Chapter 144
March 20th, 2022
"You're not seriously going to watch me pee?" Rory asked, finding it humorous how even though she'd snuck out of bed to go to the bathroom at 6 AM on a Sunday morning to take that pregnancy test, unable to wait any longer, Logan had been alert as a chamois, and followed her to the door of the bathroom.
"What? I've seen you pee before," Logan shrugged and smiled apologetically, clearly excited out of his mind. He had - a hundred times at least, they were really past such things years ago, though knowing when to give and request privacy if they wanted it. But they both knew this time it was different - and he wasn't doing to watch per se, he just didn't want her fretting about this like she had a few months ago in that doctor's office or years ago alone some random bathroom, all alone.
Rory quickly unpacked the test from the cardboard, struggling a bit with the inside package. It only really took a few seconds, and then it was just time to wait. She set the test onto the vanity, on top of the package it came in.
"You know it's okay, if it's not…," Logan began, feeling like he had to say something.
"If it's not I'm pretty sure I need to go get a mammogram or something which is probably worse than a negative test. But yeah, I know…," Rory commented, definitely approaching that point where she didn't want anyone, including Logan, touching her boobs.
"Okay," Logan exhaled.
"I'm pretty sure I am. I just know…," Rory assured him, repeating what she'd said a few times over the week, in part to assure herself. "But you know this won't really end the tiptoeing yet, right? We'd have about 8 weeks of uncertainty left. Two weeks until anything resembling a heart beat, four weeks until the first real appointment," she added, realizing much better than Logan how much worrying she'd done the last time around with a bad experience freshly in her memory. Things were different now too - it was years later and she was older. But she still recalled waking up to find blood underneath thighs on those white sheets, and the loss of consciousness after labor, hence she tried not to think about it too much, and preferred to focus on the fact that in theory her body knew how to do this right. Well - almost at least, she had no proof her body knew how to do this well.
"I know," Logan reflected, knowing it but not really comprehending how uncertain it still could be nevertheless. "Hey, come here," he urged, wrapping Rory in a hug, feeling like she was putting up a strong front. He could see her fluctuate between certainty and doubt, trying not to appear scared and at the same time not too hopeful.
Rory snuggled her nose into his neck, taking a deep breath of his scent. It was calming.
"I'd be the happiest man alive even if it was just you and me forever," Logan whispered into her ear, kissing her hair just above her ear a second later.
"I love you," Rory replied.
"I do too," Logan replied. "Any breakfast wishes?" Logan asked in part just wanting them to think about something else for the next 30 seconds that they still had to wait.
"Cereal," Rory replied, in an almost childlike manner like Em did on most mornings.
Logan chuckled lightly, already planning on making her a green smoothie anyways, even if it ended up being something they'd split. He could already hear Loki's weak whine, making it clear he needed to take him out soon.
The two took an instinctive deep breath and turned to see what the test said. It's result was no surprise, rather just one more thing to solidify earlier guesses.
"So what now?" Logan asked, actually seeing the test influencing him probably more than Rory.
"You'll go take Loki out, and I'll take a shower. You'll make me breakfast, and I'll order a new pack of prenatal vitamins," Rory listed practically. She'd already been eating various supplements due to her doctor's recommendations, so there really was no other change in her course of action other than keeping it up and making sure she only really stuck to half decaf and kept a little bit closer eye on what she ate. Cutting out soft cheeses and raw fish wasn't really a big loss. She'd also already looked into some prenatal yoga classes she might want to try out, having never really had the time to do things like that the last time around.
That evening when Rory drove to pick up Em from Jess' she was once again strangely nervous. She was fluctuating between the fact whether she remembered where her Tummy Shield seat belt adjuster was - whether she'd kept it at all since last time, and the topic which she needed to discuss with Jess that night concerning Logan's request to determine some extent of his role in Em's life. At the same time it was difficult to tune down her excitement - not think about that little blob in her belly and especially not show that excitement.
Rory ended up parking her car all the way over at Lukes, more than 300 ft from Jess' seeing from afar that parking spaces were incredibly scarce that day in Stars Hollow. The almost monthly event-schedule the town had, was beginning to get lost on her, not being in the midst of this all the time, and she honestly didn't even know which event this was. There were carts selling something, various things by the looks of things - anything from food and beverages to earrings and wood carvings, and the marching band was playing some energetic tunes.
"The fruit of my loins!" Lorelai exhaled demonstratively, emerging from Luke's at the sight of her daughter's car pulling up.
"Mom, hey," Rory replied, and accepted her mother's welcoming embrace.
"It's been so long!" Lorelai complained, playfully.
"We just saw each-other on Friday, mom," Rory commented, Lorelai having been over for dinner before she'd dropped Em off at Jess' on behalf of Rory.
"Still - it's been too long since you've been here," Lorelai replied.
"I have. What's all this?" Rory asked, gesturing around the town square.
"Well, since Taylor is embracing a lot of New Age things these days - this is the Spring Equinox handicraft market, largely made up so Taylor could sell his polished rocks and what not," Lorelai explained.
"Right," Rory nodded, with a hint of sarcasm in her mind.
"So, you're here to pick up Em?" Lorelai asked.
"Uh-uh," Rory replied, trying to not make too deliberate eye contact, since she was struggling hiding her smile. She didn't want to tell Lorelai yet - just like last time, she wanted to hold it to herself and Logan the full 12 weeks if she could help it, feeling like she might jinx it otherwise. The only person other than Logan she wanted to talk to about this was Paris - as they were kind of in the same boat, and Paris was only now reaching 12 weeks herself. "So how's Luke?" she inquired, hoping to distract her mother, as they strolled slowly towards the Apparatus Bay.
"It's strange - kind of feels like I've jumped back in time to 2006 or something," Lorelai commented. "We flirt, we kiss, we even… you know - but he still has his place and I still have mine. He comes over to fix the porch light, makes sure I'm caffinated and well-fed, but he refuses to live there," she added.
"You sound better," Rory commented.
"I mean. It's not 'good' but it's 'good', you know? It's not like I lost all of him, and maybe some day… things will be back to normal. I gotta have hope, right? I know how he is…. You know how he is. And in a way what he's doing is sweet - he's protecting me. And this just makes him so much more lovable," she explained, having not really gotten a lot of chances on Friday to go into great depth on the topic with Logan and Em around.
"Why does Jess have the store open? On a Sunday?" Rory suddenly came to a half, seeing the store busy with people. She hadn't known he'd be working, not with Em around.
Lorelai trailed into the store after Rory, after they let a few people they'd seen around town, but didn't quite know by name, exit.
"Wow, busy," Lorelai commented, noting at least five people in the store, whihc was a lot for the place that sold most of its books online.
Rory nodded to Jess, who was just finishing up accepting payment form a customer.
It was then Rory noticed Lisa, generously helping out a customer at the other part of the store, advising them on a book genre that would've totally been her cup of tea five years ago.
"Lisa sure looks homey," Rory mentioned in a whisper to her mother. But there was another layer to this - it wasn't annoying, just she was surprised how organically she fit into this space, even down to her wardrobe, a 40s inspired red wrap dress.
"I think I remember her," Lorelai noted in passing, recalling Rory's graduation. Rory had told her mother the gist of her, as much as she knew, a little from their Chilton days and a little from the recent dinner that she'd learned. She was incredibly easy to like to be honest, and Rory had no trouble seeing what Jess saw in her. But it wasn't jealousy that she felt - if anything it was relief, the guilt over the way she'd treated him lifting a little.
"Em! Your mom's here," Jess called out after he'd sent the customer on her way.
"Hey," Rory greeted Jess as she stepped close, while her mother remained to browse a couple of books a few steps behind her, just tagging along. "I was actually hoping we could have a word sometime… not today," Rory replied, casting a look towards Lisa briefly. She didn't want to discuss parenting boundaries here, not with this many distractions.
"Um, sure. Am I in trouble?" Jess replied, sounding not at all accusatory but rather humorous. He seemed to be in a really good mood.
"No, nothing like that," Rory replied. "Jus Em's been having some sort of a rebellious phase and I figured we could maybe have a talk about that, just the two of us," she explained.
"Okay, let me know when you have time. Most evenings are fine next week," he replied. "I think Em went to the bathroom, she'll be out in a minute," he explained, glancing back towards the back room where there was a couch where Em sometimes liked to hang out.
"So never thought you'd be the one to open during one of the town events," Rory replied, making the local conclusion to the reason as to why he was open.
"Well, it was Lisa's idea actually. Things have been a little slow," Jess admitted, tucking his hands into his pockets like he sometimes did when he was a little nervous. But Rory could understand that - it wasn't nice admitting one's business wasn't doing as well as one had foreseen.
"Well, it sure takes character to talk you into complying with Taylor's guidelines," Rory teased, already seeing Em dash towards her from the back where the bathroom was.
Jess simply shrugged, not really commenting in great detail, and he didn't have to as Em's squeal, "Mommy!" interrupted them.
Jess said goodbye to a few customers he'd talked to before.
"Hey, baby! Did you wash your hands?" Rory asked, rubbing Em's back as she hugged her hips.
"Uh-uh," Em replied, demonstrating her hands that were still a little wet.
"Why don't you go get your backpack," Jess suggested to Em, returning to them.
Em took a bit of a detour, seeing Lorelai as well - of course she needed to be hugged to and say a few words to. They always had their own little secrets and stories - Lorelai was that kind of grandmother, while still somehow more down to earth than Liz was.
Suddenly Rory was reminded by the fact that Em certainly had something over the child she and Logan were, possibly, about to have. She had two active, youthful and loving grandparents, so what if a little whacky sometimes. This baby would not lack anything financially, but there was surely a limit to the role model she wanted Shira to be to him or her. Those family dynamics would be a whole other story - it also meant twice as many birthdays and family gatherings, day-to-day logistics and opinions to hear even if one didn't take them into account. It was in that moment that it hit her how there'd be dilemmas of spoiling the kids equally, the image of Honor showering the unborn baby with gifts and parties. Sure, it was in her hands to balance these things - but she knew that Jess would never even aim to ensure Em would get everything in equal amounts as that was not what Jess believed in.
Rory also felt a wave of cool sweat come over her for a second, making her feel a little faint.
Rory's mind spiraled - just now realizing how she'd need to split herself not just between her work and home, but now Logan, Em and the baby to come, even if work did get pushed to the backseat. The latter actually sounded like a relief. But the rest felt overwhelming. She'd been so focused on making this happen for Logan, for her and Logan, for just making this happen - and now that it was, it was all a lot to wrap her head around.
"You okay there?" Jess asked, seeing Rory go all quiet and a little pale.
"Uh-uh," Rory replied, beginning to look a little pale.
"Here," Jess said, and rolled out his office chair from behind the counter for her, not waiting around.
"Rory?!" her mother fretted, offering her a bottle of water from her purse.
"I'm fine, just felt a little weak. Must be low blood sugar or something," Rory replied, not wanting to make a big deal of it.
"Here," Lorelai said, naturally having a half-eaten donut in her purse from Luke's, wrapped in a napkin.
"Oh come on," Rory sighed, feeling already a little better, and reluctantly bit into the donut. She wasn't sure what it was - but it didn't feel bad, if anything a mixture of morning sickness and a panic attack, neither of which she wanted to go through right here in front of her mother, Jess, Lisa and Em, who by now had also returned.
"Just hang out here for a bit, I don't think it'd be a good idea to go driving like this," Jess cautioned, putting it calmly in front of Em.
Lorelai took Em to look at a cool new children's book that she'd found earlier. Naturally, it was one which Jess had already gotten Em.
"What's going on?" Lisa asked, finally having sent the customers she'd been advising earlier on their way, leaving the store momentarily empty of customers for the first time that day.
"I just felt a little off for a sec, I'm fine," Rory replied.
"Do you need me to get you anything?" Lisa asked, being even more likable.
"I'm fine," Rory repeated.
"Hey, Lorelai, maybe you could take Em to the playground for a bit," Jess hinted, they give Rory some space.
"I'm fine!" Rory said, sounding by now a little annoyed. She wanted to just get up and prove it, but the truth was that she just wasn't sure she wouldn't just make a dash for the bathroom to throw up right then.
"I'll go get some juice maybe? I just made some earlier," Lisa offered and didn't really wait for a reply, leaving Jess and Rory alone.
Jess was crouched down in front of Rory, observing her. And for good reason as she was fighting the nausea and was focusing on taking deep, tactical, breaths. He was definitely seeing she wasn't all fine.
"I'm sure your girlfriend doesn't appreciate you showing me this much attention," Rory said, adding, "And I said - I'm fine, I will be fine."
"Nothing that won't go away in 9 months or so, right?" Jess replied, and took her hand to massage her pressure point as he knew it would help. He'd seen this reaction before.
Rory was in awe of how he'd known, but as the pressure point did help, there was some sense of relief in the fact. Rory positioned her finger across her lips, cautioning him to keep it to himself, replying to him wordlessly.
