Disclaimer: If I owned this, I'd have to be British, right? And three guesses as to my nationality? Not British! So there.

Chapter 1

Life is terribly unfair, don't you think? It's alright, you don't have to answer the question. It's one of those ones, you know? The… whaddya-call-it? Aha! That's it! The rheforical question!

"Moony, my dear, it's a rheforical question. You didn't need to answer that, you know," I tell my fellow Marauder, Remus.

He looks at me strangely, and that's when I realise. I have food in my hair.

"Sirius," he sighs. "It's not rheforical. It's rhetorical. You know? A question that is not suppose to be answered?"

"Nu-uh. I don't think so, Moony. It's rheforical."

"Rhetorical."

"Rheforical."

"Rhetorical."

And on goes our heated debate.

ANYWAY, back to my point. Life is very unfair, isn't it? Some are blessed with everything, while others have nothing. Personally, I think I fit into the former category. After all, I have brains, looks and a bark. In my Animagus form, of course.

Using my highly accurate vision, I am also very perceptive. Is that how it's spelt? Yes, I think so.

As I was saying, my talent for perception is so great, that I am able to tell that my best friend, Prongs, is slowly but surely falling in love with a certain redheaded someone. Take a scene in the Great Hall during dinner, for example. This happened just last night between our Head Girl and Head Boy. It went like this:

Flashback

"My Lily Flower! You are truly blossoming, aren't you? Look at your hair! It's redder than usual!" James said, gesturing wildly with his hands.

Lily's hand connected solidly with the raven-haired Marauder's head.

"Are you saying that I wasn't pretty before seventh-year? Are you? Or that my hair was blonde instead of red?"

"Woman, are you mad? It was a bloody compliment, not an insult! Though it probably sounded like one…"

"Potter, enough."
"Y'know I won't stop bothering you until you agree to go out with me, right?" James said, ruffling his already messy hair.

"How could I not know? You've been asking me since fifth-year!" Lily fumed, bright red with anger and frustration.

"I've had enough, James. Just leave me be, please."

And with that, the brilliant Lily stomped off in a rather undignified manner towards her friends.

End flashback

"Prongsie dear! You're back!"

Three guesses as to who said that. Well, actually, I've changed my mind. Don't guess, because I'll tell you! Me! Of course I said that. Am I the only one who calls James Prongsie here? Once again, dear reader, another rheforical question. Or is that rhetorical? Stupid Moony mind-tricks.

"How was patrolling?" sensible Moony asks.

"Same old, same old. I say Lily smells nice, she punches me. That one's physical, I tell you."

Listening to this, I decide to form a plan to help my dearest buddy.

"Everyone! Gather around, and I shall tell you about my great plan!"
Although Peter, James and Remus all glance at me suspiciously, I decide to tell them about my so-called plan anyway.

Here goes nothing!

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