All along the country road, cars ran to a reluctant stop to avoid colliding into the passenger train barreling by. People left their cars and began shaking their fists at the locomotive, urging it to go faster with vile words.
"Come on!" one man in a blue sedan yelled, "Move it! Cell could be right behind us!"
"Yea!" Someone else added in, leaning to the side to be seen past a purple convertible, "We don't want to die!"
The curses and screams continued to fly, but the train could not move any faster on the track even if it had heard them. The man in the sedan tapped the roof of his car in impatience, looking between the passenger cars at the country spreading out behind the train. Freedom! He could see the trees and the green grass. But what's that? He couldn't tell much from between the cars, but a dark smudge was now blocking the view. Within a second, the man figured it out just before the train came to an end.
"Where is everyone going?" Cell asked, looking at the fear frozen people in their ridiculous machines, "I know! I'll go with you!"
"Sure! Hop in!" A man said.
This threw Cell for a loop. He expected them to go running off, and he could chase them down and kill them off, but he didn't think anyone would be serious about his offer.
"I've got plenty of room!" A door opened in the long line of cars and Cell felt himself walking towards it, out of curiosity or some other mystical force, he would never know.
"Am I to assume you are offering me a ride?" The oversized grasshopper asked the man.
"Thure am! Just hop in!" The man looked over his sunglasses at the android and smiled, "Boy, you're a big one! Good thing my convertible has plenty of leg room!"
Cell looked up and down the car. He had never been much on colors, but this one didn't suit him at all. It looked too cheerful, and reminded him too much of Trunk's hair. The android sighed and sat down in the car, thinking this might be good for a laugh.
"Now, I mutht admit," The man said, tugging on the collar of his leopard print jacket, "I've never picked up a hitch hiker before, but theeing ath I'm out for a little clubbing after a long day of work, I figured why not?"
Cell, his arms crossed, looked side long at the man. He didn't hear my announcement? What does he do? Live in a cave?
"I love clubbing," he continued, "its tho much better then going home. You wouldn't believe it, but I actually live in a cave!"
What the heck is wrong with his voice? Cell thought. His memory banks contained a warning about people who talked with a lisp, but he couldn't detect any sort of major energy from the man, so he couldn't be a threat.
"It's very nice in the summer," The man said, "Well, here we are." The man turned to his newly acquired passenger, "Oh, but Honey, we are going to have to get you some new clothes, and a manicure! Capes and black nails are so last fall."
The man got out of the car, leaving a flabbergasted Cell behind. Honey? The door opened and suddenly Cell was dragged out of the car.
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The man dragged him into a store and set Cell down on a chair.
"Hey boys!" he yelled out, "We have a newbie!"
All of the men in the store turned around and waved with the tips of their fingers, "Hi!" They said in unison, running their voices up and down the scale.
I'm getting a back feeling about this! Cell thought, they are all acting a little to weird, and there's not a female in sight!
Suddenly Cell had a bundle of clothes land in his lap. "Dressing room is over there cutie," a clerk said, dragging Cell to his feet and shoving his towards a door, "We would let you get changed out here, but the laws have changed."
"But… I'm…" Cell felt he was rapidly loosing control of the situation.
"No 'buts' unless its yours! Now move it!" The clerk slapped Cell on the ass to emphasize his words.
Cell quickly ran to the door, hoping to avoid getting touched like that ever again. He locked the door and looked at the clothes: leather, pink, zebra stripes, and rainbows. Who are these people?
Cell walked back into the store, throwing the clothes on the ground.
"I swear," the clerk was saying, "his butts and firm as steel!" The crowd around the clerk gave a shudder and a slight squeal, and the clerk noticed that Cell wasn't wearing the clothing. "Now mithter!" he said, his lisp coming out, "If you need help with those clothes, I will be happy to dress you!"
"Oh!" Someone else said, "And me!"
"And me!"
"No!" Cell yelled and slammed the door to the changing booth again. He looked down at the clothes and realized the only way he was going to get them off his back was to try them on.
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Cell walked out of the booth wearing a pair of leather pants and a silk purple shirt. Purple! I hate this color! The crowd of weird men looked at him and all sighed dreamily.
"Back off boy's," the man from the convertible said, "He's mine!"
The crowd drooped and walked back to whatever it was they were doing before. The man from the convertible walked up to Cell and grabbed his hand, pulling him along the street until they came to a different building.
What is with these people? Didn't they hear my announcement that I am going to destroy the planet?
"I swear," The man was saying, "This town has been so boring since the governor put a ban on TV. He kept telling us it rotted the mind and the body. He really isn't one to talk. Here we are!"
Cell looked up at the sign just before the man pulled him in. A bar?
He was pulled into a sea of purple, zebra stripes, and leopard print, and there wasn't a single female in sight. The man who had started this whole mess pulled the android to a table full of, you guessed it, men.
"Hello, boys," he said, "I'd like for you to meet my hunky date!"
Date!
"Ohhhh!" one man exclaimed, "You found a good looker who's not taken and not straight? I'm so envious!"
"He's not so special," one man said in a voice that made it seem like Cell really was special, "I've got my hunk of meat right here!" He wrapped his arms around a skinny man in a button up shirt and tie.
"But look at my mans biceps!" The man next to Cell said, "Go ahead, Honey, Show him your arms!"
Cell was about to refuse when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. That looks like… "Here," he said distractedly as he tensed one arm. The crowd squealed.
He walked away while they talked about the size of his arm, and approached a table near the center of the room. I was right! "Good afternoon, Mirai Trunks, Frieza, King Cold."
The three men at the table froze and looked up at the android. "Uh. Hi Cell," King Cold gasped out.
"Uh, Guys!" Trunks said, sounding a little exasperated, "Do you, uh, notice anything weird about this, uh, bar?"
"Uh, Yea!" Frieza chimed in, getting the drift, "There are only guy's here! Yea! Dudes! Only, uh, dudes!"
"Yea!" Trunks said, "And here I was hoping to, uh, land a hot… chick! Yea! A chick!"
"What are you talking about?" King Cold said, "We're here to-" He was cut off as Trunks kicked him in the shin.
"Yea! Haha, chicks!" Frieza said, trying to cover up his fathers' mistake, "I want a hot woman, with, uhhhhh, large… breasts?" The last part was said in a questioning tone as he looked to the other two for confirmation. He got a hesitant nod from Trunks, "Yea! Breasts!"
"But what we're looking for isn't here!" King Cold exclaimed, suddenly catching on, "so we should leave?"
"Of course! What type of bar doesn't have hot, uh, girls!" Frieza said, looking like he was mentally apologizing to the bar.
"Yea!" Trunks said, "Lets, uh, go find some women!"
They all sat for a second, drumming their fingers on the table and glancing around nervously, and then bolted for the door.
Cell shook his head over the others antics, then walked towards the door. Forget trying to terrorize the people until the tournament, I'm just going to stay in the ring, where there aren't any weird people!
Thus the saga continued as we all remember it, except when Trunks came to the arena, his face far redder then normal. Cell only grinned, and made sure to taunt him through the whole fight. Also Cell wore a purple shirt with a raindow on the back, saying, "We will not be silenced!"
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Sorry. I'm trying to write more, but I just can't get in the right mood anymore. But picturing Cell being dragged around by a gay man was just the motivation I needed to get this one done. I'm also able to watch Saiyan/Namek/Frieza saga now, so I'll be getting a few stories about that out as well.
As a side note, I wanted to point something out. I'm referring to movie five, 'Coolers revenge', where Goku fought Freiza's brother, Cooler. It seemed Goku lacked the anger he needed to transform, even thought Cooler threatened to blow up the planet fifty million times, until Cooler killed a bird. Goku told the bird it didn't deserve to die, then restored it to life while transforming.
First off, Goku was back on Earth, so it was after the Trunks saga, and he should have been able to transform at will. But the bird thing really ticks me off. You see, at the start of the movie, Goku is training on Kami Island, and throwing Kamehameha's into the water. So the thing that ticks me off about the bird, is that he was killing countless fish in the water while just showing off to Master Roshi. What makes him any different then Cooler? Just a thought.
