I thought I'd rewrite jenny's life, the last one was a little could do better, so here it is. First I should explain a few things:
'This means thought' example 'why is she bothering to do this' thought the reader
"This means speech" example "just get on with the story" said the reader
"This means "quote" what some one said" example "you said "get on with it" then I did" said I
So enjoy my new version.
Summer Child Jenny's Life Rewrite
Chapter 1 – Mineral Town
Life in the sub urban town was interesting for most people. However Jenny's not most people, she wanted more out of life. How could a party girl survive in a town of rich snobs? Jenny sat at her dressing table, brushing her long blonde hair, staring at her reflection in the mirror.
'This can't be all there is' thought Jenny
She puts her brush down and looks around the room, for a piece of paper and a pen. She began to write:
Dear Mum and Dad,
I'm sorry just to leave like this but; I want more from my life. I want to live it to the full and I can't do this here. Who knows where I'll end up I'll write to you one day, when I feel things are going right for me.
Love, Jenny
She packed her things and remembered to grab her favourite books, Macbeth and Hamlet. She leaves the note on the table near the door and heads for the docks. She sees a guy with a purple bandanna on he looks kind of tanned.
"Excuse me" said Jenny "when's the next ship to Mineral Town?"
"Oh I'm heading there my self I'm Kai" said Kai "we could travel together?"
"Jenny… I'd like that a lot" said Jenny.
The two of them board the ship together, Jenny heads into her cabin to order a little room service. She orders, cake, chocolate cake, cheese cake and apple pie. When she's eaten it all she feels so stuffed she couldn't eat another bite if she wanted to. She heads back out to see Kai.
"Have a nice nap?" said Kai.
"Yes lovely" lied Jenny.
"Good" replied Kai he smiles and looks out at the ocean. "Well we should arrive in Mineral Town soon I know a nice homely Inn you'll like it."
"Yeah that would be nice. I'm glad we met Kai, at least I know someone nice from Mineral Town," Said Jenny whilst running her fingers through her hair.
"Nice? I tell you now I'm not popular at mineral town, some people wish I'd stop going there" said Kai.
Jenny couldn't help looking at him, she gets a weird feeling in her stomach. Maybe it's love, maybe it's happiness or maybe sea sickness. What ever it is she feels like she's doing the right thing.
'Maybe I'm destined to meet Kai or go to mineral town maybe there's some thing great I'm meant to do, or someone to meet' thought Jenny.
"Jenny your new home awaits!" said Kai.
"Oh really" said jenny, not realising the ship had stopped at a beach.
They leave the ship there's no one around accept for a girl with long pink hair.
"Kai over here!" shouted the girl, whilst waving.
"Ah Popuri, this is Jenny" said Kai.
"Hello Popuri" said Jenny.
Popuri shrugs her shoulders and continues talking to Kai. Three of them walk to the Inn together, Popuri ignores Jenny the whole way. When they get there Popuri rushes off. They are greeted by a girl with ginger hair.
"Hello Ann! Jenny here needs a room" said Kai.
"Sure I'll sort one out, my dads in the back cooking, if you want to say hello" Said Ann.
Kai rushes into the backroom.
"So Jenny I'll show you to a room upstairs, if you want to hangout, my rooms in the basement" said Ann.
"Ok then" said Jenny.
Ann leads her upstairs and into the first door on the right.
"Well home sweet home! Breakfast is served at 7am, Lunch is at 12pm, and Dinner 5.30 Sharp. Enjoy your stay at Doug's Inn, I do room cleaning at 11am every morning." Said Ann "I know that was long winded but I have to say it."
"It's ok! Thanks Ann Maybe you could show me round tomorrow?" said Jenny
"Of course I will" said Ann.
Ann leaves, Jenny sits on her bed and looks round the room.
"Home sweet home indeed" said Jenny.
She turns over and falls asleep. To be woken up by the smell of noodles wafting into the room.
Ann Shouts from down stairs "Jenny! Dinners ready!"
Jenny sleepily runs down stairs she looks round for Kai.
"If you're looking for Kai, he's working" said Ann with a big grin on her face.
"I'm not looking for Kai! I was looking to see who's here" snapped Jenny
"In that case you can join me and Cliff then" said Ann.
Jenny sits down at the table and starts eating her dinner.
"Hi… Jenny how are… you?" said Cliff.
"I'm fine you?" said Jenny.
The whole time they talk Cliff hardly says anything.
"Jenny why don't I show you around town now?" said Ann.
"Ok then" said jenny.
As soon as they finish dinner, Ann walks her around introducing her to everyone in town. The last stop is, The Supermarket.
"Jeff, Sasha, Karen, This is Jenny. She's just moved here" said Ann.
Jeff and Sasha Smile at Jenny, who smiles back at them.
"You two mind if I hangout with you? I'm so bored here" said Karen.
"Sure" said Ann.
The three of them head to the beach and sit down at the pier chatting away.
Well thanks for reading the first chapter the next one will be finished soon.
