Oh dear me. What with Hallowe'en parties, bonfire night, problems with friends who you'd rather just tell to bog off, playing guitar and all that crap, I haven't had enough time to write anything.

…Wait that's a lie… I have had time, I just couldn't be asked. This is becoming a frequent occurrence and quite frankly is doing my bloody head in.

I'm sorry! I promise to do more soon.

Reddwarfaddict – ahh! –Runs, screaming, from evil clay Mr Flibble- please don't hurt me - I'm too insane to die! Sorry for the HUGE delay in posting, if you have to kill me could you do it slowly in a painless marshmallow way?

Sunrise over the Tango factory – oh how I love black books! So glad there's someone like me who loves pure gold comedy!

Cazflibs – Thankyou! lol, yay I love to rock socks, I think it's fast becoming my hobby!

…….

…….

As the beast advanced, and the steady squelching of its gooey feet reverberated off the walls, Cat could see the leer of its fang-filled mouth, and the dark rusty blood that caked its crusty skin. He pinched his nose against the harsh reek of it, "Eurrgh, this guy's worse than the inside of Lister's underpants!"

"Wait sir, what's this?" asked Kryten bending down and fishing some bizarre contraption out of the goo.

Kryten's expression turned to one of amazement, as he tinkered with the electronic device in his hand, seemingly uncaring that a big monster was coming towards them with a stink that could kill a blue whale with no nose, "Oh my sir! This is truly amazing!"

Cat waved his hands around, "Nobody cares! That monsters gonna tear my beautiful suit to pieces, I don't think I could take that… even though it already resembles something Rimmer might wear!"

Kryten sighed, "Sir, keep calm, that monster is trifle to be scared of."

"A trifle?" Cat was thoroughly confused by now, "I thought that was some kind of sponge fingered pudding topped with jelly, whipped cream and assorted fruit!"

"Oh never mind sir," Kryten said, prodding the button on the remote contraption he was holding.

The monster, inches away from where Cat stood, exploded. Think of an exceedingly large balloon filled with pink custard, next to a precariously placed swinging cactus.

Yeah… it exploded, splattering Cat with a load of awful pink stuff, which strangely matched his suit perfectly.

The feline dipped his finger in it, licked it, and said thoughtfully, "hey you're right, it does taste like trifle!"

Kryten made a face, and went back to tinkering with the remote in his hands, with a nervous cough. "I merely rearranged the particle producer sir, to delete the object previously made. This is truly unbelievable sir,"

"What is it?" Cat asked, craning his neck to get a better view.

Kryten would have bounced on his feet, if he had been one of the mechanoid series who had bouncy feet, and he wasn't stuck in some goo, "I believe it's a device that can copy one's DNA and turn it into a living, breathing replica of oneself sir!"

Cat nodded knowingly for a second, "…What is it?"

"A nifty gadget that replicates objects!"

Cat was getting a little annoyed, "… What is it?"

"A cloning machine sir!"

"…What is it?"

Kryten sighed, "Allow me to show you." Kryten turned the dial of the contraption and pressed a few buttons with his annoying know it all grin.

The goo around them glowed for a second, and Cat shielded his eyes, suit and shoes from the glare, which was rather hard to do really.

When Cat peeked through his fingertips, he noticed that now not only were his feet covered in goo, but his legs were too.

"What have you done now smeg for brains!"

"I've made an exact copy of the goo sir!" Kryten said excitedly, waving his mechanic limbs about.

"And now we're stuck even more?" Cat smiled sarcastically, "What a great idea!"

Kryten sighed, and twiddled the dial once more.
…….

Lister rounded the corner, barely seeing the scene playing out before him like a … scene… in a… play.

Somehow he managed to force his eyes to see the figure in front of him.

It was Rimmer.

A coward to the end it seemed. Lister was surprised at the feeling of disappointment clouding his befuddled brain. He had hoped Rimmer would be the hero for once, but it wasn't to be. Rimmer was Rimmer, and no one could change that. Maybe Lister was wrong about him after all.

The hologram was huddled in the corner, and from what Lister's distorted vision could make out, he was hunched over protectively, fizzling in and out but otherwise unmoving on the ground. His cries had stopped now, but for some reason they still echoed inside Lister's head.

He hastened forward through the hazy darkness, just wanting to see Rimmer, see Rimmer with a mouthful of insults and a smirk for a smile. The old Rimmer. Not the one that had been created by this perfectly smeggy change in events.

Lister was within reaching distance now, but Rimmer hadn't turned his head to look up at him. Hadn't even noticed his presence.

He placed a hand gently on the hologram's shoulder, his mind barely registering the fact that Rimmer was unresponsive. The human had to know that Rimmer wasn't what he was previously believed to be. That he wasn't the person responsible for this. That he hadn't meant to hurt everyone. That he was Rimmer. Not a killer but a smeghead, and… a friend.

Lister closed his dark eyes for a moment, trying to stop the world from spinning, and the pain from digging its evil claws into his burning skin. Each moment he spent standing was ebbing what little strength he had left. But for some reason he didn't want to leave Rimmer.

He opened his heavy-lidded eyes slowly with a laboured breath, and he saw for the first time, the bleary grey shapes around him, as they sprung suddenly into focus. Sneering in the gloom.

Rimmer hadn't looked up at him. And now he knew why. He was too busy staring horrified, at the swarm of creatures surrounding them.

…….

"What are they!" Cat yelled, trying to get away from the people who had just appeared out of nowhere before his eyes.

Kryten smiled enthusiastically, "They're clones sir! Exactly like us in every way."

Cat blinked, as another Cat grinned back at him, "Clones?"

"Yes sir," replied Kryten's double.

It appeared that the clones were also stuck in the green goo, giving the Cat the familiar sensation of looking into a mirror.

He found a smile lifting his features for a few moments, before a frown replaced it,

"Wait! He's not me, he's a mess!" Cat said disgustedly, casting a scrutinizing eye over his exact copy, "look –" he said with a flourish of a manicured finger, "one of his hairs is out of alignment! I'd never allow myself to sink as low!"

Kryten shook his head, "It's true that they may harbour some minor differences sir, but pretty much they are us."

"He's right bud!" Cat's clone said with a flashy grin.

Cat frowned, but not to hard, he didn't want to wrinkle his perfect skin, "Well that's great, now we have 2 of us instead of one; I don't see how that helps anything." Cat huffed, but added as an afterthought: "Except for the fact there are gonna be some very lucky ladies tonight!"

"Sir, don't you see? The monsters have been cloning themselves, obviously trying to gain enough power to overthrow us and take control of red dwarf."

Kryten's clone interjected, "However, if we clone ourselves as well we may just have a chance to overthrow them."

"What?" Cat and his clone said in unison.

"We have to clone ourselves sirs, it's the only way. With our combined strength we can fight them. We'll have to work together. " Kryten's clone said, uncaring that the crap filtering from his mouth sounded like something out of an out of date action film starring Tom cruise.

Cat pouted, "Can't we just use that remote thingy to kill the trifles?"

"The remote can only undo one clone at a time."

"Oh… so what are we going to do?"

"We're going to clone ourselves sir."

"What?" Cat and his clone said in unison.

"I'm going to twiddle the button until there are lots of Cats and Krytens sirs!"

"What?" Cat and his clone said in unison.

"Oh, shut up." Kryten said.

"The monsters may be upon us at any moment." Kryten's clone piped up,

Kryten turned to the Cat, who was trying to pull himself and his broken legs out of the goo, "Permission to twiddle the controls, and kick their smarmy arses sir?"

"Erm… yeah," Cat grinned.

Kryten twiddled the controls.

…….

…….

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