Time was an interesting concept, she thought as she worked to alter a party dress. It had been three days since she last saw him, and somehow it was the first morning since that she hadn't awakened in tears. She knew she had done the right thing sending him away, but her heart could not have felt more wrong about it. It had broken all over again with the events of her weekend, and she had no one to blame but herself.
She weighed the idea of truly being with him, even though she knew it was no use. She knew he was a caring lover, and it was amazing to be in his arms, in his bed. They were quite compatible from a physical standpoint, so there was nothing to worry about there. Perhaps it was their morals, they were just very different…except they weren't, he was such a good man. He was incredibly open with her, and all she did was crush him in the end. She could have felt vindicated by it, but she felt terrible.
Time. She felt corrupted by it. Obviously her wounds were from the past, and time had done its best to heal the more simple feelings, but the complex feelings lingered like a disease. No matter how hard she had tried to move on, she still found herself willingly sharing drinks with him, flirting with him, going to his bed. She felt such a fool for her behavior. Of course he would have been hurt by it, all she did was lead him on, giving him false hope of a future she was unprepared to give.
"Oh, and then you will never believe what he did with his hands! It was the most…Maria, are you even listening?" She was brought out of her thoughts by another young woman who worked in the shop with her, and she gave her a soft smile. "Are you well?"
"Yes, I'm alright."
"You're always so put together, how would I know the difference?" They shared a laugh, for different reasons.
"I assure you, I can be quite the mess." She trimmed some thread to release the dress from her machine, holding it up to make sure her seams were straight.
"I hardly believe it. You know, you've been here for nearly three years, and nobody knows a thing about you."
"I don't mean to be that way, I'm just hard to know."
"Yet you know everything about me."
"Yes, you're easy to know." They laughed, both knowing she was correct. Her coworker had divulged every detail of her life over the years, and Maria did feel like she knew her very well indeed. Had she not also been an incredible gossip, Maria may have even found herself attempting a friendship with the woman. But there she was again, faced with her inability to trust another person.
"You could talk to me, you know." Maria smiled, standing to hang the dress upon a rack of other clothes she had finished altering. "Literally, tell me anything so I can stop guessing."
"What do you want to know?" Maria laughed, stretching her back as she turned to face the seamstress.
"Oh, I'd better make it good if I'm getting the chance." She clasped her hands in excitement, and Maria laughed. "Okay, what did you do before you came to work here?"
"Oh…well, I was a governess for a bit." She returned to her seat, preparing another dress for hemming. "Before that I was a postulant at Nonnberg Abbey."
"You weren't…" The girl looked unarmed, perhaps a bit nervous.
"Yes, I was. Is that hard to believe?"
"Well, yes, frankly." Maria laughed, unsure if she should have been offended. "Oh, Maria, I have said so many things that you must find inappropriate. Not to mention how much I swear in front of you. I'm mortified!"
"Don't be." She laughed, concentrating on the fabric in her hands. "I only wanted to be a nun, I didn't become one, after all."
"I still feel sick." Maria met her eyes, smiling.
"Stop that. Perhaps I've been living vicariously through you for all these years." The girl seemed shocked, but happy enough with the response. Maria hadn't necessarily envied the haphazard lifestyle her coworker lived, but she would have been lying if she said she hadn't found her life exciting at times.
"Really? Well, I supposed as an ex-future-nun, you probably haven't experienced a lot of things."
"I haven't been living in a cave either." She laughed, beginning her work on the garment in front of her. Thankfully, most of her alterations for the day had been quite easy.
"You come to work, and then you go home. You kind of do live in a cave." Maria frowned, not expecting such a perspective on her life, though she wasn't necessarily wrong. "There's a place I'd like you to go with me tomorrow night. It'll be such fun."
"What kind of place?"
"I'm not really sure what one would call it. But there is dancing and drinking, and it's such a wonderful time. My boyfriend and his friends will be there too." Maria smiled, knowing for a fact she was not up for such an outing.
"Thank you for the invite Ann, but I'm not a lot of fun doing things like that." The girl smiled, moving to sit upon the side of Maria's sewing table.
"How long has it been since you let go of yourself?" She wanted to respond that she had just done so over the weekend, and it cost her quite a bit, but she remained silent. Instead, she offered a small smile. "You're an old woman, Maria. You have got to get out of that apartment sometimes."
"Yes…" She sighed, doing her best not to commit to anything. She needed to be well rested for her day with the children on Saturday. It would do her no good to be out late the night before. "I think I'll remain old this week though. Perhaps you'll ask me again next time?"
"It will now be my life goal to get you to go out with us."
xxxxx
"You have got to stop brooding." Georg scowled angrily, taking another drink of his coffee as they sat upon the terrace. It was a bit late in the day for coffee, he had to admit, but he needed something to pick himself up. Not to mention the fact that it stopped him from drinking alcohol, which was really what he preferred at the moment.
"If I stopped brooding, perhaps no one would recognize me." Max laughed, snacking on another pastry that one of the kitchen staff had sneaked to him before lunch. "A bit like, if you stopped eating…"
"Don't turn this around on me, friend." Georg took another drink, nearly grumbling aloud. The children were finishing their last week of school, Liesl was on her honeymoon, and he had no work as of late to dabble with. All he had was time, and time meant thinking about her.
She was the absolute epitome of perfection, from the way she carried herself to the curves of her body. He loved her, had never stopped loving her, and yet there was still no way for them. It made him angry to know that she was so close in proximity, living in an apartment he drove past every time he ventured into town, but she was so far away from him. And she didn't want him.
He hadn't intended to take her to bed, hadn't even intended to kiss her that night, but he would remember every second of their time together for the rest of his life. He would never forget the way she felt against his skin, the sounds of her pleasure, quiet yet so uninhibited. She held nothing back. She gave so much of herself to him…and then she retreated. Just like she always did, he frowned deeper in frustration.
The first time she left was after he had danced with her, so many years ago, and he remembered feeling panic. She hadn't expressed any feeling toward him at the time, and when she returned to the abbey, he was convinced he had lost her forever. He proposed to Elsa, certain it was the right thing to do, and she had been elated. But when Maria returned, his heart could have exploded. She was right, he loved her, and he let her go, made it impossible for her to stay. And he did nothing when Elsa unhinged upon her, he stood and watched, frozen to the spot. He couldn't explain it, the panic he felt when she looked to him for help, when Elsa called her things he would have been surprised if she had never heard before, yet he did nothing. He watched her stand there and gracefully take the abuse, and then he watched her shatter his children and herself as she left for good. She was right, he was more than a coward, he was a complete idiot.
"She showed up like a fucking ray of sunshine in that little yellow dress, brought back all the feelings I've buried for years, and then she had to nerve to call me a one night stand, and a coward…to say she didn't want me." Max was shocked, unused to his friend ever actually sharing his thoughts, but he supposed he needed an outlet. He had been eating himself alive for nearly a week as it was.
"You bedded her? Georg…"
"I know it was wrong, we both knew it was wrong." He ran a hand over his face, sitting back in his chair to allow the sun to warm his skin. It was no use, only she was his sun at the moment.
"She was going to be a nun. I'm actually quite impressed by you."
"Max…" He rolled his eyes at the scolding.
"Did you expect her to stay? Things ended so badly."
"I don't know what I expected, honestly. When I saw her at the wedding, I turned into someone else entirely, and I haven't been thinking clearly since. She's always had that power over me." Max chuckled, remembering the many drunken conversations over the years where that fact had been proven abundantly true.
"So what are you going to do about it?"
"What can I do about it? She doesn't want me."
"She's terrified to want you. She's the most terrified woman I've ever met." Georg gave him a look of confusion as he took another bite of his pastry. "Anything I've ever learned about her has come from you or the children. She's guarded and untrusting of every person she meets. If that's true, how on earth do you expect her to feel about you after the things that happened before?"
"She's hurt me too."
"Are we comparing pain now? It sounds like you're both a mess."
"Max…"
"So go to her. Make up, apologize again." Georg shook his head, it ached as a result of his many sleepless nights.
"She said our time is in the past. She said we need to let go." He closed his eyes, the stinging making him uncomfortable. "It's hard not to agree. What could a damaged old man like me offer her, anyway?"
"Do you love her?"
"I can't seem to stop."
"Then work to regain her trust. You say she has a power over you. If she loves you in return, perhaps you have a power over her that you don't even realize."
"It's no use, Max. She only said she loved me in the past, she said nothing about now." Max chuckled, giving his friend a smile of comfort.
"If she didn't love you, she wouldn't have spent an entire night in your bed after everything that happened." Georg would have blushed had he the ability, he was certain. He met his friend's eyes, shrugging. "There's no harm in trying at this point. What do you possibly have to lose?"
