Ch. 29
WOOHOO! I'm back! This chappie is going to be a special Sima Yi POV, because…I felt like it. So there.
Disclaimer: "I only hurt you because I love you. I know it sounds strange, but it's true! It's also damn kinky, and you're hot when you cry…"
Sima Yi put the quill down and gave up on trying to concentrate on strategy. His mind was in turmoil, thoughts and ideas raging in his brain like a tempest, making his head hurt. He decided to drop in on Zhang He, despite the late hour. After all, he didn't need him to be awake.
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Slipping noiselessly into the room, he caught his breath at the sight of the sleeping general. He felt his mind beginning to settle already, and marveled at the soothing effect Zhang He had on him. Slowly, he eased himself into a sitting position on the edge of the bed, not wanting to wake the angel. It was painful to look at him, to know that Zhang He would never belong to him. But that was his own fault, wasn't it? He'd long had his eye on the Butterfly General, but Sima Yi was never good with social situations. He'd had no idea how to approach Zhang He, to tell him that he was captivated by him, in awe of him. He tried his best, but was never able to express himself, and Zhang He fluttered out of his grasp, never realizing how Sima Yi longed for him. It was then that he realized he'd been going about it all wrong—if he wanted Zhang He, he would have to play to his strengths in order to get him. He needed to strategize, to manipulate, to take by force what could not be obtained otherwise. After all, when one wants to catch a butterfly, one must use a net, not a clumsy pair of hands.
So he had waited for his opportunity to arise, and now Zhang He was not only caught, but securely pinned and behind a glass case, as well. But this was not what he had wanted. Zhang He was a shell of his old self, and his once sparkling eyes were dull and empty. Sima Yi had forgotten that butterflies required gentle handling, and it seemed that in the process of capture, he had ripped the wings from the body, shorn it of the very thing that had made it beautiful—Zhang He's vibrant spirit. It was not enough to simply have Zhang He's body; it was his love that Sima Yi really wanted. He hadn't meant to hurt Zhang He, and hated himself for causing him pain, but he simply knew no other way. Sima Yi was as puzzled and frustrated as he was infatuated. Why could he not make Zhang He understand how he felt? Why was it so hard for him to say that he cared; why did he hurt him when he wanted to love him? His mind started to rage again, and a glance at Zhang he calmed him once more. He wondered how this man could bring him relief while causing him such torment.
He leaned down and gently kissed him, hoping against hope that perhaps, in his sleep, Zhang He would kiss him back. Instead, Zhang He's eyes snapped open, and Sima Yi was subjected to a cold, lifeless stare. The strategist tried desperately to make his beloved react in some way to his advances, running his hands over Zhang He's beautiful body, kissing and nipping at his throat, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Zhang He merely stared straight ahead, body unresponsive and heart closed. Eventually, temper got the better of Sima Yi, and he forced himself on the unresisting general, satisfying his physical want, but getting no actual pleasure from the act. He did not leave immediately, instead pulling Zhang He close and holding him like a child, stroking his hair. He considered ordering him to say, "I love you", but realized that he would get no joy from it. His temper resurfaced, and he slapped Zhang He across the face a few times before getting dressed and leaving. As he walked back to his room, he could feel his thoughts starting to race again, and knew that by the time he got to the door of his study, his headache would be back.
So there you have it! Sima Yi isn't all that evil, he's just nuts! Sorry I got all metaphorical on you guys, but we were talking about metaphors and symbolism today in English class, and it sort of lodged itself in my brain. Kinda like a splinter. Major thankies to Remedy for Chaos (my newest reviewer), Blood and Burial for complimenting my fic on the forums, and Ellrohan, Prophet-of-doom-666, Tenko Strife, flamechild05, and Ai Liu Cao for putting either me or this fic on favorites! You guys make my life feel less pathetic! Next Chappie will prolly be Lu Xun's POV, unless I change my mind. I'm so excited, we're almost to another major turning point for the story! I would also like to make a special announcement: Thanks to the miracle of iTunes, I have created a soundtrack for this fic! It's a pretty eclectic mix of songs, so there's something for everyone. If you're interested or want more details, feel free to PM or email me. See ya soon!
