Disclaimer: Nope don't own them or anything like it.
Spoilers: It's set Post Grave Danger so spoilers for Season 5 & 6
Author's Note: It's a darker story than others I've posted, no one beta'd so any errors our mine own. R&R let me know what you think.
Gil Grissom looked at the letter and selected another date in thatjournal, it was from a few weeks earlier. Turning the pages in the journal until he reached the one he sought. He hated invading Sara's privacy, but decided that it was better if he read them than someone else. Her kidnapper had made them evidence and some one would need to determine what clues could be gleaned from them. He didn't want her thoughts and feelings becoming food for the gossips, so he began to read again.
"I dreamt of home again last night, of the last time I went back just after Grissom offered me the job. I carried that old plaid wool blanket Michael sent me from Scotland and since I was re-reading it the copy of Pride and Prejudice thathe got at the Jane Austen museum Icarried that along too. So there I was wrapped in the blanket leaning back against the stone cliffs when I finished the book.
As I sat there starring out on the Bay my thoughts as they have before turned to the story. It's always been easy to see the similarities between myself and Elizabeth Bennett, but it was only during the dream that I fully realized some truths about my connection to the story and wondered if my Darcy will ever appear. Will I ever have the affection of a man who is my equal in heart, mind and soul?
Those first couple of years here I had hope. Grissom would say things and there was this connection between us, but now I wonder. He turned down my dinner invitation so quickly I can only assume he's not interested. Which only kind of relates to my actual recognition that like Lizzy and my mother I was dazzled by my very own Mr. Wickham. The only difference is that unlike my mother I didn't marry Hank or any of the other lying, cheating bastards I've dated. Am I doomed by nature and nurture to only date Wickhams? Hell, I didn't even love the guy. In reality he was just the diversion everyone has been telling me to find. Hank never knew me, all he saw was this character I portrayed and that made it easy to keep him at a distance. I hate to admit it, but Hank's right if I'd gotten the page in Pahrump earlier I would've chosen work (Grissom) over fun (Hank) every time.
I'm still mortified after that 'Baby' incident at the crime scene, but it was a wake up call. I remember all the times 'Baby' was used by one of my parents. "Baby she means nothing." Dad would say when he was caught flirting. "Baby get me another cold one." So many times I watched her bring him a beer as the cycle repeated itself. "Baby I'm sorry I'll never hurt you." Would follow the fights and trips to the hospital and everything would be forgiven with Mom's simple "Baby I love you." Grissom called me Honey and Brass calls me Cookie. I don't ever want to be some man's Baby again.
Even if I'd been interested that moment showed me it could never be serious with Hank. He was too much like Dad, but I didn't want to admit that he was just the diversion Grissom and everyone else hounded me to find. I felt bad at the time that it was unfair to Hank to waste his time on a relationship that was going no where, but that concern was swept away by the discovery of Elaine the primary girlfriend. That was when I knew without a doubt that I never loved him because I wasn't jealous and it was easy for me to walk away.
Something I'm still not able to do with Grissom. I tried to walk away, but he sent me the plant, so here I am still. A few years ago Warrick saw how hurt I was when Grissom was dating someone else,Dr. Jane Gilbert, but I've never lost control to the green eyed monster. Even after I learned he asked Sofia out on a date. I've managed to work with them both since, but I'm terrified that its there waiting for me and it will shatter my life again. Especially every time I see them flirting and talking the way we used to. I wish it were me, but so far the jealousy hasn't over whelmed me.
I know first hand just how dangerous the jealousy gene is. It drove Mom to take a butcher knife to Dad when he wanted to leave her for his young girlfriend, April. Anger and jealousy at being abandoned for awoman not much older than her pre-teen daughter had her stabbing, slashing and slicing them until her rage was satisfied. The coroner counted more than a hundred separate wounds between the pair. Everyone always said I was very much my mother's daughter, does that mean like Dr. Luhrie and Mom I will sink into a murderous rage when Grissom finally settles on someone younger than me like Sofia or older like Catherine or Lady Heather?
Maybe I should just ask him out again. Or maybe Grissom isn't my Darcy andI should just try letting go again and walking away, maybe this time I'll succeed.
Grissom looked down at the page stunned. He'd never once considered that Sara would worry that he'd trade her in for a newer model. Fear was what was keeping them apart, but could fear of an uncertain future really be worse than missing out on it? Looking at the words she'd written he re-thought their relationship, now he just needed to find her and see if together they couldn't work everything out.
"I don't think we'll learn much more here." Catherine admitted after she closed her kit. "Let's go check out this other apartment."
Once again Brass was the first one in the door as he made sure that their suspect wasn't home. "It's all clear." He called out noticing the way Grissom and Catherine began scanning the room. Even the most methodical criminal left something behind. Jim had spent enough time around criminalists and law enforcement to see Locard's principle applied time and time again. He just hoped this time they'd be as lucky as when they were looking for Nick.
"Gil look at this." Catherine pointed her flashlight at a wall containing hundreds of photos of their team along with a rough draft of the original crime scene. Catherine pulled off a photo of her standing with Sara looking over a scene. A post it note was attached to the side covering up Nicky. "Both could fit in hole smaller than 28 inches. Looks like he watched us almost from the day he was released from prison."
Grissom nodded looking at the photos he saw photos showing the different ways their appearances had changed over time. "But I don't see anything that would give us rust fibers or any clue about where Sara is. Damnit this guy is screwing with us. I'm going back to the lab." Walking out of the apartment he didn't need to check his pulse to know it was well over seventy. This guy had them running around wasting time, time they needed to spend looking for Sara. When he reached the SUV he closed his eyes as he rested his head against the cool glass. God please let me find her. I need Sara. I love her andI don't think I could live with out her. Unlocking the door, he slid into the driver's seat and with a final glance at her building backed his vehicle out. Leaving Brass and Catherine to follow him with the evidence.
It was getting harder and harder to have faith in Grissom and the team now that the water was high enough that drowning was seeming more a reality then a possibility. Yetshe founditsurprisingly calming to float on her back with her eyes closed. As long as she didn't think how eventually she would be found floating face down. Instead she thought about Tomales Bay and the cold bay waters where she'd grown up. By forcing her mind away from the present and possible future Sara kept the panic at bay.
Slipping into a familiar fantasy Sara imagined the sheltered cove not too far from her childhood home. The spot where she would go for refuge, carrying her blanket and either the current book she was reading or a treasured volume of poetry. The small figure huddled under the plaid wool blanket never attracted much attention as she read or thought for hours. Usually her thoughts were more fantasy, but that wasn't surprising since her reality was so dark that she needed something to hold onto even if it was just wisps of smoke, mirrors and dreams.
This was the one place she wanted to take Gil where she could create new memories. Allowing herself to relax a little more she imagined how it would feel to sit together. He would be wrapped up in the blanket leaning against the cliff, while she would sit between his thighs, her back resting against his chest as his arms encircled herso she surrounded both by him and the blanket. They'd stay that way watching the sun sink into the horizon until it finally set in a blaze of firery reds and oranges to be slowly replaced by indigos and purples as night fell. His breath warm on her ear and neck as he recited Shakespeare, Browning and Frost. Maybe he would even whisper something daring like 'Let's go back to my room'or romantic like 'I love you Sara.'
Then as stronger winds blew in the cold Pacific breezes, he'd help her up, taking her hand in his and never letting go as they walked down the beach, back to the car. The metal would be cold against her back as he pressed her into the car before leaning in to kiss her. The kiss would start off sweet, gentle until he deepened it opening his lips to run his tongue over hers as he sought admission. She'd comply running her hands up his forearms, over his shoulders until at least one threaded through his hair. Gil's hands would also be moving, sliding under clothing to skate along her skin or tangled in her own hair.
Popping her eyes open, Sara stopped floating and began tredding water. She'd waited six years for Grissom to come around during which she'd been ignored, blown up, and attacked. If the on again off again thing with a certain entomologist hadn't broken her, andif Nick could survive in that coffin with fire ants, then there was no way Sara Sidle was going to let this guy win without putting up more of a fight.
One of the worst aspects of this case was going through the original case file and second guessing the work of colleagues. It was even harder when the CSIs were your supervisors. Nick and Greg were sitting in the AV Lab going over the case notes and reports. They had started out in the break room, but soon found themselves drawn closer to Sara. It was clear that she wasn't doing well. The water kept creeping up a not so subtle reminder that time was running out quick. Grissom was out of the office, so the pair felt the unspoken need for someone to be there as close to her as possible to support their friend.
Nick was reading through the notes of the interview of the original owner of house number two. "I wonder if her daughter ever got into the Olympics."
"Huh?" Greg asked looking back at the tall Texan.
"The original owners of the second house had twin daughters who were training for the Olympics as synchronized swimmers and Mr. Ray oversaw the building of the pool and observation room."
"Nick I did the perimeter there was no pool at that house."
Looking up Nick caught Greg's eye "I think we need to call Grissom."
"No need I'm here." Grissom announced from the doorway dragging his gaze from the computer screen to two of his guys.
"Hey Boss does that look like pool materials to you?" Nick asked, before explaining the information he and Greg had uncovered. For the first time since Sara had disappeared down that hole Gil felt hope. The water was too high for Sara to stand she had to float or tread water, but at least this was a lead not a bread crumb left by the kidnapper.
"Nick grab the equipment and everyone you can. We're going back to that house. If Sara's there we'll find her." He was dimly aware of Greg and Nick leaving him alone in the lab. Touching the screen he whispered to Sara's image that was now treading water. "Hang on sweetheart I'm coming it's not too late." Its not too late for any of it he told himself before following his team out of the lab. Before starting the car he looked up, casting a final plea to the heavens. Dear God please don't let me be too late.
TBC
