Chapter 168
April 29th, 2022
"Hold on, just a minute," Rory said, switching on the video chat function on her phone, having agreed to have her lunch with Logan. Logan had by that time already had lunch, naturally, but was rather similarly sitting outside, enjoying the spring weather in St James' park on one of the lawn chairs that usually appeared there this time of year.
Rory moved through the crowd at Chilton with her Chinese leftovers, which she planned on eating cold, in a take-away box, having been in a hurry getting out of the house this morning. She found a vacant table in the courtyard, feeling relieved that many of the students were heading back inside.
Logan felt uncomfortable - the relaxed surrounding around him didn't really fit the seriousness of the conversation that he was going to have to have. And frankly it would've been easy to just slip into the mode that just spoke about how much the city had changed, or not at all. The crowd around him, people hanging out on the grass and the lawn chairs, were enjoying the end of the work week, as was he hoping to do once he got this off his chest.
"So?" Rory asked, as she sat down and dug directly into her chongqing chicken, hungrily.
"So…" Logan began, with a sigh, having fretted the entire day, thinking back and forth how he was going to tell her. Somehow with her having had her little breakdown the day before yesterday, yesterday being such a trip to an alternate universe for him and having now waited as long as he had he was very nervous to tell her this.
"Yeah?" Rory asked, still in the same, hasty, mode as she'd been all day. Logan hadn't told her specifically that he needed to talk to her but just suggested they video chat, that he missed her. But now that he sounded a little avoidant, Rory began to think of its reasons.
"I ran into Odette yesterday," Logan blurted, needing to get it out quickly or not at all. He continued studying her impression carefully.
Rory stopped chewing, swallowed but remained quiet.
"It was such an weird coincidence. She'd gotten into a bit of an accident on Upper Belgrave... I don't know… I couldn't just leave her there when I knew it was her. She had her baby there and I ended up helping her, spent a few hours with them at the hospital until the nanny got there," Logan summed up the events.
Rory remained quiet.
"We talked a little. I think it's good, I feel good," he added, trying to keep this topic on a positive note. There hadn't been any candid photos of them so far, but one never really knew. These things could also well surface at a later time sometimes, it wasn't like it'd make the headline of the day either way. This was the benefit of being yesterday's news perhaps. He also secretly hoped that his beard made him look different enough and Odette didn't really look like the sociolite she'd once been either in her jeans and sweatshirt combo with shorter hair.
"What happened? Are they alright?" Rory asked, focusing on the medical. She wasn't a monster, but she wanted to understand what had happened better.
"Yeah, she's fine. Broken arm," Logan replied, casually, having nearly entirely forgotten about Odette's injury, his focus being on the rest of the story.
"Oh," Rory replied, taking another small bite. She didn't want to let on how she was feeling about this, because well... she didn't know what this was. Jealousy? Fear for Logan? It was easier for her to think of Odette as someone distant, evil... inhuman. But suddenly she no longer was that in her imagination. "It almost sounded like it was more serious than that," she added, with a hint of dissapointment, unable to hide it. She wasn't hoping she'd been hurt more, not really - but she had hoped Logan's reasons for this had been more substancial. Gushing blood wounds perhaps? but then again she reconsidered, realizing that something very serious like memory loss or a coma would've ended up being way weirder, possibly making Logan want to consider sticking around.
"She just couldn't hold her baby with that arms of hers, and she was upset… essentially she needed another pair of hands," Logan said, realizing how he may have just dug himself a bigger hole. "She's really protective of her daughter too, didn't just want to hand her to anyone - and honeslty I get it, I wouldn't want to do that either," he added.
"Right…," Rory replied, but she sounded serious and Logan didn't really know what she was thinking. He hadn't seen her build up a wall like this for forever… but he did know this look. That same look she'd had on her face when she'd asked him if he was really going to marry Odette at the tango club, that same look he'd seen when he'd first suggested that she should be careful around the gossip pages as that might contain news on his engagement… He didn't want to see that look.
"Rory... I just did what felt right. It felt like something a decent human being, someone capable of forgiveness, would do. And yes, it was weird - I won't deny that. I don't aim to repeat it. It had that whole alternate universe feel to it... what if I had stuck around. And most of the time I just spent with the baby… not her. Got a quick recap on how to change a diaper and everything," Logan continued, trying to make this sound fun.
"But you cleared the air?" Rory reflected, spelling out the words maticulously.
"We did, and while the old me might doubt her agenda… but honestly - I think she was genuine in it too. It felt right to be there in that moment and be the extra pair of hands. I told her about you... and that you're pregnant," Logan continued. "And honestly - I was really scared to tell you all of this because you might think something more of it, but whatever it was… This changes nothing that I feel for you. You know that, right?" Logan assured.
"I guess I get it…. Kind of…" Rory said after a little while, her appetite having disappeared completely.
"You do?" Logan asked hopefully.
"I mean if I saw Jess, needing my help - I would help. Of course… but with Odette… I guess I just don't understand how you've forgiven her so easily. Maybe I don't know everything… Maybe I don't fully understand it. But I know I haven't forgiven her. She may be a mother but that doesn't change the fact that the way she treated you, the way she ignored your issues - that hurt you - it could've killed you," Rory said, along with a small sniffle, getting emotional. She managed to stop herself from crying, but Logan could tell she was very much on the verge.
"I am just so tired of hating, Rory… I used to think the same way, but it didn't change anything. I just needed to let go of that anger. And in that sense that moment was perfect - I just couldn't hate her or her child when they'd just had an accident. I kept being scared that I might run into her somewhere around the city and how I might react. But this caught me completley off guard. I guess it just reminded me that a long time ago we were friends first...the emotions had cooled down. And in the end Odette got what she wanted, even if she did it the wrong way. But so did I. I didn't do things the right way either - I should've just divorced her a year or two after we got married… that had always been the plan. I should've not just humiliated her by walking out the way I did. Not that I did, but the way that I did it. And trust me, I know that at that moment leaving was a matter of survival. But I did it with the feeling of revenge, a grudge that had been years in the making - building, growing, turning sour, toxic. That exit wasn't a solution, it was just an exit..," Logan explained, his therapy sessions having truly paid off in that sense. He saw things a lot more clearly now.
As he'd said it, he realized that the same applied for leaving the HPG. He'd never fixed his relationship with his father, he'd even blamed his father for many of the things he'd subjected himself to along with Odette. As if he'd married Odette for the sake of his father, and his mother too. And that the role he'd been forced into had been the reason he'd put up with things for so long. The reason why he was fighting his father's legacy, inheritance included, was that it felt like accepting the payoff, compensation for doing the right thing, the thing that had been expected of him all of his life. But that compensation felt dirty.
"Okay," Rory replied, acceptingly, and took another bite of her meal, realizing she needed to eat something before her lunch break was over. She was always hungry these days.
"Okay?" Logan reflected, wanting to be sure she meant it.
"Okay," she sighed. "We'll talk when you're back, I guess…," she added, being difficult to read.
"I love you. I can't wait to be home," Logan assured.
"I love you too," Rory said.
"I'm just heading off for a round of shopping? Any requests besides something from Layla's?" Logan suggested, hoping to change the mood around. He felt better, having told her, having explained this to himself out loud. He just hoped Rory would understand, even if not now then eventually. And that she wouldn't hold whatever she felt in, that she wouldn't hate him for having made amends.
Rory didn't want much, replying simply that she wanted him back home, joking a little about the things she missed about London as if they hadn't just had a serious conversation. She needed to digest this whole Odette thing.
But the heavier subjects were left at that and despite some underlying heaviness, Logan felt a lot lighter as he made his way North, aiming to walk through the Piccadilly and Burlington Arcade for old time's sake. He like these little Arcades a lot more than the big malls any day.
He did shop - he bought himself a few new dress shirts, having missed the quality of Neal & Palmer, figuring he probably needed a few nice shirts to choose from for his wedding. The suit was all set, safely at home, but he'd always figured he'd find the shirt a little later, so why not here.
He got a beautiful Edwardian necklace for Rory from Heming's vintage collection, costing him way more than he'd intended to spend. But somehow it felt appropriate, perhaps in part making up for some lingering guilt. Logan didn't forget Em either, though kept the gesture much smaller in its size and value, choosing a little bumblebee broch he figured Em could maybe wear to the wedding.
He also found a few interesting books from Gagosian. He just wanted to make Rory smile, even if it came thanks to fancy gifts.
It was as he stepped out of Gagosian, the bags on his hand already demonstrating well how he'd indulged, he saw a shop he hadn't really ever noticed before. He wasn't sure where he'd seen the brand before, but since he was about to become a father now, he saw no harm in stepping inside.
It was a place that sold premium kids clothing, baby clothes included. It was mostly cashmere and super soft pima cotton, but also sold other items. It was as he saw the particular item he realized he'd seen the same pair on Nélia. The thought made him chuckle to himself, having never really been very detail oriented when it came to other people's clothing. He wondered whether it was weird if he took after Odette's example, but the woman had always known the best places to shop, hadn't she? And this was such a little detail, that he actually felt like it wouldn't have been an issue not to mention Rory in detail. It was a gesture to his child, it would mean no offence. It wasn't like he was going to get the exact pair and copy her. But the softness of these clothes, the love that he felt that was embedded in them - he couldn't argue that that was exactly what he wanted for his child just the same.
AN: It's funny how I start writing and then I later realize I've understood Logan's POV more than Rory's. He's so much easier to write for me, I hope there isn't much imbalance.
Please do review - what do you think will happen next?
