Chapter 166

April 28th, 2022

An hour and a half passed, and Logan could tell the baby was getting restless. Not only did Nélia not want to stay in his arms anymore, clearly feeling curious enough to want to go explore, and kept turning her torso, but he was getting a feeling the girl was also either tired or hungry. But the floor really wasn't the place that felt suitable in a waiting room to let her on, so he did his best with the stroller, offering a few toys to her from the bottom of the stroller and showing her pictures of magazines, and even his phone, winging it.

The trouble was that he also had in his possession Odette's phone so other than heading back to the nurses station to actually try to get in contact with her, he couldn't even call her. But there was still no word. But considering that he'd heard several code blues and other rush scenarios happen during that hour, hour and a half - he really couldn't blame an arm fracture taking a back seat on the doctor's roster. That was how the ER worked.

But Nélia grew fussier nonetheless.

"She sounds hungry," some woman, who was waiting across the aisle from him with a 4-year-old, commented, recognizing Logan's futile attempts to resolve the fussiness. But he was quickly running out of ideas. It was hard work too, much harder than he'd imagined.

"Thanks, I'm kind of new to his," Logan confessed, humbly. He gathered up their things and headed down the hall again to check out the vending machine the nurse had spoken of before. But as he stared at rows of nuts, granola bars, candy and cookies, he wasn't too sure what the child in his arms, restless already, would eat. There was a single item of baby puree that he recognized by brand - but recalling how Odette had always talked about processed foods ruining the kids health, he wasn't sure this was something he was supposed to go for. He bought the tube just in case, but decided to head back to the nurses station to inquire after Odette again.

"Excuse me, I'm wondering if Odette Aubertin has been brought back from X-ray yet? Her child is getting hungry, I'm not usually sitting her," Logan asked. There was a new nurse at the station, one barely out of school by the looks of her.

"Oh yes, didn't the doctor speak to you? I thought he did," the nurse replied but didn't sound too apologetic.

Logan shook his head.

"She's in 183 for now, I'm sure the doctor will be there to join you in a minute," she replied.

Clearly something had gone lost in the process, and Logan hadn't been kept in the loop quite as he'd expected. But he'd had low expectations for this hospital to begin with.

He looked for the room and found it, knocking lightly before he entered.

"Hey, there you are," Odette chimed, clearly relieved to see her child. It sounded like she'd been worried, and Logan wondered what exactly had she been worried about. He didn't want to hurt her, he wouldn't have ever taken the child from her - and the very worst case was a hungry baby as the situation presented itself now.

He manouvered in the stroller and placed his own laptop onto the chair before placing the baby on her bed for a moment.

"They didn't tell me you were back yet," Logan explained. "She seems hungry, I got this tube from the machine but I'm not sure if that's something…," he began to explain, showing the green tube of Ella's Kitchen' spinach, apple and swedes.

"Thanks, that one actually is almost okay… though not her favorite," Odette replied, knowingly. Her eyes had a twinkle when she spoke about the baby. Her sweatshirt had been cut off of her, and she sat there just in a spaghetti-strapped top, a blanket over her shoulders since she had been feeling a little chilly. Her for arm was set in a cast and tied to hand from her neck.

"Do you want to, or should I?" Logan asked, wondering whether she wanted to hold and feed the baby herself.

"You know, I just might feed her myself," Odette suggested. "Can you just put her lying down by my side and help me a little. I honestly have no idea how I'll do this one-handed," she added, worriedly.

The bed really wasn't terribly wide, and Logan wasn't really too sue what she was about to do, but that soon became clear.

"Oh," he reacted, having not expected Odette to plan to breastfeed the 8-month-old. Honor at least hadn't breastfed her kids that long, but then again he hadn't exactly asked for details. He wasn't squeamish or freaked out by it, it was just not what he'd expected, and not what he'd expected to be in the room for with his ex-wife. But then again there was nothing he hadn't seen before and it was not like the moment felt sexual in any way.

"Is it okay? She just usually feeds around this time like this. I just start feeling all tight and I think she could use something to comfort her too. I stuck to paracetamol because of this…," Odette explained, seeing Logan become a little uncomfortable, turning his back to them.

"It's fine, I just didn't realize…," Logan replied. He knew what broken bones felt like, and handling it on paracetamol sounded like a real courageous thing to do. Odette had never really seemed to him as someone to a make a lot of sacrifices like this, but apparently her baby was the exception.

Odette positioned herself to her good side, her good hand bent around the child to stop her from rolling off but she struggled to actually move her top down, since her other arm was immobile.

"I'm sorry to ask, but can you help me…?" Odette asked, hesitantly, realizing the fine line herself.

"Um… fine," Logan agreed. He didn't even really need to look too closely, and it only took a seond, but this moment did feel more intimate than he would've liked.

"Thank you," Odette said, letting out a small gasp of relief as the baby latched on a second later. "I'm sorry… and really… thank you for all of this," she added.

"It's fine…," Logan said, taking a stand by the window looking out, giving her her privacy. "I called Laura, but she was somewhere around Birmingham. I told her to come as soon as she could," he explained, not knowing what else to say. This hardly seemed like the moment for deeper proclamations or digging up the past.

There was a lengthy silence, the baby actually sucking her milk with quite audible gulps.

"So how have you been?" came a hesitant question from Odette, who'd by now adjusted her position a little, so while laying on the same side she could just barely manage feeding the baby from her other breast as well.

Logan stayed quiet for a while, not quite knowing how to answer that. He was feeling more tactful than he had in all the times he'd imagined having this talk. He didn't want to rub in his happiness, and while he couldn't be more excited about the baby that he and Rory had on the way, he didn't want it to come off as offensive either. But downplaying things felt wrong just the same.

"Are you back? In London I mean," Odette asked at his silence.

Logan appreciated her clarification.

"Um… no, not really. Honor's been taking on the company and I just came in to consult this week. I've been trying to stay out of it, generally Honor seems to have a handle on it," Logan explained.

"I heard about that. And about your father," Odette replied. "I'm sorry about that," she added.

"Thanks, but you know. We were never really that close," Logan replied, thinking how to bring up Rory and the rest, feeling like he wouldn't be doing right by her if he didn't. Silence lingered.

"I'm sorry, you know," Odette confessed.

Logan cast a look back towards her, making eye contact, not really seeing a lot in terms of her breastfeeding, but just a quick look at her face.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too… for the abruptness, for not having the strength to find a better way out," Logan began, taking a deep breath. "I guess we really did things the wrong way, didn't we? And don't get me wrong - I'm glad had the baby. She looks a lot like you, you deserve it all. I just couldn't be in that picture, you get that right?" Logan said, speaking quickly as if needing to unload every thought he'd ever had on the topic. But what came out where the statements he'd worked on a lot in therapy.

"I'm so sorry… I was desperate. I wasn't well either," Odette confessed.

Logan shrugged. Therapy had helped - he was better than ever before able to try to put himself in her shoes and imagine what it must've been like. She hadn't had it easy either, her means of coping and not dealing had just been different from his.

"So you're back in the States then?" she inquired.

"I am. Harford," he replied briefly.

"For the sake or your mom, or…?" Odette asked, and Logan knew that she probably found the location odd as he'd never really been a huge fan of the place.

"Rory," Logan exhaled, he turned and leaned against the window sill, his hands tucked into his pockets. Odette had her back to him, but she could see him if she glanced over her shoulder.

"Good," Odette exhaled, looking over i that didn't know if that was truth, but he did appreciate her saying that. "I still have some of your things, you know. If you want them," she suggested.

"Maybe," Logan shrugged, unsure whether he wanted any of it. "I got lucky, I got a do-over," Logan clarified. He felt he needed to. "She's pregnant… due end of October," he added because simply not saying it would've felt like hiding it.

"Congratulations," Odette said, facing her child. There was quiet in the room for a moment until Logan could hear a small sniffle, and he could tell she was fighting it as well.

"I didn't mean to rub it in, it just felt wrong to hide it," Logan said a moment of silence later.

"It's just been a rough day," she said, quickly gathering herself. "Can you help me burp her?" she asked, focusing on the practical.

Logan stood upright and moved over to the other side of the bed to assist.

"Put something on your shoulder first, she might throw up all over you otherwise. She ate a lot, she sometimes overdoes it a bit," Odette instructed, managing to just pull her top back to cover her.

Logan found a muslin cloth in the bag, rolled up neatly, and placed it onto his shoulder. The baby looked quite happy to see him again, as he placed her onto his shoulder. It was funny how even though he didn't know any of the theory yet, on instinct he stroked the baby's back as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

The way Odette looked at him, a little bitter-sweetly, spoke to him - he could just tell she wanted to comment something along the lines of how good he looked like that, and he did feel good like that. He liked this. But he understood why she didn't. It was better that way.

"I seriously don't know what I would've done if you hadn't happened to be there today," Odette said, still feeling like she hadn't showed enough gratitude.

"It was quite a coincidence, wasn't it?" Logan said, agreeting that it had been fortunate. And of course odd.

This single parent stuff is hard," Odette admitted, answering a lot of his questions with a single statement.

"Sorry about that, but you seem to be doing well. Minus the arm," Logan tried to sound optimistic, despite feeling sorry for her. "Does it hurt a lot?" he said, wanting to move on from the uncomfortable subject. He really wasn't keen on finding out a lot of details about this part.

He stayed there, talking about nothing particular until the nanny arrived. Just life on this and that side of the pond, Nélia, work and so forth, not digging too deeply into each-other's personal lives. It was better like that. They had history, they were… old friends, and despite everything that had happened, all those regrets, things unsaid or even…said, things held in and dealt all wrong, that same caring was still there that had been there when they'd first started this road. And sure, while one could blame Odette for using him or manipulating him, it had always been two sides too - him giving her hope that he had no intention of fulfilling, him pushing her out and simply not dealing. Even if it would've taken a team of analysts to determine who was more at blame, the coefficients added to each of their wrong-doings over the years, likely taking a lot of debate, they were both now beginning to see that it had never been black and white.