Chapter 162

April 28th, 2022

Rory was up much earlier instead of her usual 7.00, 7.10, 7.15, … 7.20 like on most work days. Last night she had fallen asleep the second her head had hit the pillow, forgetting even to brush her teeth, but in the morning, after her bladder had forced her to get up at 5, she had been unable to fall back asleep. She just had too many things on her mind, and it all just made her groan, as she tossed in her big and empty bed.

Talking to Logan last night had helped a little, but still she was anxious and insecure. She wasn't happy with how she was handling things, she had believed to have grown but she felt she had only grown so much. And feeling like she had little control over her life in that moment, while knowing the thinking to be flawed essentially, she did the only thing she'd ever done when she was unable to deal.

By 7.15, minutes before she was about to head back upstairs to wake Em, she had already taken Loki out, mopped the first floor, dusted most of the surfaces - despite the maid coming in a few days, graded all of the papers she had to get done by the end of the week, re-organized her study and even reduced her digital footprint by going over some old files. Honestly, she felt like moving the furniture around too, but didn't want to over do it physically by moving anything too heavy.

Her one one cup of coffee had been at its full use, beginning to make list of everything she needed to get done a) before the wedding and b) before the baby was born. Her to-do list was getting long and for the first time she doubted whether she was up for even that part, knowing she was going to have a wedding as well. She felt a little like her mother had the first time she was supposed to marry Luke - all of the wedding preparations having fallen into place sooner rather than later. She'd even been able to skip going dress shopping for the second time because the designer had agreed to alter her dress for her, thanks to its cut, and some persuasion by Honor, to accomodate her bump a little better. But thankfully she wasn't doubting it to be anything but a good sign, considering how sure she felt about Logan. She was now, however, anxious about everything falling into place on the actual day, fearing it was then her nerves would really kick in.

She figured that if she couldn't fix things, calm herself entirely, she could at least try to make time pass until Logan got back. Two days to go. But it was also interesting how she was trusting her wellbeing in Logan's hands, or rather words more and more. His suggestion to play hooky for the day, was actually sounding kind of good right about now, and before she headed upstairs to wake Em, she pressed send on the e-mail, outright lying about being a little under the weather. A stomach bug was usually a good reason that no-one really asked questions about. She could already imagine Max's assistant, who also took care of this side of the HR, groan as she woke up, knowing she needed to find a replacement for her. But these things happened. She just couldn't run around Hartford and get caught in her lie. Sending that e-mail felt oddly good, energizing - like sneaking into the caffeteria at Yale after hours with Logan had one time.

Rory then put a couple of pop tarts into the toaster and headed upstairs to wake Em, desperately hoping that the morning was going to be a better one, compared to the last. At least she was taking the reins. Her initial plan had been to take Em to school, but she just felt too guilty… It was her relationship with her that she was trying to mend and her own wellbeing was significantly dependent on working on it.

And it was that's why she woke the little girl with a friendly chime, "Good morning, Em!". "Guess what?" she added, excitedly, as Em began to stir.

Em mumbled something unintelligible, turning to her back. There was a fifty-fifty chance of how her mood was going to be in the morning, and Rory kept her fingers crossed, hoping for the best.

"We're going to Stars Hollow to see grandma. We're bringing Loki. We might even go swimming," she added. It was not like the girl was going to miss anything significant in her preschool over the course of a day. Lorelai had done this to her all the time, whisking her away to amusement parks and road trips, more often than not against her own objections.

"But it's a school day," the sleepy looking head of brown hair that stared back at her from her pillow, noted. The girl almost sounded disappointed.

Perhaps Rory should've expected this. The girl did love her school. And this particular apple really hadn't fallen very far from the tree in that sense.

"Not today," Rory fibbed.

"Really?!" Em replied, beginning to sound more excited as the idea sank into her.

They were out of the house in a haste, almost as if fleeing, having packed for the whole day - swimwear, change of clothes, a few books and all.

Rory called Lorelai from the car but since she didn't pick up, she only got to leave a voicemail. This wasn't terribly unusual, since Lorelai sometimes worked evenings and this meant she didn't need to be in until noon. Lorelai was the business owner, having freedom in her schedule, even if she did pick up a few shifts every now and again to help out.

The plan was that Rory would park over at her childhood home for now, before they all went for breakfast at Lukes, then to check out the playground across the street, then to the Inn Annex for a swim and then have lunch together with Lorelai, probably at the Inn. She had elaborate ice cream sundaes planned and stopping by at Lane's. And all that even with Jess being in Philadelphia that week. It was like Ferris Bueler's day off - the preschool version.

Rory felt something was off though when she pulled up at their driveway, as next to of Lorelai's Honda she saw a rather fancy looking dark green Jaguar XF next to her mother's car. Rory only knew the car model because Logan had specifically pointed out the same make last week, saying how it was a nice-looking car, and how Jaguars were actually beginning to look like something one might dare to drive without being mistaken for a senior citizen.

This was not a car her mother would ever buy, nor was it something from Luke's garage unit. It made her cautious. Surely she didn't have visitors this early in the morning. Unless...

Just in case she called her mother again, but there was still no answer.

"Alright, here we go," Rory said to Em, suddenly beginning to doubt her plan. It had truly been a while since she'd just landed at her childhood home like this. But since she still had the key and her mother had never made her feel like she wasn't welcome anytime - day or night - she went ahead to check it out anyways.

Rory spoke about nothing in particular, pointing out this and that for Em, which probably made her sound a little loony, but the point was to speak loudly just in case there was anyone inside the house, announcing their arrival.

She couldn't really believe her brain was even going there.

"Mom?!" she called out, while Em was already being pulled towards Robin by Loki's leash, the dog having quite the pull by now. Thankfully the dogs had met before and were of similar energy, loving each-other's company, so Rory let Loki off the leash which ended in a joyous rolling around the living room floor, nearly kicking down the floor lamp.

There was a notable rumble upstairs, definitely catching Rory's attention.

"Mom?" Rory repeated, actually becoming a little concerned. But a burglar driving a 65 G car? That made no sense either.

"Yeah!" Lorelai replied, "I'll be down in a minute," she added, more rumble following.

Rory helped Em hang up her coat and did the same with hers, suggesting they head for the kitchen. It was then she noticed an unfamiliar jacket hanging at the foyer - definitely a man's coat.

Rory frowned, unable to fight it. The coat's presence raised so many questions in her. What was going on? Who was this man?

"Am I sleeping here tonight?" Em asked, sometimes being used to staying in Rory's old bedroom. Em climbed onto Rory's old bed to bounce on it, which Rory let her do freely under the circumstances, her own mind being already elsewhere.

"Nah, we'll go home for the night, I'm sure Loki would appreciate staying in his own bed," Rory replied, not really knowing whether that was true at all.

"What are you doing here?" Lorelai exclaimed as she came downstairs in a hasty step, having pulled on something casual real quick - jeans and a simple t-shirt, definitely not looking like she was about to head to work. She was heading for the kitchen, and Rory could sense one of her mother's evasive maneuvers when she saw one. Lorelai was making sure everyone was in the kitchen, or Rory's bedroom, where Em was already laying on her stomach browsing some picture book. Not that she'd used this many times on her - but this was the way to get someone out of the house if she wanted to hide someone.

"Can't a daughter come to visit her mother?" Rory shot back, having an entire conversation just by their eyes and glanced towards upstairs and the car.

"Of course you can," Lorelai said, not letting on anything to be out of the usual.

What confirmed something being out of the ordinary was Loki's loud bark a second later. And knowing the dog usually not being too instantly friendly with strangers, this definitely made Rory want to check things out.

"Who's here?" Rory finally asked in a whisper as her mother tried to be casual and put on coffee for herself.

Rory could already hear someone shushing Loki, which was not quite working and Rory made a speedy maneuver towards the living room needing to check this out.

"Jason?" Rory stared at the man in disbelief. He was in a dress shirt, his collar unbuttoned, his tie in his hand, clearly trying to make a quick walk of shame.

"Rory," he sighed but greeted her noddingly. But perhaps not as quietly as he should've.

Rory replied with a "shh…," not wanting Em to witness this. Not until she knew what this was. The anger and confusion was definitely showing in her face already too.

Lorelai came around after her and urged Jason to make a quick exit. "I'll call you," Jason said as he exited, and Lorelai closed the door behind him as quietly as she could.

"What?!" Rory exclaimed in a hushed tone, as she turned around and faced her mother, shaking her head and rolling her eyes in disbelief.

"Ugh, I need coffee…," Lorelai replied, with a deep sigh and avoided her question by heading back towards the kitchen.

"What about Luke?!" Rory asked in a quiet but accusatory, following her, making sure Em didn't hear them.

"Hey, what are you two doing here anyways? Shouldn't you two be in your schools?" Lorelai asked, evasively.

"I just needed a break. We're playing hooky," Rory replied as if it was nothing. "And don't change the subject!" she argued.

"You two? Are you alright? Do you have a fever?" Lorelai continued, feeling Rory's forehead as if she was a child. Even to her it didn't sound like them.

"I just...," Rory began to explain, but realized she didn't want this to be steered into something about her, when there were much more serious things to discuss all of a sudden. "Not before you tell me what's going on," she added with a pout.

"We're… separated," Lorelai whispered, not sounding terribly proud of it.

"But I thought things were going well?" Rory asked, continuing to speak quietly. She then realized that since she hadn't been at all that close with her mom recently, mostly talking about the baby or the wedding, having so much of her own crap on her mind, she really didn't know how they were.

"We tried," Lorelai shrugged. "And things were not 'well'," she added in a roll of her eyes, continuing onto doing exactly the same move as Rory had an hour and a half ago - putting two pop tarts into the toaster.

"But you guys are married! More than five years… and together… oh come on, you've been together what, 15?" Rory continued, still not believing this was happening. "And Jason? Of all people?" she added, struggling to keep her voice down.

"Yes, but if this is what this is going to be like - him cooped up in that apartment of his, and him maybe daring to touch me twice since that thing happened… that's not marriage, is it?" Lorelai exclaimed. It was nearly four full months since Luke had been like this. "Besides, this was his idea, and no... this is not about 'in sickness and health', because all the doctors are giving him the all clear, everything is under control. But if he doesn't trust himself, if he doesn't want to try bad enough - than what can I do? We've tried to do this 'married friends' thing, but that's not what I want either. I can just pretend we're fine. And it's been months now…, " Lorelai explained, keeping her voice down just the same.

"But the last time you told me it was kind of fun, that you were good…," Rory said, disappointedly, recalling how Lorelai had explained this to her as if they had been dating during their early years. The diner banter, the tension.

"That was months ago, kid," Lorelai sighed. "Wishful thinking? In part lying to myself?" she offered some explanations.

"But Jason?" Rory repeated, frowining her brows.

Lorelai shrugged, not really having much of an explanation for it. Jason had remained a bachelor his entire life, not counting a couple of medium lenght relationships in between. But he'd never married, never had any kids. And Rory knew that the two had shared the humor, despite his quirks, or rather their quirks. He had been kind of good for her until that unfortunate incident with Richard's business, which truthfully was also Richard's fault not just his. He wasn't Luke, and Lorelai clearly wasn't ready to make any promises, but it was something - and in that sense Rory couldn't really blame her for wanting something else when Luke as being impossibly stubborn. Rory knew all about trying to replace a man she'd lost with another one, even if the situations weren't identical. She was just shocked because this had happened so suddenly.

"Your turn," Lorelai demanded, having in that time managed to make herself a cup of coffee and taken the first sip of the black liquid.

Compared to the explanation she'd just heard, Rory was dumbstruck, not really knowing if her issues even deserved to be complained about. She was pregnant, happily engaged and healthy - what more did she really need? Hence this was a much-needed reality check.

"Yesterday was just…," she began, shaking her head. She didn't want to speak about Em when she was in the next room, knowing the girl would pick up any mention of her name like a dog did with the dog whistle. "I just… I took a sick day, I just needed a break," Rory replied.

"Why? Everything okay?" Lorelai inquired.

"These two, three…have just been a lot on me right now. I keep thinking how I can't handle it, if I am falling apart so easily now already how on earth..." Rory began, nodding her head towards the dogs and her old bedroom, where Em still was.

She didn't really need to finish that sentence.

"Oh honey," Lorelai sighed, wrapping her daughter in her arms.