Disclaimer: I don't own Samurai Champloo. But one day, I'll have my own anime that people will be wanting to own.

Ok, I'm sorry I haven't updated in like... more than three months almost. I had to buckle down a bunch on school and all. I'm hoping I'll be able to keep it up, since school's still not out yet, but just less tense. Well, I hope you enjoy it. I tried to make it really long to make up for my lack of presence here.

Diary

My earliest memories start when I was around two. I lived with my mother and my father in a little town that was always busy and didn't sleep until long after the darkness had settled.

I remember as a younger child that I would often roam the streets with other children my age, getting myself into trouble with someone or going to the sweets shop where the owner would sometimes gives us free samples. During springtime, all of us would go barefoot out into the crops and run around, playing hide-and-seek or playing games, and trying to help pick out the weeds. We would eventually get shooed off, then head out toward the meadow where we spent the rest of the day chasing each other and catching bugs. When summer came, we spent most of our time swimming in the pond that was surrounded by rocks and trees a little ways into the forest that lay beyond the meadow. But when winter came, we would roam around, never staying in one place long enough to do much of anything. But we had fun, nonetheless.

Then we got to that age when we all separated into groups that only consisted of our closest friends. This happened in my town when we were all about nine or ten years old. I was in a somewhat small group, with two boys and another girl. We were all best friends, though we usually ended up trying to beat each other up by the end of the day since we were all very competitive. This was also the age when my life of theft increased. The four of us stole anything and everything we could, and eventually became so good at it we were hardly ever caught.

We would take these items and hide them, then early the next morning we would start walking to the towns that surrounded ours and sell them. We would keep what we made off of it and then go back home later in the evening for dinner.

One morning, when I was thirteen, I wasn't feeling too good, but I had more items than I usually did, so I had to go to the other towns and try to pawn the things off. So I got dressed and met my friends where we usually met, which was at the end of the main road.

"Michiko, you don't look too good. Are you feeling alright?" Shinju asked me, feeling my forehead. "I think you have a fever!" she had a bad habit of worrying too much, and was often the cause of us getting caught when we stole.

"I'm fine! I just skipped breakfast, is all." they didn't bother me much about it after that. The feeling passed, until about lunch time.

"Hey, guys," I sat back and fanned myself with my hands, "I think we should go get something to eat. I'm getting dizzy."

"I knew it! You are sick!"

"For the last freakin' time, Shinju, I'm not sick! I told you, I skipped breakfast. It's just really getting hot and I'm running on an empty stomach here."

"Oh, oh, I'll go with you to get you some food!" Shinju clutched my arm, despite me disapproval, and drug me off, leaving behind the two boys.

"Look, there is a concession over there!" we both took a deep breath and our stomachs rumbled, loudly. We laughed and walked over to small building. There were two ladies behind it, one cooking and the other taking orders and helping when she could.

"Hey girls. What can I get ya'?" she leaned over the counter, smiling, her eyes gleaming with unnatural joy that I didn't see too often.

I thought for a second, but Shinju already knew what she wanted and went ahead and ordered. Then I gave her my order, and she yelled it back at the other girl. "It'll be a couple minutes, girls. You don't mind the wait, do you?"

"No ma''am, not at all." Shinju said. She was always the polite one. I just shook my head and left it at that. I watched Shinju, a shy girl she was, her mouth flinched like she wanted to say something but didn't know what we would think of her for it. Finally, she spoke. "Why do you seem so happy today, miss?"

The girl seemed to jump at the question, but in excitement, not fear. "Because! My boyfriend and I, we're going to get married! I can't wait." though her voice got high, she whispered, so that no one would hear her. "But Shh, don't tell. We're eloping, and no one can know. I'm still so excited though; I can't believe it!" she spun around in an odd little dance, and then brought us our food. We paid and thanked her, and she continued to be giddy.

"I can't wait until I get married." Shinju abruptly said while she ate. We were sitting on the ground, close to where we had been pawning off our stolen goods. "I want three kids. Two girls and a boy!"

"Why?" I asked her, taking a bite of my food.

"Why what?"

"Why do you want to get married and have kids? I don't want to have a man tell me what to do. I'll be damned the day I let that happen." I spat at the ground, making a wet spot in the dry, thirsty dirt.

"But I'm not like you, Michiko. I want a family. And besides, I'm sure my husband will love me. I'm going to be careful with whom I marry."

"Unless it's an arranged marriage." her face paled a bit, and I laughed. "You can't tell me you haven't thought about that?" she looked down and blushed a little bit. "You're joking, right? Shinju, your moron, you can't tell me it's never crossed your mind that you could have an arranged marriage?" she sniffled, a sign that she was probably crying.

"I don't want an arranged marriage! I don't want a man who beats me and my children!" she leaned against my shoulder, making it wet with tears. She was starting to get loud, and people began to look at us rather funny.

"Shinju, Shinju, stop, people are looking at us funny." I tried to shake her out of it, but it made her cry harder. "Shinju, get up, follow me." I grabbed her by the hand and started to pull her away from the crowds so that she wouldn't make a spectacle of herself.

"Michiko, promise me, promise me that you'll never let anyone hurt me!" she sobbed, her body trembling in such a way that it looked as if she would die of it.

"Shinju, hush! I didn't mean to get you all upset over anything. Crap, you probably won't have an arranged marriage, anyway. And if you do, and he does beat you, I'll kill him. There? Happy now?" I knew the chances of us still living anywhere near each other after that point would be slim, but I wanted people to stop staring at us. She finally calmed down, with no help from me, a few minutes afterwards.

"I'm sorry, Michiko." she wiped away a couple of runaway tears that escaped from the corner of her eyes.

"Whatever. Come on, let's go. I feel better now." I finished off my food and started back to my spot. I felt this pang of cruelty inside me, something that gnawed at me so much to be let out. It usually came out on Shinju, since she was the youngest of us all, and the most easy hurt. If I would have known what was going to happen, I would have never been that way to her; Thinking about it now, I would take it all back if I could.

I could hear her sniffle, trying to hide it from me, trying to show me that my words had no effect on her soft emotions. I knew better, and secretly I liked to watch her suffer. Why, I didn't know, it just made me feel good. No, it didn't make me feel better about myself; I just liked to watch her in pain. But not just her, it was anyone whom I could inflict such punishing things on. Even if I didn't do it, to see it happen to other people made me feel better. My mind was twisted in many ways I could never understand, and quietly I hated that I was this way.

I went back into the blazing sunlight, ignoring Shinju. Her face was splotchy, red and swollen, and she gave me an uncertain look, then scampered off to her spot. I managed to get rid of almost everything I had stolen, and made a small profit off of it. I had decided to walk home alone that day, since I left a little bit earlier than usual. I really wasn't feeling well, but I didn't want to worry the other three, despite my earlier actions. It was late in the day, but the sun's glare still lit the streets with enough dim light for me to have a shadow. The sky was a warm, rich color. As I walked, I saw movement from the corner of my eye. It was the girl from the concession earlier, and a boy. I suppose it was her boyfriend. They were sneaking behind the buildings, trying to get away without being noticed. I paid them no mind, however, and continued on my way. This feeling I had, I can't describe it; My body ached and my head felt like someone was pounding on it from the inside trying to get out. My stomach was in knots and I felt as if I were going to throw up. I didn't, but I wished I would, hoping that it might bring some relief to my stomach. My throat was sore and I had cottonmouth. I started to cough, and my head began to ache even more. I tried to hold back the cough, but that made my chest hurt. I quickened my pace and began to run home, and found myself coughing like crazy on my doorstep. My mother opened the door, screamed, and then I went black. That's the last thing I remember.


I woke up, a cool rag on my forehead. I was draped in blankets, and my mother hovered above me, smiling softly.

"Mama?" I whispered, then coughed again. She hushed me, still smiling. Her eyes were red, and I could tell she had been crying. Her face wasn't completely dry yet from the last time she had cried.

"Hush, Michiko. You need your rest. Now go back to sleep and I'll wake you up when I have dinner ready." she turned and stood, then started to leave the room.

"Wait, Mama! What day is it?" I raised my voice, which took a lot out of me. She stopped at the doorframe, and looked back at me from over her shoulder.

"You've been out for two days, sweety. Now go back to sleep." before I could ask her anything else, she left the room and shut the door behind it. I was left there to ponder myself to sleep, which I ended up doing. She woke me up for dinner, just like she said, and I ate, even though it was very little. After I was finished, she was oddly quiet. I didn't know what was wrong with her, and it scared me a bit.

"Mama, what's wrong?" I asked, looking at her weary form sitting there, watching the floor, unable to look at me.

"Michiko, there's something... Something about us that you don't know. I've been meaning to tell you, but I've always talked myself out of it, thinking I should wait until you're older so you'll understand. But the other day when I found, you on the doorstep coughing like that, it frightened me terribly. And then I realized that there's too much horrid in the world for me keep hiding this from you. You deserve to know, and I shouldn't have kept it from you as long as I have. Oh, I do hope you understand..." she had repositioned herself so that she was next to me, brushing away the loose hairs. I only looked at her, confused, waiting for her to continue. Part of me didn't want to hear what she had to say; but the other part wanted to know what it could be she hid from me all these years. "You see, Michiko, thirteen years ago, a pregnant woman came to me, distressed. She was running from the police for a crime that her husband had committed because of her. She wasn't concerned for herself, but her baby. I told her she could stay with us until she could get back on her feet again in society. She changed her name and lived with me throughout the remainder of her pregnancy and a couple months after. About three months after she had moved in with us, she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She stayed with us for about two more months after that, but then left you here with us, since we had no children and because she was worried that if she took you with her and she was to be caught, you would be killed along with her. I've raised you since then."

"Why are you telling me this?" I sat up, crying, my fists tangled up in the blankets.

"Because, Michiko. Your father and I, we aren't as young as we were thirteen years ago. And if anything was to happen to us, or heaven forbid, you, I could never forgive myself for not telling you the truth." I shook my head, the tears clouding my vision. I hit the floor with my fists, hoping that perhaps doing so will make her stop talking. But she continued. "You see, you have an older brother. Actually, he's your half brother. Your real mother told me about him. He's about six or seven years older than you, maybe a bit more. I'm trying to find him, so if something were to happen to us, he could take care of you."

"Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up shut up!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, beating the floor until my hands hurt so much I couldn't feel them anymore. "Please, Mama, no! Tell me you're lying! Please!" I pressed my face against the floor, hitting it and crying and screaming until I had nothing left. No tears, no more lung power, no more feeling in almost any of my body.

She had been sitting quietly, waiting for me to finish. I could tell I was hurting her, and I wanted to continue to make her regret ever telling me such things I certainly did not want to hear. But all my energy was lost, and the only thing I could seem to do was breathe.

"You're sickness, whatever it may be, you get it from your mother. She was experiencing the same things when she left." she had finally broken the tense silence between us. I wanted badly to just wake up from this dream, this nightmare that was becoming my life. "I wish I had something of your mother's, but I do not, other than a few letters she sent to me after she left. That is how she told me of your brother, through the letters."

When I had finally worked myself up enough to speak, I asked, "Mama? Tell me about her. My real mother, I mean?" the words seemed so odd coming from my mouth. I almost couldn't say them.

"I'm afraid I don't know much. All I know is that she is no longer alive. She died sometime after she remarried from the very same thing you are suffering from now." I felt myself grow cold. What I had could kill me. It hit me like a stone, all the emotions I had been keeping inside all this time. I felt like my mind was shutting down. So not only had I been lied to my entire life, but I would never get a chance to meet my real mother. I suddenly became depressed, and remained there, in that very same spot the entire night. I didn't sleep at all.

For the next long while I was this way. If that wasn't enough, my father died not too long after this happened. And my mother, weak from all the crying she had been doing, also became sick. The doctor became a regular person at my house, constantly in and out. But he never told me anything. He would just say, "She's better than yesterday." or, "She's not looking too well. Give her more tea to drink." and I did just that. She got to the point to where all she did was sleep all day, and I could hardly take it anymore. Just when I was to the point that I wanted to kill, she also died, peacefully in her sleep. I cried that day, and the next, and the day after that. I cried until I think I drained myself of every tear I would ever use.

And for two months I lived in the streets. Until I met him. He was what caused me to search for my brother in the first place, though he deserves no credit.

I was in an alley one day, trying to sleep, when a man approached me. He offered me some food, and being starved too almost death, I took it and ate it greedily. Then, I remember him laughing, and things started to get dark and quiet. The next thing I knew, I was in a odd room that was about the size of my old house.

"Good morning, Princess." and that was the first time I heard his voice. As it turned out, the bread had something in it, and the man was a merchant of some type who had sold me to him. From that point on, I plotted on how I would get myself free from his grasp, free from him.

Then, one morning, I noticed he was no where to be found in the elaborate house. I took my chance and stole a horse from him, then ran off with it, making my escape. But he knew, and somehow he found me. He didn't take me back, however. He would just follow me around and talk to me, telling me things that disturbed me so much that after he left I would cry and do something harmful, either to myself or some poor tree or small animals that just happened to tick me off.

That's when I remembered I had a brother. I had no idea who he was, I didn't even know a name, but I knew I could find him. And I knew he must be close, since in a few towns I had gone through the people would tell me I looked oddly like a young man who had caused some sort of mass destruction there recently. I took these as signs and followed them the best I could.

And then I found myself in a crappy little town filled with beggars and prostitutes.

It was an early summer morning, and I was in the mood for a thrill. I needed some cash, so I decided to go steal from a fat man who had plenty of money but didn't like to share. So I woke up and brushed myself free of dirt and walked across a couple of streets to get to his house. I broke in easily enough, and grabbed a large bag of money and a hat, just for the hell of it. I placed the hat on my head, but in doing so wasted too much time and the fat man came in on me.

"Hey, what are you doing here? Don't tell me you're the maid I bought."

I sneered at him, laughing. "No, but thanks for the money. I really needed it." and with that I took off out of the house, screaming, "Suckers!" as I ran out of the house, watching them with victorious eyes. And then a large, male body stopped me from going any further. I looked up at him, and I was amazed at how tall and handsome he was. Hearing the racket behind me I remembered my situation and jumped put my hands on his broad shoulders and jumped over his head and onto the roof, sliding almost off the edge so they wouldn't see me. I listened to the man screaming outside, blaming someone else for stealing his money which now belonged to me. They cursed at him, and killed him, much to my likings. I let go of the roof edge and walked up behind the three strangers.

"That was close!" I said, causing two of them to jump. The two of them turned to look at me, but the third one I had jumped over didn't seem to notice me. "But like always, I get away with what I want." I hugged my money to my face, taking in the pleasure of the coldness through the thin material.

No one spoke after that, so I decided to introduce myself if they wouldn't go first. "Michiko is my name."

"Did anyone ask?" the other man asked, and I noticed that he looked a lot like me. But I said nothing in hopes that he might notice me first.

"Hmm, nope. No, you didn't. But I told you anyway. Whatcha gonna do about it? Kill me like you did that fat man?" he didn't answer me, but I could tell I had irritated him a great deal. I loved the power of my words.


Ok, well, here it is. I kind of got writer's block there at the end. I hope you don't mind that. And once again, I'm sorry for not updating sooner. I'm really gonna try to update more often now, since I have more free time. I hope this one was ok. I think I stopped it at a good time. I believe stopping it like that is going to leave more of a... er... impact, I suppose is a good word? Oh well, you know what I mean. Well anyway, please review!