Chapter 170

May 1st, 2022

"You seriously don't mind coming with me?" Rory asked, hesitantly, as she was getting ready, towel drying her hair so Logan could take a quick shower himself ang got out of the bathroom to give him some room.

Jess had picked up Em half an hour ago, taking her for the day, so Rory could go to her Yale reunion. Technically the reunion was a two-day thing. It had started already yesterday. But since Paris had had other plans and Rory was reluctant to go there all by herself, she'd agreed to head over for the second day as well.

"I told you, I don't mind, " Logan replied, tossing his t-shirt and boxer briefs into the wash, and headed for the shower.

Logan had offered to accompany Rory to this thing just a few weeks ago, feeling she might need some hand holding. Rory loved having him back on the same continent and to spend time with him, no doubt about it. But in the light of these recent things - her unmotivatedness concerning her work, the Odette thing and with Em still acting out a little because of the baby on the way - she was truthfully hesitating a little whether this was a good idea to begin with.

Rory's mind was clouded by hormones and her insecurities. It was plain obvious that she really could've used that therapy appointment that week which she hadn't taken to give her some perspective.. She was reading too much into things - it really wasn't doing her any favors either.

Falling asleep in Logan's arms last night had helped - his presence helped, the tone of his voice helped. But more and more Rory was beginning to think that just her entire existence - it really was just one struggle after another, even if in her present situation, realistically speaking she had very little to complain about. Thinking these thoughts was just added guilt - making her feel bad for thinking it, now knowing how to stop. Her thoughts contained constant comparisons - both her present and past situations, herself to others, concerning herself way too much about what others thought of her - of how they would judge her. There was her career that hadn't panned out the way she'd hoped, what others had hoped of her that she feared would get the biggest judgement going to this reunion.

She didn't dare to admit it, but she was also concerned about what the Yale circles would think about her and Logan, especially those who had kept up with his doings in London before this or remembered how they'd dated in the past. Many people knew he'd been married. And now showing up with him almost felt like admitting she'd been wrong all along, that she'd been the one to make a mistake by not marrying him straight away. And this was a very public mistake. She pictured people telling her, or at least thinking it, in not so many words that had she married him, her career would've been a smooth sailing under the HPG flag.

She found it a lot easier to care less about what her fellow teachers thought of her, but stepping back between the walls of Yale, seeing all these people she'd studied with and learned from, all who'd had such high expectations from her - she almost felt like going back there, pregnant and with Logan, with no real career to show for was the ultimate exhibition of vulnerability she could imagine.

At least going with Paris, felt like taking a watch-dog with her. Bringing Logan, however, felt like bringing evidence - and drawing unnecessary attention to her.

Logan's shower was a short one. He'd only really wanted to freshen up, as he'd also showered last night after his flight.

Rory had by then put on her underwear, a simple black t-shirt bra and a matching pair of seamless hipsters, which still fit her well, and was just going through her closet for what to wear.

"It's just that you don't really need to come, Paris will be there after all," Rory commented. Self-sabotage.

"Don't you want me to come?" Logan asked, as he stepped out of the bathroom, a towel around his hips, his skin still sparkling from a few water droplets. The way he looked really made it challenging to argu with him on top of everything.

Logan had been watching Rory more closely since he'd gotten back - he knew she was struggling, even if he didn't know everything - he didn't understand the depth of it and the way she had spiraled. But he was determine to figure it out once he settled into their home routine again, even if it took bringing it up in therapy.

"I just think it's unnecessary… You must be tired from the trip," Rory said, feeling unable to just outright say it because she did know that it was just about her self consciousness. Others were bringing significant others, even if Paris wasn't. Paris' relationship with Finn was still rather fresh. Paris had her battles too - being with someone so different from her was changing how she was around him, and she too wasn't sure if she was ready to show it off to the world. They weren't making hasty steps - just dating and going to some doctor's appointments together - there was no talk about moving in, or even having Finn spend significant amounts of time with her other kids even though he'd met them. It was still very fresh, but Paris was much more level headed in the matters of the heart than Rory was as it turned out, with no real need to have a man by her side by the time she gave birth.

"I'm fine," Logan assured, stepping close to her from behind and wrapped his arms around her. "I just thought you could use the support," he said, not meaning it in a bad way and Rory didn't take it as such. He kissed the top of her shoulder.

And on that note, Rory really felt she couldn't just tell him not to come if he meant it like that. And she did see the other side of this. While having Logan there might have been a source of some additional insecurities, fearing someone was going to ask what had happened with them, he was also the source of support, and she truly felt it as his arms cradled her stomach, his stubbled chin on her shoulder. Like a safety blanket.

"I do," Rory admitted.

"Okay then," Logan exhaled, and took a step back, knowing they needed to get ready.

They arrived at Yale, along with the first thunderstorm of the year, having to make their way to the Schwarzman Center from the parking lot in a rush, hoping not to get soaking wet. Thankfully, Logan knew from old times the access code to a courtyard parking lot nearby, which made this doable.

Paris waited for them inside, having already handed over her coat. Paris was wearing a light gray Bouclé dress, but had switched out of her killer heels so something a little more comfortable - a gorgeous pair of Belle Vivier buckle pumps. A modest neckline and one of the few dresses she'd been able to find that didn't look like putting a bow on her belly, which was a concept she truly hated and had let Rory know in length about as well. She was notably more round than Rory was, her bodytype being very different, but especially considering Rory had gone with a black floral wrap dress, which didn't really highlight her bump too much. But in a way it was cool that they were both pregnant at the same time, their genuine embrace gaining a whole deeper meaning. It was kind of like having their kids meet for the first time too, at least knowingly to the two of them, with their bumps touching. It actually made Rory forget for a moment all the things she'd been worrying about. She could imagine their kids playing together in the future, becoming friends.

"Huh, quite the weather!" Rory exhaled, as she handed her coat to Logan to hand over and ran her hand over her hair that was pulled up into a low bun at the nape of her neck, feeling how her hair was a little damp from the rain under her fingers.

"Yeah, like getting here isn't hard enough," Paris snorted. Even Paris was insecure about coming here - and while her kids had grown, she had plenty to show for - even someone like Paris felt somehow inadequate. Rory didn't understand it,

"Tell me about it," Rory commented, meaning this in a whole other way than Paris, who'd mostly meant how the drive had been a long one for her considering all the necessary bathroom breaks.

"And you're back from London, I see," Paris pointed out, having heard from Rory that he was going. "Still in its place? Still as stuck up?" she added.

"Still right there where I left it," Logan replied with a wide grin. Considering he only ever saw Paris in small doses it was really just amusing to him to be around her.

Rory and Paris took an unintentionally simultaneous deep breath before they stepped through the doors. It was going to be a Sunday brunch in Yale Commons, and the view that opened up for the three was certainly impressive. The building was magnificent and one nearly had forgotten about how magnificent exactly. But the scene was also… very similar to the sound of a record winding down in its effect.

Instead of seeing a business brunch type of scene what they'd both prepared themselves for - what they saw were people dressed a lot more casually. T-shirts, polo-shirts, jersey dresses and leggings - fine there were a few dress shirts, shift dresses and blazers too, but they were certainly a minority. But that was perhaps what people saw as the dress code for a Sunday brunch, and it had just been them that had assumed it to be something it was not.

"Where is the world going to…," Paris muttered a sigh, sounding a lot more relieved, and walked off to go do her thing with some bounce to her step.

On automatic Rory recognized familiar faces. Some that she'd liked, some that she hadn't. Some had aged more than others, some were a little more overweight than she recalled, one woman had a cast on her leg, several with glasses that they hadn't worn back then, and one guy even in a wheelchair. Sure, there were those too who'd gotten into the best shape of their lives too, but it showed well how despite where they'd ended up in life - time was still ruthless to every single one of them. But already the visual - it was a reality check. Also seeing at least three other pregnant women felt like a relief - oddly so, Rory having never really considered it something she needed support on.

Logan's arm wrapped around her waist, assuringly. "You're the hottest one here," he whispered, knowing that she'd probably blush a little at that and she did, but that was exactly what he'd aimed for.

Rory made a teasing face at him, knowing well how this was probably an overstatement but she could see what he was trying to do, and appreciated him for it even more. His assurance was what she needed.

It was a buffet style brunch, which essentially meant that people snacked, chatted and moved from table to table as they wished, many of them choosing to stand instead. The room had a pleasant buzz.

"Hey!" came a warm hug out of the blue, nearly catching Rory by complete surprise.

"Lucy, hey," Rory exhaled, feeling genuinely glad to see her.

"Looking fine, I see," Lucy complimented her demonstratively, giving her a once over without inquiring into her baby bump too directly. "And I see you've still got as good taste as you always did," she added, glancing Logan over similarly as well. "Hi, Logan," Lucy said to Logan who replied with a greeing as well.

"Well you should see him naked, I'd say he has only improved. I have much more of a refined taste these days...," Rory commented, laughingly, her openness around Lucy always coming out so easily. But she kind of also wanted to tease Logan a little. Either way - it was the perfect ice breaker.

"Oh, I believe that," Lucy commented.

"Now I finally feel what it's like to be praised like a piece of meat," Logan laughed at their interaction.

"Congrats on the engagement! And…" Lucy said, gesturing at her bump, not wanting to outright call her out on it.

Rory nodded, unable to hide a smile.

"Thank you," Logan and Rory both said.

"You're still coming to the wedding, right? I've been so busy I haven't even had time to check with the planner who's coming and who's not…," Rory confessed.

"Absolutely, we wouldn't miss it," Lucy exclaimed.

"So how's life? Work?" Rory inquired, curiously. Last she knew Lucy had worked as an art dealer for a big gallery in New York City.

"It's a bit of a story...," Lucy began, taking up several minutes to explain how she'd ended up buying a wrong arists' piece a few weeks ago which the company hadn't wanted to purchase at all, and someone else had gotten what they'd been after. "And then I just said... if you don't respect my tastes then go ahead a fire me," she explained, having made the whole case in such a way that her puchase had been not an accident but intentional.

"And?" Rory asked.

"And she did," Lucy replied.

"She fired you?!" Rory reflected.

"She did, and now I am free as a bird," Lucy replied. "But don't worry, I'll figure something out, New York is kind of blah by now anyways," she added, referring to the possibility of being willing to move.

Lucy's optimism was contagious like it had always been.

Soon Olivia also joined them, giving the three plenty to talk about as they caught up, making Logan feel rather redundant. But he was actually quite fine with this role - bringing Rory a glass of water or something to snack on, being her legs, while some people he'd also known talked to him as well. It was interesting, how in this moment he was what Odette had been to her for many years - the arm candy that could keep up a decent conversation.

Rory did talk about what she did for work to serveral people, and surprisingly it wasn't at all taken as a sign of weakness when she mentioned the school she worked in. Most people seemed to put together that that move had been on the account of her having her daughter in 2017. Which did make sense, even if there had been more to it. She couldn't have kept traveling like she did before, could she? Nobody cared about the few months of aimlessness in between.

"So what do you do, Glen?" Rory asked, innocently after several hours of talking to different people almost non-stop. She'd enjoyed a lot, surprisingly so, the interaction taking enough brain power not to think too much about herself or how she felt. Thinking too much, and thinking too little of herself was her problem.

Glen looked a lot skinnier, and similarly to Logan wore a small stubble and mustache. The dark-framed pantos glasses looked really good on him. He was like a completely different man, despite having the tendancy to complain just the same as he did back in college.

"Oh, well after college I tried working at a few papers - the Baltimore Sun and the Chronicle, but I just had enough after working for like a month of 16-18 hour days… So I quit, and actually set up this non-profit instead," Glen explained, going on into what his non-profit stood for. It didn't even really matter, as what mattered was that he sounded proud, despite not having anything hugely successful to show for. He said it himself, the non-profit was never going to make him rich, but he went on about realestate prices and how he didn't mind working long distance from some small town which was cheap to live in.

She heard all kinds of life stories, even though this was hardly even half of most of their lives.

"I actually took a bit of an odd path - being a war correspondent had never really been something I'd imagined myself doing. But it's meaningful, though comes with a lot of stress and heaviness naturally," Raj, another one of her Yale Daily News colleagues explained, hitting quite close to home considering Rory had once wanted to be a foreing correspondent herself. This story was illustrated well with a large burn scar on Raj's neck, that he wasn't hiding. He didn't explain it and she didn't ask - but it was pretty evident it was work-related.

Not everyone had stories with this much drama, naturally.

"Oh, yeah I worked on that too," Joni continued, picking up from when Rory had mentioned having written a few pieces on a particular start up and met the most peculiar people. "Back then I was working with Shila, she was writing copy for them," she added.

"How cool," Rory exclaimed. "What's she doing now?" she inquired.

"Oh, you didn't hear?" Joni said.

"Hear what? I guess not…," Rory said feeling like she'd missed something. It almost sounded like perhaps she'd been unaware of something tragic. Surely nobody of the people she'd known had passed away, had they?

"She moved to Panama, believe it or not. Met some girl on an flight to Mexico and now they're just living the idyllic expat life…. They've got chickens and mango trees and she works for some school teaching intermediate English. They did a story on her in The New Yorker even, so I figured you knew," Joni explained.

"Wow, quite a jump," Rory commented, nodding along. She felt odd for the fact that she didn't read as much journalism as she'd once used to.

Rory took surprising pride to show herself in the arm of Logan when she spoke to some people, naturally. There was Trevor for example, the guy he'd once gone out with. Unlike it would've been weird with Seth, here there was non of that, as it hadn't gone anywhere and he really was just an aquaintance from ages ago.

"I got to say you still look great," Trevor commented, politely, but not in a way that would've been directly a pick-up line. "If you don't mind me saying," the guy said to Logan.

"I couldn't agree more," Logan replied, smilingly, almost feeling like Rory needed to take this mingling for every shred of reference she could so she would see how good her life was.

"And you're still located Chicago?" Rory inquire politely.

"I am, it's so important to have family around when you've got kids," Trevor replied.

"Have you got boys or girls, or one of each?" Rory inquired, curiously, adding, "I have a 4-year-old girl myself, besides this mystery baby," stroking over her bump for the first time deliberately the entire night. The fact that she did made Logan smile.

"Congratulations," Trevor said, nodding at the two and raised his glass. "I have three boys and four girls, believe it or not. The youngest is just 4 months," Trevor explained.

"Wow, that's quite a…," Rory responded, having not expected that, nearly getting her virgin-spritzer into her throat.

"More than a soccer team," Logan commented on her behalf.

"Yeah, but I've always loved a big family, the house doesn't sound right when its empty," Trevor commented, reminding Rory a little of Dean.

"It must take quite a magnificent woman to manage all that…," Rory replied, actually feeling kind of interesting what kind of a woman had eventually suited him.

"Oh, definitely," Trevor replied. "I think you know her too…," he added, but Rory's face of confusion, clearly having not kept up on his social media this entire time, forced him to answer. "You know…. Faye?" he added.

"Of course, wow…, good for you," Rory replied, recalling Faye as one of the girls she'd sometimes hung around with during her freshman year, the one that had brought her coffee after the first take-away party among other things. "Too bad she isn't here, I would've loved to catch up," Rory replied

"She would've too, but you know how it's like to travel with a baby, she'd rather just sleep right about now when she can. The baby's been a little colicy," Trevor explained.

After a while Rory and Paris ended up speaking to Althea, who compared to Paris and Rory with their bumps looked like a she really shouldn't have been there at all, looking like her stomach was about to burst. Logan had stepped aside to talk to one of his Life and Death Brigade members in the meanwhile.

"It's twins," Althea replied. "My family is cursed with twins you could say," she chuckled as an explanation, speaking overly dramatically.

"I had twins too," Paris commented.

"Oh so you know…," Althea chuckled. "Well I'm just here waiting for these two to get the hell out of there," she added, speaking directly to her stomach, loudly but joyously at the same time. She always had such a bubbly personality.

"Still, it must be nice to meet them soon," Rory commented. She wanted that too. Even though she speculated the baby being a boy, not knowing the gender was proving surprisingly challenging. The baby was yet to develop a personality, an aura in her mind. She hadn't bonded that well yet.

"Absolutely," Althea exhaled. "And how far along are you two?" she inquired.

"Just 15 weeks," Rory said.

"21," Paris replied.

"Ah… New Year's Eve baby, right?" Althea chuckled, speaking to Paris, having guessed with amazing accuracy. "My last two were New Year's Eve babies," she commented, laughingly.

"So you're going to have two sets of twins?" Rory exclaimed.

"Yup," Althea chuckled. "They're 3 now, thank god for daycare," she added in a humorous whisper.

Rory nodded, desperately curious to know how someone as bright as she'd known Althea to be, was so content with her purpose in life which seemed to be raising her kids. Two sets of twins was a lot of work, she could only imagine.

But thankfully she didn't have to.

"I used to work for this big pharmaceutical corporation… I loved the work. But I felt like after I had my kids, that I didn't want to go back there with the feeling that I'd truthfully want to be home instead. I would've meant not being able to put in that 150% that I wanted to so I just didn't. I stayed home. But I discovered it really isn't lonely at all. I do volunteer for my kid's daycare sometimes, help them set up something cool for the kids, you know. But honestly I feel people should just get over the stigma about constantly proving themselves. Sure, having a career should be an option for everyone who wants it, but at least in my circles too many moms do it for external reasons. There's the money, obviously and if that's the case it can't be helped. But they do it to prove it to their bosses, their parents, their friends - other moms, or even their husbands. Sometimes I just look at their tired faces and feel like asking 'why?'," she explained, leaving both Rory and Paris a little baffled at her declaration. Althea was from a wealthy background herself, so it was no wonder she perhaps felt a little privliged to be able to do whatever she pleased. Normally, Paris would've felt like arguing, but somehow she wasn't feeling it after this.

"Well I just grew bored, I know that much. But I guess it's a little different when you're the one running your own business," Paris commented, but her tone of voice didn't come off condescending this time.

"And that's right, I don't have that experience. That's good for you, and I also bet you have pretty flexible hours, right?" Althea continued to discuss this aspect in more detail with Paris.

Rory on the other hand didn't really know what to say and was indeed left with that question floating in her brain - 'Why?'