Vegeta stood around, a little bored. Not because a nameless monster was terrorizing the world, seeking global domination and a good retirement plan, not because there was lots of food around, but because the author was typing.
"You know," he called over to me, "you've written so many good stories over the months, it's kind of getting boring."
"So?" I asked from the rock I sat on, not looking up from my computer.
"So, have you ever thought about writing a bad one?"
I looked up at the Saiyan prince, my hands poised above my keyboard, "You mean purposefully screw it up?"
"Yea! We could make a mockery of all the bad fan fictions we've read!"
I thought for a second, and then slowly smiled to the other being, "I like it!"
Brad Blanchette's really really bad story!
Vegeta was training in the Gravity Room, trying to pass Kakarot in strength. He threw a punch, and another punch, and a more different type of punch, all in a million times gravity.
When writing a bad fan fiction, use other languages…
"Alores!" he said in French, "I will get that bakayaro if it's the last thing I do! !Si! Je vais destucto il!" …Even if you don't know the languages.
Bulma's Face came over the face displayer, and Vegeta stopped to marvel at the beauty that was his wife.
When writing a bad fan fiction, make all the characters out of character.
"Vegeta!" She said in a singsong voice, "I've got a shit load of sexual tension, would you mind coming up here and screwing me excessively?"
"Sure!" Vegeta exclaimed, "Who the hell needs training!"
At the Son home, the seven-year-old Pan looked around her room, "I'm bored, I think I'll go screw Trunks."
Trunks, at Capsule Corporation, sat back in his desk with his hands behind his head.
"You know, even though there is something like an eleven year difference in our ages, and she's only seven and I'll go to jail for having sex with a minor and have to be a registered petifile the rest of my life, I'd like to screw Pan some day."
When writing a bad fan fiction, exclude things like screen changes and any sort of flow with the story.
Goku opened the door of his house and breathed in deep in the morning sunlight. Seconds later he coughed and hacked, trying to get the bird he had inhaled out of his nose. "I've always loved you Bulma," Vegeta said. "Will someone get this damn bird out of my nose!" Bulma sighed, caressing the princes cheek, "I want to screw Pan," Trunks said. While running her hand over the prince's abs, he coughed up the bird.
When writing a bad fan fiction, make up some stupid villain. (Whoa, I actually do this one.)
"I am Freiza's second cousin twice removed!" Kliza said, "And I am a million, billion, trillion times stronger then you will ever be!"
When writing a bad fan fiction, try to insert yourself into the story discretely.
"I am Darb," The mystery man said.
When writing a bad fan fiction, describe people in excess.
Darb was about five foot four and three quarter inches, weighed a hundred and seventy five pounds. He had short brown hair and blue green eyes that looked around at everything to make sure it was okay. He wore blue jeans and a black plain t-shirt with a bit of white lint on the left sleeve.
"Darb," Goku said, "how do you spell that?"
"It's kind of like Brad backwards."
"I see, and what's your last name?"
"Ettehcnalb."
When writing a bad fan fiction, always have your favorite character save the day.
"I am Son Gohan!" The teenager yelled, "And even though I haven't trained in seven years and have been sitting on my ass reading all that time, I still have really big muscles and a crap load of hidden power!" he yelled at Kliza, "I haven't turned Super Saiyan in years, but the sight of a girl I can't even call my girlfriend yet is going to enrage me to the point where I will turn Super Saiyan four!"
When writing a bad fan fiction, always make the character you hate lose.
And so, Kliza knocked Goku into the sun, forever killing him.
When writing a bad fan fiction, over do the dramatic stuff.
Gohan jumped up and flew at the speed of light to the villain, only three feet away.
"You will pay for your crimes against the human race! This time I will not lose!"
"Really!" Kliza countered, "I will kill the men, the women, and the children! You cannot stop me!"
"I will, I love my almost girlfriend, and she loves me! Even though your power is double mine I will still win!"
"Try it!" Kliza said, just as Gohan finished crossing that nagging three feet that separated them.
When writing a bad fan fiction, make up weird stuff.
Piccolo walked up the podium waving his hands and smiling for the cameras. "Remember!" he said, "A vote for Piccolo is a vote for democracy!"
When writing a bad fan fiction, cross with some other famous movie to try to boost the ratings.
Harry Vegeta walked up to Kliza and held out his magic wand.
"I have trained at Hogwarts! I have married Princess Fiona, and I will destroy you! Expecto Petronus!"
When writing a bad fan fiction, leave no conclusion so you can have a sequel, to get more reviews.
Kliza crawled away; making tracks for his battery powered space ship. "I will come back, mark my words, and you will all pay!"
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Vegeta looked over my shoulder with wide eyes, "Brad, that sucked!"
"Thank you."
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I have read so many bad fictions in my time, that I just had to make fun of them. The story was motivated by Ryomi's 'How To Make A Really Bad Dragon Ball Z Fanfic,' and if you haven't read it, you should. It's under my favorites' folder.
Got more on the way, just have been pretty stressed lately and haven't been able to write. I'll be back soon!
