Chapter 184

November 10th, 2006

"So…," Rory dragged out the word expectantly, having now waited for a while for Logan to finish reading her draft about the launch party she'd written last night after they'd gotten back on Hugo Gray's request. She'd felt so energized by the assignment and the words had just flooded out of her. She loved when that happened. "What do you think?" she asked more concretely, stretching out the sleeves of her sweater as she did.

"I don't know what to say," Logan replied, shaking his head.

Rory was confused, unsure which way this was going to go. She'd hoped to hear that he loved it, naturally, maybe even play one of his tricks on her by giving her critique before telling her how much he loved it. But something seemed off.

"Oh, yeah, I know the ending is a little convoluted, but I…," Rory tried to apologize, suddenly beginning to sense that perhaps he didn't like it at all. His reaction, already now, was one of the hardest critiques she'd felt. But of course - Logan didn't sugarcoat things.

"It's not convoluted. You made your feelings perfectly clear," Logan stated, sternly.

"What do you mean?" Rory asked him to elaborate, sounding confused.

"Just that it must have been really hard for you at my party, surrounded by all those people with... How do you put it?" he began, and read out an excerpt - "Who can no more imagine a world without trust funds... than a world without water, imported and bubbly, of course."

"Oh, no, that was meant to be funny…," Rory corrected, innocently. He couldn't really hate it, could he?

"It sounds like it was torturous, being stuck there with "these overprivileged sons and daughters of somebodies who fail to grasp how out of touch they seem to those of us who don't have an errant domestic employee or a construction problem on Beef Island"," Logan continued to read out as he got up and took his coffee cup over the sink across the kitchen. His voice was definitely upset and defensive.

"You're mad!?" Rory reflected, disappointedly as much as in shock.

"You're damn right I'm mad!" Logan said point blank.

"But you were making fun of these people all night," Rory tried to excuse herself, but what was really scaring her right at this moment was the way Logan's neck stretched out when he was mad. She only ever really saw him be mad at his father or one of his professors, and that one time at Robert. She'd never felt his anger directed to her. She was scared - she could hear her heartbeat in her ears by now.

"I was joking! I wasn't standing there judging everyone," Logan huffed.

"I didn't judge everyone," Rory tried to defend herself.

"The title of your article is "Let Them Drink Cosmos"," Logan read out. "I was joking around with my girlfriend. I wasn't comparing a whole class of people to Marie Antoinette," Logan added, certainly having a way with words himself.

"I'm so sorry. I really didn't think that this would upset you," she tried to explain.

"You didn't think it would upset me?" Logan objected in disbelief.

"No. No, I was just writing," she explained, trying to make it seem like no big deal. She was panicking inside. She was scared of what he might do - no, not hurt her, but she was seriously beginning to worry she'd by accident ruined things between them for good. What if he stopped loving her for this misunderstanding? For her inability to explain her reasons - the thought was not really a conscious one, but burried deep. "I mean, I was worked up. I was mad at my mom. Maybe that kind of got into the piece somehow. But, no, this was meant to be funny. I didn't think you would take it personally," Rory tried to make things better. "I mean, you're totally different from these people," she added, hopefully.

"No, I'm not," Logan exclaimed. "And you know what? I don't want to be!" he added.

"Logan…" Rory said, not quite thinking he meant it.

"What?" Logan huffed. "I'm a rich trust-fund kid. I'm not ashamed of it," he spoke agitatedly.

"No, and you shouldn't be. That's not what I meant," Rory corrected. "I mean, my point... Or the point I was trying to make was that people use connections to get ahead," she added.

"Oh, give me a break," Logan continued to huff. "You act like making connections is something nefarious," Logan added. "It's not. It's just people meeting people," he continued, not quite feeling like he was done.

"Well, it's certain people meeting certain people," Rory said, still hoping she'd be able to turn this into one of their fun little debates, but it had never felt this serious. "It's not like anyone's meeting Joe Bus Driver," she tried to add a joke.

"And you're Joe Bus Driver?" Logan asked.

"Well, no…," Rory felt cornered again.

"Exactly. I mean, where do you get off acting all morally superior?" Logan said.

"That is not what I intended to say at all," Rory replied.

"You clearly think you are," Logan accused her. "Why? Because you read Ironweed? 'Cause you saw Norma Rae? Wake up, Rory. Whether you like it or not, you're one of us. You went to prep school. You go to Yale. Your grandparents are building a whole damn astronomy building in your name," Logan continued, feeling some strange sense of being attacked by her at that moment. He'd been attacked by a lot of people in his life - a lot of people didn't like him. But this felt like betrayal - an attack from the inside, from someone he'd thought to be different.

Rory felt uncomfortable hearing this and embarrassed too.

"That is different, okay?" Rory argued. "It's not like I live off a $5-million trust fund my parents set up for me," she added.

"Yeah, well, you're not exactly paying rent either," Logan said, knowing the minute he'd said it that what had flooded out of him, hadn't been good either. Logan was disappointed in himself. But he couldn't deny that he felt disappointed in her too. But he hadn't thought - he'd just let the words pour out of him. It was what he'd felt. It was probaly what had happened with Rory when she'd been writing this as well... but now it was too late. The words had left his lips.

"Screw you, Logan," Rory huffed in return and walked out.


May 28th, 2022

Rory paced around the kitchen nervously, trying to make herself useful by doing little things around the kitchen - cleaning, light cooking - she'd even cleaned out the drawers and folded up all the kitchen towels.

She couldn't just sit still when she knew Logan had in his possession what she'd been working on since Christmas. And while there had been many times since college that she'd let him read her stuff, there was that constant nagging in the bottom of her stomach, hoping he didn't hate it. Not even that he liked it, because 'like' was such a mild term, but mostly hoping he didn't hate it. She'd gotten a lot better with critique over the years, but for years Logan's opinion, not that he'd read every piece as far as she knew, had remained an anchor of sorts. Especially when she was trying out a new format or wrote for an audience he hadn't written before. If he didn't hate it - she still felt like she was a half decent writer.

Em was in the backyard with Loki, and every once in a while Rory glanced out the kitchen window to check on her. Rory's bump fluttered more and more, there had been little kicks too, now too as she glanced out the window for the tenth time, but Logan had yet to feel them. They'd either happened when he hadn't been around or he just hadn't felt it as well as she had. But the stronger kicks would come soon enough, she knew it.

But soon enough her attention wandered back to the fact that Logan was reading what she'd written, his office door only half closed just 14 feet away. It wasn't just a short piece either, technically it was one shorter piece of around 3000 words to the D.A.R newsletter which was a summary, and the rest that stretched well over a hundred or so pages. She knew herself that there was no other format to classify the latter in than a book. But since this was strictly non-fiction, a biography, but not just...she felt strange thinking of it as a book. To her what defined a 'book' was something more than she'd researched, something she hadn't really made up but just written down. It didn't feel creative enough. But she was overthinking it, she knew it, recognizing the pattern.

Thankfully, Logan was a quick read. Besides this was just a draft and they both knew it. And he'd probably read it again once it was really done. Hence some parts he could just skim through.

It had taken him a couple of hours, but he was through as he emerged from his study, having sensed how nervous Rory had been giving it to him after having convinced her for several weeks to let him read it in the first place. He'd even urged her to allow him to read it in therapy, guessing that this was something to do with her issues. And he'd been right, he'd even gotten Birdie to challenge Rory to give to him, which almost felt like a small victory. Thankfully, Rory had admitted too that she really did want his opinion, even if she was scared of it.

"There was no way of writing Emily Gilmore without the class difference coming in as a topic, but I tried my hardest not to ridicule or mock it," Rory began with explanations straight off the bat, the one-and-a-half-decade-old argument having popped into her head. "And all that about a woman's role next to a successful man... You know I don't really think like that, but these were her words in many cases, or at least her words through my mother," she rambled, wanting to excuse so many things that could be seen as controversial in her mind.

"It's okay, Rory," Logan stepped close, and held her by her upper arms, storking her assuringly.

"But the way she treated her maids…," Rory began, as if she was somehow to blame for how Emily Gilmore had swapped maids every week for the better part of her life.

"You treated every single person that's ever served or helped you with respect, right?" Logan said, replying his question by himself - "I know you have," still trying to calm her. Exceptions didn't matter in this argument, as surely they both knew that there had been exceptions.

"I guess, but…," Rory fretted.

"So you don't have to make excuses for whatever she did," Logan said.

"But it was so hard at times to find that balance between why she did things, or why we thought she did things, what came from her essence and what was just a symptom of something more. And all that while trying to remain respectful and not staining her name," Rory continued to explain.

"You found that balance. In that sense it was perfect. It didn't read like a eulogy - it read like something more than that. You showed a caring, loving yet flawed human being who was often misunderstood, and I think that is exactly what this book needed to be," Logan explained how he saw it, calling it deliberately a 'book' for the first time.

"But..?" Rory said, expecting a 'but'.

"Honestly?" Logan said, teasing her by even asking, with a sneaky smirk.

"God, yes! Please tell me…," Rory demanded.

"I think it has potential for more," Logan stated in all honesty.

"More - how?" Rory replied, growing internally defensive already.

"More as in… I think it has the potential to become a series," Logan said, hesitantly. He was, however, not hesitant because of the content but just the way she could react to him suggesting she should write more.

"But it's just a hundred pages?!" Rory reacted.

Logan shrugged, but didn't quite dare to spell it out for her. He wanted her to combine it into a series of the book she'd began writing years ago.

"No… come on…," Rory objected. "You can't be serious!" she added.

"I am not an editor, it was just the idea that I got. I think you wrote it knowing what you know and the life that you've lived - but the readers won't necessarily know that part so I'd say they are missing out on the big picture," Logan explained.

Rory huffed, taking deep breaths in between, unsure how to take all of this.

Logan continued to explain how he thought it'd be a great way to end the first book somewhere around the time Lorelai left the Gilmore household and how that must've felt like to Emily that her mothering was thrown back in her face. He wasn't too well spoken on the topic - after all - what did he know about mothers? But he tried to put it as best as he could.

"But the part that was there - that was fine, right?" Rory felt she needed to ask after he'd finished.

"Absolutely! That pen of yours is still a Howitzer," Logan assured, pulling her closer for a kiss.

"You really think so?" Rory asked, needing more assurance - at least she was recognizing the need and asking for it.

"I know so," Logan said, and nudged her nose with his, and stole another kiss.

"Thank you," Rory said, feeling the weight falling off her shoulders.

"Anytime, Ace," Logan said. "And while I may not be an editor, I bet we'd find one for you in no time if you let me help. And I know maybe you feel like Jess could be the…," Logan began, pulling apart a little, having more to say.

Rory stopped him.

"I wouldn't want Jess working on it," Rory said abruptly. "Hell, he'd probably end up reading it anyway but I wouldn't want him influencing how it'd turn out," Rory added, sounding surprisingly on board with the concept.

"Oh..," Logan responded, having not expected it.

"It might just be hurtful, I don't know. I still feel a little guilty with him," Rory said, not wanting to elaborate too much as she knew it to be a deep bit of negative emotions.

"But how about I make some calls, find someone who's willing to sit down and talk about this," Logan suggested. He'd already quickly looked up some names from a couple of HPG publishing houses he thought she'd enjoy working with. But he didn't want to scare her off either.

"Logan…," Rory grumbled, not liking the idea of him 'making a call'.

"I wasn't even going to do what my father would've done - make a call - but just talk to people and offer it for them to read anonymously and ask to give me their honest opinion," he explained, sensing how Rory might misinterpret. He knew people that would be able to be honest with him if he asked them to.

"Um.. maybe?" Rory hesitated.

"Now what do I have to do to turn this 'maybe' into a 'yes'?" Logan inched closer for another kiss, hoping to soften her up. In the midst of all of this what Logan was again beginning to see was that excitement in her eyes. He'd missed that. He knew that she was going to have her hands full anyways, but having something to look forward to or even just knowing their options never hurt anyone. And that was what he was hoping to give to her.