"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."

It comes with the Badge

A/N: Spoilers for 'LOSS'!!!!!!!!!

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Last time:

As Ryan hung up the phone, she climbed in to Alex's car. "Are you intending on calling me Samantha too?"

Alexandra blushed. "I'm not sure, maybe we'll find out later." Listening to Alex's words made Ryan blush brightly as the two drove to Alexandra's apartment.

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Chapter Five

Cabot's Test

          Alexandra Cabot stared at the papers on her desk. She was not going to get this conviction. Olivia had to testify or Ryan's and her conviction were out. Hopeless, she took another drink of the shot. It burned on it's way down but left her nerves buzzing with anxiety. 'I'm so close to a conviction. I just need her testimony...' Cabot rested her head sleepily in her hands and stared at the papers a bit longer before wrapping her jacket around her tightly and walking downstairs to her car. What she saw scared her to death. A red rose and a note lay on her windshield. After dialing Olivia's number and asking her to stay on the line until Cabot was safely on her way home, she reached out and read the note. It scared her even more. 'You stupid bitch! If you put Jerry away, we'll get you.' She had a feeling it had nothing to do with the rape and murder. This had to do with what the DEA had on him. Drugs. She had always heard how dangerous it was in that department, but she'd never messed with them. Now she was in trouble. Getting in her car nervously and driving home, she couldn't sleep.

Sighing heavily, she sat in her bed with the nightstand light on and reviewed every piece of evidence once more. There had to be some way for Olivia to testify without having to put up with cross. Nothing came up, except the sun. With a glum frown and a sigh of defeat, she climbed in to the shower and allowed the hot water to lull her in to a half-sleep state before clambering out and pulling on a pair of black dress slacks and a sweater. "I need this damned conviction." Pulling on a pair of shoes, she grabbed her papers and headed for the precinct. Alexandra needed to talk to Ryan and Olivia; she was looking forward to speaking with Ryan for many reasons.

***

Ryan smiled when she saw Alex walk in, but her smile fell when she examined the woman. The usually sharp-minded attorney looked like she hadn't slept in days. When Ryan had been put on leave for a week last Tuesday, she'd spent three days with Alex. How she got like this since then was a mystery to the detective. Purple spots hung under her blue eyes like death slowly creeping over her body. Jamerson wondered if she'd even eaten. "You look awful Alexandra..." Ryan hugged her lightly.

She gave the cop a kind but grim smile. "I need you to think of every possible thing you can to support your rape case. Without Olivia's testimony we can't convict him of your rape, and the statute is running short."

Jamerson stared heavily at the floor. Rape was not a word she wanted to hear right now, and rapist was even worse. "I told Jared what happened to me, couldn't he testify to how torn up I was emotionally? Couldn't he testify to say that I've abstained from sex as long as he's known me? Can't the medical file saying I was a virgin be presented? Can't you do SOMETHING!?"

Alex frowned. "I can't do a damn thing when you can't give me anything to work with. Jared is already on the witness list but I'm still worried about his credibility, you are on the list to give your own testimony too but we have no way to prove he did it. You didn't see him, correct?"

Ryan nodded. "I heard his voice, I can remember that like it was yesterday."

Cabot shook her head. "That can't hold in a line-up now that you know the guy. Maybe, if you aren't allowed to see the men, just hear them..." Alex stood, "I'm going to call in a favor."

Jamerson smiled. "Thanks, be sure to savor them while you still can. I know what it's like to run out."

Alexandra remembered Ryan saying she was from the three-one but she didn't reply to her comment. Walking out slowly, she prayed to God Olivia would testify and slam-dunk this case.

***

Olivia arrived at the precinct to see Ryan hunched over a pile of papers referring to the Janet Warren, Chris Barton, Devon Barton, and Kiera Knightly cases. Those were the four counts that Jared was being tried on. She closed each one of the folders separately after gazing at their pictures. It sent shivers down her spine. 'How does she do it? How does she stay so strong?' Olivia knew how she did it, she tried to forget, but she could tell Ryan remembered. She remembered every kiss, every touch, and it fueled her. Frowning, she put a hand on Ryan's shoulder. "You look like you could use some sleep. Did you sleep last night?"

Ryan nodded slowly. "Two hours in the crib, but that's all. It's still more than Alex."

'So you didn't sleep at Alex's again last night?' Benson frowned. "Is she worried about the sentencing?"

Her friend retreated. "She's still struggling to get more against Jerry." A slight grin, which Olivia hadn't see since the night she'd gotten drunk, crossed Ryan's dried lips. "Jared's sentencing is today, and after that I've got to get used to working again."

Olivia grinned and handed her some Chapstick. "You need it, trust me."

For some reason, Ryan felt like Olivia was hitting on her, but she shrugged it off. Memories of how Olivia had held her when she saw the sketch of Jared flooded back in to her mind and she remembered how motherly Olivia had been, of course she wasn't hitting on her. Her experience with Alex must've been clouding her view.

Benson sat on her friend's desk slightly. "So how are things between you and Alex?"

Ryan blushed lightly. "I don't know, ask her."

Laughing casually Olivia shook her head and looked up as Elliot entered. "I thought you'd be late when you weren't up when I left."

Elliot kissed her softly and his hand found her stomach easily, caressing it softly. "I'm never late."

Ryan smiled at him. "I see you two are finally acting like a couple."

Stepping away from Olivia, Elliot nodded. "Yes."

Elliot cleared his throat as Olivia sipped from her coffee cup. Frowning, Benson sighed and showed him the cup. Inside was orange juice again. "You don't need to rub it in Elliot. The caffeine withdraw is killing me."

Elliot laughed. "I'm sure you'll survive."

"Are we going to speak with the father today? See who's stories better?"

Stabler recalled the stepfather's poor alibi and nodded. "Let's. The father's in Queens."

Benson flipped through some more papers from the case file. "Sounds great, at least he's not a dead-beat dad. I may be able to treat him fairly."

Elliot frowned. "Maybe you will but I've got other plans. We have to break one of the two, and I'd rather get this guy."

Olivia looked a list of family. "After that we've got an uncle in the Bronx."

Grabbing his keys and heading out of the station, he nodded. As they got in the sedan, he looked at her. "So how are Samantha and Alexandra getting along?"

Giving him a coy grin, he laughed. "I thought you didn't care when we were pooling the bets."

Elliot gave her a reproving look. "When she finds out about it, I'll have clean hands."

Olivia laughed. "Well, she told me to ask Alex, I'm planning on it."

Driving away, Elliot nodded. "Let me know how it goes, I'm curious."

***

Alexandra sighed heavily. Her case with Rafael Zapata was building but she was still trying to put everything in to Samantha's case. 'She deserves this conviction. I can't fail her like Jared did.' Cabot admitted her feelings about Samantha, and she had kindly humored her. Samantha was a good kisser. They hadn't gone further than that, but if Alexandra could do anything about it, she planned on pursuing Samantha.

Glancing at her watch, she sighed. She had a meeting with the DEA concerning Zapata coming up soon and she couldn't go looking like she did and after that she had a meeting with a judge about Ryan's voice identification issue. Getting up and clambering in to her shower, she slid off her robe and turned the hot spray on. It felt so good to take a soothing shower. She hadn't slept the night before, she'd spent half the night on the phone with Samantha, and talking about the testimony she was going to have to give.

'Samantha...' They were going to have lunch together after her meeting, and for some reason, she couldn't wait.

Brushing and blow-drying her hair, she pondered what to wear. While it had to look business-like, she also wanted to impress Samantha. Wearing a sapphire blue collared shirt, and a black business skirt, she smiled in the mirror. She fastened a chain of pearls around her neck and grabbed her briefcase. Getting in her car, Alexandra was definitely happy.

***

Ryan looked at the case that she was to run with Fin and Munch. It was two murdered prostitutes like Munch had said. 'A four year old case?' She shook her head and set the file down, looking up to see a woman walk in to the station, crying. She stood up and approached the woman. Her hair was brownish blond, and she had lovely blue eyes that reminded Ryan of Alexandra. "Hello, my name is Ryan, or you can call me Samantha, Jamerson. Can I help you?"

She nodded, and sniffled lightly. "Are either Olivia Benson or Elliot Stabler here?"

Samantha shook her head. "No, would you like me to call one of them?"

The girl protested. "No! I'd like to report a rape." When she tugged her jacket closed, Samantha noticed she was probably about twenty years old and much thinner than she first appeared.

Frowning, Samantha nodded and led her in to an interview room. "I'm going to tape it so my partners can listen to it too when they return, is that okay with you?"

The girl nodded again, politely. "Thank you."

Samantha smiled at her comfortingly. "I haven't done anything worth thanks yet. You're the hero here so far, for coming in to talk to us. Now, can you tell me your name and age?"

 "Maureen Stabler, 19."

Her ears pricked up. "Elliot's oldest?"

She nodded slowly. "You cannot tell him. Please, at least not until I can tell him myself."

Samantha reached out and took Maureen's hand. "Hey, when I was raped, I waited three years to tell my parents. I'll keep your secret. Munch and Fin will be looking for the perp, and we'll call you by another name if it's needed, okay?"

Maureen gave her a trusting smile. "Thank you Detective."

Smiling, she got out a pen for her notes. "Call me Ryan or Samantha, Samantha seems to be really common around here." Scribbling a bit on the paper, she tore it off. "This is my cell phone number, call me if you ever want to talk, promise?"

The young girl nodded. "Okay. I promise."

"Now," she sat back to take notes. "Tell me what happened."

Maureen sniffled again and nodded. "It happened last night. My roommate was having a party at our apartment and I stayed in my room." She frowned. "Jasmine's parties are always really wild and I know better. Dad's job has always made sure of that, he tells me every time a girl my age walks in here and tells me not to let that happen to me." She started to cry. "One of the guys came in to my room...and I told him to leave. When he sat on my bed, I stood up and started yelling with him. He was drunk and wouldn't listen...I hadn't thought to lock the door."

Samantha put a soft touch on her hand. "I wouldn't have thought to do so either. Is that when it happened?"

The Stabler daughter nodded and sighed. "I went to a doctor, so they did a rape kit."

Sighing, Samantha nodded. "You're a smart girl Maureen."

Frowning, she looked at her hands as if they were all she could see as she scratched off her nail polish. "Obviously not smart enough, Dad's going to kill me if he finds out."

Scooting her chair around, she put an arm around her. "No, that's not true." She hugged Maureen as she started to cry harder. "He'd try his hardest to get this guy and he'd commend you for being so strong. If not, then he's just worried because I know your dad and that's what he'd want to do."

This caused Maureen to smile again. "Thank you."

"Now I'm going to have to call in another precinct's sketch artist because we're without at the moment..." Ryan's voice was a bit timid as the phrase ended. "So, if you'll allow me, I can take you down to the 3-1 where I used to work."

Maureen smiled. "Okay. You are the only one who will be working the case?"

Taking a deep breath and phrasing her words as cautiously as she could, she replied. "As long as your case requires no more police force I will be the sole detective. Now, if I require some kind of aide, I can ask Olivia to help me off the clock or I can have Munch and Fin give me a hand. I will let that be your choice."

Trustingly, Maureen nodded. "Olivia, please. I can trust Olivia."

As the two walked out to the sedans, she looked at the girl. "You can trust me too. Promise."

Maureen climbed in to the passengers seat and Samantha grinned. "How's it feel?"

"Hmm?"

Laughing, she motioned to the car. "All you need's a badge and you'd know what it's like to be a cop."

Maureen smiled. "And a gun. I've been thinking of getting a concealed weapon license, especially now."

Samantha nodded. "Ask Olivia about it, or I could take you to get it."

Nodding slowly, she thanked her again.

"You don't have to thank me for everything. If people didn't help other people out, where would this world be?"

Maureen sighed. "I would think in your line of work you would think the opposite. Helping people gets you killed or something."

Ryan smiled. "My father was an Army man, that kind of thinking wasn't allowed in my house."

"You're an army brat?"

She nodded. "That's what got me in to the force. My mother always wanted me to be a ballerina but my dad thought ballerinas were pansies. That's why my first name is somewhat masculine and my middle name is hyper feminine. My family could never agree on anything. I grew up with my dad calling me Ryan and my mom calling me Samantha."

Maureen laughed. "My mom and dad used to fight about petty things regarding us all the time. I think it's better that they got divorced. Elizabeth and Kathleen love seeing Olivia so much. They keep joking together about if the two will ever get married."

"How about you?"

She shrugged. "It's nice to see them both without the fighting and I'm glad that I can see my dad more often now. I think that's more due to me attending Columbia and having moved out than the divorce though."

Samantha nodded. "What are you majoring in?"

Maureen laughed. "I'm not quite sure yet, I think I want to be a doctor."

That brought a smile to Ryan's face. "That's a noble profession."

"What did you major in?"

Samantha crinkled her nose as she put the car in park at the 31. "Psychology. I went to Duke."

Maureen laughed. "You don't strike me as the type to be a shrink."

"I get that a lot. I just thought it would be handy as far as handling perps and vics. Not to mention, Cragen likes having me on hand when Haung isn't available."

The two got out of the car and headed in to the precinct. Two uniforms waved to Samantha. "Hey Ryan." She waved to them.

Finally, she reached the Captain's office. She poked her head in. "Hey, can we borrow a sketch artist Cap? We're in the market as it were..."

"Sure thing Ryan." He looked up from his papers and smiled before he motioned for her to leave.

Walking past the interview rooms, they saw him speaking with another victim. Samantha turned to Maureen. "You realize that after we find the guy who did it, you're going to have to explain in further detail your rape so that Alexandra can think of how to approach the case."

Maureen nodded. "Alex is sweet."

Ryan leaned in. "She's seemed a bit less resilient as of late. The guy who raped Olivia and me is on trial. I'm testifying tomorrow but the day after I will start working on your case, is that okay?"

Nodding slowly, Maureen sighed. "I hope they get that bastard. Olivia was so torn up after that."

Jamerson began remembering back to how her rape had affected her. She remember trying to wash it off futilely in the shower and then standing in front of her bathroom mirror and cutting her hair off. Her hair had been to her waist, and she cut it to her shoulders, unable to stand how dirty it was, like the rest of her. Shivering lightly, she smiled as the sketch artist came out. "Hey Marty."

He grinned. "How's it going Ryan? I haven't seen you in ages!" Giving her a light, and purposely-distant hug, he smiled. "You look better than when you left. I heard they got the guy."

Samantha nodded. "I need you to help me get another guy."

Maureen stepped forward nervously. "Hello."

Marty shook her hand softly and nodded. "I'd love to."

Samantha whispered in Maureen's ear as they walked in to the interview room. "Don't worry about him, he only likes men."

Maureen laughed faintly and sat down close to Samantha for protection anyway.

Marty looked up. "So, let's start with skin tone."

"Um, he was white but his skin was tanned."

He started sketching already. "Height? Weight?"

Maureen shifted. "Taller than me, maybe 6 foot? He was a bit chubby but nothing compared to half of America."

Ryan smiled lightly. "Hair and eye color?"

Shifting she shrugged. "Dark brown or black hair...green eyes. They might have been blue."

Marty sighed but continued. "Facial hair?"

Maureen shook her head. "No."

He handed her the rough sketch. "Well?"

Biting her lip lightly, she shook her head. "His eyebrows were really thick. Also, he had a bit longer hair..." Her eyes were closed as she made these corrections and Ryan remembered having to do this herself. She took Maureen's hand comfortingly.

***

Alex grinned as she parked in the precinct's lot. She was able to get the voice ID in. When she walked in to the precinct, she saw Munch, Fin, Olivia and Elliot but not Samantha. "Where's Samantha?"

Olivia smiled and walked up to Alex. "She's with a victim at the 3-1 getting a sketch done. Why?"

Alexandra blushed. "We're going for lunch, and I've finally managed to get her voice ID in, assuming she does it properly. I have this for you too." Elliot picked up the blue folded paper.

Benson grinned. "So are you two a couple?"

Cabot laughed. "Maybe?"

Stabler frowned. "Liv, we've got an arrest warrant on Raphael Zapata, we need to pick him up. Gossip can be done later."

Olivia rolled her eyes lightly. "Tell me how lunch goes." She walked out of the precinct with Elliot at her side. Alex had noticed her shirt was untucked, but she was only three and a half months along...Shrugging, she sat in Samantha's chair and got her cell out and dialed her number.

Ryan answered, "Jamerson."

Alexandra smiled. "Hello Samantha."

Samantha laughed on the other end. "I'm sorry I'm late, I'm dropping a vic off. I'll be there in thirty minutes."

Cabot's smile grew. "That's great. I've got good news when you do get here."

***

Ryan hugged Maureen softly as she let her out of the car in front of her apartment. "Stay safe sweetheart. I'll be by again in three days to talk about where I am on the case, okay?"

Maureen nodded and walked in, locking the door behind her.

Driving away, as fast as possible to get to Alex, she smiled. Things weren't so bad after all, even with what happened with Jared. Now, she was going to hear good news on the case and go to lunch with her lovely companion.

***

Samantha blushed as she walked in to the station house. "So sorry I'm late."

Alex hugged her softly. "It's okay. Let's go to lunch."

"You look like you got some sleep..." She smiled.

Cabot laughed. "No, I just took a shower."

Ryan laughed faintly and sighed. "Close enough. What's the good news?"

Alexandra gave her an excited smile. "If you can accurately ID the perp by voice, she'll let it in."

A wave of relief washed over Samantha. "Can we do it after lunch?"

Alex nodded. "Of course. Where would you like to eat?"

Samantha picked up her keys. "I know this great seafood place on Broadway."

Smiling, Alex followed her out. "Sounds great."

***

Olivia gave Elliot a grin as they drove towards the docks where Zapata had his yacht. "Admit it, you think they'd make a great couple."

Elliot nodded slowly. "I'm worried about Alex though, she's getting in too deep with Zapata."

Frowning, Olivia nodded. "I know what you mean."

"I think we need to keep an extra close watch on her, according to the DEA Zapata and Hobson were buddies. Alex failed to mention that to anyone."

Olivia shook her head. "She thinks she'll be fine, she doesn't realize the danger she's in."

Elliot kissed Olivia's forehead. "Sounds like someone else I know."

***

Ryan sighed heavily as she spooned the last bit of her clam chowder in to her mouth. "Did you enjoy the food?"

Alex let out a large sigh and placed a hand on her flat stomach. "It certainly was delicious, and filling."

Samantha could tell that Alexandra was still tired. "Want me to take you back to your place Alexandra?"

She smiled. "No, thank you, unless you care to join me? I'm not going to sleep either way so it's up to you."

"Why won't you sleep?" She looked concerned as she stared in to the blue eyes of her dear friend.

Alexandra sighed. "I can't sleep until I'm sure I'll get a conviction on your count. I won't let this asshole get away with it."

Ryan was touched. She smiled. "I'd love to go back with you. We can prep for my testimony too."

Cabot nodded. "I need to know exactly what happened to you also." She noticed Samantha draw back. "It's okay though, you just look straight at me when you tell the court and pretend you're just telling me. You can trust me."

Standing and tipping the waiter seven dollars, she smiled. "Yes, I can." Alexandra took her hand as the two walked out of the restaurant, much to the surprise of some of its occupants.

Samantha drove slowly, with her free hand in Alex's as they headed to her apartment. "I'm glad you liked lunch."

Alex grinned. "It could've been awful as long as you were there."

Jamerson's pale cheeks turned pink as she looked at her friend. "Thank you."

Taking on a more serious tone, Alex looked at Samantha. "You know, I'm really sorry about Jared. I wish you could've been spared that pain."

Ryan shrugged. "It makes you stronger, that's all."

Alexandra squeezed her hand softly. "You don't need to be any stronger Samantha."

Parallel parking a bit quicker than most would risk, she rolled her eyes. "Samantha is such a laborious and feminine name, can't you pick something else?"

This made the ADA smile again as they headed towards her apartment. "How about Sammi?"

Sighing, Ryan shrugged. "I thought Ryan might sound good, but whatever you choose." She took Alexandra's hand shyly but held it firmly.

***

Cragen sighed, "Elliot, Olivia, you two need to call Cabot down as soon as possible. The DEA needs to speak with her and I will need you two to make sure she has a detail on her at all times. There's been a threat against her life."

Olivia's eyes went wide. "Oh God. It's Zapata isn't it?"

He nodded solemnly, "Take care of her you two."

Elliot frowned, but nodded. "Of course." Looking seriously at Olivia, the two walked out, Olivia calling Alex from her cell phone.

***

Ryan took a deep breath. "On December 12th of 1998 I was at a party with my roommate. Most of the people were drinking...or drunk, but I never drank. I've always held strong to not getting drunk at foolish parties, I'm Catholic too so I refused the alcohol. Unfortunately, a guy at the party was too drunk to have any common sense left and he came on to me rather forcefully. I ran out of the house rather nervous and headed to my car. I left quickly, heading down the block to where I had parked my car; I never got to it. A man pulled a knife on me and told me that if I said a word he'd slit my throat open. He pulled a pillowcase over my head so I couldn't see and led me to his car. I have no idea what the car looked like, or what he looked like. Then he shoved me inside of the back seat; it was a four door. I remember what seemed like an eternity driving. Finally, he stopped the car and pulled me out. He dragged me down a flight of stairs and through a doorway. The floor was cement; I could feel in on my bare feet. My shoes had come off before he pulled me in to the car. Then in changed to tile, through another doorway I assume, and he pushed me down on a mattress. He unbound my hands and I tried to fight but he quickly secured them to the wall with chains. Then he removed the pillowcase. I had been screaming since he dragged me down the stairs, but no one heard me..." She opened her eyes after vividly reliving the scene; her eyes were watering.

"He was wearing a ski mask and I couldn't see his face. For two and a half days, or so I measured from the sunlight, I fought him. I cursed his name and tried my hardest. Eventually, on the third day, I quit fighting. I couldn't take it anymore. My body was weak and dehydrated, I was sick and I started to pray that God would kill me. For the next two days, I prayed non-stop. I begged for God to end this torment that my captor submitted me to. Finally, he got sick of my submission, stabbed me several times between the legs and put the pillowcase over my head again. The same as when he picked me up, he bound my hands and drove the long way back to the block where I was captured. He threw me on to the sidewalk and left me there alone with nothing more than a white rose. My voice was hardly audible from screaming so much, but someone heard me..." Tears were flowing down her pale cheeks; Alexandra held her hand softly. "The doctors told me I was pregnant...but I miscarried within a week of the hospitalization. I can never have kids of my own due to the wounds he inflicted upon my body..."

Alexandra cut the recording tape and reached out to wrap her arms around Ryan, holding her tight. "I'm so sorry Samantha." She kissed her cheek. "I'm so sorry."

Frowning and heaving an exasperated sigh, Alex turned off her cell phone. "It can't be that important."

Samantha smiled at her through tears and hugged her tightly. "Thank you so much Alex."

Cabot tightened their embrace. "I'm going to put this guy away for you." The two held that tight embrace for a long moment as Ryan sobbed softly, but the buzzer shattered the comfortable silence.

Sighing with annoyance, Cabot pushed the buzzer. "Cabot..."

Olivia responded. "Alex, it's Olivia. Elliot and I need to talk with you."

Pressing the button to let them up, she turned to Ryan. "You okay?"

Samantha nodded and smiled forcedly. "I'm going to go wash up...I can't have them see me like this."

Alex tucked a strand of Ryan's lovely long hair behind her ear. "You always look lovely to me."

Blushing, she walked in to the bathroom as Elliot and Olivia knocked on the door. Alex answered. "What is it? I've never gotten a house call from you two..." She looked concerned.

Olivia frowned heavily. "Cragen's told us that there's been a threat against your life. We're to make sure there's a detail on you 24/7."

Alexandra stepped back. "Is it Jerry?"

She shook her head. "No, Zapata."

Ryan came out. "Alex, what's wrong?" She saw her two fellow detectives. "Hey you two."

Olivia gave her a curious look but frowned. "Do you think you can stay with Alex tonight? Cragen told us to keep a detail on her..."

Samantha nodded strongly. "Of course. No one will get to her unless they go through me."

Elliot grinned. "That's the idea. So, we'll be by tomorrow morning to pick you both up. Okay?"

The two nodded. Ryan frowned. "Tomorrow I testify..."

Olivia flinched lightly. "Yes. You do." 'And I don't...'

Alex smiled faintly. "The case will go fine. Trust me. Elliot's on the witness list so you two had better rest up tonight."

Elliot nodded. "That's right." He gave Olivia an emphasizing glance before opening the door for her. "If either of you need anything, call."

The two nodded as Olivia and Elliot walked out.

***

Samantha woke later than usual the next morning and heard the shower running. Alex was no longer in bed, so she assumed that was why the shower was on. Sitting up lazily, she went to fix a pot of coffee. Drinking heavily from the coffee cup and clinging to her collared shirt around her, she sat down at the kitchen island and sighed. Alex came out in a bathrobe with her wet hair combed back. Samantha gave her a big smile. "Good morning."

Alex came up behind her and hugged her softly. "Good morning to you." Stealing a sip of her coffee before making her own, she smiled. "Want me to show you how to work the shower?"

Ryan nodded thankfully. "I could use one of those." Pulling her shirt down to cover her bare thighs as she walked towards the bathroom, Samantha found herself looking at Alexandra long legs. Her cheeks grew hot and she looked away.

Once she'd managed to turn the shower on, Alexandra had left her to bath. The hot water was relieving and the gently feminine scent of the soap soothed her frayed nerves. Climbing out and wrapping a towel around her, Ryan walked out and frowned. "Alexandra, I don't have any clothes..."

After spending a long moment with her mouth slightly ajar as she gazed at Ryan's form, Alexandra laughed. "I'm sorry, I completely forgot."

Walking over to her closet, she opened it and showed her the vast choice of combinations. "The pants may be a bit too large."

Ryan laughed. "Don't be silly. Your waist is as small as mine." Grabbing a pair of black slacks and a pastel pink button-down she smiled. "Thanks. I promise I'll return them, dry cleaned, as soon as possible."

Alexandra chuckled softly. "Don't worry about it. Get them to me whenever it's convenient. What matters today is that you look good for trial."

Nodding, she changed in the bathroom. Coming out, she frowned. "My hair looks atrocious." Alexandra convinced her to sit down as she combed through her hair and gently French braided it.

"It looks lovely." She walked back around. "You look lovely."

Biting her lip as she approached the full-length mirror in her bedroom, she almost gasped. "Wow. I look way too much like a girl."

Alexandra came up behind her and kissed her shoulder. "That's the idea. I doubt the jury will commiserate with a boy."

Ryan allowed herself to smile and turned. "I'm ready."

Grabbing Samantha's keys from the nightstand, Cabot nodded. "Let's go then." Ryan grabbed her keys and the two waited outside for Olivia and Elliot before pulling away.

***

Trying not to cry, Ryan finished her account before the jury. Jerry sat in the courtroom, along with Elliot and Olivia. She could see the pity in their eyes. When she looked to Alexandra, she found support. Taking her seat, Alexandra kept her eyes on Ryan as the defense stood. "It's been almost five years Ms. Jamerson."

"That's correct." She didn't take her eyes off of Alex.

"Why did you report it sooner?"

Ryan frowned heavily, still watching Alex. "I...the only person I told about it at first, told me I deserved it. I assumed everyone would feel that way, and at the time, I was blaming myself for it too."

He walked up to her. "Five years!"

She started to stammer. "I...I wouldn't have been able to ID him anyway...I thought it was pointless. When I saw the case, with the same MO, I realized now was the time to come forward."

"Did you ever think that maybe you fabricated the whole thing in order to gain some kind of resolution to your pain?"

Alex was on her feet at the speed of light. "OBJECTION!"

The defense grinned like a sly fox. "Withdrawn. Ms. Jamerson, I understand there is no DNA because when the rape kit was preformed, the DNA was lost, is that correct?" Ryan nodded, staring at Cabot all the while. "You also stated that you became pregnant."

"That is correct Counselor."

"I'm by no means a doctor myself but isn't possible to extract DNA from the fetus?"

Ryan's eyes brimmed with tears. "I'm not sure. All I know is that when I was admitted to the hospital, no attempts were made at finding out who the father was."

Another sly grin from the attorney made Ryan cringe. "And you didn't ask did you Ms. Jamerson?"

Samantha sighed. "No, I didn't. I just wanted it to end Counselor!"

"So why are we here today?" Taking his seat, he gave Ms. Cabot a crude smirk. Ryan's stomach was churning, she knew she'd lost the verdict.

***

Cabot walked out of the courtroom; Samantha was pacing outside. When she looked up, she noticed tears trickling down Alex's cheeks and she broke down. "No! No!" Alexandra embraced her firmly.

"It's okay. He's still going away forever, it's okay. I'm sorry I failed you."

Olivia walked up; her impassive face was forced. She was fighting back tears as she spoke, "No, I failed you both." Elliot took her hand as she walked out of the courthouse.

Samantha watched her go. "Did she get a conviction?"

Alex shook her head. "Seven counts."

Biting her lip, she looked up at Alexandra. "Can I be alone for a while? I'll call you tonight...I promise..."

Embracing her and planting a kiss on her cheek, she nodded.

Ryan climbed in to her F-150 and sighed heavily. Her heart hurt.

***

Opening her apartment door the next morning, she found a dozen pink roses and a packet of pictures. She knew they were from Alex. Her phone call last night had been brief; Alex was bogged down with the Zapata case.

Smelling the roses deeply, she managed a smile. As she flipped through the pictures of the night Alexandra, her and the team had all gotten a bit too tipsy at the bar she couldn't help but smile. One picture in particular stuck out. Alexandra was hugging her from behind, her hands wrapped 'round her waist. A huge grin covered both their faces. Ryan's hands were resting on Alex's hips and the two looked completely happy. She tried not to cry. More pictures of them together at dinner, or at lunch, courtesy of Alex's scrapbook-like photography hobby brought tears to her eyes. Grabbing her keys and walking out the door, she was anxious to see her dear friend again.

***

Upon entering the station, Ryan could see the palpable emotion in the air. Assuming it was just because of the poor ruling, she walked in and sat at her desk. She had packed her favorite picture with her and started to slide it in to a frame when she noticed the paper on her desk. The words rang in Ryan's mind repeatedly. 'NO! NO! NO!' She didn't know when she actually spoke those words; she only knew the pain. The pain of those words that tore threw her heart. Samantha couldn't remember the glass from the frame she dropped shattering, or Olivia coming up and hugging her. All she could remember those words. 'ADA dead' Shuddering, she started to sob again. "NO! NO! NO!" Heartbreaking sobs racked her frail body as she fell to the floor in Olivia's embrace. "NO!" Pain filled her heart as she wept uncontrollably. 'She had been alive last night...if only I'd gone over there...why her?' She sobbed again.

***

Sitting in her home that night, Samantha found that she'd lost all hope. Slicing squares out of her bible, creating a compartment, with her Swiss Army knife, she was crying still. As she taped a picture of Alex at the restaurant in to the gap, she was still crying. By the time she placed one of the roses into the hole, no more tears would come. Standing, she closed the book. When she closed that book she hid everything. She gave up her faith as she stored away all those worthless emotions, love, kindness, compassion and vowed never to care for anyone again. By the time she put it on the bookshelf, all that was left was anger, hatred and vengeance, but that was all she needed. 'All I need...'

***End Chapter Five***

A/N: Casey Novak will make her debut as the new ADA.