I sat down on the over stuffed leather couch in the middle of the Gold's Gym lobby, taking a quick break from work in between clients. The couch was so comfortable I could sleep on it. The phone rang.
"Paige!" I yelled, "Phone!" No answer. The phone continued to ring, and if there was one thing in the world I couldn't stand, it was the sound of a phone. I got up at the third ring and vaulted the front desk, landing on the other side and grabbing the phone in the same motion.
"ThankyouforcallingGold'sGymThisisBradhowmayIhelpyou?" I said the familiar phrase.
"Hello Brad," A voice said from the other line, "do you know who this is?"
"Morpheus?" I asked, turning away from the lobby and lowering my voice.
"No, you moron! It's Goku!" I rolled my eyes and stood up from a hunch I hadn't realized I was standing in.
"What do you want?"
"If you want to know, meet me under the bridge at midnight," The line went dead.
I hung up the phone and shook my head; there were three separate bridges in Bangor.
The phone rung again and I picked it up again.
"Hello Brad," a voice said, "Do you know who this is?"
"Very funny, Kakarot," I said, "Nice Morpheus impression, but it still needs a little work." I hung up the phone and walked away.
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Morpheus hung up the phone and turned to Neo, "Who's Kakarot?"
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I tossed and turned in my sleep, not feeling right for some reason. It was one o'clock in the morning and only three hours until I had to wake up. What's wrong? I'm friggin exhausted, just fall asleep already! Suddenly, blinding light surrounded me on all sides, and I sat up, struggling to see. And then my world was upside down, literally.
"I said meet me under the bridge!" Goku said, holding me up by my ankle.
"Put me down!" I yelled, "You never said which bridge!"
"The singing bridge!" He yelled back.
"That's on the other side of the state!" I growled, shaking my foot, trying to get loose.
"It is? Then what bridge was I hiding under?"
"Put me down or I swear I'll rip your face off!"
"Oh, sorry," The Saiyan dropped me on my bed.
"Now, what the heck is so important to pull me out of bed at midnight?" I asked with barely constrained anger.
"Well, first, it's technically morning," he said, "but we have a serious situation here!"
"What?" I moaned, falling back on the bed without any interest.
"Vegeta's gone missing! And I can't beat any of the villains without him softening them up for me first!" Goku said, grabbing a banana out of my fruit bowl.
"So?" I said, taking the banana out of his hand and placing it back in the bowl, "just use your little powers to sense his spirit."
"That's the thing!" Goku exclaimed, grabbing the banana again, "Nobody can sense him anywhere! Not even in space."
"Kakarot!" I yelled, grabbing the banana once more and placing it back in the bowl, "He's a grown Saiyan, I'm sure he's fine."
"No! I can tell he's not!" Goku said, "And we need your help, and I'll sing until you help me out!" Goku took in a deep breath and bellowed out at the top of his lunges, "The bear necessities."
After the second verse I knew there was no way I was going to get to sleep tonight. And I thought Krillian couldn't sing! "Alright!" I yelled, "Just let me get dressed."
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The apartment was empty; Goku and I had left minutes ago, searching for a Saiyan Prince.
Just when this scene seemed to be rather pointless, Goku popped into the kitchen and grabbed a banana out of the bowl and crammed it into his mouth. He stuck his tongue out at whoever happened to be watching him, then placed two fingers on his forehead and disappeared.
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"So, where do we start?" I asked, glancing around the street, looking for anyone who seemed out of place. I lived in a high crime part of town, and even though the rent was cheap and the place was nice, it still didn't stop me from making sure no one was going to try anything.
"I don't know," he said, "I was hoping you could tell us."
"Well, where was he last seen?"
"I think he was last in his gravity room," Goku said, holding his chin in thought.
"Well," I said, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Let's go."
"Right!"
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Even though it may seem really cool and convenient, Instantaneous Movement is not a good experience. At first you feel like you are in two pieces at once, then it feels like you are in one piece, but stretched out over miles and miles of distance, then it all comes back together like a rubber band being released. It's all in all quite disorienting.
"Bulma?" Goku called out, "Funny, I could have sworn I felt her somewhere."
"Uh, Kakarot?" I asked.
"What's up?" He said turning to look down at me, "And when did you get so short? Oh!"
The Saiyan quickly jumped down from atop Bulma's head and landed beside me, "Sorry Bulma," he said, "I guess I honed in a little too close."
Bulma, who was now trying to get the boot marks out of her hair, simply smiled and nodded, used to his mistakes.
"It's okay," she remarked, rubbing the last of the dirt out of her hair, "I'm kind of used to your mistakes."
"That's what I just said," I mumbled.
"And who are you?" Bulma said, "Brown hair that's not spiky or weird, eyes that have pupils, athletic build that's not unrealistic, a normal human. You're not a cartoon!"
"Of course I'm not," I said, "I'm from the real world. I actually write about you guys often."
"Really?" Bulma asked, a bit surprised, "Then I have a question for you. Is my cooking really that bad?"
"Actually, that seems to be a FF dot net thing," I said, wondering when I could go back to bed, "Trunks, in movie thirteen, said you were a really good cook."
"Ha!" she exclaimed, grabbing a device from the counter top, "I knew it! If you'll excuse me, I need to go to the real world and kick some ass." She set the flat device on the ground, stepped on it and vanished.
"Is she always like this?" I turned to Goku, who was in a device that was playing chopsticks.
"Yea, but we get used to it," he said, emerging from the device, "Let's got to the GR and see if there are any clues."
We left the room, walking towards the GR, and I swore I heard a voice that sounded a lot like Kakarots coming from the other compartment of the device he had played with.
"Hello?"
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The gravity room didn't seem to offer any clues, other then the fact that cleaning the GR wasn't on Vegeta's daily routine.
"It stinks in here!" I said, "Doesn't he ever clean this thing."
"Only once when Bulma made him," Goku said, "but I popped in on him while he was doing it, and he never has since. It's funny, because he actually looked good in the pink apron."
I walked to the control panel and switched it on. Nothing except the log, and it only said Vegeta had been training in eight hundred times gravity. Not bad, I thought, Okay, I couldn't do any better, so I guess that's great. What's this?
On the top of the panel a folded piece of paper lay, looking like it had been set there for future use. "Kakarot?" I said, and he came over. I picked up the paper and opened it. The message was simple. Vegeta- you suck! Sighed Anonymous.
"Well, obviously this 'anonymous,' has an issue with Vegeta!" Goku exclaimed, "Let's hunt him down."
"It's not a name, it means basically anyone," I said.
"Brilliant!" Goku said, suddenly appearing with a plaid hat and pipe, "Well done Watson!"
"No, I'm Sherlock, you're Watson. Got it?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good. Now, I'd like to find out where this note came from. Let's head back to the house and see if we can find any more clues."
Goku walked to the door and stepped out, looking back at me.
"Coming?"
"In a minute," I said.
Goku left, and I grinned. Hitting a button on the control panel, I brought the gravity up to three times normal. Suddenly weighing 525 pounds, I struggled to remain standing, only my training kept me from collapsing and breaking my bones. I turned the gravity off. There. I thought, Three times gravity down, three hundred and ninety-seven to go. Then I can become a super Saiyan. Except I'm not Saiyan. And I'm only writing a story. Reality sucks!
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"So all we need to do is find out who this letter came from, right?"
"Yes, Kakarot. Except that may not be easy. It could have come from anyone in the world. Since I know I didn't do it and I'm suspecting you didn't either, that leaves about six billion people left in the world to question."
"So, who do we start with?"
I smacked my forehead and muttered something about this guy surviving past puberty. I looked around the campus of Capsule Corporation, looking for any type of clue, but not having any luck.
"Kakarot? When you last spoke to Vegeta, what did he say?"
"Hmm. The last thing he said to me was, 'Go to hell, Kakarot, and get out of my way before I blow up your beloved planet.' Okay, so where is Vegeta?"
"He didn't say anything that might lead to a clue about the note?"
"Well, he did say that someone had jumped the fence, put a note in the GR and then emptied out the fridge."
"Good! That means that the perpetrator must be local, else he would not have hand delivered it! And as for… Kakarot? Did you deliver this note?"
"Gaa! How did you know it was me?" Goku exclaimed.
"Well, the whole fridge thing kind of set me off," I said, looking the Saiyan in the eyes, "Do you know where Vegeta is?"
"No! Honest! I just left the note there to see him get mad! He's so funny when he's mad. His hair gets all frizzy. Those veins of his go nuts. You should really piss him off sometimes!"
"No thanks. I prefer to live."
Great, so now we were down to square one. "Let's go see the others and see what they know."
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Goku and I snapped back into existence near a small house in the suburbs. Goku knocked on the door while I glanced at the mailbox. Yhamcha?
"Hey Goku!" Yhamcha said to the Saiyan, "Hello, man who likes to make my life miserable."
"Good morning, Yhamcha!" Goku said.
"Go to hell, weakling," I said, "We're looking for Vegeta. Have you-"
"VEGETA!" Yhamcha yelled, "Oh shit! I've got to hide!" With that, the twerp ran and hid under his bed.
"I told you it was pointless to ask him," I said, "Let's go see Krillian."
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"Nope, sorry guy's" Krillian said, "But the last time I saw Vegeta was last June when he was going nuts in a watch store. Something about the 'beeps.'"
"Oh," I said, "Is Eighteen around?"
"I am," The robot said behind me.
"Do you know where Vegeta could be?"
"Vegeta will always be someplace where he can beat up on people he doesn't like," She said.
"That doesn't narrow it down," I said to the metallic bombshell, "Lets go Kakarot."
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"Vegeta?" Hercule said, "Yea, I know what happened to him. He came over here and wanted to fight. So I pounded the skinny twerp to death! Mwahahahaha!"
Goku and I glanced at each other and then at Hercule. I wonder… I thought. I walked up to the world champ and lightly touched his shoulder.
"OWWWW!" he screamed, clutching his arm, "What'd you have to go and do that! Now I'll never be able to use that arm again! Ohhh, the pain!"
"Let's go Kakarot," I muttered.
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"Nope, sorry," Dende said, throwing another lightning bolt at the ground, "I haven't seen him anywhere."
"Can't you use your god-like powers to find him?" I asked.
"Oh! Sure, that's easy!" The not-quite-a-god closed his eyes and hummed a little.
While he was busy, I glanced around the landing. Piccolo was meditating beside a row of potted plants, while Mr. Popo was watering said plants. He walked down the row, spraying the water and singing a little tune. As I watched he got to the end of the line and accidentally watered Piccolo. The Namek glared at him.
"Sorry!" Mr. Popo cowered, "It's just that you never move and you're green. You look like a plant sometimes!"
This apparently satisfied Piccolo, who went back to meditating soaking wet.
Dende opened his eyes, "Wait a second."
The Namek walked over to a tree on the side of the landing and looked inside the pot it was growing in. "Get out!" he yelled, "I'm not going to show you how to be a god again, so stop spying on me!"
Vegeta crawled out of the pot with some leaves and dirt in his hair. "Fine!" he said, and walked towards us, "He's no fun."
Goku was snickering, "You've got dirt in your hair!"
"Oh shut up Kakarot!" he yelled, "At least in the Japanese version of the show, my voice isn't done by a girl!"
"What? That's not true!" Goku yelled, "See, I'll prove it! Hee? Kusuri o utte ite mo desu ka…" The voice was most defiantly a girl. "Ahh! It can't be! No! A girl. This is life shattering…"
I gave Vegeta a thumbs up, "Good job!"
"It was about time he knew the truth." The Prince said.
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Okay, Goku returned me to my apartment. He's still kind of depressed about the whole voice thing, but it's true! (Take that, Kakarot lovers!) I'll have another story up real soon, because it's almost finished. Oh. The whole mailing list thing. Send e-mail to my address, because ff dot net takes out the domains and stuff. Reality at Gwi dot net. (Or just look in my earlier chapters.)
Oh. The Japanese thing Goku said was, "Really? Even when they sell drugs?"
