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Relief and joy flooded Dean when he saw his younger brother walk out of that lift. He rushed to Sam as a moth to a flame. "Sam," whispered Dean this time, holding on to his brother with all his might, embracing him in a bone crushing hug. His relief turned to dread, his joy to fear. Sam's arms were at first reassuring, now subduing, confining. 'no, no, no!' he felt trapped, 'is it him? is it the Other? who is he'
"NO!" Dean yelled and forcefully tearing himself out of the embrace, backing away. "Don't touch me!" he could not stand his brother's hands on him. 'stay away' He felt unclean and vulnerable, he started to shake, afraid. His eyes had gone wild, looking around frantically he searched for a way to escape. 'what the fuck?' he was bewildered by his thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Dr. Coizer had waved everyone back, not knowing what to expect. When he saw his patient start to panic, he went to the nurse at the desk and ordered her to get a sedative, he was going to have to intervene. Having been through this many times before, except for the talking, he knew it was going to end ugly.
"Dean, what's wrong?" Sam was confused as well, something was wrong, when he saw the look of fear on his brother's face he faultered. "It's me, Sam," he said softly, praying that his big brother knew him. He risked a look back at his brother's doctor, silently asking what to do.
Dean's eyes snapped to his brother at his question. 'sam, you're sam, not...' he hated the feelings he was experiencing but could not deny them, they came on so strong. He had backed up against the wall again, Sam and that doctor were standing in front of him. 'who is that? where am i?' looking around again he did not recognize anything or anyone, but it all seemed oddly familar. 'sam, i know sam, i remember -- something else' Dean stared at his brother, "What am I doing here? What happened, Sam?" his voice was uncharacteristically small and uncertain. Looking at the doctor he should know, "Who are you?"
Dr. Coizer stepped forward taking control, noting the familar flinch he stopped, "Sa-Dean, I am your doctor, have been for the past two months now."
Sam also stepped forward, noticing Dean did not flinch, took another step, "Dean, we were attacked, you were hurt and brought to this hospital," explaining, trying to hold himself together for his brother. 'let me help you'
'attacked, hospital, two months' Dean tensed up further, he felt out of control. Disjointed thoughts flew around in his brain -- arguing with Sam, driving through the desert, a plan for safety, the Other, pain, blackness -- He closed his eyes tight and shook his head to clear his thoughts.
"I lost you. I've been searching for you for the last fiftyone days," Sam's voice was breaking with sorrow, "I never gave up, I am so sorry I left you." Tears started to roll down his face. 'please forgive me'
Dean saw the tears and heard the anguish thick in his younger brother's voice. 'fiftyone days, sam lost me, i was lost' Dean stared at Sam, he could see the guilt in his eyes, he was asking for forgiveness. 'what are you doing sam? what do you know?' Another type of fear gripped him, fear that his brother found out what was happening and blamed himself for it. 'no, sam, no' he was feeling lightheaded, his vision blurring. "Sam," he reached out and grabbed hold of his brother's arm like a lifeline. "It's not your fault," looking straight into Sam's eyes, he had to tell him, Sam had to understand. 'believe'
"Dean, I --" Sam started but stopped when Dean's knees buckled, catching him, Sam guided Dean to the floor.
"Stay Sam, don't leave me," Dean pleaded, his eyes glazed, he passed out.
"I'll never leave you again, never," Sam said softly into his brother's hair, holding him close. He sat on the floor gently rocking his older brother, tears rolling down his face. Dean did not loosen his grip on Sam, even unconscious. 'but it is my fault, i lost you, i left you all alone' Sam felt useless and unworthy.
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