the word to describe it would have to be magnificent.

While the first one in Tokyo had been glorious, it had been for everyone else. Having started a media frenzy since taking down Police Commander Daizo, the two had barely been able to look at each other let alone touch since those infamous photos of them holding hands had circled the globe, trying to quell rumors. He hugged her as he closed his hotel room that night, Starfire a bit let down, but promised that there was more to come.

And he did just that. Having whisked her away to his room once on American soil, they endured catcalls and whistles from Cyborg and Beast Boy as they exited the Ops Room. One could hear their protest and pain as Raven did God knows what to quell their enthusiasm.

In his quiet, lamp-lit room, this kiss was that promise. Something that they would have to keep to themselves. Everything seemed limitless. They were all fumbles and brushes and touches. Her hands found a home at the base of his neck, playing with his hair while his hand traveled her back and ribs and then back again.

It was perfect. It was enough.


His wistful smile broke her heart. As he leaned in and she turned away, that smile slipped and broke into pieces at her feet.

"What's wrong?" he questioned. He knew. Despite the question, he knew. He must have.

His hands. She remember their strength as they held her in place as she struggled not to crumple right there. A desperate measure to ground them both as their world tilted and twirled about them.

Then suddenly, she was literally gasping, sobbing shuddered through her as she clung to his forearms for dear life. The dam had broken. She could not hide anymore.

"Star?" He was in 'fix it' mode. His hands were frantic as they soothed her hair, on her forehead, finally resting on her cheek. His concerns and questions were just garbled nothingness.

Tears soaked his fingers as he frantically tried to brush them away, his face distorted in her vision. Red. Yellow. Green. Black.

He shook her. "Star, please, what is wrong? Look at me."

She did the opposite of his request, resting her head on his chest. She did not want to look into those eyes. "I cannot do this," she finally mumbled out between tears. There was a finality to it as it hung in the air.

Gently motions on her back started. Round and round as he tried to calm her. His moments hitched momentarily but he continued. Even knowingly in her cruelest moment, he was there to fix and mend her. Something she could not do for him.

He gave her a small eternity until she could quell herself. He then peeled himself from her. Hand on her shoulder and one to tilt by chin up, he asked, "What can't you do?" But his voice cracked, trying to play it off by clearing his throat.

Her lip quivered, looking anywhere but at him. "I love you bu-" she tried to rush it out, but he was already shaking his head.

"No, Star," he said desperately. His grip grew stronger on her. "Love, don't. Please don't. We can talk about this."

"We have done all the talking, or nontalking, that is needed." Starfire was resolute as she gently removed his hand from her chin. Still weepy, but strong as she took a step back.

"And ruin everything? Star, we are stronger than this. I know it. It's been difficult…," he acknowledged and swallowed, but continued. "But…please." He looked at her, a kicked puppy expression on his face.

Now it was her turn to shake her head, clear her thoughts. She licked her lips, not sure how to proceed. She felt sick when she saw him like this but was resolute in her decision. "I love you more than anything, but it is not enough. We are only as strong as our communication, our commitment to each other. Can you look at me and say that you have been giving everything to this relationship? That we still have what once was?"

He looked stunned, like this was a new conversation to him. "What do you mean?"

"I want a transfer. I need to figure out what I want. What I need. I need to do the clearing of my mind."

"What about the team?" He grabbed at straws now, for once speechless. "We need you here. I need you."

"I need—"

Before she could finish and reiterate her request, he grabbed her and crushed his lips to hers. Anxious and frantic, it was as if he wanted to show her a reason to stay.

She should have stopped it. She should have not reacted. But that is not what happened in this story.

Sadness ached through both with a desperate edge cut right through it. Grabbing at clothes it seemed like suddenly her skirt was hitched up around her waist. His mouth hungry for her as she cupped his neck. He was so strong. He lifted her up so she could be more solidly be placed against the wall. He was all open mouth as he seemed to want to devour her.

His hands dove for the heat between her legs and she sucked in a breath in surprise. His words wove around her, hot on her neck as he buried his head to rest above her chest. How he needed her. How beautiful she was. How she was his. She pulled him up, swallowing his words as she could not stand to hear them and as his hand continued to work at her. Keeping him distracted, her hand found his pants and pulled down so that then he was suddenly inside her, her encompassing him. He also surrounded her, there being a shifting of hips and cage of arms and legs around Starfire as motions became more desperate.

He lifted her up and did not break contact as he spun them, moving the couple of feet so now she was under him, splayed on his bed. They moved together, still in sync as tears began to sting the corners of her eyes. Grunts and moans became the only communication between them. Ultimately, the moment was tinged with so much grief that pleasure was ousted by it, leaving nothing but heaviness in its wake for her. While he eventually cried out, she collapsed deeper, savoring the feeling of his body, the movements of it, and what would never be again.

He eventually returned to her lips again, light kisses as he spun back to earth. She lengthened her neck, placing her hand on the side of his face so she could deepen the kiss for a moment. While not the intention, he slowed his hips, not kissing her back but his eyes still solidly closed.

Those blue eyes slid open slowly, seemly taking in her face for the first time, tracing her expression. She did not think he liked what he found there.

"Please," he whispered. She felt the word as it tumbled out, just a tremble on her lips.

He pecked the corner of her mouth. "Please," he said again. He kissed her jaw right below her ear. "Please."

Feeling the flutter of his eyelashes on her neck, the weight of everything that transpired, something in her fell into place.

She absentmindedly stroked her hands through his hair one more time, them seeming to move of their own accord. "I… I cannot," she finally managed. She kissed him gently where he just kissed her, and, sniffling, she then slowly rose, softly putting pressure on his chest and her elbows behind her. He shifted begrudgingly but accordingly, pulling out and away from her.

The way they adjusted themselves and put themselves together after seemed sterile in nature, more like two strangers that completed a one-night stand rather than two lovers. He slid to the end of the bed, a look she had never seen on his face. Like all was lost. Hopelessness.

"So this is really it?" he asked, dejected. He put his arms so they rested on his legs, hands joined together and head bowed, almost to seem as if in prayer.

She steadied herself as she sat next to him, trying to hug him from behind when he shifted away and then stood suddenly.

Tears leaked from her eyes as she realized not for the first time that she will never have this again. She will never see the outline of his form in this context again as the lamp on his desk creates that familiar glow on his skin. She will never have a taste of what was just shared.

"I think you should leave," is all he says. From begging to resolute, she did not know if she should have expected anything else. She smoothed out her hair the best she could, cursing herself as she got up with weak knees.

"I-"

"Please," he says one last time, this time with no hint of begging in his tone. "Just leave."

Striding to the panel that opened his door, he hit it and left without another word, and she was left, completely alone in this world once again.


When Starfire woke, it was not with a start. Grudgingly tears trailed down her face as a feeling of being utterly gutted remained.

Almost every night, it always started and ended the same. Though she would never admit it, it was both the best and worst time of the day.

Dragging herself up to a sitting position, she rested her arms around the top of her knees. She sighed, looking out the window and made a decision.

She went where she always went when she felt alone. To the roof. Slipping up the steps, she opened the door and was enveloped in the freezing cold. In nothing but a pair of shorts, a tank top, and a thin blanket draped around her shoulders, she padded over to the edge and sat so her legs swung over.

Tonight, she was not in luck. The sky decided to have the full moon make an appearance though currently covered by the haze of the night. Stars twinkled in and out of existence as the clouds wandered over the sky. But it didn't matter. Breathing in the crisp air into her lungs, she still felt a tiny bit better. Tranquility found where there was sparse of it, especially these last few weeks. Leaning back, she closed her eyes and let the breeze caress her skin and focused on her senses.

Breathing in deeply, a hint of smoke wafted in the air.

Opening her eyes, Starfire sniffed and her posture stiffened. Not just any smoke. Cigarette smoke. Turning her head, she found a figure leaning against the structure that held the staircase and a red ember winking in and out of existence.

"Come here often?"