Chapter 146

March 26th, 2017

The Oak Dressing Room at North Mymms Park felt stuffy, making Logan want to release the bowtie and upmost button of his well-starched white dress-shirt as he glanced out of the window towards the vast estate of the place with well-trimmed bright green grass and bushes. But he knew he couldn't do that. Stuffing his two fingers between his collar was the best he could do at that moment, knowing this tension, this stuffiness, would ease up in a few moments. Logan was pretty sure this anticipation was worse than actually going on with the day. For the past few days, or was it weeks, he'd been fighting bad dreams, flashbacks - and the quick bachelor soiree to Amsterdam over these past few days that had left him with a throbbing, lingering, headache. But at least that had stopped the eerie feeling of life flashing in front of his eyes before something life changing took place. He'd accepted it, he'd accepted what was happening, along with the past regrets. Everybody had regrets, right? It was normal.

Finn, currently slouched down in the armchair in the adjacent room with an IV with vitamins and electrolytes stuck to his arm, eyes closed but not asleep, one leg draped over the handrest was a prime example of the kind of bachelor party it had been. They'd been contemplating for a while how they were too old for things like that, and truthfully they hadn't all partied together like this since that one night in New Hampshire. The problem was - getting the guys together stung now more than ever. Logan constantly felt like there was some presence missing but he didn't like to admit it. The past should remain in the past - shouldn't it? But this felt like the best reason to do it and thankfully the change of scenery had helped as it made them feel like they were in their 20s still, even if just for the duration of the time they'd been drunk.

"Is it time yet?" Finn asked, sounding like a sleepy 5-year-old, not opening his eyes.

"I do believe it's time for you to go find that nurse of yours," Logan pointed out as he checked the time.

"What on Earth for?" Finn mumbled.

"I would prefer it if you weren't strolling along the ceremony hall with that IV stand," Logan requested, reminding him.

"Oh, right. I forgot," Finn said and looked up at the IV stand. Hiring a private nurse for the event, and possibly for various overindulgence related cures had been a pretty good idea if one didn't think about the fact how determined Finn was, despite not showing it at the moment, at getting into that nurse's pants later that day. Or so at least he'd claimed the night before in Amsterdam having met the woman before briefly. Besides, some of Odette's friends were even bigger party animals than Finn was, believe it or not. There was going to be the ceremony, the formal reception and then the after party which Logan was pretty sure would get pretty crazy, even if he wasn't feeling it much.

Suddenly there was a knock.

"Yeah?" Logan asked.

"Logan! There you are!" Mitchum said as he peeked in from the doorway and made his entrance. "Oh hello," he added, noting Finn's presence with some disgust towards his tone.

"What's up?" Logan asked, knowing that it'd rather be the event organizer that'd come and let him know when it was time than his father.

"Finn, could you give us a minute?" Mitchum requested. And even though Finn was no longer a college kid to be ordered around by Mitchum Huntzberger, there had still remained a sense of seniority, so he dragged himself up and down the hall, already audibly searching for his lovely nurse Stella rom the second he stepped out.

"You look good," Mitchum complimented Logan. Logan was dressed in an ultra classic Dior tux, having not really had a lot of strong preferences. It wasn't his dream wedding - he doubted many guys even had a definition of that in their mind. But to him, more than to most guys, it was just a wedding, and Odette had done the same, or at least so she'd claimed a few days ago. But he could tell she was a little bit more nervous than he was nontheless.

Logan rolled his eyes. His father was there hardly to comment on his outfit, or how well he'd managed to eliminate his dehydration and headache by now. This was definitely a day for his best poker face.

"I just wanted to say that… I think it's good to see that you've come this far. You've chosen well, you've handled things amicably. And as I am sure you've understood by now that this is not some horrible life long sentence. Your mother's happy, Odette looks happy. Even the stakeholders will be pleased, and this will generate some good press. And it really won't hurt including some bits of the French market into our reign," he commented, casually, as if commenting on something mundane.

Logan knew this was likely as close as he was going to get on Mitchum admitting anything resembling pride towards him, and while he would've preferred not to take it, he still did appreciate it, being used to so little. It was a little pathetic how little it took to be moved by what he said, and a little disgusting too if he dwelled on it.

He'd realized Mitchum had probably figured out about him and Rory when that had still been topical - he did sign off on company jet activity and Logan hadn't bothered terribly much about hiding the reservations he made on occasion for the two of them. If Mitchum wanted to - it would've been easy for him to look up, but he doubted he'd bothered, and just assumed.

But he also knew that essentially he was now complimenting him on leaving that part behind or… as far as he knew - keeping the two things separate, and finally settling down publicly, which was all that he really cared about. He didn't like that his father seemed to assume he was like him - that he'd stay married and exchange one mistress to another like he himself had, not even hiding it that much.

"Well, that was the plan," Logan sighed. Frankly he now just wanted to get this thing over with, knowing there'd be a lot of fake smiles to plaster on that day and just carry on. He preferred to focus on the tiny positive - that by tomorrow he'd possibly be lounging on some beach in Bora Bora.

"Just don't let that guy hold the rings for you," Mitchum commented, on his way out, referring to Finn.

Logan didn't reply, knowing Finn had the rings anyways. He trusted the guy even if he was drunk or hungover. And frankly having a small incident with misplacing the rings may have just been what he'd need on a day like this, to spruce things up a little.

He needed to keep the night interesting, and focus on the positive. There'd be good food, friends, good music even - and Odette was generally a lot of fun at these things - things could've been worse. He needed to remind himself of those worse things every once in a while though and this was one of those times - the Fallon girl, the famine in South Sudan and Yemen, young mothers overdosing, Brexit, the Louisiana floods, the latest US presidential elections, armed conflict in Syria with over 50 000 children killed. Yup - that did it.

He had nothing to complain about. People had it way worse than him - he realized, just as there was another knock on the door, and he knew it was time.


March 26th, 2022

Logan woke abruptly, waking from a bad dream. He couldn't quite recall what it had been about, its content disappearing from his mind rapidly. But the feeling was still there - the dread, the guilt.

"You okay?" Rory mumbled, her hand resting on his chest.

"Sorry, I just had a dream or something," Logan replied, urging, "Go back to sleep".

Rory could feel the cool sweat on his skin and the way his heart thumped and frankly she got worried, hence she raised her head to observe him. The sun was already beginning to rise, it looked like it was to be a sunny Saturday morning. She knew it was still early, but somehow this woke her right up.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Rory asked.

"I can't even remember what it was," Logan shrugged.

"Well, what did it feel like then?" Rory encouraged, still feeling a little guilty about not having talked to him enough the first half of the week. She was really trying, but whenever it seemed to be something she should've told him right away, she still struggled.

"I don't know… sort of anxious I guess, like guilty," Logan explained, sensing what she was doing.

"Well - have you got a body buried in the backyard? Because you do spend a lot of time back there," Rory asked jokingly.

"We don't even own a shovel," Logan chuckled.

"Yup, besides… I think Loki would totally rat you out," Rory continued, snuggling more to his side.

"But there was this one girl at the gym last week...," Logan began, mockingly.

Rory pinched him, sensing a fine line between funny and eerie.

"Ouch," Logan chuckled.

But Rory figured, it was rather a good thing that he joked about things like that. This meant these types of things hadn't even occurred to him in reality.

"No idea what it was?" Rory asked.

"I don't know… maybe the stuff with my sister… maybe… the fact that five years ago on this day I was getting married," he admitted, making a logical conclusion, and shrugged. "Maybe something else," he added, knowing he'd be going to see her tomorrow and talk about things.

"Oh…," Rory exhaled, having not realized.

"I don't want to talk about it," Logan replied, not wanting her to fret about it.

Logan turned to his side to face her, and let his hand caress her back, soothingly.

"So what does it feel like?" Logan asked, wanting to steer the conversation elsewhere. They'd talked about this both at the therapist's office and later in the car and Rory had promised to at least talk to him, even if they were both still tentative about their tiny, approximately strawberry seed sized, beginning of a baby in her belly.

Rory sighed, taking a deep breath. "Just a little bloated," she described, touching her belly lightly as the tank top she'd been wearing had hiked up a bit anyways.

"Okay if I feel?" Logan asked.

"I doubt you'll feel anything," Rory said, but let him. She knew she had to let him experience all of this, even if it didn't turn out the way they wanted it to. "And the breasts are getting pretty crazy sensitive. I need to shop for more sports bras so I wouldn't have to wear anything with underwires or sharp fabrics. Last time I did, but it was torture… I don't think I want to repeat that," Rory explained. Thankfully, other than occasional lightheadedness, she hadn't had much nausea yet.

Logan didn't even know some fabrics could be called 'sharp'.

"So I can't touch them at all?" Logan noted, not really asking but just repeating the fact to himself. "How long did it last?" he inquired.

"20 weeks or so, and then the last few weeks again, and after… a couple of months, breastfeeding hurt in the beginning a lot and it took some time to adjust, heal," she explained.

"Wow," Logan exclaimed, keeping his voice down.

"Yup, and there's no sex 6-8 weeks after and even then it's like a dry desert. It'll take a while," Rory warned, needing him to know the reality. He had asked.

"I have been without sex before, nothing I can't handle," Logan replied, smilingly. This was so much cooler, more major at least, than sex if he really thought about it.

"I know, still - it can be a change," Rory warned, recalling well how Jess had tried to convince her of the same but had been incredibly tense and jumpy for a while there, clearly in need for his release, just his own hand not really being what he wanted.

"And I can't touch your breasts at all?" Logan asked again. He still found it difficult to grasp. What if he touched them by accident? It was so instinctive.

"Just not roughly. No teeth, grabbing… licking, light sucking," Rory replied, lifting the hem of her top just a little more, showing the early morning craving in herself, and knowing Em wouldn't be up for hours left them with a sweet window in time.

"Like this?" Logan asked, and bent his neck to lick her nipples with the most sensitive brush of his tongue that he could master.

The small whimper that left Rory's lips, was assurance enough.