Simply Purr-fect

by garggirl

Disclaimer:
Canon characters are copyright Cooper/Wright Productions.
No infringement of these copyrights is intended, and is not authorized by the copyright holders.
All original characters are the property of garggirl.

Author's Note: This fic was inspired by my cousin and his odd sleeptime quirk.

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Rodney was having a very trying morning. He was gonna kill Sheppard! Of that, he was sure of. He didn't now how, he didn't know when, but he was sure Sheppard was going to get his just desserts.

John sat across the mess hall table from him. To an untrained observer, John appeared to be minding his own business, working his way through his lunch, but Rodney knew better...because he could hear him. Every so often, between bites of food, Sheppard mewed. Like a damn cat...and it was driving Rodney insane.

"Quit it!" Rodney demanded.

John looked up with a look of mock innocence. "What?" He looked back down at his tray and smirked.

"I don't know how you found out," Rodney fumed. "But if you tell one single person, I swear to God you'll be singing soprano in the church choir for the rest of your life!"

John began tittering, which grew into chuckling, which in turn graduated into full-on belly laughs, drawing attention and strange looks from several nearby tables.

Elizabeth and Carson suddenly appeared at the table, trays in hand, and they slid into the vacant seats.

"What's so funny, lad?" Carson asked, arching an eyebrow slightly.

John opened his mouth to reply but was quickly cut off by the physicist.

"Say one word," Rodney brandished his knife at Sheppard. "And I'll hand you a body part."

John promptly clapped his mouth shut and continued eating, yet the threat did nothing to deter the torture and he promptly began mewing again, occasionally throwing in a rolling purr for good measure.

Elizabeth and Carson regarded their friends with identical confused expressions.

Suddenly, Rodney angrily slammed a hand on the tabletop. "Oh, go play in traffic!" he spat before storming out of the room.

The air filled with silence and Elizabeth waited a beat before turning her attention to John.

"What was that all about?"

John burst out laughing again. When it passed a few seconds later he turned to look at his remaining table-mates. "Okay, Rodney would kill me if he found out I told you, but this is just too good to keep it to myself."

Carson and Elizabeth leaned in closer...

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Several hours later, with another day's work behind him, Rodney found himself heading to his quarters for some well-earned rest and relaxation.

He passed his hand over the sensor. The door didn't open. He tried again. Still nothing. Why the hell wouldn't it let him in? Closing his eyes, Rodney mustered up as much concentration as he could and thought 'open' with every fiber of his being.

Finally the door slid open...but it was dark inside. Carefully, Rodney stepped inside and as soon as the door hissed shut behind him, the lights flipped on.

A complicated look of horror mixed with surprise and anger shrouded over his face. Every square inch of the walls of his quarters was plastered with pictures of cats, dozens of plushie felines littered his bed which now sported 'Hello Kitty' bed clothing, and a recording of cat mewing seemed to be looped through the room's sound system.

Rodney stormed back into the hall and screeched to high heaven.

"SHEPPARD! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

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Up in the security office, John, Elizabeth and Carson were clustered around the monitor for the camera outside Rodney's quarters just busting a gut, watching the scene unfolding before them.

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Rodney went back into his room and began trashing everything cat-related.

How the hell did Sheppard ever find out...that Rodney mewed in his sleep?

THE END