Chapter 5: Finally Talking:

About two days later, Tristan came home to find Rory curled up in the bed crying like there was no tomorrow. He crept up to her side of the bed and hoped she would at least let him hold her. Lately she'd just been ignoring him or coming extremely close to snapping at him when he wouldn't give up and leave her alone.

Tristan was having a hard time dealing with watching his wife grow farther and farther away from him with each passing day. He just wanted things to be the way they used to, before the miscarriage. He remembered when there wasn't anything she couldn't tell him.

Rory had woken up crying, and spent most of the day in bed. She cried herself to sleep, only to wake up sobbing once more. The house and her whole being felt so empty, even when Tristan was around, it felt as if nothing could fill the void. She knew that if she just opened up to Tristan and let him in, she wouldn't feel as empty, but she just couldn't bring herself to do that yet.

'Why can't I just tell him what's going on and what I'm feeling, like I used to?' She wondered, remembering that before this all happened, she had no problem telling him what was on her mind. 'Why do I insist on pushing him away?' The distance she was creating between herself and Tristan had only been a small party of what was making her cry. The biggest part was the loss she was finally acknowledging, but still didn't know how to deal with. She knew that if she just let Tristan in, together, they could find out how to deal with it. No matter how many times her conscience told her that this was the best thing to do, she refused adamantly, preferring to hold on to her pain and sorrow.

Upon entering the room and finding Rory in this state, Tristan had to fight himself from running to her side. It was killing him not to be able to pull her to him and comfort her. He stood there for a few minutes, just watching her, letting his heart break slowly at the sight. He couldn't stand it anymore, he knew it would probably just make her get mad again, but if she didn't say something soon, he would. He sensed that something was different. Somehow he knew that she wanted to tell him something, so he decided to give her sometime to gather her thoughts. 'Patience is a virtue.' He thought to himself. After a few more minutes of silence, his patience was finally rewarded. Whether or not she meant to say it, didn't really matter to him. Just knowing that she wasn't going to push him away this time, gave him hope.

"It's all so confusing." Rory had said so quietly that Tristan almost missed it.

"What's all so confusing?" He asked, taking a tentative step forward. He waited patiently for her answer, hoping against all hope that she didn't stop suddenly and crawl back into her shell, only to ignore him again.

"Not much makes sense anymore, Tris. Feelings I don't know how to explain or deal with." Rory replied moving so she was sitting up, "I want to be alone and then I hate to be alone. I want to say so many thing, yet I don't want to talk. No matter what, I keep contradicting myself on just about everything."

Tristan didn't know what to say about that and the one thing he'd really wanted to say he didn't know if he should, because he had no idea how she would react to it. "We can deal with anything, as long as we do it together, Ror." He finally said hoping with everything that she would take it the way it was meant to be taken. 'We should be dealing with everything together, even this.' He thought.

By now, Tristan had slowly made it to the bed, and sat down next to her. He made no other move to get closer to her, afraid she would shut down again. Lately, when he got to close or tried to touch her, she would brush him off, and shy away from him. Rory hadn't made any move to get closer to him either. She just sat up so that she was no longer lying down while they talked.

"I don't what to do or how to deal with anything right now." She admitted after a while.

"I'm here and I can help, Ror. Just talk to me and we'll figure it out together." Tristan told her.

Rory had started to get up and out of the bed before she lost her composure and started to cry. "I don't know what I'm feeling most of the time, Tris." She confessed through the tears.

Tristan moved to wrap her in his arms before saying, "Ror, please just talk to me, no matter what. If we stick together we can get through it. Please, don't shut me out."

Rory fell into his arms and let the tears come. She didn't want to shut him out anymore. She needed him. She also knew she had to talk to him, and she would as soon as she didn't have to battle a river of salt. She knew what she wanted to tell him and talk to him about, but she still didn't know how to put them into words. Tristan pulled her closer and tightened his arms around her just letting her cry. He was just happy that they seemed to be taking a step forward, together.

After awhile, Rory composed herself and started to talk again. She hadn't moved away from the warmth of her husband's embrace, missing the safety she always felt in his arms. "Tris, there's something I'm really scared of and it's been bugging me."

Tristan pulled away a little so he could see her face and asked, "What is it?" His hands rubbed her back encouraging her to speak.

Not knowing how he was going to react to what she was about to reveal, she just let it out, the fear evident in her voice. "I'm scared that if I ever get pregnant again I'll lose that baby too. I'm basically just scared of ever getting pregnant again just because of the chances."

Tristan looked at her the whole time she was saying this. "Oh, hunny, we don't know for sure that will happen, and truthfully it scares me too but I know that we can do anything, as long as we do it together." He told her. In his mind, however, he thought, 'What exactly does that mean?'

"I know, but that was why I've been pushing you away. I just thought if we ever got too close and then in the heat of the moment we had sex and I got pregnant again, I'd worry about another miscarriage. I want kids but I don't know how to deal with that fear of knowing that I might lose another baby." Rory said and realized that her babbling wasn't going to solve anything.

"I want kids also, Mar, but if you aren't ready for that yet, then I'll wait until you are." Tristan said, "Don't be afraid to tell me things, Rory. We need to be able to talk to each other if we're going to get through this." He had moved to sit down on the bed and pulled Rory onto his lap.

"What if I'm never ready again, Tris? What happens then?" She asked the fear still evident in her tone.

"Honestly, I don't know. How about for now, we just deal with things as they come along?" He suggested, placing a kiss on her forehead. "Good idea." Rory said through a yawn as she laid her head on Tristan's shoulder.

Tristan noticed the yawn and with a tone that conveyed concern asked "Have you been getting much sleep, Ror?"

"No. Every time I try, I end up tossing and turning. The only times I've slept remotely well is at night when you're there." She replied through another yawn with her eyes half closed.

"I can have Analisa save dinner for a while so you can get some sleep." Tristan said maneuvering them both so he could lay her down on the bed.

"Okay but only if you lay with me." She agreed, holding onto his arm.

Tristan put the blankets on her and nodded, then said "I'll go down and tell Analisa to put dinner aside, then I'll come right back." He said, as he kissed her lightly before leaving the room.

A few minutes later he came back, kicked off his shoes, and climbed into bed. She immediately turned towards him, and he pulled her close letting her know without words, that he was going to be there for her, and as long as they stuck together, they would get through anything. For the first time in two weeks, the young couple fell into a restful sleep knowing that finally, they were taking a step in the right direction, together.

The last chapter for now...also a million times better than it was before beta.