After his meeting with Jack, Vaughn was inspired with a new sense of purpose. For the first time since he'd med Sydney he felt like his life was finally coming together to form a clear picture of his future. For the last year and a half, Vaughn hadn't let himself consider the future. He thought for some reason that to do that would create premature hopefulness that an end for SD-6 was in sight.
He wouldn't let himself imagine what that would be like just yet because the only thing worse in his mind then the wait for a tactical opportunity to bring down the Alliance…was the thought that an opportunity might never come.
Reason alone told him that there would eventually be an end…too many good agents and operations were invested now for there not to be an end. But the crushing fear that he lived with everyday, was the idea that Sydney might meet an opponent she couldn't gain the upper-hand against before that day came. The possibility that she may not return from one her missions terrified him…to the extent that he experienced night terrors over it.
Since the night she'd taken his hand for comfort on the pier, he was simply unable to imagine the rest of his life without her. If anything were to happen to her, he honestly didn't know what would become of him.
Walking through the corridor to the OPS center he tells himself not to think about such things; to do so was the equivalent of admitting defeat. But he also realized that it was impossible for him to push those thoughts away; they were ever present in his mind…just like his love for Sydney Bristow.
"Hey!" Vaughn is jerked out of his reverie by the sound of his best friend's voice. Suddenly aware of his surroundings he gestures a 'hello' with a small nod of his head as he tries to hide his distracted mood.
Weiss however is easily able to pick up on his friend's quiet reflections, "So how'd your pow-wow with Papa Bristow go?"
Vaughn can't help but smile a little at Weiss' humor; and suddenly the reminder of Jack's encouragement creates a lopsided grin that conveys to Weiss the extent of his relief.
"Surprisingly well", Vaughn answers.
"The fact that you're standing here in one piece is a pretty strong indication of that," then more seriously, "what did he say?"
Pausing for a moment to collect the right words Vaughn explains, "In his own way he told me that he appreciates my feelings for Sydney. And that he wouldn't be totally against the idea of a relationship between us…assuming of course that we're careful not to let the way we feel about each other jeopardize her situation."
"Really?" Weiss is startled into disbelief, "Well, that's…surprisingly reasonable coming from Jack Bristow."
Shrugging Vaughn adds, "It was certainly a reasonable request considering our circumstances."
"So…have you talked to Sydney yet?"
"No, not yet."
Upon catching Weiss's dubious expression Vaughn feels the need to elaborate, "Jack said that she'd probably contact me, apparently Sloane is sending her on a mission. I assume she'll establish contact soon to go over the details."
Vaughn's quick segue into CIA Handler mode makes Weiss smirk. His sly grin prompts curiosity from Vaughn, "What?"
"Michael you and I both know that you aren't going to talk shop when you see her."
Through a slightly embarrassed smile Vaughn tells him, "Well, it won't be the major topic of conversation, no. But what do you expect is going to happen? I'm going to tell her how I feel and she's just going to fall into my arms and tell me she loves me?"
Weiss's response is a seriously dumbfounded expression, "Well…yeah."
"Why do I even talk to you about this stuff?" he muses aloud more to himself than to Weiss.
"You talk to me about it because you know I'm the only other sap, besides Donavon, you have who will listen to you mope about her without taking a weapon to your head," Weiss jokes and once again makes Vaughn smile.
Slightly more serious now he asks, "So, what are you going to tell her?"
Shrugging Vaughn responds honestly, "I don't know. It's not like I have a script written or anything." A momentary silence engulfs the air between them, and then with an expressive gleam in his eyes he continues, "When I see her…I'm confident that the right words will come to me."
Nodding his approval, Eric persists in his interrogation, "Well, what aren't you going to tell her then?"
Somewhat frustrated now, Vaughn lets his annoyance creep into his answer, "Eric! What is with the twenty questions routine? Why are you so hung up on this anyway?"
Vaughn's short tempered response elicits a smart remark from his friend, "Mike, two things here okay? First of all…do you know how lucky you are to be in this situation? She loves you, you love her…at this point the only things keeping you from being together are the right words and a little courage to say them. So for those of us who don't have the luxury of a beautiful woman pining for us…quit being so stingy with the details and give me at least the allusion of a love life!"
"….And secondly," he pauses as Vaughn gives him his rapt attention, "It wouldn't be a bad idea if you considered all the things you could and probably would say to her but shouldn't."
Realization dawns on Vaughn as he recognizes the truth in that statement. Suddenly he can't look his best friend in the eye. "You're right Eric."
"I know. But thanks for your acknowledgment."
"There are certain things I don't want her to know quite yet, well one thing anyway…my investigation into her mother."
Those few words were layered with meaning for Weiss, as he was the one person who understood the deep sense of betrayal Vaughn felt for conducting his private investigation into Irina Derevko. He also appreciated the emotional struggle raging within him since the moment he'd been told Derevko had turned herself into the CIA.
It was easy to hate the woman who killed his father while she was eluding the justice…but now that she was seemingly aiding the CIA it was difficult to compartmentalize his feelings.
"See? Have you told her about the nightmares?" Weiss presses. Still avoiding his gaze Vaughn shakes his head 'no'.
Weiss is incredulous now, "Why not?"
"What would be the purpose? It would only give her one more thing to worry about," Vaughn reasons.
"Mike, you should tell her. It would be good for both of you."
"Maybe," he partially agrees.
"Look, I know I'm no expert on love. But take some advice from your best friend who nearly died…"
Finally looking up at his friend and meeting his eyes, Vaughn listens intently. "You never know when the end is going to sneak up on you, especially in our line of work. Don't leave things unsaid. You'll only regret not having the courage to say them later."
Nodding at the profundity of that statement Vaughn gestures his acceptance, "I understand."
"Good," Weiss is obviously pleased. "Well I think I've spent enough time today counseling your sorry ass. You know…I should start charging you for these therapy sessions of ours…I'd be a millionaire by now."
Scoffing, Vaughn smiles as Weiss pats him on the shoulder. "Good luck man. Talk to you later?"
"Yeah…later! Thanks."
"Hey what are nosey friends for right?"
As Weiss disappears into the clutter of CIA agents around him, Vaughn quietly reflects on what's been said between them. Weiss had been right when he called him a lucky man; he had a best friend he could count on for anything, and hopefully he'd have the love of the best person he'd ever known to guide him.
Setting his resolve to be courageous enough to tell Sydney everything he knew he had to, Vaughn slowly heads to his desk to organize his thoughts.
He had to try to get some work done in the next couple of hours
"Agent Vaughn!" He turns his attention at the sound of his name. There beside his desk, stood a younger agent he recognized. "I've been sent to inform you that Agent Bristow made a dead drop. Report to Agent Kendall for further instructions."
"Thank you," Vaughn automatically responds. It appeared he'd be getting the excuse he needed to see Sydney sooner than he'd expected. Smiling in carefully controlled excitement he couldn't help thinking that things were about to finally get interesting.
Next Chapter...Syd and Will :o)
