Disclaimer: Nope don't own them or anything like it.
Spoilers: It's set Post Grave Danger so some spoilers for Season 5 & 6
Author's Note: A quick thanks to wobbear for asking the question that made this story better and a special thanks to everyone who reviewed for your questions and support. We are nearing the end of this journey, but please keep an eye out for the sequel "Close Quarters" coming soon.
Soon after Vega completed his questioning the first members of the crime lab appeared to visit Sara. Grissom stayed near the door letting the newcomers have her undivided attention. Smiling as he watched CSIs and lab techs from all three shifts come in like moths to a flame. Soon her room was filled with well wishers, presents, flowers, cards and balloons.
More and more people joined them Grissom sighed and moved further away hovering on the fringe waiting for the others to leave so he could talk to Sara privately. As one visitor left it seemed three more arrived. He was torn; while he was glad their 'family' was showering her with attention, letting her know she had people who loved, worried about and would be there for her. It just frustrated him that they were keeping him from Sara.
Grissom watched Sara closely determined to keep his promise to care for her. While getting her to eat something had been a first step, he knew that work and rest were the areas she ignored most. Too many times in the last six years she'd worked on her days off, pulled multiple shifts on little or no sleep and somewhere along lost her sparkle. He was determined to be there to make sure that she got more rest no matter how much she fought him or denied her need for it and to see if the Sara who'd come to Las Vegas at his request couldn't be revived.
Years of working and observing her let him see exactly how much of her interaction with her visitors was a performance. Oh she was putting on her best 'I'm fine, really" act for her co-workers complete with smiles, laughter and her usually level of energy. It was all an act though he saw the cracks in the veneer. Sara wasn't fully recovered yet. Did they not notice the toll her 'I'm fine' act was taking on her? The way her eyes would start to drift closed only to fly open again. How forced her smile was because it never reached her eyes? Then there was the droop of her shoulders as if everything was too much.
Their co-workers and the lab rats could be exhausting on the average day, but today as they gathered in the hospital all the feelings of worry and relief were condensed and multiplied normal a thousand times. He'd been exhausted after the first ten minutes and wasn't quite sure how Sara had managed this long. Sara was all smiles giving each person the individual attention that had won her so many admirers, but in the process of reassuring everyone that she was fine he knew she was depleting what little energy reserves she'd built. Thinking of his promise he stepped forward.
"Okay guys Sara needs her rest."
"Griss." She complained, but the look in her eyes told him it was really a half-hearted protest more for everyone else's benefit. "I can go days without sleep everyone knows that."
"I know, but that's not happening today. Your Doctor wanted you to rest. Now thank you all for visiting, but you'll have to go now and see Sara tomorrow." Between the look he was giving them and his tone of voice no one argued as they exited her room with a chorus of goodbyes, feel betters and see you soons.
"You sure know how to clear a room."
"One of the benefits of being the boss."
"Hmm, but you've always been more than a boss to me." Sara's voice was sleepy as he straightened the covers around her. "I never sleep this much." Her words followed by a yawn.
"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book." He quoted the Irish Proverb as her eyes stayed closed, her breathing grew deeper and the tension eased from her face as she relaxed. He thought Sara looked much younger in body and spirit than she was awake. They sat like for a long time until he was certain that she wouldn't wake up. Grabbing the remote he gently lowered the bed to a sleeping position.
He needed to get going so he could stop by the house to shower and change clothes, but didn't want to leave. He wanted to just pull up the chair and watch her sleep, but the shift would be short handed and backlogged because of her abduction. Standing over her he touched her gently but hesitantly afraid that she'd wake and be unable to get to sleep again without exhausting herself.
Turning into the soft caressing touch that brushed the hair out of her face, Sara sighed as she breathed in her favorite scent. It was his scent and her body reacted to it, the way it always did. Her breath grew shallower, as her skin flushed and began tingly all over. Six years of increasingly erotic and frustrating dreams had taught her to enjoy the sensations while they lasted because the dream would end and in the cold light of reality they would quickly slip away like grains of sand when she only to disappear completely shortly after she opened her eyes.
Sara breathed in deep and then released the breath with a sigh that was warm on his skin. He hoped she didn't wake up, knowing Sara she'd be embarrassed if she opened her eyes now and saw her body's reaction to his presence. He left his hand on her cheek, while pushing hair back from her face while whispering soothing nonsense. He should move back the logical part of his brain argued, but the rest countered he didn't want to give up the contact yet. If asked he would swear it was really because she needed her rest, but he knew that he needed the reassurance that she was safe as much as she had needed reassurance after yesterday's scary events.
The last twenty-four hours had been a living hell and it didn't seem like to much to ask to let them have these few cherished moments of solace and comfort. Sara was already pretending she was perfectly fine and that everything was back to normal. He'd noticed the little cracks in her façade that spoke silently of hidden pains and fears. Until she'd told him about her parents he'd never fully understood had well Sara hid her pain and turmoil from those around her.
Their main suspect was missing and while Brass had put out an APB for the man it seemed he'd dropped off the face of the earth. Leaving Sara to move forward and pick up the pieces of her life alone. He'd hinted to Catherine about Sara's lack of family ties, but it was only now looking at her face in repose that he considered that recovering from this might be harder for her to overcome. So much harder than it had been for Nick because she didn't have the safety net or support network that would love her wholly and unconditionally while she was less than fine.
That was one reason why he resented what Steven Ray had done. Invading her apartment and looking at her things was a terrible violation. Reading her journals, getting to know this private woman and then making her private musings evidence in her disappearance was cruel. He didn't want Sara to retreat from the team, but knew she hated being pitied. He suspected her greatest fear was that the people at work might learn her secrets and begin to treat her differently.
Lady Heather had told him once that his greatest fear was to be known. At the time he'd dismissed the assessment; though her words had haunted him on the occasional sleepless night. Even before Nick's entombment and rescue that phrase had taunted him until he began opening up. Dinner with Sophia and forcing Sara to explain her anger had been some of the early steps.
While Sara could freely express her emotions and became the victim's voice, in the years he'd known her he could count on his fingers the number of times she'd done that for herself or spoken about non-work related subjects like family. Sara was as private as he was. She was very good at camouflaging her past because Sara was also afraid of being known and seen differently. When pushed and questioned Sara would reassure anyone who asked that she was fine. She'd repeated it so many times tonight on some level she might even believe it. Brushing his thumb against her cheek he knew that Sara would understand his greatest fear because it was similar to her own.
She sighed again and pressed her face deeper into his hand. In sleep the years receded and it was easy for him to see the child she'd been before the pain and tragedy forced her to grow up far too early. He supposed he owed her kidnapper a small thanks reading those couple of journal entries had given him some insight into the immensely private woman he worked with and loved. Insight he intended to use to show her he knew what to do now.
She shifted again and he thought she'd kissed the skin of his hand, but that thought was too dangerous so after pulling back he focused on her private hospital room. It was decorated with various things brought by his CSIs and techs, most had brought balloons and cards along with things to keep her entertained during her stay. The techs had brought in various forensic journals in their areas of specialty to be read either by Sara or her visitors.
It was the items brought by his team that had him smiling. Catherine had brought Sara an overnight bag, stuffed with a change of clothes, a basket full of lotions, potions and other necessities and the silk pajamas Sara was wearing now. Greg had brought in a small stereo and a selection of cds. Warrick brought in a chess board and a deck of cards. While Nick had brought a hand held video game already loaded with Tetris. Grissom's present was sitting with the tote bag on top of the bed tray waiting for him to give them to her.
Sara gasped and bolted into a sitting position. Sleeping beauty hadn't been woken up by his touch or the kiss he wanted to give. She'd been frightened out of a sound sleep. Her eyes reflected the fear she'd felt in the nightmare and the confusion on waking up in a strange bed. Her eyes focused on his face. "Gil?
"I'm here and you're safe Sara." He hadn't pulled away and that surprised her. Grabbing the remote she adjusted the bed so she could sit up again.
"I brought you something."
"You didn't have too."
"I did it because I wanted too. Here." He handed her the red leather book he'd had on his lap earlier and a beautiful silver pen. Of all the things people had brought this one seemed out of place and confused her.
"I don't understand."
"Sara the man, who took you, he sent me a letter with your apartment key and a list of dates in your journals. He made your journals evidence." Grissom hadn't been prepared for the grief stricken and panicked look in her eyes. "I had to read a couple of them to see if they had clues or if he was just taunting us."
"You read my journals?"
"Only two entries and only because I had to find you, but no one else has seen them and they're locked in my office safe instead of the evidence vault to protect your privacy."
"Thank you for that." Sara was embarrassed, her journals were private the place where she could vent her frustration, document her nightmares and express her feelings for the man who'd read them.
"Since I can't return them to you yet, I thought you'd like a new one."
"Thank you for finding me."
"Well I gotta get going or I'll be late for shift. I'll see you in the morning. Try and get some sleep. Call if you need anything." Grissom practically ran out the door before she could say another word. Talking about the journals had been embarrassing for them both she guessed. He knew where she stood now and had chosen work over spending time with her. Sara felt a tear trickle down her cheek because once again he didn't feel that she was worth the risk.
Opening the journal she held the pen poised to write out her pain when she noticed an envelope and his handwritten inscription on the first page. "Writing is the most powerful way I know of to sort through all the inner voices. Rebecca Maddox."
Intrigued she set the pen aside, opened the envelope, pulled out the letter and began to read what he'd written. The top line of the page had the date and location Desert Palms Hospital.
Sara,
I'm watching you sleep and the words that have haunted me all night are starting to fade from a roar to a whisper. When I realized that you'd been taken from me I was afraid we'd be too late. We were so close to losing Nicky and it terrified me that we might not be as lucky. I also had to acknowledge that I might be too late for us. I don't want to be, its just I've never been very good at this and it seemed better not to risk our working relationship.
I only read the two journal entries because I was desperately following every lead. Doing everything in my power, whatever was necessary to bring you home safely. Please forgive me. I wouldn't have invaded your privacy like that, except that this time I thought that the end justified the means. I hope you can understand that.
When I realized you'd been taken I was gripped by so many feelings, it was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. In those odd quiet moments of the case driving to your house, waiting for tests to print or watching you on the screen praying for a lead, I thought a lot. The idea of losing you was painful; I cherished my memories, but regretted the chances lost. I wondered if was too late for us to try and see where this takes us.
I hope you remember my inviting you to dinner. I have some ideas about what to do about this. I was thinking we could enjoy a quiet evening at my place and maybe compare notes.
Grissom
