Bex – cheers! Hope you like the chapter, and indeed death to the Celebrity Chavs! Couldn't have put it better meself ;)
ZK – well, that was a nice Cat-obsessed review, thanks enjoy!
Germiphobe – naa, you can never be angry at Rimmer for too long, but oh well!
This is quite a long chapter for me lol!
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"Mr Lister please, you must calm down."
Lister was sat down on the medibay bed, wincing at the strain he was putting on his chest, "You're right man. I'm sorry." he looked down at the bandages encircling his torso, grimacing at the bright red stains already seeping through. "Oh great."
"Sir, you have to take it easy!" Kryten said, bustling off to get more bandages, he took some from the cabinet, saying quietly to himself, or so he thought, "The bleeding should have stopped by now."
Lister heard it, "What? It should?"
Kryten jumped, "Oh! Did I say that out loud sir?" He came back over and unravelled the old bandages, "I'm sorry!"
Lister looked uneasy, "What did you mean it should have stopped?"
"Oh don't worry sir, I'm sure it's nothing!" but the forced smile never left his face, and stayed plastered on as he began to wrap the new bandages tightly over Lister's chest. He couldn't help but look concerned as Lister tried his best not to cry out at the pain.
The wound wasn't looking any better; a blistering burn, running up the left hand side, which was still bleeding and, to Kryten's dismay, showed no sign of stopping.
"I don't understand it sir. A bazookoid shouldn't do this much damage, normally the bazookoids wouldn't leave a dent in a jelly!"
"Then why does it smegging hurt so much?"
"Well it seems that someone has upgraded them sir,"
Lister hugged his bandaged chest tight, willing the pain to bugger off, "But there's no one on this ship who knows how." He breathed in carefully, "Is there?"
…….
Rimmer was nigh on fainting. The creature was only a couple of metres away, but in the dim red glow he couldn't see it. He couldn't blooming see it, but he sure could hear it.
Squelch
He never thought such a stupid sound could cause his heart to do a back flip.
Squelch
Rimmer opened the eyes he didn't know he had squeezed shut and clutched the corner of the wall tightly, it was there! It was right there! So close, he could almost reach out and touch it. He spun round, shooting out his hands in a Kungfoo move.
"Who's there?"
But there was no one. No creature, no anything.
"I'm warning you! I didn't get two swimming certificates for nothing!"
Squelch
Now there was no mistaking where that one came from. Rimmer felt himself shivering, but it bloody well wasn't from the cold.
A large globule of… of something dripped onto his shoulder, he whimpered, barely able to move.
It was above him, suckered to the ceiling with its ugly squelchy feet. He knew it was there, he could feel its hot reeking breath on the back of his neck.
Somehow, smeg knows how, he forced himself to look up.
He was greeted with a pair of the ugliest eyes he had ever seen. They were a harsh snotty green, with pinprick pupils and bloodshot veins worming in and out.
The creature howled. Its rank breath slamming into Rimmer along with some disgustingly whitish gunk that Rimmer knew better than to think what it was.
I think it goes without saying that Rimmer screamed like a 2 year old girl, and legged it.
…….
Lister was finally allowed out of the medibay, Kryten had reluctantly agreed, as he had to clear away the remains of the poor singing I'm-stuck-on-a-loop-of-peter-andre-and-can't-live-with-myself-anymore mechanoid who had committed suicide outside the door.
Lister sighed, he wasn't alone though. One of the skutters had been forced to come along, and he was whizzing down the corridors while Lister strived to keep up, "Hol," he wheezed, at the monitor on the wall, "is that life form still onboard?"
She shook her locks at him, "Nope. In fact, I doubt it was there in the first place! But if it is, it's out of range of my scanners."
"What d'you mean?"
"I mean, someone's been tinkering."
"You what?"
"Someone's been tinkering with my system!"
"Tinkering?"
"Yes!"
Lister frowned as the thought of Rimmer popped into his already confuddled brain. It had to be Rimmer. There was no one else on the ship that would do it. Lister leant on the wall for a moment, So he fooled the scanners into thinking something was onboard so he could wipe out the crew and blame it on someone else?
In a twisted way that sounded like something Rimmer would do.
But had Rimmer changed from that cowardly smeghead that used to put his underwear on coat hangers and who's idea of a good Saturday night was going through his collection of 20th century telegraph poles?
The skutter whizzed back, pushing Lister's legs lightly, he wanted to go for a walk. No one had ever taken him for one before and he was rather enjoying it. Maybe he could get Lister to throw him a stick.
…….
Cat was currently hobbling along, trying to get to the medibay room where he could moan to someone about his gorgeous legs.
He'd finally accepted the crutches, after falling over too many times, and almost endangering the lives of his precious suits when he fell into one on his way out.
However, he'd refused point blank to stick with the boring grey metal, so instead had spent the last half hour jazzing them up.
The new ones featured: numerous amounts of glitter and sequins, zips for accessory and stylish purposes, disco balls on the tops, and little lights, which, if you pressed a button on the side, lit up and spelled out words.
So far he had only managed to write 'Look out ladies!', but he was sure he could write 'Rimmer is a smegpot' in time for their next meeting.
Cat was so busy caring about his sexiness, that he didn't hear the sudden squelching working its way down the corridor:
"Aooowwww! Yeah! I'm still sexy! Even my sexy broken legs are sexy! I'm so sexy I'd even look good if I was covered with gunk!"
A large blob of gunk landed on his shoulder.
"Huh?"
……
Rimmer ran straight into Lister, smacking them both into the wall with a crack. Lister gasped, pushing the covered-with-thick-oozing-saliva-which-was-sliding-down-his-face-apparently-with-a-mind-of-its-own Rimmer off of him.
He spluttered, pain jabbing in his side, "Rimmer?"
"THERE'S A SMEGGING MONSTER ON THIS SHIP!"
"You what?"
Rimmer was hysterical, he was practically jumping on the spot, making blobs of gunky dribble wobble and plop to the floor, "It squashed - it squashed a skutter! There's nothing left of Bob but a couple of screws and crushed metal! He's more smashed up than a Peter Andre CD when there's a mallet nearby and a load of sane teenagers!"
The skutter that had been forced along squealed in fright and hurtled into the wall.
Lister didn't bother to meet Rimmer's eyes; he couldn't, not anymore, "Oh right Rimmer, the monster did it."
"It did! You have to help! Get Kryten!"
Lister lifted his gaze, sending a shudder through the hologram as his cold eyes met his. "Rimmer, we don't believe you anymore. I dunno why the smeg we did in the first place." He backed off slightly, "I don't know what happened but I do know that you had something to do with it!"
"Look at me!" Rimmer whispered, the sticky threads gunking down his front, it would have been comical if the situation wasn't so god damn awful, "How can you say that? You think I would do this to myself?"
"Yes. I can't believe you expect me to trust you after what you've done! I hate you Rimmer!"
Rimmer couldn't believe this was happening, "We don't have time for this! The monster is coming!"
"Rimmer you're the monster! We know you did all this! Stop blaming it on something else alright? Would you for once, just accept that it's your fault!"
Rimmer grabbed Lister by the arm, dragging him back to the medibay at a run.
The skutter trailed behind them, leaking brake fluid tears as it mourned poor Bob.
Lister struggled, "What the smeg are you doing? Get off me!"
"I'm saving your life Lister!"
They stopped suddenly. A harsh cry echoed around the walls. Setting their teeth on edge.
There was no mistaking who's it was.
Especially when they heard a 'Get off my suit buddy, we clash!' afterwards.
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Review please!
