Goku stood in the middle of the ring facing off against Cell. The fight had just gone into full swing and both fighters had brought their power to the maximum. The Earth vibrated with the energy being unleashed on its surface, the whole galaxy turned to face the blue orb; everyone held his or her breath.
"What a stupid introduction to a humor story," Vegeta said; making sure his face was mean looking.
Cell attacked, almost pushing Goku out of the ring, then the two took to the air where Cell stopped fighting.
"You almost fell out of the ring!" He said, "If you had, I would have been declared the winner of our little match. Yadda, yadda, yadda. You might want to tell your friends to move."
"Hey!" Goku yelled, turning towards the other fighters, "Everyone except Hercule! Get away from the ring!"
Cell blew the ring up, killing Hercule in the process. Then the two landed, and Cell spoke. "Is this any better? I've always wanted to go for the more natural look. Maybe a Jade Rug or two wouldn't hurt."
"You're gay, right?" Goku asked.
"No!"
"Yes you are!" Trunks yelled, "I saw you in a gay bar when I was with Frieza and King Cold!"
"And why were you in that gay bar?" Cell yelled back.
Trunks was silent for a moment, "I withdraw my objections!"
"So the whole world can be our ring?" Goku asked.
"Yes. The winner will be decided by dieing or giving up." Cell said.
They both assumed fighting stances, and were about to go back at it when suddenly a ring broke the silence. Cell reached behind him and pulled out a phone.
"Yes? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It's kind of yellow hair that stands up on end. Thirty-four? Okay. Overnight delivery? Cool. See ya." Cell hung up and looked at all the people staring at him, "What! I'm Cell! It would make sense that I have a cell phone!"
"That was the lamest pun ever," Piccolo muttered.
Goku and Cell went back at it. Goku jumped back and held his hands behind him, charging up his world famous attack.
"Kamehameha!"
Cell held a hand out in front of him and flicked the beam away with his pinky, then placed two fingers to his forehead.
"Special beam cannon!"
Goku tilted his head and blocked the beam with a lock of his hair, then held both hands over his head.
"Spirit Bomb!"
Cell moved his head and then blocked the bomb with an eyelash.
"Mesenko-ha!"
Goku suddenly stopped, looking around on his body for something weaker then an eyelash.
"Ummmm…" then he burped, sending the blast flying.
Cell snapped his fingers. "I can't really beat that. Okay, you get to pumble me without retaliation for the next half hour."
"Sweet!" Goku said and started to beat the green guy. After about five minutes, Goku slowed down.
"What is it?" Cell asked.
"I need to…uh…I need to go to the bathroom."
"Yes, the memories I downloaded from you said you would need to at this time. Alright, take a quick break."
"Woo-hoo!" Goku dropped to the ground and hid behind a stomach high rock. As the steam rose, his face grew relieved.
Piccolo stood in disbelief. "I guess I never really thought about having a three hour fight without a bathroom break would be tough. What about being thirsty and stuff?"
"I don't need water!" Vegeta yelled, "I am a Saiyan! I can go ten years without taking a sip!"
"I'll give you ten bucks if you do," Piccolo said.
"You're on!"
Cell landed beside Goku and there was a zipping noise, and a second column of steam joined the first. Cell grinned at Goku, "When nature calls you must answer."
Goku grinned and finished his business, then looked down at Cells hip region.
"Mine's bigger."
Cell looked up. This was a challenge he couldn't refuse. "Trunks! Get over here!" The teen walked up. "You're the judge."
"Ummm," he said, comparing the two, "Sorry Goku, He wins."
"Yes!" Cell said, "I am perfect!"
"Why did I have to judge?" Trunks muttered he walked away.
Cell turned and punched Goku to the other side of the planet, then flew after the super duper Saiyan.
Goku landing on the ground and looked up just in time to see Cell barreling down on him. Evading at the last second, he jumped over a fence and suddenly found himself in the middle of a fair. He dodged around the grounds and looked back to see the green monster hot on his tail.
Goku turned to face forward again, and almost rammed into a man in front of him. Grabbing hold of a bar, he was about to jump it when a voice broke over the amplifier, "No jumping the railing!"
Goku turned back, looking at the man, and turned around to run out of the queue line, but found a large man behind him. He was trapped!
Cell caught up with Goku and found the Saiyan hiding in a line for a ride. Stupid Saiyan, he thought, he thinks he's well hidden, but that hair gives him away!
Cell marched up to the back of the line and grabbed the first person he came to and threw him aside, making his way towards Goku.
"Hey!" the kid on the microphone said, "Cut that out! You will wait your turn! Or you won't be able to ride the ride!"
Cell, slightly embarrassed at having been yelled at, shrunk back and waited in line.
Goku turned around and stuck out his tongue at the green being and Cell retaliated by throwing a small energy blast.
"Hey!" the voice said again, "No energy attacks in my line! That'stwo strikes! One more and I'm kicking you out of the park!"
Once more, Goku turned and stuck his tongue out, and Cell gritted his teeth together. Having a brilliant idea, the monster waited until the man running the ride turned away and then shot a spit ball at Goku's neck.
Goku turned around to glare at Cell, but the being was glancing away and trying his best to look innocent. Goku turned back around and scribbled something on a piece of paper, then handed it to the man behind him.
"Pass it down to the green guy," he said, and the paper was passed down until it got to Cell.
Cell opened it to find a picture drawn of a crude Cell kissing Vegeta, while another picture of Goku walked away, holding a girl with the caption, 'your momma' over her.
Cell was seething mad when they finally got to the front of the line, and the boy let them in. Goku immediately ran and grabbed a red bumper car, just beating Cell to it, which then decided to grab a black one. Then, the battle that would go down in history as the famous bumper car war started.
Cell rammed Goku at a stunning three miles per hour and forced Goku into a boy who began to cry. Cell backed up for another shot, but Goku moved back just in time and the green being rammed into a railing. Goku pushed back and Cells bumper car hit a girl's car, which was immediately stuck between two parked cars, and she started to cry for help.
A boy was about to jump the railing and help her, when the microphone kid grabbed him and pulled him back. "You can't go in there! It's to dangerous!"
"I'm not going to just sit around and watch her die!"
"Nooo!" The microphone kid yelled, as he was forced to watch his friend get trampled by the slow moving rubber cars. "He didn't stand a chance!"
"It's too much!" Someone yelled, "the humanity!"
Goku pounded Cell and was immediately shoved back by the green beings car. And then Goku was stuck. Cell had managed to push him into a wall and pin him in place, and now there was no hope!
Cell grinned, an evil grin, as he gunned the gas to keep the Saiyan in place. Try as he might, Goku couldn't budge, he was really done for! The he had an idea.
"Bumper Car, Kaioken!" The bumper car suddenly glowed red, and pushed back Cells car with the force of one of those shopping wheel chairs you find in super markets.
"No!" Cell yelled, and tried to make his own car more powerful, without any luck. "I am perfect! I will not lose!"
People ran screaming from the fair, the power of this ridiculous battle making them flee the scene in terror. One man, finally reaching a safe spot, turned to another man. "You saved my ass back there," he said.
"I did it only because I couldn't save my wife." He grunted, "Damn you!" he yelled, shaking his fist at the bumper cars.
Goku and Cell continued the showdown, each pressing the gas for all their might, and then suddenly, the cheesy music stopped, and the cars stopped moving. The timer on the ride had ended, and they needed to get off so others could ride.
The walked out the exit and shuffled their feet.
"Well," Goku said.
"Yea," Cell said, both looking at their shoes.
"That was kind of stupid," Goku said.
"Uh, yea, yea. I think we kind of blew that out of proportion."
"Yea." They stood in silence. "So, should we get back to the match?"
"I guess."
"Or we could try the water cannons!"
"Yea!" Cell yelled, and they both ran off to the next game.
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"What the H.F.I.L!" Gohan yelled, "They're at a fair?"
Piccolo suddenly came out of nowhere and smacked Gohan in the back of the head.
"Hell! The word is hell! FUNamation only made up that stupid thing to keep swears from entering the show! So never, ever use it! They just removed the bottom part of the 'E' and the first 'L' from the ogre's shirts! The damn word in Hell! If I hear one more little shit head say H.F.I.L, I'm going to ripe their head off!" Piccolo yelled.
Gohan silently shrank back, "What the hell's your problem?"
"Thank you!" Piccolo said, breathing hard from his out burst.
"It's okay," Tien said to Piccolo, "Take a deep breath. Been holding that one in for a while, huh?"
"You have no idea." Piccolo muttered.
"I've had enough!" Vegeta yelled, watching Goku and Cell shoot each other with water guns. He began to charge up, his arms and legs spread apart as he began his famous attack. Smashing his hands in front of him, he continued to charge as the beam began to take shape.
"Fiiiiiinnnnnnnnaaaaaalllllllll Flush! I mean flash! Dammit!"
The beam shot out and stopped underneath Cell, who looked down and realized he was under attack.
The beam began to flatten out into a large disc, and then it began to swirl, looking for all the world like a huge toilet had just been flushed. Cell, with a final scream of dismay, was sucked into the whirlpool and never seen again.
"I did it! I did it!" Vegeta yelled, "I finally beat-" Suddenly he was smacked in the face with a shot of water.
He whipped of his face and saw Goku pointing a dripping water gun in his direction. "What?" The Earth grown Saiyan asked, "I still had some water left, and I didn't want to waste it!"
"I'm going to kill you!" Vegeta yelled, and was about to charge the taller Saiyan, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Piccolo smiling and holding out a hand. "What do you want?" The Saiyan prince asked.
"I believe some of that water entered your mouth."
"Dammit!" Vegeta yelled, and handed Piccolo ten bucks, "Never bet against a Namek!"
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Oh, man. Like I've said, I don't laugh much as I write these, but that bumper car scene... Man. Hey! Two years anniversery for the 'DBZ Short Stories!' Yeah! (No one even got me a cake though!)
This was one I've been wanting to finish for a while, and I just thought of two more I want to do, so I'll be back with a new one next week! I'm shooting for one hundred stories! Yeah!
