Title: Turkey Day
Summary: Whitefall Town's turkeys have escaped and now the party must round them up in time for Turkey Day dinner
Rating: K
Genre: Humor
World: Post EBF4


Matt, Lance, Anna, and Natalie stood before a short man in the main room of the inn in Whitefall town. They were dressed in their fur armor and wielding various weapons that did added fire elemental damage. Anna carried her Crimson Dragon bow across her back. Natalie gripped her Flameheart in her right hand. Matt was leaning on his Magma Hammer and dozing in the warmth of the inn's fire. Lance leaned against the wall with his arms crossed and his Red Vulcan rifle propped beside him.

"Thanks for coming on such short notice," the man said in a harried voice.

Anna shrugged, "You're lucky you caught us before we headed off for the Kitten Kingdom ruins. Your messengers would never have found us in there."

Natalie nodded and asked, "So what did you need us for?"

The man let out an aggravated sigh, "The chefs accidentally let all of our turkeys loose and the Turkey Day dinner is this evening-"

Matt jerked awake and cut him off, "Turkey Day is today? That's my favorite holiday! So much food…"

The man shot the swordsman a strange look as he started day-dreaming about food and drooled slightly. He cleared his throat and turned back to face Natalie. "As I was saying, the turkeys are loose and running around Whitefall. We need some people to round them up and bring the back before noon."

Lance arched a brow, "And no one here is capable of catching a bunch of pre-roasted meat?"

"More like they're too busy complaining about unfair wages and big business conspiracies," the man corrected with a sigh. "You'll be paid, of course, and welcomed at our feast."

"They're still picketing?" Lance asked with a sigh. "Wastes of air and space, all of them."

The man shrugged, "Good luck getting them to quit. Anyway, we need the turkeys rounded up before noon so that we can get to butchering and cooking them in time for dinner. Will you help?"

Matt stood up straight, "I'm in. We can't let such an awesome holiday be ruined by clumsy cooks and lazy townspeople. Those birds will be back here in no time!"

Anna grinned, "It'll be easy tracking them in the snow and I'll bet they're too fat to fly. This shouldn't be too hard."

Natalie looked a little sad as she said, "Too fat to fly and about to be slaughtered. That's so sad. Still, I guess better killed cleanly then freezing to death. I'll help round them up, too."

Lance grunted and stood away from the wall. "Might as well. I wouldn't mind some proper food for once, either."

The man beamed, "Thank you so much! There are four turkeys. Make sure you don't dismember or poison them. We don't want people getting sick."

"Is killing them cleanly okay, or do you want them captured alive?" Anna asked as she pulled her Crimson Dragon bow off her back.

"Alive would be better. There's a good chance your weapons will obliterate the birds," the man requested. "Just bring them back here as you capture them and we'll take care of the rest.

The party nodded and tucked their weapons away. With a wave, they filed out the door to begin their search.

Almost immediately, they spotted a turkey pecking through the bushes across from the inn. The four spread out to surround the unsuspecting bird. The turkey waddled around in a circle as it searched for something to eat in the leaves. Suddenly its head shot up and it let out a panicked gobble as Natalie lunged towards it. The bird ran straight into Matt's open arms and the swordsman held it tight as Lance readied a weighted net. Soon the first bird was restrained and they deposited it at the inn. The man who had hired them looked stunned at their swift success. The four grinned and headed back outside. Three more birds to go.

The party wandered around for a little while, searching for traces of a turkey's passing. They were walking past the Whitefall altar when Anna froze and held a finger to her lips. The other three listened intently and heard a muffled gobbling. They turned their heads to track the sound and followed it to a line of snow sculptures. The four stopped in confusion as they saw no turkey, but could definitely hear one. They walked between the sculptures and mounds of snow, eyes constantly moving as they searched.

Matt stopped with a frustrated sigh beside to a large snow sculpture. He could swear the turkey was right next to him, but he couldn't see it. His eyes ran over the snow sculptures. There was a mouse with small black rocks for eyes, a regular snowman with a blue scarf and a black hat, a large bird of some sort with a red gobbler, a group of snow cats with… Matt's eyes snapped back to the large bird sculpture. Instantly, the gobbling stopped. The swordsman's face took on a puzzled look, but he shrugged, grinned, and then tackled the snow sculpture.

Snow scattered everywhere with a loud gobbling squawk. Lance came running over with another net and arched a brow at the snow and ice covering the bird. He and Matt bound the bird up and began dragging it back to the inn with orders to the two women to keep searching. Lance cast a glance at the turkey they were dragging.

"It disguised itself as a snow sculpture? That's pretty impressive thinking for dinner," the gunner mused.

Matt shrugged, "Didn't save it, though. I can't wait to eat tonight."

They dropped the bird off at the inn and headed back out to find the last two birds. A sudden uproar by the weapon shop had them breaking into a sprint. Their jaws dropped at the sight of a turkey charging out wearing a chainmail vest and helm. In its beak it carried a sword that it swung to scatter the people protesting outside. The two men exchanged baffled looks then leapt forward to stop the turkey knight.

Matt sprinted to the far side of the bird and dove under a swing. He caught the weapon's hilt with his right hand and smacked the flat of the blade downwards with the other. The turkey lost its grip on the sword, but didn't give up. The bird charged at the stunned swordsman and rammed into him. Matt went down in the snow and heard Lance break out in laughter. A second later and the gunner's laughter stopped as he dove out of the way of the charging feather knight and took a beak-jab to the arm.

Lance's red eyes glared at the bird and he readied another weighted net. With expert aim, he threw the net over the bird and pinned it to the ground. He stepped forward to tie the net together and dragged the bird over to where Matt was still lying in the snow. He nudged the winded swordsman with one foot.

Matt sat up and stared at the struggling bird in the net, "What the heck kind of turkey knows how to put armor on?"

Lance shrugged, "Dunno, but it knows what a sword is, too. Let's drop it off and find Anna and Natz. They've probably found the last turkey by now."

The two men hauled their catch back to the inn. The man stared at the chain mail on the bird and opened his mouth to ask. A second later he shut it again and shook his head. Some things were better left unknown. He waved the two off again and they heard him muttering in confusion. The two men walked outside again and saw smoke.

"They better not have set the last bird on fire," Lance grumbled.

Matt nodded with a distressed look on his face, "Yeah, I don't want them to say we can't eat because there isn't enough food with only three birds."

The two men exchanged looks and broke into a run, heading for the pillar of smoke. They saw a row of trees ahead and heard Anna yelling something that was drowned out by a deep and loud gobble. The two men froze when the ground trembled and a massive turkey head appeared over the treetops. Lance's jaw dropped as he stared at the behemoth bird towering over head.

"What the…" the gunner breathed.

Matt gulped, "Uh, do you think maybe he just forgot to mention that one of them is a twenty ton turkey?"

The turkey cocked its head at the two stunned men and opened its mouth. A glow lit the bird's massive beak and the two threw themselves aside as a jet of fire slammed into the snow where they had been standing. Natalie came running out of the trees when she heard them yell. The mage's dress was smoking and her eyes were wide. A second later and Anna came running out as well.

"I did not sign up to fight a turkey titan" the ranger panted as she skidded to a halt next to them.

Natalie nodded as she warily eyed the turkey as it lost interest in them and began pulling entire trees out of the ground to make a nest. "It was normal sized when we found it, but then it did this weird gobbling chant and five seconds later it looked like that! And was breathing fire!" she told the two men.

"What kind of insane mutations are they doing here?" Matt demanded, "First a turkey ninja, then a turkey knight, and now a turkey mage?"

Lance heaved an aggravated sigh, "Well, we need to stop it. Hey, Anna, do you have any rope?"

The ranger nodded, "Sure, what do you want it for?"

"I'm thinking we wrap it around the monster's legs and trip it. Maybe if we can knock it unconscious it will turn back," the gunner explained.

Anna's eyes widened in realization, "I see, okay, yeah. Let's try it!"

The ranger dug several coils of rope out of her Adventure Pouch and swiftly knotted them together to form one long rope. She handed one end to Lance and the four headed through the trees to confront the massive bird. Matt and Natalie went to go distract the bird while Anna raced across the field with her end of the rope. Lance and Anna ran in circles around the bird, winding the rope around its legs. The turkey ignored the two running around its feet. It had a massive eye focused on the two making loud gobbling noises at it.

Whatever the Matt and Natalie were saying in turkey made the giant bird furious. It let out a bellowing gobble and lunged forwards to attempt to snap them up. The rope around its feet snapped tight and threw the turkey off balance. The bird flapped its giant wings in an attempt to stay upright, but ultimately hit the ground with a massive thud that shook the earth. It hit its head on the frozen ground and let out a woozy gobble.

Before the stunned, yet relieved party's eyes, the massive bird shrank back down to a normal sized turkey. Lance wasted no time tying the bird's beak shut with a strip of cloth. Matt grabbed the dazed turkey's legs and began hauling the final bird back to the inn. Each of them still had looks of wide-eyed shock on their faces as they pushed the inn door open.

The man came out of the kitchen with a wide smile. He opened his mouth to greet them, but whatever he had been about to say was forgotten as he took in their appearance. Natalie's and Anna's dresses were scorched. Lance and Matt were muttering about turkey giants. All of them had shell-shocked looks on their faces, and for some reason, they had gagged the final bird.

"Er, are you four… alright?" the man hesitantly asked.

Lance fixed the man with a sour look, "Peachy, thanks. Next time, warn us that the turkeys you want us to track down are super turkeys."

"Super turkeys?" the man asked in confusion. "How are they super turkeys?"

Natalie shook her head, "Never mind. You'd never believe us anyway."

The man hesitated then shrugged, "Very well, then. You guys got the birds back in amazing time. We'll have plenty of time to cook the birds and prepare the meal. Thank you all so much. I left your payment with the desk lady. Please relax until dinner."

The four nodded and watched the man drag the last bird to the kitchen. Natalie led the way to a table and slumped down on it with a tired sigh. Anna joined her while the two men went to pick up their earnings. The two women heard Matt exclaim about tons of gold and gave tired smiles. Soon, they were all seated around the table and were ten thousand gold pieces richer than before.

"At least he paid well," Lance grumbled as he sipped an energy drink.

Matt nodded and gulped down the rest of the soft drink he had pulled out. He burped and set the empty can aside, "Now we just have to wait until dinner. I'm going to eat so much food."

"Do you think those birds are safe to eat?" Anna asked with a glance at the kitchen.

Natalie laughed, "Can't be worse than Veggie Slimes."

Matt nodded, "Maybe we'll get super powers!"

Lance grunted and propped his feet on the table, "Or maybe you'll turn into a turkey. I think I'll go for the ham, thanks."

"More for me," Matt said with a shrug.

OOOOOO

That evening, after the grand Turkey Day feast, the four heroes headed back to the inn. Each had satisfied smiles on their faces. They walked into the building and paid for some rooms. As they walked past the kitchen, they heard a group of chefs talking in hushed tones.

"You don't suppose the Grow Plus stuff we fed the turkeys had any nasty side effects we should have warned the eaters about, do you?" one asked.

"Nah, it smelled and tasted fine, I doubt it was a problem in any way," a second man said.

A third chef spoke up, "And we never saw any of those side effects they listed in the birds."

"Eh, I think the stuff was bogus, anyway. 'May cause an increase in intelligence and magical abilities' seems pretty impossible to me," the second chef replied.

The four outside the kitchen exchanged glances, wondering if they should tell the chefs to never feed their livestock Grow Plus ever again. Ultimately, they decided against it. The chefs would never believe the tale, anyway. They decided that they would just steer clear of Whitefall Town come next year's Turkey Day.


A/N: Happy Thanksgiving/Turkey Day, everyone! Hope you all laughed at least a little! Stay safe and eat lots of food!