Just wondering if anyone's seen black books?

Thanks to:

Sunrise – you demand, I write, Taadaaa! Thankyou!

ZK – lol, I'm continuing - yay! Glad you like me taking the mik. Thanks once again for your nice ideas on my other fic QI/Red dwarf, I'll use them wisely!

Reddwarfaddict – wow, thanks for all your lovely reviews! Injured for life you say? Interesting…

Cazflibs – Thankyou! blushes and go stripy socks!

…….

…….

Rimmer was currently scampering along the corridors, like a lost gerbil. He whimpered, shivering slightly. It was dark down here. What happened to the lights? He saw an illuminated screen on the wall, and ran over to it in hope of finding something useful.

He found Holly.

Bit of a disappointment.

"What the smeg is going on here?" Holly said with a swish of golden hair. "I haven't seen you in ages, not that I wanted to," she added as an afterthought, "It's like everyone has completely forgotten about me!"

"I know how you feel," said Rimmer thoughtfully, "Have you seen Lister around here anywhere?"
"No," she smiled, "I was playing scrabble for hours on end with a skutter. With its limited number of fingers the game was quite slow going…"

"Mmm."

"Oh hang on a minute, I remember! There was a huge explosion about half an hour ago about the time I got a triple word score."

Rimmer's mouth flopped open, "An explosion?"

"Yep."

"OH SMEG!"

With that Rimmer ran off down the corridor.

"Wait!" shouted Holly after him, "don't leave me, I want to be where the action is or I'll be left alone for hours on end, be forgotten about, and no one will write about me!"

…….

Meanwhile, Kryten had just managed to get Cat down from the ceiling, with the help of some steel wire, a ping pong ball and some used green chewing gum. I'm not going to tell you how he did it. You can use your own imagination.

Cat sighed in relief, "For a minute there I thought the chewing gum wasn't going to hold! If I'd have died I would have killed you!"

"Thank you sir."

An agonising howl soon brought Cat to his senses.

"The monster!" Cat said, "Oh bud, it's gonna slobber all over my jacket!"

Kryten nodded, wide eyed, "I think the best thing for us to do now is to run away sir!"

"Bud I think you're right!"

"Let's run then sir!"

A few moments passed.

"Let's run then sir!"

"I am running!" Cat pouted, "It's you that's not running!"

"How come we're not getting anywhere then sir?"

They looked down, noticing with a grimace that their feet were glued to the floor with some disgusting gunky stuff.

Cat squealed, "My shoes!"

The monster loomed above them, casting a colossal shadow across our dear Cat and Kryten.

"Oh dear."

……..

"Lister! Lister where are you?"

Rimmer was tired of hearing nothing in reply but his own voice.

He had long since given up on his eyesight, the darkness was eating away at the corridor, a few lights fizzling and spitting white hot speaks as he walked under them.

There was a figure, he could just make out, slumped against the side. He stopped, "Lister?"

No answer. There was never an answer; Rimmer thought angrily, he didn't even know why he bothered asking in the first place!

He inched forward, stretching out a hologramic hand to reach him.

Lister turned to face him.

…….

"Oh smeg, we're deader than corduroy shorts and a hand knitted Christmas sweater with an amusing light up reindeer nose!"

"Please sir - now is not the time for your trademark speeches!"

"Well think of a plan then meat tenderiser head!"

Kryten thought for a while, "Oh it's no use sir!"

"How about," Cat said as the monster came closer with a hungry growl, "we use the old steel wire, a ping pong ball and some used green chewing gum trick again!"

"An excellent suggestion sir, with quite a few major drawbacks, some of which being that we don't have any steel wire, ping pong balls, or used green chewing gum left, we're both stuck in some goo, the monster is approaching quite rapidly now, and the person writing this doesn't know what's going to happen herself!"

"Alright bud!"

"If I wasn't stuck in this goo sir, I'd offer myself as a sacrifice."

"Couldn't you do that anyway? I don't wanna leave my poor suits without a gorgeous guy to wear them!"

…….

Oh sorry, it wasn't Lister; it was the creature slumped against the wall. easy mistake to make. Rimmer faltered as its ugly features sprang into his face.

"ARRRGGGGGGHHHHH!"

…….

Lister heard the cry. It was off to his right, and groggily, he stumbled over to it.

He fumbled for his thoughts in his brain for a moment. No, wait, that wasn't Cat screaming, that was Rimmer. He could tell by the stiff undertone of cowardice running through it.

What should he do?

Rimmer was the one who had started all of this. With his lies, and his total, smegging lack of backbone.

Lister grunted at the pain of it all. Okay, small steps. So Rimmer had lied, and he had cheated, and he had caused more pain than a league of insane rugby players who had just lost a match, but that didn't make him less of a friend. Well… actually… it did.

Lister's head span.

But no matter what Rimmer had done he was still a person. A dead one at that, but still a person. And Lister couldn't stand idly by knowing that person was in danger.

Yes, that sounded right, Lister thought, it sounded like the type of thing Lister would do.

He fell against a wall, coughing violently.

Okay. Find Rimmer, help Rimmer, find Cat, help Cat, find Kryten, ask for help, ask why he wasn't around to help in the first place, ask why he's standing here now listening and not helping, find beer, drink it, find floor, collapse on it.

That sounded like a great plan to him.

…….

…….

Review my pretties!