Ch. 17

Disclaimer: "If you love someone, set them free. If they leave, set yourself free. If the bastard comes back, set them on fire."

Okay, we're back on our normal schedule of updating every 2-3 days and normal POV's, picking with a Zhang He chappie.

Zhang He sat up quietly, watching Gan Ning sleep while thinking things over. There was a lot to think about. He looked at the bite mark on his shoulder and the blood underneath his fingernails, amused. He looked out the window, and his face grew serious. A bloated full moon floated waveringly outside his window, like the abdomen of a maggot that has glutted itself with blood and rotten flesh. He shivered as a visual came unbidden into his mind, a fly's body swelling and bursting, spraying rot. The maggot-moon cast an eerie glow about the room. The sickly pale light caused the normally healthy tan of Gan Ning's skin to appear paper white, waxy and corpselike. It made him look dead. A leaf from the potted bamboo plant by the window cast a thin, sharp shadow across the sleeping man's throat, creating the illusion of a wound, of blood that had dried and blackened. He squinted in the darkness, and for a moment, thought he saw the blood-shadow writhe with flies and maggots and other insects of carrion. Zhang He closed his eyes and turned his head away, hair falling in front of his face like a protective curtain, no longer able to look at what could only be a premonition of things to come. No. He would not let that happen, no matter what. He knew what he had to do. Gan Ning whimpered in his sleep, eyebrows furrowing as if somehow aware of Zhang He's internal decision. Zhang He gripped his hand tightly and rested, waiting for morning. Waiting for Gan Ning to wake up.

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It was a little after dawn when Gan Ning finally opened his eyes. Zhang He knew this because he had not gone back to sleep, merely stared at the sleeping form of his love the rest of the night. Gan Ning took one look at him and immediately realized that something was up. "Hey," he said, sounding slightly alarmed. "What's the problem? You look like someone just died." Zhang He laughed, and it was not a happy sound. It was desperate, broken, like shattered glass, not at all like his normal laughter. "Not yet," he said. "But they might." Gan Ning leaned forward and pulled him to his chest, comforting and protective. "Who?" He asked, voice gentle but worried. "Who might die?" Zhang He was unable to look at him when he finally whispered, "You. It's not safe here, for you. I can't protect you."

He felt Gan Ning's body become rigid with shock. Zhang He clung tightly to the man who held him, hanging on as if for dear life. "Gan Ning," He said, head pressed against the muscular chest. "Do you want to go back? Back to--to Wu, I mean?" Gan Ning took a deep breath and ran a hand through Zhang He's hair. "I was wondering when you'd ask that." His tone was solemn. He held Zhang He tighter to his chest, running a hand through his hair again. "Are you sure you want to talk about this, butterfly? We don't have to." Zhang He nodded his head miserably, still not looking up at Gan Ning's face. "Yes, we do." He whispered. The ex-pirate sighed and rested his chin atop Zhang He's head. "First of all, butterfly, I want you to remember that I love you. I'll always love you. Second, I want you to keep in mind that I swore an oath of loyalty. The officers of Wu have been like family to me, and wonderful friends. The Sun family is noble and strong, and they allowed me to join them, even though I was just a lowlife pirate. Even Ling Tong got over it, and we're friends now. I have a lot of friends there, friends that I miss. And I still have my duty to the Sun family, which I swore on my honor I would fulfill." He took a deep breath before saying; "So the answer is yes. Yes, I do want to go back. I love you, and I love being here with you, and I don't want to live without you, but…yes." "Zhang He let out a long, shuddering sob, and felt a tear squeeze itself out of one tightly closed eye.

"Okay." He croaked, voice harsh with unspoken grief. Gan Ning gently tilted his chin up, making Zhang He look him in the face. "What?" Gan Ning's expression was confused, incredulous. "Okay." Zhang He repeated, louder this time, and his voice quivered and cracked. "You can go. I'll help you go. I'll help you…I'll help you leave." His whole body shook now, and he realized how he must look to Gan Ning right now; sobbing and trembling and miserable and naked, hair a tangled mess with his bangs in his eyes. He must have looked utterly pathetic. He pulled violently out of Gan Ning's grip, twisting his torso so that he was facing away from him, leaving the other man staring confusedly at his back and the jet-black waterfall of hair that cascaded over his shoulders and pooled on the bed. He hugged himself tightly, head down, shoulders hunched, as if he were trying to curl in on himself and disappear entirely. "I must look hideous to you, don't I?" He spoke without turning around, and Gan Ning recoiled at the bitterness in his voice.

"Butterfly—" "No! Don't you dare call me that! I'm a worm, a pathetic, miserable maggot." This made him think of his vision last night, and he giggled, an unnerving sound made by those who are about to tumble over a precipice in their minds. Zhang He could feel himself falling, just as he'd felt his heart break. Randomly, he thought of the butterfly wings he'd worn a few days before. Those are wrong, he thought. I need to get a new pair. Fly wings. He started to giggle again, and then Gan Ning took him by the shoulders, spinning him roughly around to face him, pulling him back from the abyss he'd been falling into. Zhang He lifted one hand in front of his face, feebly trying to shield himself from view. "Don't," he rasped. "Don't look at me. I'm ugly---" Gan Ning batted the hand away and kissed him then, long and deep, almost bruising his lips with the force of his passion. When it was over, he brushed the bangs out of Zhang He's eyes, tucking a few errant strands of hair behind the silently weeping man's ears. Then he leaned his forehead against his and said; "Listen to me now. You are not a maggot. You're a butterfly. My butterfly. And you are more beautiful to me now than anything I have ever seen before. You have never been anything other than beautiful, and you never will be." Zhang He smiled, and the tears he wept now were not sorrowful.

"Beautiful." He whispered.

THE END.

BWAHAHA! Just kidding! I got you there, didn't I? Yeah, we've still got quite a long ways to go before I wrap this baby up. And I know I said there would be Ling Yi being insane in this chapter, but I was wrong. Since no one likes her anyway (including me), I don't think it's a problem. For those of you who don't like porn and didn't read the previous chapter, you didn't miss much. Just some stuff about coconuts and shampoo. ((cough)) There really won't be any hardcore yoai after that, so you can rest easy. Originally, it was going to be a lot pervier, but I took pity on the people who like this story but don't like graphic sex. So no more porn. I think. Unless there is. But I don't think there will be. Yeeaaah….. Today is a DOUBLE shout out, and one shameless advertisement! First shout out: Blue Bunny Doll! In the Hizzouse! Word, G! She writes some of the funniest stuff you ever did see, and is an inspiration to rabid fangirls everywhere! I found all of her DW fics highly amusing, and I bet you will too! Second Shout out: Emarold Heart! Can I get a w00t w00t? If you enjoy my fic, then you need to see hers. It was inspired by mine, and has sort of the same premise, but with Zhang He capturing Lu Xun instead of Gan Ning, and of course the plot line is completely different. Now for the shameless advertising: Do me a favor and check out "Lord or Lover?" by LuvVincent. I'm the only one reading it, and this saddens me, since it really is lovely. It's a SimaYi /Jiang Wei pairing, and it's rather intruiging, so please give it a try. Support your local random yoai pairings! Power to the perverts!