Chapter 4: Dealing or Denying:
Two weeks had now passed since she lost her baby. It seemed as if Rory got worse as time went on. She found herself thinking about what stages she would be in if she was still pregnant. Tristan could tell when something was really getting to her and he found himself wondering if she was dealing with the loss or denying it. He really didn't know what was going on with her. Rory wasn't talking to him and it hurt, but not as much as when she got angry with him. Sometimes, out of nowhere, she would get so angry and blame his work for why this happened, when she knew that there was really nothing and no one to place any blame. Nothing, except maybe fate for dealing them a bad card, which is something that happened to everyone occasionally. There really wasn't anything to do about it except move on and deal. At the moment though Lorelai Leigh DuGrey couldn't do that. For now, wallowing and denial seemed a much better alternative to dealing with and accepting the fact that her baby was gone.
In the past two weeks, if Tristan addressed her by calling her 'Baby', she would break down in an uncontrollable fit of tears. After about the fifth time she declared that as much as she had loved hearing the term of endearment before, it was never to be spoken ever again, in any context. All Tristan could do was agree knowing it would be in his best interest to do so.
In the mornings, Tristan would leave for work and Rory would either stay in bed all day, ignoring the phone whenever it rang or she would sit in the rocking chair that was otherwise completely unused. She hadn't felt like going back to work after coming home from the hospital so she'd done all her articles while at home. No matter what, somehow she was still able to do her work.
She would lay or sit thinking about the events that had lead to the pain that seemed never ending. Would they ever be happy again? Will they always feel this pain? Who really knew? Ever since the doctor let them know the chances of her getting pregnant again, 'pregnancy' and 'pregnant' had ceased to be part of her vocabulary. And no one else was allowed to say it either.
The one maid that they employed would check on the mistress frequently as requested by the mister. As soon as Analisa noticed Rory's appetite or lack there of, she had reported it to Tristan. He knew however that his wife seemed to be on a self destructive path, both physically and emotionally, so he was at a loss as to how he could voice his concerns without her going on a rampage. It seemed that no matter what he said or did to help, all she did was yell at him.
One particular day he came home from work to see her sitting in the living room staring into space. He figured she had fallen into a trance as she was prone to do since this whole ordeal began. Tristan walked up to her and gently asked "What are you thinking about so intensely?"
For a few minutes he got no answer until finally she half spat half mumbled "Nothing." She wanted to be left alone to drown in pain and she couldn't do that if Tristan was always hovering. The only time she ever wanted him anywhere near her was at night. The safe feeling of him within five feet of her at night was what she most wanted. Right now, however, it was only around five in the afternoon. So not only was Tristan about half an hour early, but she still wasn't ready to have him anywhere near her.
Tristan sensed this and sighing to himself, went into his study. Things seemed to be pushing them apart when they should be leaning on each other. He tried not to let work consume him and be his escape, but he couldn't find a way to be there for Rory without her snapping at him.
Rory continued to sit on the couch and went back to her staring. Deep down she knew that what she was doing was wrong. She wished she hadn't been pushing her husband away but it had become an automatic response. The only time she didn't push him away was when she was half asleep. She knew the pain she felt was a combination of the loss of her baby, coupled with the pain she knew she was causing her husband, and it was killing her. Rory had begun to let herself believe that the reason she pushed Tristan away, was cause she was deathly afraid of having another miscarriage. The farther away from her he was, the less chance they had of making love and her getting pregnant again. At this thought, Rory collapsed on the couch in tears. She couldn't stand having Tristan around, but she also hated not being with him. Either way, she couldn't win.
Tristan sat at his desk thinking about Rory. 'If only she would talk to me. Tell me what's going on with her.' He thought. Lately the only things she said to him seemed to be 'Go away!' or 'Leave me alone.' There was also the occasional 'nothing' and the mumbles that he couldn't make out. He desperately wished for the days when she would tell him what was on her mind. About an hour later he walked into the dinning room figuring dinner would be ready. When he got there he found the table set, but no Rory. Analisa came in with dinner and noticed him standing there.
"Your wife is asleep on the couch, Mr. DuGrey." She politely told him as she set dinner on the table.
"Thank you, Analisa. I'll be right back." He said to her and left the dining room.
Tristan entered the living room and sure enough Rory had fallen asleep on the couch. After taking a closer look Tristan noticed that she had cried her self to sleep. He went to pick her up and take her up to bed so she could be more comfortable before he went down to eat dinner. He tucked her in thinking 'I'm here for you, you can talk to me but for some reason you won't. Why are you trying to push me away?' He knew he wasn't going to get an answer but he was unable to voice his opinions or concerns while she was awake, afraid it would just make her angry. The constant thoughts in his mind were why she was trying to push him away and why she wouldn't talk to him. He sat there on the bed and watched her sleep for a moment, before heading back to the dining room to eat alone. This had become a normal occurrence lately. He just wanted his dinner companion, his best friend and his wife back. He knew that she was hurting, and that he would probably never fully understand her pain, but he just couldn't understand why she was shutting him out.
After dinner he went up to the bedroom to check on Rory who seemed to still be asleep. Tristan knew better, and could tell she was faking. He walked over to the bed saying "I know you're awake sweetie."
Rory rolled over so she was facing Tristan and said. "So what?" After that she rolled over again and tried to ignore her annoyingly concerned husband.
"Ror, come on talk to me." He pleaded. He would give anything if she would just talk to him, instead of ignoring him and telling him to leave her alone. They were a team and for them to work they had to talk.
"I don't want to, Tristan. Just leave me alone." She said with her back still facing him. She wasn't going to talk to him, no matter how much he begged her. She didn't want to cause she just wasn't ready yet. She just wanted him to leave her alone.
She really wished he would just drop it and wait for her to come to him. Instead he bugged her at least five times a day to talk to him, if not more. After a few moments, Tristan moved so he was sitting on the bed beside Rory. She felt part of the bed dip down when he sat on it.
"We need to talk, Rory, even if you don't want to." He said as he went to rub her arm.
Rory flinched at his touch, and moved farther away from him on the bed to escape him and said "What part of 'leave me alone' didn't you get, Tristan?" She was close to snapping again. She just got more and more annoyed each time he tried to get her talk.
Tristan caught the tone in her voice and sighed as he gave up again. The more she told him to leave her alone the more he told himself she was denying the truth of what had happened and of the fact that they needed to talk.
This was one of three chapter I wrote while waiting for some of the other ones to be sent back after being beta'd. Lala made this chapter and the next one a million times better than it was before I sent them to her. She added and fixed a lot of stuff in here.
