Wow… I haven't done this in ages. Been a bit preoccupied with coursework crap, school, rehearsals, friends, cows who are trying to be nice to me (I hate them!), Hallowe'en stuff, sporks, singing, and all the rest of the crappy stuff I tend to do.
Cheers very much to reviewers: ZK, Sunrise and Cazflibs! I love you! Have a hug!
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Cat was still hanging upside down from the ceiling by his gorgeous feet. Except this time he was swaying side to side, trying not to get hit by flying projectile mechanoid body parts and wrinkle in his suit at the same time.
A rather hard thing to do.
"You buds have no respect!" he said swerving to the side as an arm wafted his way, "It's a good job this hair mousse is gravity defying, or I'd look worse than goalpost head by now!"
The monster thing growled at him, with a rear of its ugly head. Cat grimaced, which he didn't like to do, as it creased his fabulous facial features. No one had got the polos yet, and the monster's breath seemed to be getting worse.
A flying mechanoid head flew past his left ear, squealing an apology as it whooshed by.
Cat rolled his eyes, "well it's too late now! I've never had such a traumatic experience in all my life! I've smelled breath worse than Lister's armpits!"
…….
Lister was having a hard time determining what the smeg he was doing.
Where he was.
How he got there.
Why it was so hazy.
No… smoky.
There was so much smoke, stinging at his eyes. He could taste it too.
It was strange - not like the cigarettes that he could puff away on for days just to annoy Rimmer. Not like that at all. This taste was hot, smouldering and burnt his tongue, making him long for water, which he had never done in his whole life. Beer, yes. But water?
It was for insane fitness freaks and people who ate vegetables.
Then there was the small fact of him lying on his stomach on the clammy floor, his head resting in the crook of his elbow, trying to fight off the pain shooting along his brow.
He forced the smoky air into his lungs, wincing at the rising nausea threatening to overcome him.
…….
"Buds! Get me outta here!"
"Maybe we should get Mr Cat now sir, the monster is being distracted by those poor brave mechanoids!"
Rimmer didn't reply.
"Sir?" Kryten looked around, to see Rimmer cowering in the back corner, and making a run for the door.
"Oh sir!" Kryten said, going over to Rimmer in that annoyingly persistent way that he does when he wants someone to do something for him.
"Kryten," Rimmer said, with a forced smile, "I have another plan, it's called the 'Rimmer runs away and hides while Kryten saves Cat and Lister and makes it seem like Rimmer has been the hero, when really he's been cowering in the cockpit drinking cocoa' plan. And it mainly consists of me running away and hiding while you save Cat and Lister and make it seem like I've been the hero, when really I've been cowering in the cockpit drinking cocoa, and I think it's the best plan to go with. So if you wouldn't mind?"
"Sir you are a smmmeeeeee heeeeeeeeadd!"
Rimmer edged towards the door, "You already said that in the last chapter."
"Oh, I do apologise sir!"
"So do I!" said Rimmer, and with that he scarpered through the door and back along the corridor.
…….
It was coming back to him in pieces.
Little bitty pieces, like tiny portions you get in five star restaurants that cost a million pounds. And that's what it felt like too. Every tiny detail that came back to him cost a million stabbing needles along his body, a million painful breaths.
He'd managed to see past the smoke to his arms, which his throbbing head was resting on. They were burnt, red and raw, and at that moment he felt the sheer pain of it. Like white hot nails on a black board. Like red blistering vindaloo sauce. Like Rimmer's Hammond organ music on full volume.
He just wanted to scream.
But he couldn't.
Lister tried to focus his eyes, but the smoke was too thick, making it impossible to see more than a couple of centimetres from where he lay. He'd have to get up, and with a contorted face and bite of his lip, he did.
Cat. That was why he was here. He had to find Cat.
His brain didn't seem to be working properly. It didn't seem to realise that with all the pain Lister was experiencing at the moment, he should be unconscious, in a coma, or even dead.
But, in a way it was a good job that it was Lister in this situation.
If it had been Rimmer, the hologram would have died from the pure shock of doing something so heroic.
If it had been Cat he would have died from the pure shock of getting soot on his shoes/suit/face.
If it had been Kryten he would have thrown himself into the waste disposal unit by now from thinking he had failed everyone and hadn't finished the laundry in the process.
So yeah… Lister was the best one for the job.
…….
Kryten trued his best to sneak up to Cat and untie his bonds, but it was proving rather difficult. Cat was quite high up, and try as he might, Kryten couldn't reach up enough to bring him down. Also, Cat wasn't making the situation any easier by forbidding the mechanoid to touch him as he had dirt on his hands.
"Please sir! I need to get you down!"
"No!" Cat said with a fold of his arms, "Wash your hands first bud!"
Kryten considered this for a second before replying: "That's a very good suggestion sir, with just three minor drawbacks. One, I'm a mechanoid, and can't come into contact with water, two, there seems to be a monster blocking the door and the nearest sink is quite far away, and three, WE DON'T HAVE ANY TIME SIR!"
"Okay, okay!"
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Please review! I'll try to do the next chapter soonish, soz for the delay!
Oh yeah, I'm getting bored of my name, so any ideas for what I could change it to?
