Washington, D.C.
"He thought he was off the record, Mr. President."
Leo McGarry's eyes followed the President faithfully as he paced the perimeter of the Oval Office.
"Damnit!" Jed exclaimed.
"Sir, I think you should just calm down for the time being. This isn't what you need to be focusing on right now. I'm delegating it to Josh. He's gonna handle it."
"Am I the only one pissed off about this?"
"No, sir," Leo replied. "Why do you think I'm letting Josh handle it? He's gonna tear the Secretary apart."
"Good. How's CJ doing?"
"She's working on it."
Jed shook his head in disbelief as Secretary Richardson's comment reappeared in his head for the millionth time.
"'It's about time Haffley solved this thing. Now we can move onto more pressing matters.'"
Leo nodded.
"I know."
"Haffley didn't solve anything," Jed stated.
"Yes, sir."
"Haffley was the problem."
"Yes, sir."
"Richardson makes the whole damn ordeal sound like a waste of time."
"It was a waste of time, Mr. President," Leo answered.
"You know what I mean."
"Yes, sir."
"Josh is on his way over now?" Jed questioned.
"Yeah."
The President's incessant pacing came to a halt in front of his desk.
"I want to talk to him."
"Josh?" Leo asked.
"Richardson."
"Mr. President, I'm not so sure…"
"DEBBIE!" Jed bellowed, cutting off Leo's words completely.
"Sir, if I could…"
Jed walked past him to the door.
"Where the hell is she!" He demanded, as he flung the door open. "Debbie!"
Charlie immediately stood from his position behind his own desk and faced his president.
"She's not here, sir."
"Where the hell is she?"
"She's…" Charlie hesitated, debating with his conscience on whether or not to be completely truthful about Debbie's whereabouts. "She went to the bathroom, sir."
She better have stopped off at the bathroom on the way, Charlie thought. Then it's only a white lie.
Following her meeting with Amy and CJ, Abbey returned to her East Wing office and closed the door behind her. She could hardly remember the last time she had been in her office, but she knew it had been well over six months. Nothing had changed. It was as if no one had even so much as entered it since she'd been gone. She walked behind her desk and lowered herself into the luxurious leather chair, swiveling back and forth for a few moments as she observed the scenery, such as it was. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her and she began rummaging through her desk drawers until she found the hair clip she had been looking for since June.
"Aha!"
Abbey pulled her hair back and twisted it up, allowing for the clip to hold it in place. Her hair sufficiently out of her way, she took notice of the many framed photographs on the still cluttered surface of her desk. One of her three girls together last Christmas, one of the Westins taken the previous Easter, one of her sisters taken three years before, her parents' wedding portrait circa 1940, and her own wedding portrait, circa 1967.
"Excuse me. Mrs. Bartlet?"
Abbey glanced up and saw her door open a crack, but no one to be found.
"Yes?"
"It's Debbie, ma'am."
Abbey stood up from behind her desk and laughed as she moved toward the door. She pulled it all the way open and invited a sheepish looking Debbie Fiderer inside.
"How are you, Debbie?"
"Just fine, thank you, ma'am. How are you?"
"Good, thanks," Abbey replied.
She sat down on the couch against the wall and patted the cushion beside her as a gesture for Debbie to join her. Hesitantly, Debbie sat down beside the First Lady, folding her hands together and resting them in her lap.
"What can I do for you?"
"I…just wanted to say how glad I am that you're back," Debbie said.
"Thank you. I'm glad to be back."
"I know everyone's a little peeved at you, ma'am, but I really don't think I'm the only one who missed having you around. If you ask me, Charlie was a little bored."
"I'll be sure to provide him with a little entertainment now that I'm back," Abbey replied.
"I'm almost certain Toby missed arguing with you, and he took it out on me at every possible occasion. Sam missed collaborating with your speechwriting staff. You know how he loves writing for you. CJ's had to rely on Donna for female companionship and that's bound to get on anyone's nerves. And Will doesn't know what the hell to think."
Abbey laughed.
"So, despite how they may act, don't be fooled. They're all secretly thrilled that you're back."
"I appreciate you saying so, Debbie."
"And I know for a fact that the President's thrilled. That makes my job a helluva lot easier." Debbie grinned.
Seconds after a knock on the door, one of Abbey's interns entered the office.
"Mrs. Bartlet, I have a message for Debbie Fiderer from Charlie Young."
"Yes, go ahead."
The intern unfolded a piece of paper and recited the words she had scribbled upon it.
"'President staging a nutty. Looking for you. Come back ASAP.'"
Both Debbie and the First Lady immediately stood and followed the intern out of the office.
Manchester, New Hampshire
"I'm gonna castrate him."
"Liz."
"I'm going to perform unspeakable acts of violence upon him."
"Liz."
"He is going to experience a severe amount of pain, and it will be because of me."
"Liz!"
Elizabeth stopped pacing the room and stared at her youngest sister, who was sitting Indian-style on the couch.
"This is my problem. I'll handle it."
Liz sighed and sat beside Zoey, gazing at her sympathetically.
"What are you gonna do?"
Zoey hesitated for a moment and began rubbing her temples in an effort to alleviate the migraine that had begun to plague her.
"I'm gonna castrate him," she said, finally. "I'm gonna perform unspeakable acts of violence upon him."
Liz rolled her eyes.
"Zoey."
"He is going to experience a severe amount of pain and it will be because of me!"
"You're just gonna lock yourself in your bedroom with Breakfast at Tiffany's a pint of Ben and Jerry's, aren't you?"
"Chunky Monkey, to be specific," Zoey replied, glumly.
"You know, the amount of dysfunctional relationships in this family is astounding," Liz commented.
"You can say that again."
"You know, the amount of dys…"
"Liz."
"Right."
Washington, D.C.
When Abbey and Debbie finally reached the Oval Office, Charlie Young was waiting for them at his desk. He jumped out of his chair and approached them, looking more disheveled than usual.
"What's going on?" Abbey questioned.
"What kind of nutty, Charlie?" Debbie asked.
"Code Orange."
"Damnit," she muttered.
Abbey raised an eyebrow at the pair.
"Code Orange?"
"Yeah," Charlie answered. "You want to explain it, Debbie?"
"Let's put it this way," Debbie began. "While you were in London, the President was at Code Red. Post-reelection, the President was at Code Blue."
"So Code Orange…"
"Not bad, but not good either."
"Right," Abbey said. "What happened?"
"The Energy Secretary had a little slip of the tongue, around Katie Witt," Charlie explained.
"Oh, holy hell," Debbie murmured. "What did Richardson say?"
Just as Charlie opened his mouth to respond, the door to the Oval Office burst open, revealing the President and his trusty Chief of Staff.
"There you are. Are you through powdering your nose?" Jed questioned to Debbie.
"Yes, sir. Not that it did me much good."
"What is this?" He gestured to Abbey standing beside her. "Are the two of you bathroom buddies now?"
"Do I look like the Energy Secretary to you?" Abbey shot back.
"No."
"Then direct your hostility somewhere else please."
Jed groaned and turned away, heading back into his office. An exasperated Leo looked at Abbey and sighed.
"Leo." Margaret popped her head into the area outside the Oval.
"Yeah."
"The Surgeon General's in your office."
"Okay." He turned to Abbey. "He's making too much out of this."
"I know," Abbey answered.
"Millie's probably gonna show me the door if I don't attend to her right away…" Leo said.
"I'll handle Jed."
"Thank you."
Abbey touches his arm lightly as she walked past him into the Oval Office and closed the door behind her. Jed had taken to pacing the floor once again and didn't stop despite Abbey's eyes burning into him while she leaned against the door. She folded her arms across her chest and followed his every move with her watchful gaze.
"What did he say?" She asked, softly.
"'It's about time Haffley solved this thing. Now we can move onto more pressing matters.'"
"Haffley didn't solve a damn thing."
"No kidding!" Jed bellowed.
"Hey. Once again, do I look like Richardson to you?"
Jed averted his eyes from her.
"No."
"All right then."
"I just can't believe he would say that," Jed said.
"I can't believe he would say it to Katie."
"Leo says he thought they were off the record."
"Obviously not. Katie wouldn't pull a trick like that," Abbey replied.
"I know."
"In Richardson's defense, I doubt he meant it the way you think he meant it."
"It doesn't matter how he meant it, Abbey, it matters how the public perceived it when they picked up the Miami Herald this morning!"
Abbey nodded in agreement, and then moved to sit down on the couch. She had a hunch her husband would need a few minutes to blow off steam. He continued to pace in front of her.
"Why would Richardson be talking to Katie Witt about this anyway? That's just blatant disregard for my…you know."
"Your ego?"
"My….no, not my ego! My…you know, my…I'm the President, for God's sake!"
"Yes, I've heard that."
"You're missing the point here, Abigail. He dissed me!"
Abbey quickly covered her mouth with her hand and pursed her lips so Jed would not hear her amused laughter.
"He minimized the importance of the whole thing. He dissed the entire situation and made it seem like small potatoes!"
A quiet little squeak sounded from her throat as she continued to purse her lips tightly to conceal her amusement.
"He elevated Haffley and he dissed me!"
This time, Abbey could conceal it no longer. She let out a hearty, full-throated laugh, throwing her head back, overwhelmed by the hilarity. "What!" Jed exclaimed, thoroughly appalled.
"Nothing, no…" Abbey said, between fits of laughter. "I'm sorry. It's…"
She threw her head back once more when she caught of glimpse of his mixed expression of frustration and bewilderment.
"What the hell are you laughing at?"
"I'm sorry," Abbey answered, still giggling profusely. "I didn't mean to…diss you."
Jed rolled his eyes as she nearly toppled over with laughter on the couch.
"All right. Laugh all you want."
He walked over and collapsed into the chair beside her. He regarded her with interest while she succumbed to her convulsions and found himself unable to take his eyes off her. Since she had returned the day before, he hadn't given himself the opportunity to really look at her. Last night, he had wanted to tell her how much he loved her hair. It was much longer now, and he was grateful because he'd never been a huge fan of the cropped look. Silently, he cursed her for being so beautiful. Her beauty made it painfully difficult to be angry at her. Especially when she was laughing.
After about a minute, her laughter subsided and she began to compose herself.
"Are you through now?"
She nodded and wiped away the tears of laughter from her eyes.
"Mmm-hmm."
"Good."
Abbey grinned at his grumpy expression until his walls crumbled and he cracked a smile for her.
"Have dinner with me."
"What?" Jed asked, surprised.
"Have dinner with me tonight. Debbie mentioned something about a working dinner with the staff. Chinese and all that."
"Yeah."
"Cancel it."
"Abbey, I can't…"
"Please. We'll eat, we'll talk…"
"Preferably not at the same time," Jed quipped.
"What do you say?"
He wanted to repair his marriage just as much as she did, and he reckoned that ignoring all her efforts to do so would not be entirely beneficial for that particular cause.
"All right."
She smiled radiantly.
"Great. How's 7 o'clock?"
"Where?" Jed asked.
"Location undisclosed. Meeting place to be announced."
"How incredibly covert of you. I assume you've consulted with Nancy and Fitz and run it by the director of the CIA."
"They're in on it, yeah. I'll dispatch a message to Charlie later via cryptogram and he'll reveal the meeting place," Abbey said.
"Understood."
"Good. I should go freshen up. I've got a lunch."
She rose from her seat.
"Hot date?" Jed questioned, facetiously.
"Depends on whether or not you consider Sam Seaborn to be hot."
Which, admittedly, she did.
"You've got a lunch meeting with Sam?"
"I choose to think of it as hot date, but yes. Yes, I do."
"May inquire as to the purpose for said lunch meeting?"
"Maybe he's my accomplice for tonight's covert op," Abbey answered.
"Maybe?"
"I'm really not at liberty to say."
"I don't have code word clearance?"
"Not as such, no."
"Well, then, I guess I'd better stay out of it."
Abbey nodded and advanced toward the door that lead outside.
"I guess you'd better. I'll see you at seven."
"Seven."
She waved at him coyly and disappeared out onto the portico. Just then, a knock on the door was followed by Charlie's entrance to the room.
"Mr. President?
"
Jed looked up.
"Yeah."
"Toby's outside."
"Send him in."
A few seconds later, Charlie was replaced by a sullen Toby.
"Sit down with me, Toby."
"Yes, sir."
Toby quickly complied and sat down beside the President on the couch.
"What do you think about the First Lady?" Jed inquired.
Toby's eyes narrowed, expressing his confusion about the President's sudden non sequitor.
"In…what sense, sir?"
"You must have formulated some kind of opinion on her over the years. What do you think about her?"
"In general?"
"Yeah."
"I think she's…very intelligent, Mr. President."
"Come on, Toby. I'm asking you. There's no right or wrong answer here."
"No penalties?"
"No penalties."
"All right. Well, I think she's very intelligent, talented, driven, occasionally a little dogmatic and a little obstinate. She's also a good hostess, gracious, charming, extremely attractive, and…"
Jed raised an eyebrow.
"…now and then, I think she's quite a piece of work."
"Yeah."
Having realized what he said to make his boss raise an incredulous eyebrow, Toby drew in a sharp intake of breath.
"I'm sorry, Mr. President, I shouldn't have mentioned anything about…"
Jed laughed and stood, intent on returning back to his desk.
"It's okay. You're not the first man to have the hots for my wife, Toby, and you won't be the last."
"Sir, I don't have…"
"Oliver Babish," Jed said suddenly. "Why do you think he roped her into all those constant meetings?"
"Because she broke the law?"
Jed pointed in Toby's direction and looked at him over the rim of his glasses.
"You keep thinking that. Lord Marbury, a prime example."
Toby couldn't help but crack a smile.
"Yes, sir. Need I mention Ron Erlich?"
Jed frowned.
"That was low, Toby."
"Due respect, sir, but you walked right into that one."
The President shrugged dismissively.
"Yeah, I did. What's up?"
"I'm sorry to bring this straight to you, sir, but Margaret said that Leo's not to be interrupted and…"
"That's okay, Toby. What do you need?" Jed questioned.
"There's gonna be a story about the shutdown published in the Washington Post in which an unnamed source from the Speaker's office claims that you staged the entire thing so that you could play the part of intrepid hero marching to the hill and saving the day, essentially."
"Are you kidding me with this!"
"No, sir."
"The Washington Post," Jed said, pensively. "That's Danny's paper, isn't it?"
"Yes, sir. It's Danny's story."
"Danny's running this story!"
"Yes, Mr. President. He's asking for a comment," Toby replied.
"Oh, I'll give him a comment. You can tell Danny to shove it up his…"
"Sir, I don't think it's fair to blame Danny for this. He brought it to CJ ahead of time as a courtesy."
"What's CJ doing right now?" Jed asked.
"My guess is she's beating the crap out of him."
"Good. I want to solve this before dinner. I've got plans."
"Sir, I thought we were…"
"Not anymore, Toby. I've got plans. Very important plans. Fix this."
