***One year ago today, I said goodbye to my father. After years of fighting, he went to be with the Lord, no more pain, no more suffering. Esophageal cancer is what took his life. I was with him when he took his last breath, something I will forever be grateful for.***
I secretly began this storyline of Becky and Blake over seven months ago. But I have only just written these past few chapters. I did not plan for this chapter to be completed and posted on this day. It just happened this way. My heart goes out to anyone that has ever had to endure this horrible beast known as cancer. But always remember to put your trust in God and lean on Him. Give the Lord the pen and allow Him to write your story.
And to all the many people that have taken the time to leave a review...THANK YOU! I appreciate each and everyone of them.
May 25th, 2014 – Hope Meadows Ranch
Charlotte sat next to the hospital bed, reading a book, while Becky slept. Elizabeth was straightening up the living room when Blake ran in, slowing as he neared his mom's bed. Seeing she was sleeping again, he dropped his head and turned, walking back through the room.
Observing this, Elizabeth sat down and asked Blake to come to her. "Was there something you wanted?"
"I just wanted to show Mommy my new drawing," he said, holding up a paper.
"May I look at it?" Elizabeth asked softly, pulling Blake toward her, his back against her chest.
Holding up the picture, Blake pointed everything out. "This is Mommy, this is Daddy, this is you, this is my brother, Colt and my sister, Peyton, and this is me." He touched his finger to each figure as he named them, a beautiful family of six, drawn out in crayon.
"Who is this?" Elizabeth asked, pointing toward what appeared to be an animal.
"That's Wyatt," he answered, his voice filled with excitement.
"This is beautiful, Blake. Your Mommy will love it. We'll show her as soon as she wakes up and we can hang in up next to her so she can look at it all the time."
"Really?" he asked, his eyes wide...those eyes that were exact replicas of Jack's.
"Of course," she replied, pulling him into a hug.
Charlotte looked up from her book, and saw that Becky was awake and watching the exchange between her son and Elizabeth. A tear fell from her eye and slid down her cheek. Charlotte leaned forward and laid her hand on the woman's arm.
"What's wrong, Honey," Charlotte asked.
Becky turned her head toward Charlotte and the older woman could now see that Becky's eyes were red and several tears had marked her cheeks.
"It's just so hard," she answered, her voice hoarse.
Charlotte moved her chair closer to the bed and laid one of her arms on the edge of the mattress, raising her other hand to brush Becky's hair back. She looked over and saw Elizabeth with Blake, then back to Becky. "She will love him like her own. I want you to know that."
Becky nodded, "I know she will." More tears began to fall.
"We will all love him."
Becky nodded once more.
Charlotte looked back to Blake, watching him and Elizabeth looking over his drawing. Returning her attention to Becky, she continued, "He will always have a home here. He will always know love here. He will want for nothing. He is forever a member of this family." Charlotte took Becky's hand in hers and looked into her teary eyes, with tears forming of her own, "And so are you."
Becky squeezed Charlotte's hand, as tightly as she could, and mouthed the words, "thank you." She had never known a love like this entire family shared. A love that could only be credited to God.
…..
William was sitting outside on the front porch reading today's paper when Jack joined him. With two cups of coffee in his hands, he offered one to his father-in-law, who accepted it graciously.
"Anything news worthy in there?" Jack asked, taking the seat next to the man.
"Not particularly. Same ole stuff, different day." William set the paper aside and took a drink from his cup. "It's a noble thing you're doing here, Jack."
Jack turned his head to William, who was looking at him now. "Thank you, William. There really wasn't any other choice."
"There's always a choice," the older man stated. After a brief pause, he continued. "I'm not going to beat around the bush, I was furious when I found out about Blake. I'm sure Beth has already told you." Jack nodded. "And coming here...I wasn't quite sure how I was going to feel about this...this crazy situation. But after seeing that poor, sick girl in there...Jack, what you're doing here is God's work. There's no other way to describe it."
"Thank you, Sir." Jack held his coffee cup between his hands, watching the white wisps of steam rise up from the dark liquid.
"Blake is really a great little boy."
"Yes, he is. He's amazing."
"And you're doing right by him. And her. I commend you for that." William reached over and placed his hand on Jack's shoulder, giving it a squeeze.
Watching through the window, Elizabeth's heart had begun racing when she saw Jack sit down next to her father. He had been fairly quiet since his arrival and she wasn't sure what he had been holding in regarding Blake. But after seeing him lay his hand on Jack's shoulder, her heart eased and she was finally able to relax. She watched a little while longer as the men continued to have an easiness about them, which allowed her to return to her tasks in the kitchen with her mother.
…..
Grace was adding water to the flowers and plants that had been accumulating around Becky. Jack's flowers were still there, as well as some her friends had brought during their visit.
Grace felt a cool hand on her arm and looked down to find Becky looking up at her. "Ma'am," she said, her voice was so quiet that Grace had to bend down to hear her.
"Yes, Dear. What is it?"
"Eli...zabeth is...a...Godsend."
Grace set the watering jug down and pulled the chair closer, taking a seat next to the bed. "Yes, she is."
"I...just want..." Becky began to cough and Grace grabbed the glass of water that was always next to her, holding it to Becky's lips for her to take a sip as she held the woman's head up. "Thank you," Becky said as Grace lowered her head back to the pillow.
"You're welcome, Becky."
"I just want...you to know how...special she is." Becky's breathing was difficult and she was always out of breath. Oxygen had been added to her daily regime and the plastic tube was draped along her face, under her nose, feeding the much-needed air into her body.
"I know that she is a very special girl. We are very proud of her. But thank you for telling me." Grace picked up a cloth that was next to the bed and dabbed it along Becky's forehead. "You are a very special girl, too." Becky's eyes slowly raised up to meet Grace's, a single tear fell from the corner and Grace wiped it away. "Blake is a beautiful little boy. You did a wonderful job raising him."
Two more tears fell down the side of Becky's head, grazing along her temple, and Grace wiped them away, too.
"This whole...family...is what...I always wished...I'd been...a part of."
"Oh, sweetie. You are a part of this family." Grace ran her hands up and down Becky's arm, warming up her cool skin.
"Thank you." Becky closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep. She had only been able to stay awake for a few minutes at a time now, and this had been the longest conversation she'd had since her baptism.
…..
Blake was standing at Becky's bedside when Elizabeth found him. His crayon drawing in his hand.
"What are you doing, Blake?" Elizabeth asked, sitting down in the chair behind him.
"Mommy won't wake up so I can show her my drawing."
The sadness in his eyes tore at Elizabeth's heart.
"Blake?"
The voice was barely audible, but the little boy stretched up onto his toes to see his mommy's face. "Mommy," he said loudly and excitedly. "Mommy, I made you a picture." Blake held it up high in front of Becky's face.
"That's...beautiful," she said, drawing in a deep breath between words.
Elizabeth stood and lifted Blake onto the edge of the bed.
"Thank you, Mommy."
"Who...is this?" she asked, pointing to one of the figures.
Blake named them all off for her, pointing at each one, not leaving Wyatt out this time. Becky stared at the crude crayon shapes of each person. Blake was in the middle, holding his mommy's hand on one side, and Elizabeth's hand on the other. Jack was next to Elizabeth, and Colton and Peyton were standing at each end. Wyatt was lying in front of them.
"This is won...derful," Becky said, running her fingers along the paper.
"We can hang this up right here so you can see it," Elizabeth said, standing and taking the paper. There were already pins stuck in the partition wall as Blake had made her several drawings already; including one of Max and Doodle, one of a deer he'd seen in the back yard, and another of just him and his mommy. Elizabeth added the masterpiece to the collection as Becky's eyes slowly tracked toward the gallery. When Elizabeth turned around, Blake was laying across Becky's chest as the woman held her son against her. Returning to her chair, Elizabeth laid her hand on the little boy's back.
William was walking through the room and decided to peek in and check on Becky when he saw this, his daughter comforting this woman's son. His heart was full of love and pride for his middle daughter. Seeing the woman she'd turned into was more than he had ever expected any of his daughters to be. He quickly turned and walked away before his emotions took control of his stoic demeanor.
….
The entire family sat around the dining table that evening, with the kids around their smaller one. Conversations were quiet and melancholy as everyone sat and ate. Jack had turned some music on just to fill the silence in the house.
After supper, the women were in the kitchen when Frank came in and offered to take all of the kids out to the playground for some fresh air. Elizabeth watched through the window as the man walked across the backyard with seven kids running ahead of him. After helping clear the table, Jack, William, Tom and Lee stepped out onto the back deck and watched the kids play.
Charlotte was next to Elizabeth now, her hands on her daughter-in-law's shoulders, watching her husband chase the kids around the playground.
"He sure loves being a grandfather, doesn't he?" Elizabeth asked, turning her head to Charlotte.
"Yes, he most definitely does."
They watched in silence as he climbed onto the massive wooden set that the guys had built. And at that moment, Elizabeth was grateful at the exaggerated, ridiculously wonderful, completely, unnecessarily huge playground that her husband had dreamed up.
…..
When everyone was moving into the living room to relax for the evening, Elizabeth checked on Becky and found her awake.
"Play for me?"
"What?" Elizabeth asked, not sure she heard her correctly.
Becky pointed in the direction of the piano. "Can you play it, please?"
"Of course," Elizabeth said.
After enlisting the help of the guys, they got the partitions moved so Becky could see the baby grand that sat only feet from her bed. Elizabeth lifted the fall board from the keys and flipped it back. She removed some sheet music from the bench, took a seat, then spread the papers along the music rack. Setting her hands in place, she began to play an old hymn - Jesus Paid It All.
Jack sat down next to Becky with Blake on his lap. The guys had carried some chairs into the room and Charlotte was sitting with Colton on her lap, and Grace with Peyton. Frank walked up behind Charlotte, laying his hands on her shoulders, humming the tune quietly as Elizabeth played.
Tom moved behind Sam and wrapped his arms around her waist as she rested her head back against his shoulder. They swayed slightly as they watched Elizabeth produce the most beautiful music.
As the song ended, Elizabeth flipped her music to a different song and began to play In The Garden. As she played, Frank began to sing, and everyone else joined in.
Noel ran up to Lee and he picked her up. Rosemary was sitting in a chair in front of him with Autumn on her lap. The little girl was mesmerized by the music and stared at Elizabeth as she played.
Becky's head was turned to Elizabeth, but her eyes began to scan the room. A tear slipped from her eye, falling down her cheek and staining her pillow. She listened as everyone sang a song familiar to them. It was a new one to her, but she repeated the words in her head as they began to sing the chorus once more.
Elizabeth flipped over the sheet music and started another one. Becky could hear a catch in Jack's throat as he began to sing the words along with everyone else.
Come Thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung by flaming tongues above
Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it
Mount of Thy redeeming love
Here I raise my Ebenezer
Here by Thy great help I've come
And I hope by Thy good pleasure
Safely to arrive at home
Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wandering from the fold of God
He to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood
Oh, that day when freed from sinning
I shall see Thy lovely face
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I'll sing Thy sovereign grace
Come my Lord, no longer tarry
Take my ransomed soul away
Send Thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless days
Oh, to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be
Let Thy goodness like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, oh take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above
Here's my heart
Oh take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above
Every adult in the room was singing as tears fell down their cheeks. Becky watched as her own tears fell in time with theirs, listening to the lyrics that touched her soul.
As the song grew, Becky closed her eyes and began to pray silently. "Come my Lord, take my ransomed soul away."
…..
May 26th, 2014 – Hope Meadows Ranch
Sam informed the family that she didn't think Becky would make it through the day. While Grace and Charlotte took all of the other children outside, Jack and Elizabeth took Blake to see his mommy one last time.
Before they reached her bed, Jack knelt down in front of his son and gently held him by his arms.
"You know your mommy is very sick?"
Blake, behind sorrow filled eyes, nodded.
"She's going to go be with God soon and we need to tell her goodbye."
Blake's eyes teared up and he began shaking his head.
"I'm sorry, Blake. But your mommy is in a lot of pain and God wants it to stop. We should want it to stop, too."
"I do," he said, "but I want mommy to stay."
"We all do, Blake," Elizabeth added, kneeling beside her husband. "But if she stays, she will only hurt. God didn't make her sick or make her have pain. So, the only way she can feel better is to go see God, so He can take it all away. Do you understand that?"
Blake nodded as tears began to fall down his cheeks.
Jack stood and lifted his son into his arms.
The rest of the family were in the kitchen, watching the couple with the little boy. Not a dry eye, including William, among them.
Jack, with Blake's arms clutched around his neck and followed by Elizabeth, rounded the temporary walls of Becky's room. Jack moved to the left side of the bed and Elizabeth stood on the right. He lowered Blake onto the edge, the little boy not wanting to release his arms from around his daddy's neck. Jack gently took hold of Blake's arms and pried them off, and moved them to his waist so Blake could still hold him.
Elizabeth rubbed her hand along Becky's arm and began to softly speak to her. "Becky? Becky, sweetie?"
Becky rolled her head to the side toward Elizabeth's voice and slowly opened her eyes.
"There's someone here that wants to see you," Elizabeth stated, pointing toward Blake.
Becky moved her eyes toward her son, and Jack and Elizabeth were sure they saw a light enter them as soon as she saw him. She slowly reached up and laid her hand on Blake's back. The little boy still had his face buried in his daddy's chest, but looked toward his mommy when he felt her hand.
"Mommy," he said, falling onto her chest and hugging her.
Becky winced from the pain and both Jack and Elizabeth reached to pull Blake off. Becky saw this and raised her hand to stop them. She wrapped both arms around her son and hugged him as tightly as her body would allow.
After a few minutes, Blake finally pushed himself up and looked down at his mommy. "Daddy says I have to tell you goodbye."
Becky reached a weak hand up and touched her son's face. "Yes, Blakey."
Elizabeth could see tears being released from the corners of Becky's eyes and turned her head away from the scene. Jack saw this and reached across the bed, taking his wife's hand in his, keeping his other on his son at all times.
"But I don't want to say goodbye. I love you."
"I love you, too. But I can't do this any longer, sweetie. It's time for me to go."
Blake laid back down, being more mindful this time so not to hurt her. His head was on her chest and his hands lay on either side of her head, his fingers twirling in her hair, something he'd done since he was an infant. The whisper of a little boy's voice could barely be heard, saying, "Goodbye, Mommy."
Jack moved his hand from his son's back and into Becky's hand, holding it as she wrapped her free arm around her son.
Blake wasn't ready to leave his mommy just yet, and with the help of Tom and William, they moved Becky over slightly, making room for Blake to lay beside her. The little boy fell asleep in his mother's arms that morning as Becky remained awake as long as she could to watch him, until exhaustion finally took her over.
Jack and Elizabeth remained by their side, waiting for Blake to wake up. When he did, Jack lifted him off the bed and carried him away. Blake watched over his daddy's shoulder, keeping his eyes on his mommy's face until she was out of view. Once he couldn't see her any longer, Blake buried his face into Jack's shoulder and tightened his arms around his daddy's neck.
Elizabeth wiped her cheeks, then stood and pulled the sheet back up to Becky's neck. She leaned down next to the woman's ear and whispered, "I love you."
…..
Each family member spent time with Becky that morning, some she was awake for, others she wasn't. Sam and Rosemary were the last ones to say their goodbyes, and Becky's eyes opened just slightly as they spoke. When they walked away, her eyes closed once more.
Jack and Elizabeth took their seats on either side of her bed, both wanting to remain with her until the very end. Neither wanted her to be alone. As they watched and waited, they reflected on their own lives, prayed, and hoped for a miracle for Blake's sake.
Jack sat at her bedside, this woman that had meant nothing to him a couple of months ago...a few years ago. A woman that had only been a distraction for him to try to erase his disappointments at that moment. One of many to help him try to fight a monster that had been dwelling inside him for so many years. A woman, who now, has reentered his life, giving him another son. A tragic story filled with regrets, guilt, hatred, anger, fear...and love.
Jack sat with his arms resting on the edge of her bed, looking down over this woman that has twice now, brought him to his knees, begging for forgiveness from his Beth. He closed his eyes, thinking back to the first time he'd ever met Becky, trying to recall the exact moment. He could see her face standing amongst Lee and his fellow bull riders. They were all celebrating and discussing the evening's rides. Becky and a few other gals had joined the group as they circled around a fire pit and drank beers. Jack had noticed her glancing at him now and then, but her shyness kept her from approaching. Showing no interest in her, Jack continued talking to his buddies.
As the night drew on, and with a few more beers in her, Becky finally gained the nerve to approach this beautiful man and walked up to Jack, talking to him about his first-place ride on Whiskey's Rage. When the evening ended, and everyone retired to their trailers, trucks and hotels, Jack and Becky had gone their separate ways, each to spend their night alone.
A few months later, Jack saw Becky once more, another rodeo, another win, another firepit. This time, Becky wasn't so shy and approached Jack right away. She was dressed in her tight jeans, a white short sleeved blouse that was tied up at the waist, exposing her belly button, and her black cowboy hat that she always wore when she rode. Soon after her arrival, he was following her to her trailer. Jack knew right away that she was different than the other girls, she wasn't seeking out different cowboys, she had only talked to Jack. He knew she wanted to start something with him, but he wasn't interested in a relationship. So, the following morning, he quickly said his goodbye and left. She had tried speaking to him again several times over the next year, but Jack kindly brushed her off each time. Until that one night, when he left Elizabeth standing alone...crying. That one night that almost ruined it all. That one night he returned to her bed. That one night that resulted in a beautiful little boy called Blake.
Jack shook his head, returning to the present, returning his gaze to Becky's face. With her cheeks sunken in, dark rings under her eyes, the color gone completely from her face, it was hard to tell she was still with them except for seeing her chest rise and fall with each shallow breath. He watched as she took each labored breath, noticing that they were much slower and getting further apart between each one.
He moved his eyes down to her hand and took it in his. Her skin was cool, reminding him of Elizabeth's the day the twins were born, the day he almost lost his wife. He brushed his thumb across her knuckles, trying to give her some affection in her final moments. She lay motionless, only the instinctive breathing that had slowed even more.
Elizabeth reached across the bed and held her hand out for Jack's. He laid his free hand in hers, interlacing his fingers in the spaces between hers.
Becky drew in a deep rattled breath, paused for what felt like an eternity to them, before she exhaled long and slow. Their hearts had stopped for a brief moment, then they let out their own breaths as soon as she had let out hers.
Then Jack began to pray...a different prayer this time...knowing that there would be no miracles that would heal her and return her to their son. He prayed that her pain would end soon, that she would suffer no more. He prayed that Blake would be able to recover quickly from losing his mother, knowing how difficult it can be to lose a parent.
Jack would be there for him...for his son. He would comfort him, show him love, raise him with as much love as he showed Peyton and Colton. And he knew that Elizabeth would raise him as their own, there was no doubt in his mind about that. Elizabeth had been amazing through all of this: his rock, his anchor...he was always shocked at the depths of her heart in times of need. She hadn't even blinked when Blake came into their lives. She hadn't questioned Jack. She hadn't blamed him. She had only shown compassion for him, his son, and Becky. She had the heart of a true follower. And she was now losing a friend.
His entire family had quickly grown to love Blake and wrapped him in a blanket of support and care. Even now, as Jack sat with Becky's hand in his, he knew his mother was in the next room with Blake on her lap, loving him as if she'd known him his whole short life.
Becky's ragged breathing slowed once more and Jack straightened, watching her face, listening to the air being forced from her lungs. Jack's own chest hurt and he felt as if he wasn't getting enough air himself. Elizabeth stood, tightening her grasps on her husband's hand. She watched her friend, a tear falling down her cheek.
"Please, Lord. I pray it is Your will that her suffering is over," Jack said quietly under his breath. "Please, Lord. Take her to be at Your side until we all meet again." He squeezed the hands of both women and Jack and Elizabeth repeated his prayer in their minds.
Becky let out a long slow breath. Jack and Elizabeth stared. Waited. But nothing. Silence.
Jack stood; his own lungs unable to move.
"Becky?"
He slowly reached up and touched her cheek, then laid his hand on her chest, waiting for it to move just the slightest with a breath.
"Becky?"
Nothing.
A single tear ran down his cheek as he knew she was gone. He laid Becky's hand on her stomach and held it briefly then looked up at his wife. Elizabeth was crying, her hand on Becky's shoulder, unable to walk away. With his wife's hand still in his, Jack stretched his arm out as he walked around the end of the bed to her. He pulled Elizabeth to him and she buried her face into his chest. They held each other, and cried together. Then finally, after a long moment, they turned, hand in hand, and walked away together.
Their family saw their faces as they entered the kitchen. Charlotte turned Blake on her lap, turning him away from Jack so he wouldn't see him. She didn't want him to see the man that he now called Daddy crying...it would only scare him.
Tom moved to his brother, wrapping his arms around him as Grace did the same for Elizabeth. They moved through the family, as everyone grieved. Jack finally knelt in front of his mother, who was still holding Blake.
Blake turned his head toward his daddy and saw his face. Then leaned into his arms, wrapping his own around his daddy's neck.
Jack straightened and walked out the backdoor and onto the deck, followed by Elizabeth.
Sam stood, handing Peyton to Tom, and went to Becky to take care of her before they called the coroner.
On the deck, Jack sat down, keeping Blake tight against him. Elizabeth sat next to them, holding the little boy's hand, her face in her other, shielding her tears from his view.
It was a perfect day outside. The perfect temperature, barely a breeze, not a cloud in the sky. The birds were singing, young horses ran and kicked. Wyatt was sprawled out on the deck, his body in the sunshine.
The three sat in silence, holding each other, until Blake raised his eyes to his daddy's. "Is mommy gone?" His little voice cracked as he asked.
Jack nodded, "Yes, son. She's with God now."
"She doesn't hurt anymore?"
Jack's heart was breaking and he fought as hard as he could to keep his tears at bay for his son's sake, but he was unsuccessful. Tears fell as he answered, "No, she's not in pain anymore."
Blake sat still, looking out over the yard. Elizabeth and Jack watched him, waiting for him to make the next move or ask his next question. But his response shocked them both.
"She's holding God's hand," he said, looking up into his daddy's bloodshot eyes.
"Yes," Jack said, trying to swallow the giant lump in his throat. "She's holding His hand."
Elizabeth was weeping, her face hidden behind her hand. Blake saw her body shaking and leaned toward her, laying his hand on her shoulder. Elizabeth looked up and saw his eyes staring into hers and she pulled him onto her lap. Blake was crying now, his arms wrapped around Elizabeth's neck...the woman who would now be his mommy. Jack rested one elbow on his knee, his fingers pressed into his eyes, trying to stop the flood of tears. His other hand rested on Blake's back.
Glancing out the kitchen window, Charlotte covered her mouth at the sight, her own tears beginning to flow once more.
"What is it?" Frank asked, walking up beside her with Colton in his arms. Glancing out the window, he watched the scene that was causing her tears. Moving his free hand to her back, he rubbed it, giving his wife what little comfort he could offer at that moment.
Grace and William were with them now. Each of them watching their children. Each of them crying for the loss of life...and love.
…..
Becky's body was moved to the funeral home, the hospital bed was removed, and Jack and the guys took the partitions out to the garage. The living room was set back as it was, and everyone sat around, the noise of the unwatched television playing in the background.
Savannah and her brothers were playing with Noel, Peyton and Colton, but even they were all quieter than usual. William held the paper in his hand, staring at the front page as he'd been doing for the past ten minutes. Tom spent his time pulling at a string on the hem of his jeans, the bottom of one leg unraveling now.
"I'm going to go check on them," Jack said to his family as he stepped out of the room and headed up the stairs.
He found Elizabeth lying in their bed with Blake in her arms, both asleep. Elizabeth was on her side, and the little boy was curled up against her. Jack sat on the bed and moved over next to her, laying down alongside her. He draped his arm over her, and across his son. The emotions from the past few days had taken their toll on all of them, and Jack was quickly asleep as well.
After an hour had passed, Charlotte stood to go upstairs and check on them. The door was open and she peered inside. None of them had moved, both Jack's and Elizabeth's arms were still across Blake. Charlotte leaned against the door, her hand over her mouth, and she closed her eyes.
She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning, she found Grace standing next to her. Without speaking, the women hooked their arms together and watched their children and grandson for a moment longer, then left to return downstairs.
Sorrow hung over the house like a dark storm cloud. Heavy hearts, hurting souls, and swollen eyes infected everyone. They remained in an excruciating silence that rang in their ears.
Lee and Rosemary were the first to leave. With Autumn and Noel in their arms, they quietly said goodbye and headed home. Tom, Sam and the kids were next. After hugs with Charlotte and Frank, then William and Grace, they went to their truck, loaded their kids, and drove home.
Charlotte and Grace held the twins as they took them to their rooms to prepare them for bed. Both asking where their mommy and daddy were. The older women assured each child that they were in charge of, that their parents were just tired and napping and would see them in the morning.
Once Peyton and Colton were tucked into their beds, the women rejoined each other in the hall outside the children's rooms and walked to the master bedroom at the other end. They stopped at the doorway once more and checked on their children. Blake was in the middle now, his arm lying across Jack's neck. Jack's arm crossed Blake and was draped over Elizabeth's waist. The couple was facing each other, the little boy sandwiched between them, protected by their embrace.
…..
May 29th, 2014 – Crossroads Cowboy Church, Missouri
The past few days had been hard on everyone. Most of the funeral arrangements had been made while Becky was alive so she could be a part of the planning. A few final details had to be dealt with and had been handled by Jack and Frank.
The twins had been confused at the disappearance of Becky and Elizabeth did her best to explain things. Blake kept quiet, but never wanted to be alone. He remained attached to Jack when he was in the house, and Elizabeth when he wasn't. At times, he would go to Charlotte or Grace, but his eyes were always scanning for his daddy or Elizabeth.
It was the morning of the funeral now, and everyone was getting dressed. Jack tied the black tie that was around Blake's neck as the little boy just stared into his daddy's eyes. Jack's heart was breaking for his son, as the light had left Blake's dark hazel eyes the moment they told him that his mommy was gone. They had not seen it return yet.
With everyone dressed and ready to go, they quietly loaded into the Tahoe and Jack steered it down the drive, then left onto the highway toward the church.
…..
After Becky's eulogy was read, Frank stood before the guests. The little church was filled, wall to wall, front to back, with standing room only. Word of Becky's death had spread through the rodeo community like wildfire, and many of them had come to pay their respects. The small parking lot was filled with trucks, as well as lining down the street along both sides. License plates showed at least six different states, along with a few more represented by people that had flown in for the day. The men stood, their hats in their hands, while the women sat. Some with children, most without.
The skies had darkened, with an impending storm threatening to open upon them. Everyone squeezed in as tight as they could so no one would be left outside.
Frank looked over the crowd, his emotions had never been touched so much as they were that day. He drew a deep breath, then blew it out. His eyes were beginning to sting, something that rarely happened to him when he stood at the front of the church. But this woman had touched him deep to his soul.
He glanced over to his family, his wife was watching him, giving him a small nod of encouragement. Jack's arm lay across the shoulders of his wife. Colton was on his lap, Blake on hers. The little boy was staring at the large photos of his mommy. She was on her horse, turning around a barrel, so alive and so healthy. He turned his head into Elizabeth and gripped her arms with his little fingers, holding on for dear life.
Sam tightened her arms around Peyton as Sam's own tears began to mark her cheeks. Peyton was quiet, but looking from person to person, noticing the sadness in everyone's eyes.
Rosemary was looking at all the beautiful flowers and plants that had been delivered, a testament to how many lives Becky's story could touch, if it hadn't already.
Frank looked back to his notes, trying to compose himself. He closed his eyes, asked the Lord for strength, then opened them and began.
"Becky and I sat and talked quite often over these past few weeks. I wanted to get to know her better, and found out she was a remarkable woman and mother." Frank looked toward Blake; tears were falling down the little boy's face. "Of course, we all know that she loved her son, her horse, running barrels, and spending time with her friends. But something I discovered during our long discussions was her love for writing. She asked me to write this down for her, and to read it to all of you today. This is from Becky."
"Do not cry over me, for my time here is done.
I have lived. I have loved. I am finally with the One.
I will no longer be there, Son, in your presence to see,
But by your side, forever and always, I will be.
When you're sad or hurt or scared to be alone,
Just remember that I am not your only home.
There are many others with you, to help guide your way.
If you need help or consoling, all you need to do is say.
I have gone to my new home, the Lord's voice I longed to hear.
I've heard that there will be no pain or suffering, as soon as I am there.
And to all my friends, I thank you for the love you have given me.
I hope to see you again, up here is where we all are meant to be.
My new family has given me the vision that I needed to see.
That Jesus gave His life for them, for you, and also me.
Do not be mad, do not blame our Lord God today.
For He is the One, the only One, that has taken my pain away.
So, please, do not cry over me, but rejoice in His holy name.
For if you run to Him, you will feel His love, like me, just the same.
Follow Him, love Him, choose Him, and I'll be waiting for you in Heaven.
With open arms, to say, "Hello, Dear Friend. So good to see you again."
Frank folded the paper and placed it in the front of his Bible, next to the other poem from his friend. He raised his eyes and found that there wasn't a single dry eye in the building. Even the toughest bull and bronc riders that lined the walls were wiping their faces.
Blinking back his own tears, Frank laid his Bible on the pulpit, walked to the right side of the stage, and continued. "Becky didn't want me to talk about her life before cancer. She didn't want me to talk about her achievements in or out of the arena. She didn't want me to share stories of her childhood. What she did want me to talk about was her last few weeks. Not of her illness or what she went through. But of the love she discovered, the kindness she found, the proof of someone bigger than her that she'd been searching for. Becky knew who God was. She'd heard the stories as a child. The flood, the burning bush, the Red Sea. But when tragedy struck, she was lost...unable to find her way back."
Frank crossed the stage, stopped next to the pulpit, and rested his hand on the corner. "She witnessed a miracle when she arrived in Missouri. I will not go into the details of what that was, but I will tell you this...she found herself immersed in the love of God. She was surrounded by it every day. She couldn't get away from it even if she wanted to. But she didn't want to. She wanted to know what motivated such love. Such forgiveness. Such unconditional acceptance. She found the Lord in the midst of her own personal hell. He pulled her from it. He held her in His arms. He carried her through her final days. And now...," Frank pointed toward the sky, "she is dancing with Jesus, pain free, worry free. She's running through endless fields of wild flowers. She's watching the most beautiful sunsets ever painted by the hand of God. She's running the perfect pattern on the back of a magnificent horse. This is what Becky wanted you to know. That she's finally home."
Frank crossed to the other side of the stage, shoving his hands into the pockets of his black pants. "Becky's story has not ended today. It will live on forever in the next chapters of her eternal life. She shared her story with some of you here today."
Diane raised her eyes to Frank and found him looking directly at her.
"Becky wanted all of you to know the astonishing, all-encompassing love that she found. She wasn't selfish, she didn't want to keep it a secret. She wanted to spread it in what little time she had." Franks eyes scanned the people, stopping on the few that come by the house that day. "And now she's handed her torch on to you. To learn the things that she did, to embrace them, to share them with others. It's up to all of you to keep Becky's story from ending here today. Shout the Lord's name from the mountain tops, sing His praise for everyone to hear, kneel before Him and give yourself...your whole self...to the One that loves you. Do this...because Becky no longer can for herself."
Frank walked back to the old wooden pulpit, picked up his Bible, and joined his wife in the front row. Jack moved Colton onto William's lap, stood, and walked up front. He picked up his guitar and after he raised the strap over his head and onto his shoulder, he quickly wiped his face before turning around and moving to the microphone.
"Um, hello everyone. Thank you for making it here today." Jack took a step back from the microphone and cleared his throat, then stepped forward. "Becky and I talked the other day about what she wanted at her funeral. She asked if I would sing something. I finally assured her that I would try. This is the song she requested, Angels Among Us."
Jack stepped back again, blowing out a long breath of air through his lips as he began to play. He played through the intro of the song twice before he began to sing.
"I was walking home from school on a cold winter day
Took a shortcut through the woods, and I lost my way
It was getting late, and I was scared and alone
But then a kind old man took my hand and led me home
My mama couldn't see him, oh, but he was standing there
And I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers
Oh, I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give
To guide us with the light of love
When life held troubled times and had me down on my knees
There's always been someone to come along and comfort me
A kind word from a stranger to lend a helping hand
A phone call from a friend just to say I understand
But ain't it kind of funny at the dark end of the road
That someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope
Oh, I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give
To guide us with the light of love
They wear so many faces, show up in the strangest places
To grace us with their mercy in our time of need
Oh, I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give
To guide us with the light of love
To guide us with a light of love"
Jack stepped back as he continued to play on the guitar, taking deep breaths in and out, not moving his eyes from the strings. When the song ended, he returned the instrument to the stand and walked back to his seat. As soon as Jack sat down, Blake, who'd had his face buried in the front of Elizabeth's blouse during the entire service, turned and crawled onto Jack's lap. Jack pulled him up and Blake wrapped his arms tightly around his daddy's neck. Jack wrapped both of his arms around his son, holding him, comforting him. Colton got down from Frank's lap and walked to his mommy, and Elizabeth pulled him onto her lap. As quietly as a three-year-old was able, he whispered in her ear, "Is evewy one sad cause Bwake's mommy is wit God?"
"Yes, sweetie," she said softly in his ear, flattening his disheveled hair on the back of his head.
"Otay," he said, laying his head on her shoulder.
Sniffling could be heard throughout the room as Frank returned to the pulpit. He said a closing prayer, then asked for the pall bearers to come up front. The funeral director was there, waiting to give directions when needed.
As Jack, Tom and Lee, followed by Walker, Jared, Levi, Dylan and Lance, began to take their places around the casket, eight men approached them. Each one was dressed in a white dress shirt, Wranglers, and carrying a black felt hat in their hand. Jack noticed that each one was also wearing a black band around their arms with Becky's name printed on it.
Holding his hat in his hand, Mason spoke for the group. "Jack, we would be honored if you'd let us do this for you and your brothers."
Jack reached out his hand and took it, shaking firmly. "Thank you, Mason. Thank you."
Jack and guys returned to their original places where everyone was standing and waiting to follow Becky out of the church; each of them picking up a child and placing their free hand into the hand of their wives.
Mason and his fellow bronc and bull riders moved to either side of the walnut casket, covered in ivory flowers, and placed their hats on their heads. Following the directions they'd been given, they lifted it up and proceeded to slowly walk toward the back of the church.
The Thorntons, Thatchers, and Coulters filed in behind them, and followed them out the door and to their waiting vehicles that were already lined up.
To everyone's surprise, the skies had cleared and the sun was shining down on them. The family stopped and looked out across a valley where a full rainbow had formed.
Once Becky was loaded into the back of the black hearse, the family moved on to their own vehicles.
The procession made its way to the same cemetery Thomas was buried, and Jack looked around as they drove along the winding road that cut through the center of it. He looked up to a hill that overlooked the cemetery, remembering that day so long ago.
…..
June 15th, 1998 – Highland Park Cemetery, Missouri
Jack parked his old truck along the street and got out. He reached into the back seat and picked up the cardboard box that held what was left of the case of Michelob. He stumbled up the hill, losing his footing now and again, until he reached the large oak tree that sprawled out over fifty feet wide.
He pressed his back against the rough bark of the trunk and slid down until he was seated in the cool grass. Reaching into the box, he pulled out another can and popped it open, then took a huge swig from it.
His eyes scanned the large cemetery that sprawled across four acres. His gaze finally locked onto a large group of people surrounding a black canopy. Assuming that was his father in the casket, he kept his gaze on the group and watched. No one knew he was there, and he wasn't close enough to hear anything or clearly see anything. He was far enough away that no one even knew he was there. But he wasn't really there, not in spirit, not in heart. He wasn't able to see his father or hear any words that were said. He was numb with the help of alcohol.
Jack reached into the box and pulled out another can, opened it, and downed it in one, long drink. Crushing the can, he tossed it aside and reached for another.
…..
May 29th, 2014 - Highland Park Cemetery, Missouri
He shook his head, angry and embarrassed at his actions back then. Regretting not being at his own father's funeral. He looked beside him, his wife was staring out the window, watching the headstones as they slowly moved by. He looked in the rear-view mirror, his in-laws were seated behind them, Peyton sandwiched in between them. Blake and Colton were in the back seat. He could see Colton trying to talk to his brother, but Blake was staring down at his hands on his lap.
…..
The procession reached the plot that Jack and Elizabeth had picked out for their friend, and everyone began exiting their vehicles.
Once the pall bearers had the casket placed on the stand beneath the blue canopy, and everyone had moved in around it, filling a large area of the cemetery, Frank began with a short graveside service. He reiterated on his sermon from earlier, said a few personal things that he knew about her, then ended with another prayer.
When it was over, several people approached the family to give their condolences. Many that Jack knew visited with him briefly before leaving.
One young lady that no one seemed to know, approached Jack and Elizabeth.
"I want to thank you for what you did for Becky." She turned to Frank and continued, "And I want to thank you for your words. I have been struggling with something in my life, and I now think that if I get to know God and learn about him, that maybe I can have some peace like Becky."
Frank stepped forward and took her hand in his, "Becky is dancing for joy right now, I hope you know that. This is exactly what she wanted."
A tear fell down the woman's cheek.
"Can I ask you who you are and how do you know Becky?" Jack asked, moving up to stand next to Frank.
"I rode at a few rodeos. Mostly barrels and opening ceremonies. I only saw her a few times but she was always very nice to me. We sat and talked for hours one night, but then she vanished and I never saw her again. So, when I heard about her passing, I had to come."
"We're very happy that you're here," Frank said. He removed something from his wallet and handed it to her. "Here's my card. You can call me anytime. If you need to talk or have any questions, I would love to speak to you."
She placed the card into her purse. "Thank you, Sir. It was a beautiful service. I think Becky would have loved it." She nodded her head toward everyone, then walked away.
They started back toward their vehicles when Peyton continued to look over Elizabeth's shoulder. "What 'bout Bwake's mommy? She not coming wit us?"
"No, sweetie. She's not," Elizabeth answered, brushing some of her daughter's blonde hair back from her face. "Blake's mommy is with Jesus now."
"That not her?" The little girl asked, pointing back toward the casket.
"That's her body. But her spirit is with the Lord up in Heaven."
"In Heaven?"
"Yes, sweetie." They were at the Tahoe now and Elizabeth was placing her daughter into her car seat and buckling her in.
"Bwake no see her anymo?" Peyton's eyes were large like a Precious Moments doll. Tears pooled at her bottom lids, threatening to spill over.
Elizabeth rested her hip against the seat, facing her daughter. Jack was at the other door, buckling in Colton, and Blake was standing next to him, his arm wrapped around his daddy's leg. William and Grace were standing behind them, waiting, listening.
Elizabeth rubbed Peyton's legs as she talked. "Blake's mommy was very sick. God doesn't like it when His people are sick. So, he took her up to Heaven so he could make her feel better. She's up there waiting, so that one day, many, many years from now, when it's our time to go meet God, then we'll get to see her again."
"You gonna leave, too?" she asked, her tears now spilling over.
"Oh, honey. No. Not for a long, long time. You'll grow up, and have a family, and I'll be right here to see it all." Elizabeth smiled, trying to calm her daughter.
"Otay, Mommy."
Elizabeth leaned forward and hugged Peyton, feeling the little girl's arms wrap around her neck.
"I love you, Mommy."
"I love you, too, Peyton."
….
Jack turned the SUV onto the road that would take them home. The only sound was faint music playing from the radio. Jack had it on the Christian station on his satellite radio and I Can Only Imagine began to play. Jack reached and turned the volume up slightly just as Bart from MercyMe began to sing.
I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk by Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes would see
When Your face is before me
I can only imagine
Yeah
Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for You Jesus
Or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in Your presence
Or to my knees, will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah?
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship You
I can only imagine, yeah
I can only imagine
Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah?
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, yeah
I can only imagine
Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees, will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah?
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship You
I can only imagine
