Chapter 203

January 22nd, 2018

"Jess, have you seen my keys?" Rory called out as she was rummaging the living room couch for them, as she was already running late for her Master thesis seminar. Considering she was technically home with a four-month-old, she was a busy woman all things considered. She was doing her Master's, she gave at least a couple of subsitute classes a week, sometimes more, sometimes she still got some invites to write a couple of local papers. But she only really ever took up those offers if the topic was particularily interesting or the timeframe suited her.

"Did you check the couch?" he asked from upstairs where he was changing Em's diaper. It didn't happen often, that he was at home on a weekday, babysitting his daughter like this. But since he'd been sensing that everything wasn't alright with Rory - she sometimes had trouble sleeping even if she was tired, her being somewhere else in her mind and not nearly enjoying being home with Em as much as he'd imagined. Feeling like they might drift apart if he didn't change something, he was here, making an effort. He naturally still had work to do, he'd just arranged things so he could do some of the things from the distance, hoping Em would be the perfect baby that allowed him at least some hours in front of his laptop on those days.

"Not in the couch!" Rory shouted, continuing onwards the her study, to continue looking. As she did that, she added just to make casual conversation, "You know you can call Sally, if you need her to help you out, she said she's free today," Rory added, loudly. She knew Jess' expectations were a little naive, but somehow, unlike she, he never seemed to complain.

She realized she'd been talking too loudly as Jess already made it downstairs Em on his hip.

"We'll be fine," Jess replied, hopefully.

"I know it can be tough getting work done with her," Rory pointed out and walked into the kitchen to continue looking for her keys, finding some random toys in the kitchen drawers, which she handed to Jess to put on their place. Jess, however, simply handed them to Em to play, having a much more relaxed attitude with the baby.

Rory was always a little on edge with Em. Anxious to get her to sleep when it was naptime, annoyed when she wouldn't eat when she should've been hungry or clingy. She loved her, but she just felt like with the girl constantly attached to her, she couldn't breathe. It was why she was also in such a hurry out of there this morning. She would say she was running late, while really having at least 30 minutes to spare. She wanted that time to become herself again, not just a mother, needing a cup of coffee and a chance to open a book for casual reading for a change. Getting to class early was her own secret time in a way.

"Yeah, but I don't want someone else raising from this early on. As long as we can... And right now we can," Jess shrugged, adding in 'baby talk' - "Just look at her!"

"But it's not about the money. We shouldn't be shipping her off to some daycare straight away or even excluding ourselves from raising her. I'm just talking about a couple of hours, maybe 4 or 6. She likes Sally too," Rory explained, referring to a nanny she knew.

"You've had her over more than that one time?" Jess asked, having not known Rory had been using a nanny that often. He knew there had been times she'd needed someone to babysit, but as far as he knew she'd gotten Lorelai to do it, or on occasion Lane.

"Just a few times, it's no big deal," Rory said, not wanting to go into the specifics.

"I don't want her feeling like she's from a Burnett novel," he added. Rory knew that Jess believed nursery nannies were just a luxury rich people kept around so they could attend their board meetings and keep up with their leisure. And considering Rory now had the money to also stay home without having to worry about that part, he didn't understand why she didn't want to. Sure - he understood she wanted to get her master's, but the rest of it remained a puzzle for him.

Rory rolled her eyes at him.

"It's not a big deal, Jess. People do it all the time. Just because I was raised following my mom around the Inn and playing everywhere I shouldn't, doesn't mean it's how it's supposed to be," Rory argued, almost wanting to add several good examples of fictional nannies and governesses. But right now she just wanted to get out of there.

To Jess it was about pride - pride of not wanting to use Emily Gilmore's money. Well...on top of what he'd said. He liked that they weren't posh people, that they were simple and humble working class. He took pride in that. But he'd rather that she spend that money on raising their daughter herself than hiring someone to help.

"Got it," Rory exhaled victoriously, finally finding the keys under a stack of newspapers on the dining room table. Frankly, she didn't want to talk about this yet again. Her need for freedom was always accompanied by simultaneous guilt for leaving Em without Jess pointing it out for her.

"Mommy's going to school, Em, let's say bye-bye," Jess said to his little girl. "She's always learning and working, isn't she?" he added, in a cute way. But his words held more meaning to Rory that Em would ever realize in her age. Jess had always supported her career - he wanted her to do well, but somehow now that she'd had a baby he wanted her to put those things to the back burner. They'd talked about this, they'd argued about this - but it never really got anywhere. One minute he was talking about how well she was doing, the next he was holding her back.

Rory gave both of them a quick peck, and headed off while taking a deep breath, knowing that if she said anything, it probably wouldn't end very well. She needed that time.


July 11th, 2022

"Mommy!" Em exclaimed, as she rushed to the door where Rory was standing, after Jess had parked his car behind Rory's in the driveway.

Em had been much quicker to get out of the car than Jess, but then again this was home and she was free to run if she felt like it. Jess grabbed Em's bag from the back of his car and walked casually towards the house, pushing his sunglasses up to his head.

It was a hot day, and the drive from Providence had been a long one. Naturally Em had wanted to make a stop, making this into a little road trip, which naturally meant that the journey took a lot more time than Google Maps claimed it would.

"Hey," Rory exhaled, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious for being not really dressed for guests. In this heat, her favorite item of clothing that she was wearing now as well, was a blue Hatch caftan-dress that had quite an exposing slit in the front, which at home worked perfectly providing excellent cooling. But then again it was not like Jess hadn't seen her in less.

"Hey - look at you!" Jess commented, in complementary matter, along with a modest hand gesture, nothing her bump that had grown since he'd last seen her. He half-hugged and kissed Rory on the cheek, like they often did.

"Definitely growing," Rory said with a shrug. "Em, why don't go put your bathing suit on, it's a good day for a swim. Logan's in the back," Rory said to Em.

Jess handed Rory Em's bag - it wasn't anything heavy.

"You want to come in for a bit? It was a long drive," Rory suddenly suggested, feeling a little bad for just sending him on his way.

She knew he was probably tired and she just wanted to talk a little about Em, how their week had been and so on, so the interaction wasn't just having the girl from one to the other. Besides, Jess was now going to be without Em for a good few weeks until he took her to California after the wedding while Rory went on her honeymoon. In the summer, when they had their vacations, the move wasn't a big obstacle and making the exchanges a little longer helped so one wouldn't have to drive long distances. The real struggle would come when Em was back in school, and they both knew it.

"I can't stay long. I'm going by the old store for a bit," Jess said, awkwardly.

"Oh come on, just for a bit. I just made iced coffee," Rory invited. She also wanted to show Em that despite all the changes that were happening, she and Jess were still friends.

Logan was in the backyard, sitting in the shade, reading some work documents, trying to make it as relaxing as he could at the same time, out of earshot.

As Jess entered, having been in there a few times by now, Loki came to sniff him, his tail wagging from excitement, not knowing him that well.

"Hey, there," Jess said to Loki, remaining a little cautious towards the dog's overexcitement.

"So - how was it?" Rory asked, this having been the first time Em was over in Providence, in the house that Lisa had gotten after her mother's passing.

"It was fine, you know - new place, first night was a little restless. But I think she likes it. She got Lisa's old room, so it's full of all sorts of cool pictures, toys and books, and she liked it. I'll personalize it, don't worry. Just it's been a little hectic," Jess explained, nearly expecting that he'd said too much and Rory would see it as a negative.

"Of course, no hurry," Rory replied, being in a particularly good mood. The bachelorette party had been great, nothing too wild in her opinion, and catching up with Logan the day after hadn't been bad either - she'd even shown him a few of the moves she'd learned, despite still not being entirely able to do a burlesque dance with a fully straight face. But he'd appreciated the attempt either way.

Rory served Jess an iced coffee, and another decaf version for herself, having finally found a decaf coffee that didn't taste horrible. In the meanwhile Em rushed past them in her watermelon patterned bathing suit, out into the backyard yelling "Hi, Logan!" without a lot of embellishments and climbed to the edge of the frame pool and jumped in, her pink swim ring already waiting there.

"You got a pool?" Jess inquired, and glanced out of the window. He saw a glimpse of Logan while he did as well, but as far as he knew Logan didn't really register him. He didn't really want him to either.

"Just something temporary. I don't mind a soak myself these days," Rory commented, while rubbing her bump a little. "We were thinking maybe putting a proper one in next year… but we'll see," she added.

"Hmhm..," Jess nodded, taking a sip of his drink.

"So what's the place like? Big?" Rory asked, leaning against the counter, while Jess leaned against the wall in the kitchen, not really wanting to sit after the long drive. She took a sip.

"A little smaller than this," Jess replied. "Three bedrooms, study downstairs, separate kitchen, not much of a backyard but I was thinking maybe putting in a trampoline at some point," he added.

"But?" Rory asked, sensing something he wasn't saying.

"I know it's all new - for me too. But it kind of feels like living in someone else's house," Jess explained.

"Ah…," Rory nodded, knowing what that could be like - her grandparent's house had felt like that for the longest time.

"I mean sure, I have my things in there, the study is pretty much my territory and the bedroom is more Lisa's," he began, realizing Rory probably didn't want to hear a lot of detail on the latter. "But it's just like there are all of her mom's things, not even hers… and she doesn't seem to want to get rid of them," he explained.

"Well, I guess it must be hard to let go," Rory sympathized.

"Yeah, I know," Jess agreed.

"Just give it some time, talk to her," Rory recommended, not wanting to get too deep into it.

Jess nodded, taking another sip.

"So how was the party?" Jess asked, teasing Rory a little, feeling like he should, despite not really liking to think about Rory marrying Logan too long.

"It was fun," Rory said, simply. "Oh, and I actually meant to tell you. I might be getting a book published," she shared, knowing Jess as a professional in the field would like to know.

"You are? I didn't know you were writing," Jess replied.

"Read, Harmon and Galloway Inc," Rory said, assuming Jess knew them.

Jess just nodded, registering it.

"Just something about my grandmother - the big 'Onion theory' reveal of her, I guess… selective of course," Rory explained.

"Sounds interesting," Jess replied, though remained a little skeptical. Not of her writing but just the topic. "And a little unlike you..?" he added, unsurely, wanting to be honest.

"Maybe I didn't explain it well enough… just it shows how she was misunderstood, what it was like to be her. That it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, you know what I mean? It kind of turned into this feminist story along the way," Rory clarified. In a way telling people about the book had become something she did to make sure she didn't bail, having told the girls at the party having made her realize that. She now didn't want to be the one to not complete a task that she'd undertaken, and strangely even more importantly to her - confess to others that she had bailed. So she had that newfound determination now.

"Okay," Jess nodded, sounding curious at the very least.

"Well, I'll send you a box once it's out," Rory said.

The two lingered in silence for a bit, drinking their iced coffees.

"I knew you could do it, you know," Jess said, suddenly.

Rory didn't feel a 'thank you' was necessary, Jess knew this meant a lot to her. Just like when he'd called her out on quitting Yale. So many times he'd been the sound of reason - but not always. Thinking back Rory had also realized even Logan had been hesitant to tell him what he really thought about her quitting Yale. But on his defense they'd just been too new at that at the time for him to suggest she might be making a mistake. Besides, Logan was all for taking time off if one felt like one needed it.

"And I'll definitely do my best at selling it," he added, being a bookstore owner.

Rory smiled, chuckling lightly. When Jess had written his first book, she'd done exactly what she'd promised - gone to one of those stores that sold his book and placed it in the front at the staff recommendations. Now the tables had turned, and Rory felt pretty good to have him in her corner. She felt relieved she hadn't ruined things completely between them.

"Mommy! Come to the pool!" Em called out from the backyard.

"I'll be there in a bit," Rory replied.

"I should be going," Jess said, drinking up the remainder of his iced coffee. "Thanks for this, I'll see you around," he added, placing his glass on the counter. "Oh, and I guess I won't see you before the wedding - so contrats," he suddenly recalled, turning back, already half-way to the exit.

Her grandmother's voice echoed in her mind - best wishes to the bride, congratulations to the groom - but she let it go. "Thanks, Jess!" Rory said, waving him goodbye as he walked out.