She watched him as he slept, his breathing even and his face more relaxed than she had ever seen it. She had no idea how on earth he could be so relaxed, or even how he could possibly sleep, for that matter. He looked so peaceful, his tan skin dark against her white sheets as he let out a contented sigh in his sleep.
She was wide awake, still hadn't slept a bit, even though her body felt weak and in such need. Her mind wouldn't stop racing, her body tense and agitated. It was sinking in a bit better that she was pregnant, though she knew it would take a while for her to fully accept there was a growing child inside of her. The shock had worn off a bit, at the very least.
Georg had been so sweet with her, after the initial shock of her confession wore off, of course. She found it amazing how they could argue one moment and hold one another the next. She could be furious with him and want him to hold her all at the same time. Their relationship was a walking contradiction, it always had been.
He made sure she had supper, though she had to admit he was quite hopeless in the kitchen. But he fed her and ordered her to take a bath to relax while he tidied the apartment, which included feeding her cat, making her smile at the thoughtfulness. He spent the entire day with her, simply being with her, and it made such a difference. She originally thought she wanted to be alone to sulk, but soon realized she needed him by her side. Frau Schmidt agreed to keep an eye on the children for the night, even though they weren't necessarily in need of watching anymore, and he asked if he could sleep over. She couldn't have imagined him leaving after the vulnerability they had shared that day.
She sighed, moving closer to him to feel his heat against her. He slept quite warm, but she didn't mind. She loved the feeling of his body next to her. He hadn't tried to take their time past a few kisses, for which she was grateful, as her mind was incredibly conflicted on may levels at the moment. He respected that she simply was not ready to take the next step in their relationship yet.
He told her he loved her, though she knew he did whether he said it or not, but she simply could not bring herself to say the words in return. She had spent years suffering the heartbreak of losing him, years of her life damaged by having allowed herself to love. She was so terrified to let go, to allow her heart to fully open to him. She would surely die if he turned her away again…which made her wonder if she already did love him, regardless of how she tried not to.
She was afraid to need him too much, afraid to let herself go and truly be with him. The time they spent together was perfect, even if they were simply having lunch after Mass, and she knew she was the reason for any underlying tension that was present between them. She was the one who still couldn't bring herself to fully forgive. He had already given himself to her, threw away the past and accepted her as she was in the present. She was still hurt, afraid to allow him the chance to hurt her again.
But there he was next to her, the father of her unborn child and seven of his own children that she loved dearly. He somehow understood her hesitation, her resistance to happiness with him. He knew she sometimes had difficulty getting out of bed in the mornings, though she had no idea how. He knew her better than anyone ever had, how to push her buttons in every possible way. He knew her and he saw her for who she was, and he loved her because of and in spite of it all. He truly was a wonderful man.
She placed her hand upon his bare chest, her fingers gently caressing the hair she found. He was warm against her palm, his skin soft to the touch. Her body felt warm as well, suddenly so desperate to feel close to him as she leaned up a bit and placed a kiss to his cheek. He stirred slightly, and she smiled before placing small, featherlight kisses against his jawline, across his neck. He groaned, taking a deep breath as she moved her leg over his stomach, shifting so she was on top of him, straddling his waist.
"What are you doing?" His voice was thick with sleep as she continued kissing his neck, her hands moving through his hair.
"I can't sleep."
"And this is the solution?" She gave a short laugh, moving so she could meet his gaze. She kissed his lips gently, taking in the taste of him before pulling away and looking deeply into his eyes.
"I'm sorry…for everything. For running away each time I have, for never facing the possibility of a future between us." She kissed him again as his hands came to rest upon her hips. "I'm sorry I haven't forgiven you properly. I want to trust you so badly, and I know in my heart that I can…"
"It's okay, darling. I've been a coward, treated you terribly. I should have told you how much I loved you years ago, and spent every day after showing you." She could have cried at the sincerity in his voice. He pulled her closer, his eyes telling her how much he loved her. "I want to earn your trust. I want us to be together, to stay together."
"Well now I'm afraid you really are quite connected to me."
"Good. Now you'll feel too guilty to run away." She laughed, shaking her head at his attempted joke.
"Georg…for the first time, probably in my entire life, I don't want to run. I want to stay in your arms like this forever." He smiled brightly, and she could see his eyes sparkling in the light of the moon that shone through the window. "I love you."
He kissed her, and she ran her hands through his hair, holding him as closely as she could. She couldn't lie to herself any longer, she wanted him for her own, and she loved him desperately. She had never stopped loving him, no matter how hard she tried. He began pulling up her nightgown, and she sat up quickly to remove it from her body, tossing it to the floor before she met his lips in another kiss, deep and sensual. Her bare breasts pressed against his chest, and she shivered a bit at the sensation as his hands moved over the soft skin of her back. It didn't take long for them to remove one another's remaining clothing and make a connection, his hands upon her hips as he guided her movements on top of him.
She rolled her hips against him, sighing at the deep building of pressure in her pelvis. It felt amazing to be one with him again, to feel loved and worshiped as his hands caressed every bit of skin he could reach. She felt powerful on top of him, womanly and passionate, yet delicate and weak. He pulled her to him for a kiss, rolling them over and pinning her to the bed, the blanket sliding from their bodies to leave them bare to the room. She sighed as he kissed down her neck, a hand caressing one of her breasts.
He sped up the pace, her body bouncing a bit from his deep thrusts, and she felt her stomach jolt with excitement. He lifted one of her legs from the back of her knee, eliciting a gasp from her lips as he thrust deeper. He kissed her, their tongues meeting as their bodies grew damp from perspiration, their movements synchronized and passionate, hot and needy. He began to shiver, much too soon for his liking, and he quickly reached between them to rub her near their connection.
She clung to him as electric pleasure coursed through her body, and a breathy moan escaped her lips. They came in unison, bodies shaking together as they continued to move, nearly paralyzed with pleasure. They were one, for a single, suspended moment there was no separation between them as their souls connected, as they held tightly to one another, convulsing.
He collapsed atop her body, lips moving against hers in a deep, sensual kiss as she held him close with her legs around his waist. After moments of pure bliss, he pulled away and looked deeply into her passion-filled eyes. He couldn't believe he was seeing her in such a way, so vulnerable but so full of love and desire for him. His heart could have exploded for how happy he was in her arms. No matter how uncertain their future was, they had one together.
