"Harry? Mate are you even listening to anything I'm saying?" Ron Weasley was waving his hand in front of Harrys zoned out face. Harry had been staring at the same spot on the wall in the office for about fifteen minutes straight and Ron was pretty sure that Harry hadn't even been blinking at this point.
Harry shook his head and looked away from the wall and at his best friend. Ron had this mixed look of worry and frustration across his face. "Sorry Ron, I'm just exhausted. Between last nights stake out and all this paperwork, I am just ready to call it a night." Harry ran his fingers through his hair and sighed heavily. He placed his quill back in its stand. "What is it you were saying?"
"I was telling you that Hermione wanted to know if you wanted to come to our flat for some take away tonight? She wants to grab some Chinese and have a stay in. She told me you might want to get out of that bloody hotel for the night. " Ron said honestly. Hermione has asked him to ask Harry gently, but the man wasn't made of glass. Sure, he had a messy break up that they hadn't yet had all the details to, but Harry was the strongest person he knew. He would get through this. Ginny had called the wedding off two days ago and the press had a field day with rumors and ideas as to what was going on. Both Ginny and Harry avoided the press like the plague. Neither were willing to comment, confirm or deny anything they were coming up with. They hadn't even told the family what had actually happened. Just that they had decided that this wasn't what they both wanted and that they both deserved to be happy.
"Uh, take away... I mean..." Harry rubbed his hand over his face with a groan. "She's not going to take no for an answer is she?" He knew Hermione all too well. She had Ron ask him to seem polite. This wasn't an ask to dinner, this was a you better show up or I'm going to hex your bits into the next country dinner.
Ron shrugged with a laugh, "You know how she is mate. It's her way or no way. At least she's trying to let you make the choice. You can only avoid her and her questions for so long before she's going to show up to your hotel room and drag you out."
Harry let out a groan, "Fine. Send Hermione an owl and tell her I'll be there. I'll stop and grab the take away. I'll grab a bottle of fire whiskey too. I have a feeling I'm going to need it."
Ron laughed patting him on the shoulder, "You are a good man. Be there by six. Otherwise she will come looking for you. " Ron went back to his own desk to finish his own stack of paper work.
Harry looked down at his desk inwardly dreading tonight. He knew his friends, his best friends, deserved to know what was going on. How was he suppose to tell them both the truth? That he was gay, and not just gay. Gay for Draco bloody Malfoy.
--
Hermione picked up her chopsticks and instantly dug into the white cardboard container. "I love beef lo mein. I can't believe Ron had never had it until he moved in with me. " Hermione easily picked up the noodles between the sticks and stuffed them into her mouth happily.
Ron on the other hand was using a white plastic fork because he had yet to figure out how to eat with those blasted sticks. He was chewing a large piece of chicken when he responded, "we never lived anywhere near muggle London. I had no idea stuff like this even existed until you showed me 'Mione."
"Ronald, chew with your mouth closed and stop talking with your mouth full. I swear I fell in love with a barbarian. " Hermione tsked disapprovingly. "Harry, if you don't eat something, you will be drunk and then sick in the morning. "
Harry looked up from the glass he was swirling the amber liquid in. His sesame chicken was untouched on the table, but the bottle of fire whiskey was half empty. Most of it ended up in Harrys glass and mouth. Only a shot was in Ron's.
"I'm not very hungry Hermione. I just want... I want to relax. " Harry brought the glass to his lips taking a large swig. He was already starting to feel the effects of the cinnamon liquid. He swallowed hard, relishing in the way it burned as it made its way down, instantly warming his chest.
"Harry, I think it's time we... we talk about what happened. We are your best friends. You know you can tell us anything. We will love you no matter what. " Hermione set her chopsticks down nudging her foot against his playfully.
"You say that now, but what if you don't mean it Hermione. What if what I tell you changes... Everything?" Harry breathed the last word, it was barely a whisper.
"Harry, Mate, there isn't anything you can tell us to make it change everything. Even if you confessed you were secretly becoming the next dark wizard of the century." Ron teased giving him a half smile.
Hermione smiled, " exactly Harry. We've always been there for each other. Let us help you through this. Are the rumors true? Did Ginny catch you with another woman?" Hermione asked as gently as she could. When Ginny had stopped to tell them the wedding was off and she was on her way to France, she had made it clear that this was Harrys story to tell. Not hers.
Harry swirled the liquid in his glass once more before downing the rest of it. He grabbed the bottle and refilled it. He stared at it sloshing against the sides as if it would give him all the answers. With the whiskey still burning in his chest, he decided the be brave.
"I'm gay, Ginny caught me with a man. Not a woman." He said bluntly. Maybe a little too bluntly. The whiskey giving him the courage he needed to confess to them.
Whatever they had been expecting it hadn't been that. Instantly Hermione's face softened. "Oh Harry, I had no idea... dealing with that on your own must have been hard. " she reached for his hand to encourage him to continue.
"The first time... I was really drunk. At the Gala. I thought that it was just... pent up frustration and it was the champagne making me feel like I was. I only remember bits and pieces of the actual Gala but I can recall every moment I spent in his flat. The guilt I felt when I returned the next morning was awful. I thought I was feeling that way because I had betrayed Ginny, you know?" Harry looked up and saw Hermione giving him an encouraging smile. He didn't dare look at Ron. "I later figured out, I didn't feel guilty that I was going to hurt Ginny if she found out, I felt guilty because I liked it. Every single second. " Harry took another large swig. He knew he should stop drinking. The night wouldn't end well. He pushed on. "When I went to tell him, it had been a mistake and I didn't want the press to get word, god, I fucking kissed him, and I knew. I knew something was different. The feelings it gave me. It set me on fire. I wanted him... needed him. So when it happened again, and again, I just kept telling myself I needed something to take the edge off in my life. I was lying to myself and him. I needed Ginny... but not like I needed him. I kept lying to her, and well she came looking for me one day. She caught me in his bed..." Harry looked up at his friends. His eyes now catching Ron's.
Ron looked at Harry. "Mate listen. I don't care that you're bent. Honestly. I'm sorry you thought you couldn't tell us. "
"I just thought, that I couldn't be myself. That the wizarding world had these expectations of me and that I needed to stick to them. Marry Ginny, be an Auror, be Harry Potter the boy who lived. It's tiring. I just want to be Harry..." Harry looked between his friends who were looking at him with understanding.
"Harry, you have always been just Harry to us. You don't have to do what they expect. Be who you want to be Harry. You gave up your whole life the last 18 years, who cares what they want from you now. If you want to marry a man and ... I don't know. Quit your job and open a damn bakery then you do that. You need to live for you. You need to find and make your own happiness. " Hermione was always the voice of reason. She always knew what to say to put his mind on the right track.
"So, the bloke who has you all upside down and sideways. He was at the Gala, means he works for the ministry right? So who is it?" Ron asked back to eating his chicken like Harry hadn't just confess to fucking a man this last month and more like he just said he didn't want to wear a blue shirt.
"Oh, I'm not sure... I'm not sure I'm ready... or if he would want... he hates me right now. After Ginny found us, I pretty much dismissed him... like he was a whore and left. I haven't spoken to him since all of this happened... over two weeks ago?"
"Harry James Potter! You can't just be out here breaking women and mens hearts." Hermione chuckled shaking her head. "You should owl him. I bet he misses you too." She smiled warmly.
Harry finished another glass of whiskey and nodded, "you are so right Hermione. I'm going to go... now and owl him. Why wait right? Maybe if he forgive me I can bring him to family dinner on Saturday? Yeah?" Harry stood with a goofy smile. He was going to do this.
Authors Note: so I have two ideas how I can go with this story. One will make it longer one will end it in the next chapter. I would appreciate some feedback on how we're all feeling!!
