Chapter 7

"Sideswipe"

DeathCaller walks onto the stage as the audio tape plays clapping sounds. She presses a button on a remote as she sits in her big recliner, and the clapping stops.

"Welcome to My Mountain Dew, everyone!" she grins to the part cardboard part human audience. "Today, I'm going to interview Sideswipe!"

Sideswipe runs in, "Give me a hug!" a cheeky smiles on his face. He lifts DeathCaller out f her chair and hugs her tightly.

DeathCaller chokes as her eyes bulge out and her head swells. Suddenly, her head explodes, splashing blood everywhere.

Sideswipe screams bloody murder and drops the limp body. "I killed her! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

"Ooooooooo," comes a ghostly voice from behind te curtain in the back of the stage. "Siiideswiiiipe...Why did you kiiillll meeeeeee?" the familiar voice questioned. DeathCaller walks out of the curtains, pure white, like a zombie. "It's MY job to kill things!" she sweeps out her duo scythe from behind her back and stances as if she were ready to fight.

Sideswipe screams like a little girl and runs off stage. "Noooo! I'm sorry!"

DeathCaller coughs, white powder escaping her mouth. She grins and begins to dust herself off. "Yes, yes. That was a cruel joke, but I've been planning that for days." She's now back to her normal color and tosses the duo scythe back stage.

A bazooka is tossed back at her and she sets it against her recliner.

"Sideswipe! Get over here!" DeathCaller yells out.

Sideswipe is dragged back onto the stage by giant claws that are attached to the ceiling.

"Now sit," DeathCaller says sternly.

And so he does as DeathCaller watches him with sharp eyes.

"Ok," DeathCaller starts, "let's begin with the interview. Then you can run along."

"O-okay.." Sideswipe squeaks.

DeathCaller sighs, "Listen...I'm not dead, that was a dummy stuffed with ketchup that you hugged, and I'm not going to kill you. All right?"

Sideswipe nods at her nervously.

"Now," DeathCaller relaxes in her recliner. "Let's begin, shall we? Question one: Do you love males?"

"Are you asking me if I'm gay?" Sideswipe gives her a look that would signify an arched eyebrow.

DeathCaller looks around innocently, "Nooooo. I'm just...Oh, all right. Are you gay?"

"No. I'm just more cute, innocent, confused, and affectionate than most male Transformers, that's all."

"Okay," DeathCaller checks off a paper that she suddenly has and sips a cup of Diet Mountain Dew that also cam from who-knows-where. "Second question: Do you like Hotshot?"

"Yeah, sure. We're good brothers."

DeathCaller leans forward, "do you want to looove him?"

"Wha-" Sideswipe pushes himself back against his chair in fright and confusion, "I...uh..."

Donkey, from Shrek, appears on stage and sings, "The ya got to got to show a little tenderneeess!"

"Hey! No farm animals on stage!" DeathCaller shoos Donkey away as he nags back to her.

"Anyway," DeathCaller sits back in her recliner. "Question three, and you're free to go: What does 'Bahweepgranaweepninibong' mean?"

"What?" Sideswipe stares at DeathCaller in confusion.

DeathCaller glares back at him, "You should know. You're a Transformer."

"Hello?"

Sirens wail out, and confetti and balloons fall from the ceiling over Sideswipe.

"You've just won a new car!" announces a game show man's voice.

"Uh...But I already turn into a car," Sideswipe look around for the man.

It grows silent...

The sirens start again, and confetti and balloons fall over DeathCaller as she now sits in a black Fire Bird and waves with a huge grin on her face.

"Then DeathCaller just won a new car!" comes the voice.

"For what reason?" Sideswipe stands up.

"None at all!" answers the voice cheerfully. "But you can have this."

The dummy from earlier is thrown into Sideswipe's arms. He looks at it and runs off screaming, dropping the dummy.

"That's all for this chapter! I'm interviewing Smokescreen next!" DeathCaller waves to the audience as the curtains close.