Ch.3
Disclaimer: "It's not that you're stupid…it's that you're SO stupid, it makes me wonder how there's enough room in your head for all the empty space that constitutes your brain! And that doesn't even make sense. But you wouldn't know that, because you're so STUPID!"
Ling Yi growled to herself as she stalked down the corridor in a cloud of black fury. Things were going completely insane. It seemed that Lord Zhang He had finally lost whatever common sense he'd had left, which wasn't very much to begin with. For the first time in her superb memory, he had not heeded her sage advice. Her Lord was extremely…eccentric, everyone knew that, but thanks to Ling Yi's efforts, no one knew the full extent of just how "eccentric" he was. Oh, there were suspicions of course, but Ling Yi was brilliant at cover-ups and excuses. And she'd seen to it personally that the rumors were dealt with---most harshly, in fact. Lord Zhang He's image had to be maintained, and if it meant hiring a few assassins to dispatch a gossiping soldier or two, then it was well worth it. It seemed that there were limits to how much eccentricity a soldier could tolerate in a commanding officer. It was one thing to serve under someone who was a little strange; they could deal with that. What they could not deal with was serving under a man who was openly and unrepentantly gay.
She had worked with Lord Zhang He for years on maintaining a respectable image, and now it seemed he was prepared to throw everything away---the respect, the power, the luxury, the status---on a mere whim. She could not for the life of her understand what had come over him to make him so…well, more foolhardy and stubborn than usual. She had just seen him off to his meeting after giving him a two-hour debriefing that she knew he had not heard a word of. Her lord was usually better at paying attention than that. Something was distracting him, and she knew exactly what.
That wretched Wu pirate! Oh, how she would have loved to swear, but her former mistress, Lady Zhen Ji, had taught her that only ruffians, base peasants, and soldiers used coarse language, and Ling Yi was certainly none of these. She was the trusted servant of a powerful and high-ranking officer of the mighty Wei Empire, and it was beneath her to be so crass. Still, it would be lovely to vent…. As she made her way through the winding stone halls, she spied a young Gate Guard shirking his duty and chasing after a pretty serving girl on her way to the dining hall. Ling Yi smiled cruelly; it would seem she'd be able to vent her anger after all.
After soundly admonishing the young man, who seemed thoroughly shocked at being so viciously scolded by a short, skinny thirteen year-old, she felt slightly better, but was still in a foul mood. After all, she still had her "duties" to attend to. Lord Zhang He had assigned her the demeaning task of tending to that miserable pirate fool's injuries. The very idea! Her first thought was to poison him, but she quickly dismissed that as simply unpractical. If Lord Zhang He's latest infatuation died while under her care, she would surely be reprimanded, and the last thing she wanted to do was give her master cause for displeasure. No, she would simply have to bide her time and wait for a less risky opportunity. Very well, she would play caretaker for now, but Lord Zhang He never specified that had she had to be nice (or even civil) about it. Perhaps this wouldn't be so horrible after all. In fact, she was sure she could have some fun with this task, so long as Lord Zhang He was being unspecific. Grinning maliciously, she pushed open the door to her Lord's living quarters, and tiptoed her way to the bed where the pirate fool was bound and sleeping.
RUN, GAN NING, RUUUUUN!
Gan Ning: "I'm tied to the bed, you silly twat! How in the hell am I supposed to run? And where to? I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF WEI PALACE!"
Me: "……oh….yeah…"
Gan Ning: "Oh, how I wish I could face palm…"
Ling Yi: "Here, let me help!" smacks him in the face…..HARD
Gan Ning: "THAT'S IT, WENCH! YOU'RE WALKING THE BLOODY PLANK, YOU HEAR ME, YOU LITTLE HELL-BITCH?"
Ling Yi: "My, my, how terribly rude. I was only being considerate."
Gan Ning: death glare
Ling Yi: death glare
Zhang He: desperately trying to break up the fight "Um….Wow! Look, guys! Look at this beautiful…um…teacup! Isn't it shiny and distracting?"
Gan Ning and Ling Yi: glare at Zhang He
Zhang He: 8X expression o' terror
"Um…never mind….you can go back to glaring at each other instead of me, now…"
And on that note, I take my leave of these silly, silly monkey people. See you in the next chapter!
