Prince Trevor
Hannah quietly took a seat in the middle of the Hufflepuff table. The Great Hall was completely deserted and so still that a harsh silence seemed to bounce off all the little crevices of the walls and through the magic of the ceiling. Looking up, she noted that the stars had all but faded, almost hidden by the rising sun; there was only one still shining visibly.
The morning star.
Venus.
Lucifer.
Funny how the same thing can be the symbol of love and the devil all at the same time. Well, Hannah thought, bringing her head down to rest on the wooden table before her, perhaps it's more fitting than funny.
Love used to be easy for Hannah. Love was wonderful, something that had always been in her life. Her parents loved her, and she loved them back. Her friends: love. It had always been easy and right and agreeable. It had lured her in, and she couldn't get enough of it.
Hannah shut her eyes and bit down on her lips. Her hands gripped the surface of the table, and she wished back the naï veté of her old life--of an old life when she never questioned the motives of love.
She knew better now. She knew now that love meant pain and it meant loss. Love overwhelmed you so deeply and so completely that when the object of your love was taken from you, which it always would be, you were left with nothing but a chasm filled with emptiness and pain. Hannah now knew that love was not to be trusted, that it would always hurt you in the end.
Everyone she loved seemed to be leaving in one capacity or another. Some left suddenly, without warning, taken away from her forever. Others were leaving slowly, gradually riding themselves from her company. Both methods of departure hurt so much, it made Hannah cry.
Opening her eyes, trying not to cry at this particular moment, Hannah focused on Dumbledore's large chair at the middle of the staff's table. Her mum was gone, killed by You-Know-Who's followers. Her father was pulling away fast, lost in his own misery and grief from being fucked over by love. Her friends seemed to be losing interest in her as they slowly branched out and made new friends, finding love in different places. Justin was enamoured with his new girlfriend. Ernie was throwing himself into his studies and something secretive he wasn't telling them about. Susan just seemed to be avoiding her--that is, when she wasn't talking in close whispers with some Ravenclaw boy.
Everyone she loved, starting with her mum, seemed to be leaving.
"Ribbit."
Hannah snapped her head up, straightened her back rigid and stared down at the green toad sitting across from her on the table. She blinked at it, wondering where it had come from and how it had suddenly appeared in front of her. It wasn't moving and didn't seem startled in the least by Hannah's sudden movement. All the toad did was look back at her with these huge, round, bulbous eyes that didn't blink.
Taking a deep breath to try to calm her heart back down into a more normal speed, she quickly glance around the Great Hall. It was still empty and Hannah refocused her attention on the toad.
"Hello," she whispered, greeting the animal. "Where did you come from?"
In response, the toad blinked slowly, giving Hannah the impression that it was trying to communicate with her. Shaking her head, she reminded herself that toads don't talk to people.
"I don't suppose you're trying to keep me company, are you?" She peered into the dark eyes of the toad, squinting her lids together in concentration. When it didn't croak or move in response, Hannah smiled in comfort and rested her elbows on the table. "And I guess you're also not here to make friends?"
The toad hopped forward and Hannah straightened her back, her smiled dropping as her eyes widened. She cocked her head at the toad to study it once more before dissolving into a fit of giggles.
"Maybe you've really come to rescue me from my desperate thoughts and kiss me and show me everlasting… love." Hannah's voice trailed off considerably by the last word. A big sigh left her chest before she could do anything to stop it. She didn't care, though; she was all alone in the Great Hall listening to the echoes of her sighs and talking fairy tales to a toad.
It was pathetically fitting.
"That was my mum's favourite fairy tale, you know--The Frog Prince. She would tell me about the princess who kissed the frog who then turned into a handsome prince. The two fell in love and lived happily ever after. Ever after… forever… fell in love forever after."
Hannah placed her hand palm down on the table in front of the toad. When it didn't move, the corners of her mouth tipped up.
Looking up at the ceiling, she noted that the morning star had faded away. It wouldn't be very long before the Great Hall would start filling up for breakfast. Perhaps it wouldn't be the best thing to be spotted by herself talking to a frog, but she still had a bit of time before anyone showed up, she figured.
"My friends are all finding their Prince and Princess Charmings. I don't see the point." Hannah brought her hand a tiny bit closer to the toad. "My mum was my dad's princess charming," she said, feeling something unpleasant crawl up into her throat. "And now she's gone, and my dad is hurt. It's not forever, not really."
Hot tears rolled down her cheeks, and she hurriedly fumbled to bring her hand up to wipe them away. With her fingers still against her cheek, she fully extended her other hand to tap the top of the toad's head.
"Do you have anyone to love, little prince? Or are we just two lonely and pathetic creatures, destined to live alone?"
The toad looked up at her, and she could have sworn she saw pity somewhere in the bulbously hideous things. Hannah tried to muffle up a sob, but failed miserably. Her nose was running now, snot was going to get everywhere if she wasn't careful, and she couldn't think of anything more wretched in the entire wizarding world than the absolute pitiful sight she found herself in. Hannah buried her face in her hands, letting her fingers sprawl out over her forehead, the tips of them just reaching into her thick hair, her palms pressing into her eyes and cheeks. Her skin felt unusually warm, and she felt as though something, somehow had broken inside her.
"It's not fair," she said, through her sobs to the toad. "I want it to go back! Back to last year before…"
Hannah trailed off before quickly biting down on her lips to stop herself from saying foolish things--foolish things she would only regret later, even if they were voiced just to a frog. Foolish things that made last year seem like paradise and this year, like hell, when last year had been pretty grisly as well, what with Umbridge and her hostile take over of Hogwarts. That was bad for a lot of people. Hannah's mother's death was just bad for her.
Her sobs shook her shoulders clumsily, but she made herself lower her hands ever so slightly, so they weren't pressing so deeply into her eyes. Looking through her fingers, she spotted the toad, still sitting directly in front of her, still staring straight at her with those huge, omnipotent eyes it his.
"You must think I'm selfish," she said to the toad, as though it was suddenly important that the amphibian understand. "I just want my life back: my friends, my dad… mum. I don't have them anymore, and I miss them. Last year, at least I had them."
The toad blinked at her.
"I love them," she croaked out, feeling her throat close up as she struggled to get out the words. Hannah pressed her hands tight to her face, bringing in her arms so they were pulled close to her chest. It was a poor substitute for the hug she really wanted, but it would have to make do.
"I don't want to love them," she tried to say, knowing once the words reached her ears how wrong they sounded. Trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in her stomach, she picked up the toad and held him a hand's length away from her face. "Prince," she whispered, one corner of her lip twitching in favour of the nickname she'd given him. "I want someone to make it easy again."
And without knowing quite why she did it, Hannah followed a gut feeling and leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss right between Prince's horrid eyes.
"Ick." She puckered up her mouth, as one might do after tasting something very bitter and slimy. Nearly dropping the toad in her haste to get it out of her hands, Hannah wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand while the offending amphibian took exactly three hops to her left.
"Hannah?" a voice whispered tentatively from behind her.
Hannah yelped, throwing her hands up over her head and turning around so fast she lost her balance completely. She fell back, off the bench and onto the soft, warm floor.
Wait a second… warm… soft…. floorSince when was the stone floor of the Great Hall soft and warm?
"Ooof."
Hannah froze. Since when did the stone floor grunt out in pain? Her stomach dropped when she realized that it didn't… and neither was it soft or warm.
Quickly pulling herself off the poor person she'd fallen on top of, she didn't even bother leaving the floor. Her cheeks burning furiously, she leaned her back against the bench, so that the two-inch thick wooden seat pressed uncomfortably on her upper back. It wasn't possible to get much lower than this--literally as well as figuratively.
She couldn't move. She couldn't speak. She couldn't even look up to see who it was she had tackled to the ground. All she could do was bite her lip and watch her fingers as she wrung her hands together nervously.
"You all right?" the voice asked, sounding vaguely familiar. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched the person shift on the ground, finding a semi-comfortable spot on the stone floor.
Hannah nodded and glanced up at the boy sitting awkwardly on the ground between two tables in the middle of the Great Hall. Her cheeks started to burn even more; she recognized that face--the round, kind face that was now watching her with such concern. She nodded again, trying to smile up at the boy, Neville Longbottom.
Instead the smile turned into more of a grimace and Neville's eyes seemed to go wide with concern.
Her eyes grew hot and Hannah pulled her knees to her chest, burying her face in them. She let out a muffled, "I'm sorry," and tried not to let her shoulders shake.
She heard Neville move hesitantly as he shifted so he was sitting directly beside her. She tried to glance at him out of the corner of her eye, but she couldn't see more than a strange, blurry blob of colour.
He sat next to her. He didn't try to pat her head or say comforting words, he just sat there. It was the best comfort she'd had in what seemed like a lifetime.
When she was finally able to catch her breath, Hannah pulled her runny face away from her legs and took a few nice, long, steadying breaths. "I'm sorry," she repeated, clumsily rubbing her fingers under her eyes.
"No, it's--" Neville started to say, as though unsure of how to do that exactly. "It's--Is it about your mum?"
Hannah sniffled and turned her head slightly to look at him, completely unsurprised that he knew about her mum; gossip ran rampant in Hogwarts and it seemed as though everyone knew what had happened before she'd left for the funeral that horrible day she'd been pulled out of Herbology.
"Yeah," she whispered, too drained to say anything different.
"I'm sorry."
She nodded. Everyone seemed to be sorry.
There was an awkward pause that always seemed to pop up after someone gave their condolences. She hated that awkward silence. It was very distinct from any other awkward silence. It was a silence full of death.
Just as Hannah was about to excuse herself and get as far away from that awkward silence as humanly possible, Neville reached back and grabbed something off the table. As he twisted back to his spot next to her, she noticed he was holding Prince the toad in his hands.
"Thanks for finding Trevor," he said, lifting the toad up in reference.
"Trevor?"
Neville nodded, placing Trevor the prince toad on his lap. "I've had him for a long time, but he always seems to hop off. It almost seems like a game to him; 'Where's Trevor going to hide next?' That sort of thing."
"Prince Trevor's your toad?" Hannah felt a knot twist in her stomach. How much had he seen of her and Trevor's interlude?
Shooting a curious glance at her, he smiled. "Yeah. He's been with me through just about everything. We go way back."
Giggling softly, she tucked a flyaway strand of hair behind her ear. She glanced down at Prince Trevor and they both watched in silent thought as he blinked heavily a couple of times.
"You're not-" Neville started to say uneasily before starting again, his voice in little more than a whisper. "I don't think you're selfish for wanting your mum back."
Hannah felt her mouth drop and her back straighten. He'd heard her conversation with Prince Trevor… he'd seen her kiss his toad!
Purposefully, as though trying to buy some time to think, Neville put his toad in his pocket. "I want my mum and dad back, too."
At first, she didn't quite understand what it was he'd said. She understood the words, but it took her a moment to piece them together and get the meaning behind them. Unable to say anything, Hannah dropped her hands to her sides and tentatively glanced at the boy next to her.
"I mean," he said, backtracking a bit, "they're in St. Mugno's, so I see them whenever I can, but…"
Hannah frowned and before she could stop herself, she placed her hand on top of his.
"It was the Cruciatus Curse. Just after You-Know-Who's first defeat. They-It was too much for them."
Horrified, she squeezed his hand. He turned his hand up, so they were palm to palm and squeezed back.
He smiled at her, and her heart swelled before he brought it all back to her previous conversation with his toad. "It doesn't get easier."
With a slight grimace, Hannah tried to pull her hand away, but Neville held on, as though holding it… for their own safety.
"It doesn't" he went on, patting the pocket with Prince Trevor in it with his free hand. "But, Trevor has been a good friend. Always there for me, even if he does hop away sometimes."
Hannah suddenly laughed, relaxing her hand somewhat. Prince Trevor might be a good toad, but he sure was a bad kisser. Leaning her shoulder against Neville's she laughed again. "Thanks for letting me talk to Prince Trevor. He's a good listener."
Neville's shoulder shook against hers, and Hannah glanced over, smiling. He was smiling, too--he really had a nice smile--and giving her a curious look that made her stomach flutter and her giggling stop. He had kind eyes and his shoulder felt so warm next to hers.
His hand squeezed hers, and she squeezed back, loving the way his finger pads felt against the soft skin on the back of her hand. He wasn't laughing anymore, she vaguely realized as she leaned in closer, wondering what his lips felt like.
Bam!
Hannah gasped and sprung to her feet, her head whipping to see who had come in through the doors so noisily.
"Hannah," a very familiar voice called out, and Justin Finch-Fletchley started toward her in a hurry. "There you are, we've been looking everywhere! Susan said you weren't in your bed and…" He trailed off as he got closer, his eyes travelling from Hannah to Neville to their joint hands and back to Hannah again.
She relaxed her grip on Neville's hand, having just realized she was still holding on to it, but when she tried to pull her hand back, he didn't let go. Something in Hannah's chest swelled slightly, and she glanced over at a slightly pink-faced Gryffindor. Sniffling against her runny nose--goodness, she must look a mess--she smiled at him, a smile that lingered as she looked back at Justin.
However, Justin was looking at Neville as though he'd been the one to make her eyes bloodshot and her nose run and Hannah felt her smile fade. Justin looked at Hannah, giving her a face that could only be interpreted as, 'What is going on?'
With a shrug, she turned away from Justin for a moment to face Neville. "Thank you," she said quietly, squeezing his hand.
He gave her a bashful smile as he returned the gesture with a squeeze of his own. "I'll see you," he said, before he finally let go of her hand to make his way through the Great Hall to the Gryffindor table. Hannah slowly realized that students were slowly trickling in around them.
Turning back to Justin, she shrugged and felt a blush coming on at his utterly confused look. "He lent me his toad," she explained, feeling happy despite Justin looking even more confused than before.
"Hannah!"
Looking up, Susan Bones was running toward her at full speed. Trailing behind her was Ernie Macmillan, looking almost as ruffled as he had in the weeks leading up to their OWLs last year. Susan ran straight into her, not slowing down a bit as she pummelled into her, nearly knocking her down in the process. Susan wrapped her arms tightly around her friend as Ernie caught up, giving Hannah a reassuring smile.
Susan kissed her cheek and whispered into her ear. "I was so worried. Are you all right?"
Hannah nodded, hugging her friend back. "I think so," she said, even though she wasn't really sure if she was all right or not. She didn't feel completely all right, but then, she didn't feel completely awful either. It was an odd mix, but she certainly felt better than before her talk with Prince Trevor.
The four Hufflepuff friends took their seats for breakfast and Hannah couldn't help but look up to the ceiling. A beautiful, clear morning blue filled the room and the sun was shining brightly through the beautiful moving stained-glass windows on the walls. Hannah thought back to Susan's question, and it was suddenly clear in her mind that perhaps she was going to be all right after all, even if she wasn't right at this moment.
She had people who loved her and who she loved back. While love may be painful at times, it was far worse to never experience what she was feeling right then, as she sat with Susan's head on her shoulder, Neville's smile caught in the corner of her eye and Ernie and Justin's laughter ringing in her ears.
Love had a funny way of sneaking up on you.
Fin
A/N: Originally posted on the LiveJournal community, 1000wayshuffle for the 'Generic Character Fanfic Challenge' under the title, That Sneaky Morning Star. Many, many thanks to the fabulous Katieay for the beta and encouraging thoughts!
