Disclaimer: Nope don't own them or anything like it.

Spoilers: It's set Post Grave Danger so spoilers for Season 5 & 6

Author's Note: It's a darker story than others I've posted, no one beta'd so any errors our mine own. R&R let me know what you think.


Grissom's SUV parked in the visitors spot next to Brass' sedan. Catherine got out and grabbed her kit from the back. Without really thinking he climbed out of the driver's seat and walked to the back to grab his kit, only his wasn't there. Looking at Sara's kit sitting where his should have been, he remembered that his kit was still in his office where he'd left it, because he needed to restock it. Slipping on a new pair of sterile gloves he touched the case. This case was so much a part of his memories of her. He opened it and looked at its contents, the neatly packed powders and equipment. The roll of duct tape she used to keep it together and the small package of beef jerky for his bugs.

Images of Sara at crime scenes flashed quickly through his head. That first day when Sara was all smiles joking about 'Norman Fell.' Her grin when she found that necessary piece of evidence or the way her hair fell when she was bent to process evidence. A white envelope tucked in one end with his name caught his attention. He picked it up, examined it and noticed his name was written across the front in Sara's familiar handwriting. Opening it up he noticed stationary similar to the letter with the keys, except this time he recognized the writing as Sara's.

"Grissom,

If you are reading this letter than something has happened to me. Please know that whatever it is I don't blame you or anyone else. Don't let anyone remember me with guilt. I believe that when it's your time it's just your time to go. Remember that college student killed by the dumpster when she was retrieving her trash can.

If I'm dead please make sure they cremate and scatter my ashes in the Pacific. There are more instructions and goodbyes in my will which my attorney will handle. If I'm in a vegetative state please talk to Dr. Robbins. He knows my wishes and has copies of the necessary paperwork. Either way it has been my honor and pleasure to work with you and the team.

Life and death happen. Sometimes there's no predicting it, explaining it or preventing it. Someone said, "You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your 'friends." You've been my family, friends and co-workers and I love you all more than I can express.

Sara."

Catherine and Brass had walked around the vehicle to see what was keeping him. "What's that?" She asked because unlike Jim she couldn't read any of the letter over Gil's shoulder. He handed it to Catherine unable to speak around the lump in his throat. Dropping his hands, one fell to his side, while the other rested on the open forensics kit.

"We've got time, we'll find her."

Gil nodded as he gently closed the case. With a final caress he clicked the locks close. Whispering quietly to his memory of Sara past and present

"I have so many unanswered questions." Pushing Sara's case back into the car he felt more resolved than ever to follow the bread crumb trail the kidnapper had left for them. Closing the car door, he headed up to her apartment his course of action decided. Leaving Brass and Catherine to follow him.

Comparing the number on the door to the number below the key, he pulled it off and stuck it in the lock. It turned easily confirming his suspicion that it was a copy of Sara's key.

Brass pulled out his weapon entering Sara's apartment before the two CSI's. Moving through the rooms in an automatic way he treated the apartment like any other crime scene because that was easier than thinking about this being Sara's home or how she was slowing drowning. "Gil. Cath the place is clear. I'm gonna go talk to the apartment manager and see what I can find out."

The CSI's nodded as they crossed the threshold, their flashlights sweeping the living room and kitchen. It was exactly as Gil remembered it. Sara's apartment was so different from his townhouse with its vibrant wall color and eclectic knick knacks that gave the space a homey feel. "It's not quite what I expected." Catherine noted absently as she surveyed the room.

"Really? Why not?"

"I guess I thought it would be more clinical looking like your place."

Grissom just sort of brushed the comment aside as he headed for the bedroom. He hadn't seen her bedroom on previous visits, but told himself he was only headed there now because logically it seemed the most likely place to find breadcrumb clues. He hated that this perp was leading them around by the nose, but until he had enough clues to solve the puzzle or anticipate the next move he had no other choice.

He moved around her room in the dark there was something here he felt it in his gut. Opening the closet doors he noticed a bit of light in the ceiling. Suddenly he flashed back to the case with Nicky's stalker. "Cath check the ceilings and the phones this guy may have been using CCTV or some other type of surveillance."

"What makes you think that?" He flinched when her voice was suddenly right there at his shoulder.

"Look in there." Pointing towards the inside of the closet. Stepping away from her he walked towards the bed. The light beam skidding over a series of bound dated journals. One of which was opened. Looking at the date May 25, 2005 he read the entry.

"I had the nightmare again. Every night since we saved Nicky I've had this dream. I'm beginning to hate trying to go to sleep, so I've been picking up extra shifts when possible. How long can I go without real sleep? I'm tempted to call Grissom, but I'm afraid we aren't quite back to the friendship we had before Vegas. God I miss him. I miss being able to call and talk to him about anything.

While I told him about my parents and he knows about my nightmares from the Kay Shelton case, I wonder if I have the guts to finally tell him the rest. That every time I close my eyes I see him trapped in the plastic coffin with fire ants slowly eating him alive. That one is as bad as the one where he's been kidnapped, bound and gagged in something from Lady Heather's Dominion and I can't save him. The worst is dreaming of his marrying another woman like Sofia, Terri or even Lady Heather. This losing him night after night in my dreams is slowly killing me.

I've made an appointment with the Counselor hoping maybe she'll have a better suggestion than drinking myself into oblivion because Brass was right. He warned me that I'd only find problems not solutions at the bottom of a bottle. Maybe I'll take Jim up on his offer."

Grissom closed the book, by reading the entry he'd invaded Sara's privacy, but the insights he'd gained were bittersweet. Pulling out the letter he looked at the dates and noticed that 05/25/05 was one of the ones listed. Looking at the diaries he wondered if these weren't a red herrings designed to side track them and keep them from finding Sara.

Brass walked into the room, noticing Gil and Catherine standing side by side over Sara's bed. "Hey guys I just got done talking with the apartment manager. I showed her a picture of our suspect, turns out he's been living and working here as the maintenance man for about 4 months under the name Carl Devry. He's been in Sara's apartment a couple of times doing work on it and can you guess what his apartment number is?"

Catherine turned to face him. "The same as the second key?"

"Yup I already got Vartan working on a warrant for his place. You find anything?"

"Looks like he's had Sara under surveillance and been going through her things." Gil shared quietly. "Hey Cath maybe we should call some of the day shift guys in to process the other apartment." The strawberry blonde nodded and moved out of the apartment before calling the lab. "Why didn't you warn me about Sara's drinking?"

"Could you have handled it without making it worse?"

"Probably not." He admitted. "This guy read Sara's diaries. He even sent me a list of entries so we'll have to make her private life part of the case. I hate that he's making us violate her privacy."

TBC